London Gatwick Airport

hey guys.

it's one of those entries where i write a blog using overpriced airport internet because i was bored waiting for the next flight again.

i do way too much travelling alone.

when we were being allowed through the gate to walk to the plane in Cork, the lady checking our boarding passes and passports noticed that i had two carry on luggage with me (one bulky handbag and one cabin size trolley bag); i knew i was supposed to only have one but come on, it's not like the handbag matters! it would easily fit under the seat in front of me! so to my despair, she stopped me and said;

'You can only have one carry on luggage, Ma'm, can you put the handbag into the bag please, and then i will check you in'

i knew this task was impossible, but i carried my bag to the side, slowly began to put some stuff from my handbag into my luggage...wait for the strict security lady to be busy/occupied with fat old women so she can't see me, and snuck my way past her to another security lady while hiding my handbag behind me. ROFL. i love playing lets-see-if-i-can-snuck-in-two-carry-ons at airports. life is hard.

i naturally slept the whole way to London, until right at the very end of the flight. i opened my eyes then, only half-awake, and then i saw it - a white London, all covered in thick snow. it was the prettiest thing ever, and it's the first time i saw a snow-covered place from above. i took pictures as well! i'll show you when i get back, probably maybe.

i have like TWO more hours to waste. blargh. i wish i have an iPhone so i can watch movies while waiting. wait - i have a 20% full iPod nano! i cud've put a movie on it! argh i'm so stupid.

anyways bloggiepoo. i managed to hide my bag (which is slightly oversized for carry-on, by the way) and my handbag from the view of the lady issuing my ticket at the counter just now. one obstacle down! i hope the security at the gate isn't as petty as the crazy woman at Cork Airport.

i'll see you in 2010! will be going to Nice and Monaco and then back on the 1st of January.

i don't have any new year resolution...umm. *shrugs*

oh well.

xoxo
Atiqah
London Gatwick Airport,
London

hari gegem sedunia

• i woke up to Mas making pancakes
• Mas made fried rice right after she made the pancakes
• i eat lots of pancakes
• i eat several servings of fried rice throughout the day because there are lots
• i then ate vanilla ice cream
• Adilah made chocolate cake
• Aza made paprik for dinner and we had that and then Adilah's chocolate cake
• i do not cook anything today, only eat and sleep.
• i am heading towards obesity

ajal dan maut di tangan Allah

Hai blog.

Lepas tragedi KBMall tu, atiq memang rasa tersentak jugak with the fact that Allah really can take your life whenever and wherever He wishes to. I mean come on. Tengah berdiri atas escalator dekat shopping mall. Memang tak terfikir langsung la kan ada kereta akan jatuh dari langit and hempap sampai robek rahang?

Pagi ni sampai je depan dewan exam Wany dengan sedihnya cakap Presiden BWP die mase MRSM Langkawi dulu (eh betul ke fakta ni...ke Presiden KMB, konfius jap) passed away in a car acccident. Satu family meninggal. Yang paling menusuk kalbu is the fact that the guy baru je lepas akad nikah, and the bride takde sekali dalam kereta tu. In other words, she's widowed hours after she became a wife. Pergh mesti pilu gila bila print gambar-gambar masa akad...Some people have it way harder than you, Atiqah.

Wany cakap dia sampai takleh study last night sebab overwhelmed sgt dengan the news.

More about it here. I need to go sleep now. I'm officially on winter break, yeay!

xoxo
Atiqah

note to self:

the safest thing to do when you have the winter munchies and your tummy starts to think it belongs to a gigantic bear preparing for hibernation is to buy FRUITS, Atiqah. oranges and apples and grapes and strawberries. NOT doritos and m&ms and yoghurt multipacks. no no no no no no. not even bananas because you like those a little bit too much and will consume them all in two days.

...well you will consume everything in two days anyway BUT STILL.

i'm only 1/6 done with case report and it's 2am D:

it's raining again

what's going on? is everybody trying to hide something from me?

i'm so worried :'( i hope everything's going on alright in Malaysia

watashi nitsuite no randamu na mono

• i eat a lot in winter. i mean...a LOT a lot. so far i have not gained any weight *phew*. i shall keep you updated.
• Mama bought 95% of the pyjamas/sleepwear that i own at this moment. she is fantastic at finding things my size (...or should i say, my height?).
  
• i don't have any personal food in my room anymore because i will eat everything in a span of about two days and it is not healthy. especially if the said food is a giant pack of crisps.
• i like my Kakwe quite a lot.
• i hate justifying to people in Malaysia why i go home every year...i don't care that your brother goes overseas and never returned for about seven years. i am a family person. i have enough holidays during the academic year to go travelling. summer is for home.
• i like pengat pisang quite a lot. omg Atiqah stop talking about food!!
• i have commitment issues.
• i have a fear of falling.
  
• i deleted CD from my facebook friend's list to avoid having the urge to laugh at him...kwang3. if you've no idea what i'm talking about...consider yourself lucky!
• i like deleting things. i delete texts, emails, things in my documents, songs on iTunes i no longer like...it's a weird obsession that i have. i also like deleting memories. it's true, i iz capable of doing thiz. i haz supapowerz, yo.
• my title probably doesn't mean what i intended it to mean, and quite possibly doesn't even make any sense. but that's just how i roll :P

do you haz any phobias??~ TELL ME. i wantz to noe.

i used to like rainy days, but Ireland ruined it for me :'(

ini diari aku.

aku tak suka berkawan. sepanjang hidup aku...aku jumpa macam-macam jenis orang. backstabbers, pretentious ones, sincere ones, yang lurus bendul adalah jugak sikit. kawan-kawan aku suka salah faham aku cakap apa. and aku sendiri pun ego. kalau aku salah cakap, nak cakap sorry tu memang rasa stabbing pain dekat jantung.

aku tak suka berkawan. sebab aku tak reti. orang selalu sakit hati dengan aku, tapi aku clueless tak tahu kenapa. tak pun aku buat-buat tak tahu. aku dilahirkan dengan genetik pemarah ini, it takes a lot of effort for me not to take it out on a person bila aku marah pada dia. tapi pengalaman hidup mengajar aku untuk diam walaupun payah. diam walaupun hati membentak. diam walaupun telinga aku pekak dengan jeritan hati.

despite everything...macam yang aku cakap pada seseorang, di sini kawan ialah hidup. kalau aku tiada kawan, maka aku tiada hidup. aku terpaksa. tiada lagi seorang Tengku Sofiah Aishah untuk fill the void in me bila aku gagal dalam berkawan.

tapi tempohari aku terlepas cakap. nada aku tajam dan sinis walaupun hanya lima patah yang terpacul dari bibir aku. walaupun hanya antara dengar dan tidak.

aku menyesal.

aku bukan jenis orang yang snappy. aku lebih suka take the higher road. aku lebih suka fikir i'm better than that. walaupun orang akan fikir mereka menang...tapi dalam kepala aku, aku yang menang. tapi hari itu aku tersasul. kerana hati sudah lama sakit tapi didiamkan. harapan agar keadaan berubah nanti, tapi alas, semua tetap sama. berulang-ulang macam kaset rosak.

but that didn't justify what i did. salah tetap salah. tapi egonya ya Allah, tinggi menggunung. walaupun Rasulullah saw dah suruh mengalah dalam perjidalan, kalau di pihak yang salah and then mengalah, dapat juga sebuah rumah di tepi syurga. tapi aku fikir pulak, eh aku tak berjidal. aku perang dingin je. haha, boleh ke fikir macam ni? rasa macam derhaka pun ada.

entah-entah aku seorang yang fikir macam-macam. yang sedih seorang dalam bilik. tengok luar tingkap dan emo sebab langit mendung.

aku ada banyak benda to be thankful for in life. i shouldn't be bogged down by this.

lagipun, minggu depan exam lagi.


Atiqah
yang sebenarnya sangat kekok membahasakan diri aku setelah sekian lama...tapi it fits the tone of this entry.

that 22nd birthday.

hey pretty peoplez.


i freaking LOVE facebook on my birthday. random friends i've lost contact with for YEARS show up to write happy birthday on my wall...it makes me feel warm and fluttery inside.

...and my aunt sent a message to me via facebook and wished me happy birthday?! what. that was random.

and having three blog entries dedicated to me, with pictures and videos of baby zul made this such an amazing birthday :) thank you, hermanas.

even though i currently have a konflik dalaman with one of my housemates (i ALWAYS do....what's my problem?! i can't live with people, srsly), we're dealing okay i guess bc even though she din wish me happy birthday, she still wrote on the birthday card mas bought for me, and we still talk (without eye contact). so i'm not complaining. i suppose we both need time to get used to each other...

atiqah = a difficult person to live with. i don't know how my future husband's going to live his WHOLE LIFE as my housemate. the poor guy. must find him a fantastic psychiatrist as wedding present.

it was a fun birthday. i had class from 8am - 3pm, spent the gap in between lectures in the library buying flight tickets for my winter trip, gave lots of hugs to lots of people, got a chocolate bar, ate free apple crumble for lunch (Alia's so nice!), consumed TWO cakes with my housemates, and of course, received a sea of birthday wishes on my facebook wall :')




this birthday is so bittersweet for so many reasons.


lots of love
Tengku Nur Atiqah Tengku Mahmood

i like waking up to texts :)

Mama -

'Tiqtiq sayang selamat hari lahir ke 22. Hari ni huje sejak 3 hari lepas sama mace 22 tahun lepas masa atiq dilahirkan. Hari pun sama hari khamis. Mama doakan tiqtiq sentiasa berada dalam lindungan Allah dan berjaya dalam pelajaran dan kesihatan yang baik juga panjang umur'

;')


Happy birthday to me :)


...i'm so late for class right now.

Satu petang di CUH

this afternoon i bumped into Dr Khusyairi aka Kucai at the hospital. i feel old for knowing this guy.

Kucai : Atiq! Ape cite? Ehh...tak tak...ape cer??

Atiq : Takde cite...haha. Biasa je. You memang stay kat sini ke? Tak balik kerja kat Malaysia? *accusing eye sebab Kucai ex president Kelab UMNO yg suka kempen suruh orang balik*

Kucai : I dapat contract lama lagi, tapi I think I'm gonna cut it short and go back this June.

Atiq : oh...right. eh..when's the wedding?!

Kucai : Last week!

Atiq : Lorh ye ke....Selamat Pengantin Baru!

Kucai : Haha thanks. Eh Atiq kau single ke? Takde boyfriend?

Atiq : Takdek.

Kucai : Hah? Kau takde boyfriend?! Wey ada orang nak kenal dengan kau.

Atiq : Ha-ha very funny Kucai.

Kucai : EH tak ah, betul ah ni! Eh kau takde boyfriend ke?!

Atiq : TAKDEEE.

At this point we reached the end of the hallway and were going separate ways, so we *awkwardly* waved and said goodbye.


the POINT of this blog is that it felt nostalgic, talking to him because i knew him when i was in 1st year (i think he was a 4th year back then), and i even thought of match-making him with Kakak! and now he's married....time flies.

exam lusa! doakan Atiq!

xoxo

kids grow up too fast

you see these pretty pictures i stole from Opie's blog?

there's something very, VERY wrong with them.

you wanna know what it is?

you see that pretty cotton kurung my 13 year old little sister is wearing? the one that fits her perfectly?

yeah. that's mine. THAT IS MINE. I STILL FIT IN THAT KURUNG.



nwejkn389274198u*&^&*TJnmenwje



- Tenggu

p.s. yes I know Didie's a spitting image of me. pastu pakai my clothes plak tu sabar je.

'Atiq, bila pulak kau balik for your sister's engagement ni??'
'That's not me lah! Adik aku la tu, adoooiila'

my room look like a t-rex sneezed in it.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILADHA

saya makan sangat banyak. Adilah masak rendang yang sangat sedap dan kuah kacang dan nasi himpit pujaan kalbu juga sangat sedap.

walaupun i would have loved to have nasik dagang in kelate, or daging bakar dan pencicah (LOL i wrote penyicah whatthefish bahasa melayu standard so gagal one) ibu saudara yang sentiasa menjadi igauan setiap kali raya haji...tapi i suppose i should be thankful.

i might not have family and fantastic food, but i have lovely friends and good food, and that shall suffice for the time being :)

i went to Supernova and celebrated eid with the Cork muslim community instead of to Brookfield to celebrate with the Malaysians, and it was refreshing to see so many people in so many colours (white, yellow, brown, black....you name it, we have it) and so many different cultures in one place, celebrating one thing :)

i invited Heba the Kuwaiti over to our house to have lunch, sebab i felt sorry for her for not having anything to do to celebrate eid (she wanted to go to Supernova with us but she overslept)...she walked in wearing her normal attire of expensive clothes head-to-toe like a true blue Kuwaiti, and i let out a smal 'aaahhhhh' when i saw her off-white baby doll coat.

at first i thought it was the coat i saw in Dunnes but never got round to buying because i didn't need (and couldnt afford) a new coat...but seconds after that i realized that that was Heba- there's no way in hell that she'd be wearing something from Dunnes. no. way.

then Mas asked where she got the coat from, and she was like 'oh, French Connection.' aaaaahh. patutla cutting sungguh immaculate.

anyway long story short...Mas told her it's my birthday next week, and she...

SHE GAVE ME THE FRIGGIN' COAT.

(okay nobody's allowed to tell her i write this in my blog, you know how she is)

granted that it really needs dry cleaning and she never really liked it anyway, but still.


SHE. GAVE. ME. THE. FCUK. COAT.

(FCUK as in french connection uk, not as in a misspelled something else)

i ebayed the coat and found out the price was like 135 pounds?!?! WHAT. my Oasis coat was 80 pounds and i nearly cried the day after i bought it.

AND it's a size 6. i fit into a size 6?! vanity sizing, much?




early birthday gift, wooo. people are going to forget my birthday again this year because it's in the middle of Christmas exams (as per usual) but issokay. i forget people's birthdays ALL the time, i iz in no place to complain.

all-in-all a good eid alhamdulillah :) only now my head is spinning a little bit from food overdose.



xoxo
Atiqah
the coat might be the first and only FCUK item i'd ever own...haha.

story.of.my.life.

Kak Amy's latest facebook status:

guna kanta pembesar untuk baca. atau boleh klik.

xoxo
Tenggu

p.s. i finally bought the correct (and much cheaper) Japan-UK converter off eBay, so now my camera's all charged up wheee

gambar banjir as requested by mikichan

our town was pretty badly hit but has since been recovered and cleaned up well

college students being evacuated fr the Students' Accomodation apartments..

that's the posh new building, and yeap that's a bridge you're seeing being flooded by water

this is where the 1st years live. they are now refugees in my house.
even though the flood has dried up already, the apartments' water
and electricity has been cut off until next week



okay Jan, hope that's enough pics fer you!


xoxo
Atique

update re flood

WE DON'T HAVE CLASS ALL WEEK NEXT WEEK WOOOOO.

but poor college have to cover a lot of damages, not to forget those ppl whose apartments were flooded :(


BUT NO CLASS. FOR A WHOLE WEEK BEFORE THE EXAMS.

Alhamdulillah...but now got no alasan to do badly in exams, yo.

authority conflict

first we received a text and an email from UCC saying;

'...In view of the extent of the damage to core academic facilities the university has taken the decision to postpone all lectures and other teaching activities for the week commencing Monday, 23^rd November 2009 and to recommence classes on Monday 30^th November. ...'

and then the Medical School sent an email that goes;

'To all Third and Fourth Year Medical Students, further to the message you will have received from UCC in relation to the postponement of teaching at UCC next week, please note that teaching at our clinical sites (including rotations, clinics and lectures/tutorials etc) is going ahead...'

and then UCC sent another email saying;

'...Please note the confirmation below that ALL teaching has been cancelled until November 30th and ALL assignments have had a week added to their deadline.

This is the same for ALL students of ALL disciplines regardless of what certain departments have claimed...'


It's like they're bickering or something. Confusing.

In other news, Heba the Kuwaiti is stranded because her apartment is flooded so now she's staying over in my room for a couple of days - I'm providing a living space for a flood refugee! LOL never thought that would happen.

The flood here is purrrty bad. Especially since it's raining again today. It's funny though, how Cork town got into a massive flood after ONE whole day of rain. You would think that a country like Ireland, who's famous for it's rain after the leprechauns, would have a better draining system/infrastructure/plan/whateveryoucallit for floods.

To be fair, though, River Lee runs through the whole of Cork and the town is practically surrounded by the river. So when River Lee bursts its banks - terus sadaqallahul'azim.



xoxo
Atiqah
my house is safe because it's pretty high up.

hilarious tweeters.

i randomly found a user with the username 'big_ben_clock' on Twitter and they post a tweet in an hourly basis, all of them saying 'BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG'

LOLOLOL.

okok study time.

all thanks to the rain.

Yesterday I woke up to the sound of the wind howling and rain smashing on my window. It was a chilly winter day as usual, but the rain is something else. True, the rain in nothing new in Ireland, but I think the last time it rained like that over here is 3 years ago.

I sat on my bed, hesitating to emerge from the comforts of my duvet. I pulled the curtains away and squinted my eyes to see how bad the weather is...and saw that our big black wheelie bin has flown all the way to the middle of the backyard.

...so I skipped the hospital yesterday because I don't feel like braving through the heavy rain. ngahah. I wasn't learning anything anyway...the anaesthetics in the South sucks at teaching (except Rajiv, but Faimee dah bgtau Rajiv kelmarin yang esoknya dia nak datang lagi...huk2. minggu depan Atiq nak gi awal gile pastu cop theatre yang ada Rajiv *impian*)

But today is a different story. The sky is bright and blue by half past 8 and so I went out and headed towards campus for my 9am class. Halfway there, I met Wany who yelled at me from across the street;

'ATIQ, CAMPUS BANJIR!! KELAS SEMUA CANCEL!!!!'

Pergh. Those were probably the best words I've ever heard being yelled at me from across the street ever. Hehe.

Anyway it's not THAT much fun...because they're saying tomorrow's going to be heavy rainfall again, and the weather forecast is almost always right sbb alam sekitar kan ikut sunnatullah, so boleh predict2...hmmm. Habisla mesti trapped dalam rumah lagi tomorrow.



...I wonder, adakah ini satu peringatan dari Allah...?~

أَلَمْ يَرَوْاْ كَمْ أَهْلَكْنَا مِن قَبْلِهِم مِّن قَرْنٍ مَّكَّنَّاهُمْ فِي الأَرْضِ مَا لَمْ نُمَكِّن لَّكُمْ وَأَرْسَلْنَا السَّمَاء عَلَيْهِم مِّدْرَارًا وَجَعَلْنَا الأَنْهَارَ تَجْرِي مِن تَحْتِهِمْ فَأَهْلَكْنَاهُم بِذُنُوبِهِمْ وَأَنْشَأْنَا مِن بَعْدِهِمْ قَرْنًا آخَرِينَ

Apakah mereka tidak memperhatikan berapa banyaknya generasi-generasi yang telah Kami binasakan sebelum mereka, padahal (generasi itu), telah Kami teguhkan kedudukan mereka di muka bumi, yaitu keteguhan yang belum pernah Kami berikan kepadamu, dan Kami curahkan hujan yang lebat atas mereka dan Kami jadikan sungai-sungai mengalir di bawah mereka, kemudian Kami binasakan mereka karena dosa mereka sendiri, dan kami ciptakan sesudah mereka generasi yang lain. (6:6)


hishk. Mari tingkatkan ibadah di awal bulan Zulhijjah ni...pahala macam orang pergi jihad.


more news here

vaccinated

i just got a swine flu vaccine jab alhamdulillah, UCC is giving it free to the medical/dental/nursing students.

no more decepticon masks after this, wooo

personality

i'm born with the wind as my element. it's not my fault i'm so indecisive/crazy.

heh alasan tak kukuh langsung.

awake at half past one again.

taking the quarter to eight bus again tomorrow.



i need to calm down.


lessons of life are valuable, but the learning process is just so, so, painful. a lot of souls are hurt and scarred when you make inevitable mistakes. and all you can do is look back helplessly, feeling a heavy weight of guilt...and then you try your best to swallow your ego and say you're sorry.


i hate exams almost as much as i hate tempe. and tempe makes me vomit.


xoxo
Atique

o hai blog!

it's 5 past two in the morning and i have to take the quarter to 8 bus tomorrow!

saya suka cari pasal like this.

sleep time!

Dear Time,

I've acquired mild asthma, and even without it, my stamina fail level is almost as bad as Britney's live performance capabilities. ALMOST, I say. So slow down a bit, kay? I can't catch up with you.

Just now Martina Kelly gave us a briefing on what's going to happen in second semester. I mean, SECOND SEMESTER, Time? Surely there must be a mistake? Please take those rollerblades off, Time. Stop LAUGHING, it's not funny!

You have a sick sense of humor and I hate you so much for always making me stand on my tiptoes ready to sprint. But I'm stuck with you forever. You like that, don't you. No matter how mean and horrid you are, people just have to accept it like it is.

But you can be nice sometimes. I'll give that to you.


Yours sincerely,
Atiqah.

p.s. rollerblades are so 1996.

as insane as a sane person can be: Awah.

nobody have any idea how excited i am for Awah's wedding. Abe Bob is just so right for her. they're so crazy and dysfunctional together. it's the only way a relationship that involves an Awah in it would be.

you know this girl Tengku Farah Petri, i totally hated her when i was small. i didn't want to have anything to do with her when i was in my teens. we ignored each other, even when we went to the same high school. and it was a BOARDING school, mind you.

i don't remember when it was exactly, i think it was some time when i was in KMB, when Awah just changed. like 180degrees changed. she's suddenly...nice. and she became this person that i can actually talk to, a person that crack jokes that i can laugh with (instead of being laughed at), a person i can count on, a person who offers to help me with things, a person i like instead of hate....suddenly, we became sisters.

and then i found out about Abe Bob, and i realized that that was what happened to her. he happened to her. almost immediately then, i knew that he was the real deal. that he was Mr. Right, even though she calls him Bobbygendut.

i can't wait for the relationship to be halal pada pandangan Allah...i have a feeling they'd have a remarkable life together :)



and i can't wait to see Awah do some parenting.

it's going to be freaking hilarious.

roadside diagnosis

i was walking down Firgrove Lawn with a couple of final meds this afternoon (it was a lovely day, by the way!) and we saw a cute elderly couple walking across the road in the opposite direction.

'eh tengok tengok makcik tu bawak pakcik tu jalan!'

'naaawwww so cuute!!'

'tu gait ape ek?'

'shuffling gait.'

'shuffling gait ke?'

'yeap. small steps, wide-based. bradykinesia, resting tremor. Parkinson's Disease!'

=O


i freaking love geeks. they can't just say 'nawww how cute, they're holding hands!' like normal people would.

nope. they just have to list the clinical signs and make a diagnosis for the poor old man.

the South (short for South Infirmary-Victoria Univ Hospital)

nobody in the South wears white coats, except the medical students. well SOME of the doctors do, but there's very few of them. most just wear formal clothes or scrubs. but this morning i went to the 8am ward round and i saw this interesting lady doctor (also on ward round with her team). she wore huge brown knee-length cowboy boots, blue leggings, and a blue dress. her blonde hair was tied up in a haphazard mess, and she was CHEWING GUM. and her white coat. oh my God, her white coat. it was SO crinkled! like not even the normal lazy boy kind of crinkled, it's left-in-the-laundry-basket-for-a-month crinkled! the question is, though, blog. if she didn't even have to wear the white coat, why did she bothered with it at all? think about it, blog.

(conclusion: she = gangsta)

also, i need to practically RUN to keep in pace with the consultant, and i had to look 60degress upwards to look at the senior registrar's eyes when he's talking to me.

anyhow.

i heard a murmur today. but my ears are crazy and heard it at the aortic area when it's actually a pan-systolic murmur in the mitral valve area. i didn't even know there was supposed to be a murmur, so my brain wasn't even making up things! i'm so crazy/deaf.

oooohhh last night i went to K Amy's place to present a couple of cases to her, and she basically spent like an hour and a half correcting me and teaching me how to present a case properly. Kak Amy = nice + smart + pretty.

bye now!

walking spree

i walked the one hour walk from South Infirmary Victoria University Hospital (saja bagi nama penuh hospital ni...panjangggg bangat) back to my house in Bishopstown again. Faimee and Evelyn made me do it. sigh.

and i'm going to Kak Amy's place later tonight to present a patient's history to her. i presented another case to Aiman (...or should i say, Dr. Aiman) this afternoon, and it wasn't too bad. but that's only because i was the last one among us three to do it, and he was ready to go back to his work by then. he picked on Faimee a lot because Faimee didn't know what most of his patient's medications are for (i didn't even have my one's drug list- completely forgot to look at her charts).

When Dr Aiman asked us what are the side effects of taking ACE inhibitor, the answer 'hypotension' got stuck in my throat, as per usual. i wanted to kick myself when he mentioned it as the most important side effect, so i managed to miraculously say another side effect out loud and not just in my brain; hyperkalemia. phew.

it's one thing, knowing the right answer, saying it is a completely different thing. for me, at least. i'm a wuss.

gotta learn how to be more confident, Atiqah.

bye now!

of pointless classes and things

today NONE of the Cardiology team were there in the hospital; the Consultant is still on leave, both the Senior Registrar and the Intern were in CUH, and Kak Amy's (the SHO) off for this week. Evelyn, Faimee and I all got there about an hour late, which was GOOD, or else we wouldn't know what to do before the tutorial with Brad Noel because the South is a busy hospital and nobody cares about lost and confused 3rd Meds. we're at the bottom of the hospital food chain.

i walked all the way from the South to CUH, which takes about an hour (it felt like i lost a stone afterwards, except not really) for my Gross Pathology class, and the tutor is SO weird and we barely learned anything. then i have a one hour gap before the Pathology Practical, so i went to the study room....

....and sat opposite this WEIRD guy who kept staring at me, but he's not really staring at me, you know what i mean? he was daydreaming, like. it was SO distracting and i kept looking up and looking at him to make him stop looking in my direction, but it didn't work because his mind is clearly at home, in bed. or something. i dunno.

and then i went for Practical, and the computers are all off and the screen at my side of the room weren't working, and the new room is built in this awkward position (the designer is clearly not too bright), in that we can't see the other screen. so we sat there, listening to the tutor going on and on about things on the slides we can't actually see. POINTLEESSSSSSS.

WHATEVER.

AT LEAST THE SUN IS OUT TODAY, which is a HUGE plus considering it rained all day, morning to night, yesterday.

the sun really made things a lot better. i now understand why the mat sallehs are so obsessed with the sun.

kthxbai! heading for a talk on campus now, and then to the library!!


xoxo
Atique

pour one's heart out into Literature/happy post for once

Salam wbt,

I just realized that lately I've been writing when I have strong emotions filling my brain and heart, resulting in posts that are 1. gelabah 2. sad 3. angry/panick/sad, etc.

Bila I happy jarang pulak I tulis blog. Kesian blog I. I tak emoooo sebenarnya in real life. Kalau nangis pun sorang2 dalam bilik sebab malas nak cerita kat orang. Ok lah meh kita cita pasal benda happy yang jadi kat Atiq of late....

apa ehhh benda happy?? gehehe. ohhh...contoh benda happy is being attached to the nice and smart Kak Amy in my current clinical rotation; BEST k boleh tulis2 kat facebook wall dr yg you attached to, saying things like 'Kak Amy, Atiq nk present case pacemaker guy ko Kak Amy esok k!!'. selalunya sangat intimidated dgn doctors nak present pun rasa cam nak muntah nervous and cakap apa pun semua rasa bodoh and points penting semua lupa.

eh ok ok kita tengah cite benda happy. lupa lupa.

Lagi satu benda happy adalah partner saya Evelyn (dah 5 minggu stuck with her, and 3 more weeks to go) is nice and funny and we get along pretty well. This is important sebab kalau tak depress k kalau dapat American sombong ke contohnya, nanti nak minum coffee dengan siapa kalau doctor cakap takde patient and die ade keje sikit, sila pegi breakfast dulu (true story)

Hehhhh semua benda happy revolve around medical school bosan kan saya? Haha sorry hidup saya revolve around sekolah dan hospital sahaja!

Oh, another important happy news is; I'm feeling better! Alhamdulillah :D

Autumn is no longer as pretty as it was because the golden/red/yellow leaves are all now just dead brown and on the ground, and the trees are mostly bald. Winter exams is coming up and I'm going to start staying back at the hospital study room bc it's a 5 minutes walk from my new house.

The last happy news is I'm (insyaAllah) going to Czech and France and Monaco for the winter break, hoo-hah! One of these days I'll go to Germany as well biiznillah. Kumpul-kumpul cop dalam passport nenong.

right then! that's enough dose of happiness for now yeah blog?~

xoxo
Atiqah

masih batuk eni3quhe7862y3iu2h

macam mana nak pegi hospital rotation nihhh....nak dengar tutorial dr brad noeeellll uwwaaaa...~~

dah ramai orang kena infect dgn atiq, should i quarantine myself, should iiiii???....tapi nak belajar kat hospital, rotation tinggal 3 hari je lagi, lepas tu dah kena masuk OT tsk.


doakan kesihatan atiq please?

a clarification that is not meant to sound too strong tapi akhirnya sound too strong jugak taktau nak buat cane harap maaf.

i do everything i do because i understand them and i want to do them; i don't do things i don't do because i don't want to and nobody (except Allah) tells me not to do them.


contoh mudah:

orang kafir - Why do you wear the hijab in Ireland? Nobody knows if you take them off, we won't tell your family.

orang Islam - kenapa buat ym id baru pastu tak ajak kawan2 laki? kakak-kakak tu tak kasik kau kawan dengan laki eh?


do I look like a person who will do/stop doing something because a PERSON told me to do so?
do you even know me?
i'm my own person. i do things because of God, and because of me.



Atiqah
tak pergi Dublin. tak sihat :(

no pattern no warnin no anythin

hehey guys.

i'm still plagued with the cough. Di suggested i might be asthmatic and now it's really getting to my head that i'm asthmatic. sebab bila sejuk2 tu ada chest tightness.

adeyh typical medical student suka fobia pastu diagnose diri sendiri.

hish hassle betul nak kena pergi student health center yang jauh itu. nasib baek Miss Lempanglah Saya receptionist dah tak kerja kat situ sekarang, menduga keimanan dan kesabaran je kerja dia.

anyway i'm confused about whether or not i should go to Dublin and meet up with Kels, because i love her to bits and i needed to see her, and she was really hoping to see me as well. BUT. my cough is getting worse (despite my predicting it'd probably be better by friday, just in time before i see her), i have tons of things i need to settle here in Cork...and. i don't know. it just doesn't feel right to go?

i'd feel guilty for forever if i don't go though~ uwwaaa...

i'm rarely sick, perlula pula sakit masa kelly nak datang kan. oh noooo....what if i infect die pulak nanti kalau atiq jadi pergi?? tadi pergi rumah Clashduv, Taq muka kesian gila, sakit...jangkit batuk ngan atiq...hisy muka saya begitu ke sekarang?? Tadi selisih dengan Muiz dia buat muka kesian and Fendi cakap 'Atiq you look really sick'

i think i look fine?? mungkin sebab masa tu baru lepas jalan...the cold make it worse *sambung stress rasa diri dah start asthma*

HEY ATIQAH RAMBLING APA NI TAKDE POINT.

TAKTAU NAK PERGI DUBLIN KE TAK ESOK TRAIN PUKUL 5 PAGI WARGH TOLONGGG.


Atiqah

p.s. dah lama tak rasa stress fikir 'adakah mereka sedang mengumpat saya?' sebab dah lama behave secara tidak cari pasal, dan menjauhkan diri dari geng gossip sebab diri ini banyak kekurangan yang boleh dibuat bahan umpatan. tapi malam ni rasa lagi. hisy lantaklah. tak bersalah fikir secara tak bersalah. pedulilah orang cakap apa.

p.p.s. tapi still peduli T___T tolonglah say anything to my face jangan cakap belakang. baru saya boleh terangkan.

p.p.p.s. Atiqah cakap kat siapa, blog ni kan private T___________T *monolog*

Dari hati seorang da'ie

there are many things i don't get about people. there are even more things i don't get about Muslims in the modern days.

i was sitting at the airport one day when a blonde little boy walked in front of me and pointed, his fingers inches away from my face, and said;

'Daddy, this lady is strange.'


From Abu Hurairah RA, he said: Rasulullah SAW said: "Islam was strange when it began and will one day be strange again; Blessed are those strange people". [H.R.Muslim]

the thing is, little boy. what is normal isn't necessarily right. what is strange isn't necessarily wrong.

berjalan di jalan yang benar pada tahun 2009 di atas muka bumi ini merasa perit; kaki tembus dicucuk duri, hati luka dicemuh orang. manusia-manusia yang berpegang teguh pada Islam dipandang begitu aneh oleh masyarakat. bukan sahaja pada masyarakat barat di bumi Ireland ini, malah oleh masyarakat Muslim di Malaysia juga.

it's true that i got sidetracked many, many, times. actually, i didn't just sidetracked, i strayed kilometres away from the path, fell down the road, got hurt, stayed in a hospital, and took ages to get back on track.

ok analogy ni atiq sorang je faham. harap maaf.

Allah terima ke taubat atiq? setelah atiq derhaka sampai begitu sekali. setelah atiq melangkah di dunia seperti tiada Tuhan yang memerhati. setelah atiq membuat janji-janji yang sekarang membuat atiq buntu.

datangkah hidayah itu lagi pada atiq, setelah berkali-kali atiq berpaling darinya?

bagaimana caranya untuk atiq melepaskan hati atiq dari mereka yang atiq sayangi tetapi adalah haram untuk atiq?

bagaimana caranya untuk atiq kekal di atas jalan ini, sedangkan sudah berkali-kali hidayah itu datang dan pergi...sudah muak orang di sekeliling melihat atiq melalui semua ini...munafik kah diri atiq? nauzubillahi min zaalik. sedangkan umar al-khattab risau memikirkan adakah dirinya tergolong dalam golongan munafik...apatah lagi atiq? siapa atiq berbanding Umar?

mungkinkah atiq seorang yang beruntung? walaupun berkali-kali atiq sesat...berkali-kali itu juga Allah suluh semula jalan hidup atiq. mengapa atiq begitu mudah hanyut dengan arus dunia? mengapa begitu mudah terpikat dengan nikmat di dunia, begitu mudah terpedaya dengan bisikan syaitan?

'Sesungguhnya kehidupan di dunia itu hanyalah permainan dan senda gurau' (47:36)

pelik memikirkan bagaimana hidup di Ireland ini yang akhirnya memperkenalkan atiq dengan Islam. bila orang mula mempersoalkan; mengapa atiq memakai tudung? mengapa atiq tidak minum arak? maka tatkala itu baru atiq berfikir, berfikir tentang sesuatu yang tidak pernah atiq fikirkan sebelum ini.

berjalan di bumi Birmingham, di Coventry Street begitu indah di mata atiq; ada sesuatu yang istimewa pada manusia yang berjalan disitu. dari niqab yang dikenakan, dari pergaulan yang dijaga. dari ketenangan yang hadir bersama semua itu.

hati atiq sentiasa tersentuh apabila disapa 'Assalamualaikum, sister' oleh orang-orang yang entah siapa. ikatan aqidah itu begitu manis dirasakan, sesuatu yang tidak mungkin atiq rasai jika atiq terus di Malaysia. indah kan ukhuwwah yang Allah sediakan untuk hamba-hambaNya?

oh, Malaysia. mengapa terus-menerus membiarkan mereka hanyut dibuai mimpi dunia? tidakkah mereka lihat, betapa hina dan sempitnya semua ini? tidakkah hati mereka memberontak untuk sesuatu yang lebih mendalam, lebih bermakna daripada kejayaan dan pencapaian dunia yang sementara?



Atiqah
masih batuk dan tidak boleh tidur
exam lagi 3 minggu, harus belajar dengan tekun!
@ Raudhah, Cork.

mishymishymish

Baby Mish'al datang tido kat rumah Atiq sebab Kak Timah on call malam ni, tapi Atiq batuk teruk sangat so takleh dekat dengan Baby Mish'al :(

:(

Tadi intai Baby Mish'al dia tengah titon.

Teacher Aziah passed away...innilillahi inna ilaihi raaji'un. From Him we come, to Him we shall return.

-Atiqah

Musim luruh
Daun-daun itu beralun gugur ke bumi
Indah menusuk ke dalam hati

Begitu ketara kebesaran Ilahi
Jika difikirkan

Dalam tenangnya desiran air di jeram
Dalam titisan hujan mengalir perlahan di tingkap kaca
Dalam ketawa riang seorang bayi
Dalam senyuman seorang ibu

Namun aku
Masih ketagih nikotin itu

Kau
Membunuh aku dari dalam
senyap
perlahan
sinis

Setiap kali kau
Datang menggamit aku

Namun aku
Masih ketagih nikotin itu

Kau.

from Mrs Nerimon to Hey Kristina

i always get love songs from a youtuber to another youtuber stuck in my brain. i'm a weird person i am.

i know things are destined to be the way it is because it's exactly what i need to grow as a person, but it doesn't make it any less painful to go through.

innallaha ma'assabirun.


xoxo
Atiqah

i walked through the rain to get home from class this evening, which meant two things;

1. drenched pants.
2. migraine.

i feel the flu coming my way. my eyes are watery, my throat feels weird and my head feels heavy. i seem to depend a lot on the paracetamol lately. it's funny how my paracetamol has 'Tengku Mohamed' written on the clear packaging, because they're actually prescribed for my grandpa after his chemotherapy. He just gave them to me because he's already got loads of pills to take so he ain't taking no paracetamols, yo.

it's beginning to get quite chilly over here in Faraway Land. the era of wearing winter jackets indoors shall now begin (i am, as a matter of fact, wearing one right at this moment).

bila air sembahyang batal rasa macam nak nangis sebab kena ambik air sembahyang balik. sejuk.



<3
Atiqah

from the views of a biased feminist

i don't get how Western women don't see that it's unfair that they're expected to have pre-marital sex with their partners and how being a virgin in their 20's is embarrassing by the society's standards...but abortion is illegal.

the eff, man. it's like they're saying,

'if you won't have sex with the men you're a loser. if you do and you're stuck with a baby even when you're not ready, you just have to friggin have it. i mean what are you, a murderer?'

Sean : what's your height?

Atiq : *baffled* wh....? I...uh...5'.

Sean : no way, I think you're about 4'10".

Atiq : I'M 5' LEAVE ME ALONE.



Sean. Irish. Height 6'5".

I'm a midget, I am.

there is less than 24 hours in a day

i kept falling asleep in CP lectures despite having angry conversations in my head that goes something like;

'ATIQ JANGAN TIDO. LECTURE NI MENAREK. MENAREK FAHAM TAK. STAY. AWAKE.'

'ATIQ, STAAYY AAWW....zzzzz'

'ATIQ, ST....zzzzzzzzzzz'


*stress*

but my level of concentration in Pathology lectures is massively improving, and for that i praise the Lord.

haih lepas dah cakap mcm ni tolongla jangan tidur plak dalam lecture Patho, sigh.

i was contemplating buying a new bike because i'm late to 50% of my classes (a vast improvement from last year's 85% rate), but i think i'll cry everytime i have to cycle uphill for more than 5 minutes, so yeah. buying a new bike = not gonna happen.

my old bike is too small (ok la fine it's actually the right size for me), so it takes like triple the effort to cycle uphill with it. Cork ni penuh dengan bukit. setiap kali kena naik bukit dengan beskal tu rasa nak pengsan.

k lah. nak belajar. case study tak buat2 lagi. there isn't enough time in a day ke, kau buat apa dengan masa kau Atiqah?

demi masa
sesungguhnya manusia kerugian

adik saya nama shendot.

tadi masa lecture Pharm bosan maka lukis-lukis atas notepad Shidot di meja sebelah sebab notepad dia kosong notepad Atiq ada nota siket-siket.

Atiq lukis lebah dengan bunga dengan matahari dan awan.

Pastu Shidot tunjuk kat lebah and tanya 'ni apa?' T____T


Tadi MCS punya meeting, pergi sebab Shendot paksa. Haha tak tak, pergi sebab nak makan free and jumpa the community.

Shidot : Atiq, kek batik ni aku buat. Sedap tak?

Atiq : seeddaaaaappp

Shidot : ee tak ikhlas!

*sigh. Budak kechik ni. Buat kek nak kena cakap sedap, pakai baju nak kena kata kacak, pukul kang.


ALSO. Met Lynn's niece yang sumpah comeyl, memandangkan ibubapanya yang cantik dan kacak.


Miha : Iman, axilla kat mana?

Iman : *points at armpit*

Miha : Iman, umbilicus kat mana?

Iman : *points at navel*

T_____T how is she so smart??? dasar anak doktor.

Kak Nana : Qul ya ayyuhal...

Iman : KAAFIIGHHUUNNNNN.


T_______________________________________________T

Iman Sofiya - Age: ~2.
Picture stolen from Dayah

i'm not crazy i'm just a little unwell

semalam saya tertidur-terkejut-bangun study-tertidur-terkejut-bangun study sampai cerah dan sudah tiba masa pergi exam yang start pukul9pagi.

kelas adalah merciless, sampai pukul 5 petang with only a one hour lunch break in between.

pada kelas terakhir, kepala sudah mula pening dan migrain tapi pergi jua sebab berdedikasi (haha)


Keith : Atiqah, you look like you're dying.

UCD students never have to study

i'm stuck with an exam on Monday and Amin's in Manchester watching a football match in Old Trafford.

he always have a much longer holiday AND he skips as much classes as he wants AND he gets to pass everything.

and i know our level of intelligence is the same because we both used to copy ain's homework.

TAK SUKA AMIN.

grr.

throat obstruction disease

i seem to never be able to answer ANYTHING. i'd know the answer to the some questions but they're always stuck in my throat. either that, or i always know what the answer is but couldn't think of it when people put me in the spotlight by asking ME specifically, and then when they tell me the answer, i'd feel like kicking myself because i actually know the answer, and my brain would go all 'YOU JUST READ THAT 10 MINUTES AGO!'.

i wish i can be Didie and know the answer to most of the questions instead of SOME, and i wish i actually have the courage to just speak the answer i have in mind, not just think it.

*stress dgn diri sendiri*

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"


a joke at the end of my class rep's email, hahah.


tiba-tiba terfikir, naseb baek the girl who started her speech with 'Hi, my name is Amy and I'm an alcoholic.' tu tak dapat jadi class rep. heh, duduk negara orang kafir. begitulah contoh opening sentence speech class rep contenders.

Urology rotation

so today is the start of the second block for the 3rd years. I am thus no longer in CUH poking around in the neurology team, bleeping people and saying hi to nurses to ask for patients. I also will no longer be able to wake up half an hour before 9 to get ready because the hospital is only 5 minutes away from my house :'(

today I start in the Bons. It's a private hospital, where the parking lot is always packed with expensive cars. It's run by nuns - thus it's full with them, and little statues and pictures of their version of Jesus and Virgin Mary are everywhere.

even though I resent the fact that I'm attached to the urology team (who wouldn't resent staring at balls, penises and vajayjays everyday?), things are way more organized in the Bons, the doctors actually have time to see you, and there are regular consultant-delivered tutorials, which is exciting (but also kinda scary).

so this morning I saw a testicular mass being removed, and also a frenulectomy. the surgeon was saying how the lad really should've been circumcised due to things that I can't be bothered to write here, but he refused it because of some things he read off the net. hah. WUSS. penat je hensem.

well.

here's to hoping I won't be asked to do any physical examination or procedures involving the genitalia -


*sigh.

macam impossible je kan?


Atiqah
p.s. today marked the first day I wore a pair of srubs - selesa gila weh. sungguh tempted untuk curi sepasang.

pathology test is coming up!

room look like a dinosaur barfed/sneezed in it.

satu malam yang hening

kadang-kadang dalam hidup, we come across a crossroad. a T-junction. kita nak maju ke depan tapi kita tak tahu mana satu jalan nak pilih.

ada orang (read : Opie) yang mengambil jalan menelefon kakaknya dan menyuruh si kakak membuat pilihan untuknya.

ada juga orang yang memilih untuk throw a die and leave it all to fate.

tidak kurang juga orang yang mendongak kepada Tuhan memohon petunjuk, dan menunaikan sembahyang istikharah sebelum tidur.


tapi kadang-kadang. walaupun pilihan yang betul telah sangat jelas, terang-benderang. berkilau-kilau.

kita tetap nak ambik keputusan yang salah tu. walaupun otak kata jangan. hati kata go for it.

we think we're crazy and we're so pissed with ourselves.

but we find ourselves making the same mistake again and again. and again and again and again.

what is WRONG with us?

the landlord

Mr Patrick : So how's the studying going, Atiq?

Meself : Bad. You can tell, by my just-had-my-study-table-set-up and whatnots.

Mr Patrick : *adorable fatherly laugh* Hahah, I remember how that feels, now. Doing everything else to put off the studying.

Meself : *grin*

Mr Patrick : But you have to study, Atiq. You better start now. *tiba-tiba serious tapi masih senyum.

Meself : Hahah, yeah I have a test in about 11 days, I'll start tonight I promise.



Sebelum keluar dengan membawa kotak2 Atiqah yang banyak untuk dilupuskan, Pakcik Patrick sempat berpesan sekali lagi supaya saya belajar malam ini. Haha saya sayang Pakcik Patrick saya. Walaupun kadang-kadang sebut nama dia lepas tu terbayang-bayang imej tapak sulaiman yang boroi.


Baiklah.


Mari belajar.

saya nak pasang meja tapi saya cuak nak bukak kotak tu. what if saya bukak dan semakkan my room with all the screws and nuts and papans and whatnots and then i don't know how to do it? dah lama gila it's been sitting there waiting for me to put it together. but i think i need to do it now because it'll help me get into the study mood.

oh, it's a study table. i know i know, i already have one. but this one doesn't require me sitting on a chair, coz, you know. i'm a pure Asian and shiz. i don't do no chairz bebeh. *padahal sebab suka sangat bersila - cubaan untuk ayu adalah gagal sama sekali.

i'll take pictures or something. see you when i seee yyyooooouuu.


p.s. after i typed the above, i went downstairs and made meself some maggi tomyam instead of ensembling the table. i just spent three minutes staring at the screen thinking of the word 'ensemble'.


eating > work.


p.p.s. camera's battery ran out. charger is japanese. international adapter no have. so no pics.

satu hari nanti.

Atiq nak tanya sorang aunty Atiq;

'Aunty Aunty, kenapa Aunty selalu senyum kat orang lain tapi tak pernah senyum kat Atiq? Atiq tak pernah kurang ajar dengan Aunty, tak pernah jatuhkan maruah keluarga, Atiq belajar up to par dengan anak-anak Aunty...apa yang buruk sangat dengan Atiq, sampai Aunty tak tahan gile tengok muka Atiq, sampai muka Aunty kalau tengah senyum tu terus masam kalau pandang Atiq? AUNTY JELES EHHHH SAYA CHANTEK JELITA HEH.'

okay maybe not the last part.

geram.

saya akan jadi seorang ibu saudara penyayang dan akan senyuummm sentiasa kat anak-anak semua orang ya. yesza.

masa terbang.

budak ini;

tiba-tiba dah jadi budak ini;



dan budak ini;

tiba-tiba dah jadi budak ini;

needless to say, i uttered the most ke-makcik-an phrase when i saw them;
'AIK HARITU KECIK JE LAGI DIE NIH?!'

gambar Raya yang tak lulus masuk fesbuk

bila saya besar nanti saya nak jadi burung hantu.

because there isn't enough terencat pics of me around.


Dalam hati Nufayl : Kakak, kenapa dagu kakak ada dua?

coversations of today.

Nurse : How can I help you, love?

Atiqah : I was wondering whether I can still see Sean O'Connor's (bukan nama sebenar) file. He was discharged on the 19th so his file is gone from the ward.

Nurse : No problem. Can I get his date of birth please?

Atiqah : Thanks! Err. He's 67.

Nurse : Here's his NRN number. Are you an intern?

Atiqah : Nope, I'm a 3rd year medical student.


***


I was copying down Mr O'Connor's drug names and doses off his file in a facility room next to Dr Sweeney's secretary's office when a guy knocked on the door and went;

Guy : Hi, uhm. Sorry. Can I just use the fax machine for a bit?

Atiqah : Yeah, uh. Go on. *pura-pura bilik tu saya yang punya*



XD

mesti belajar dengan tekun. mahu jadi doktor.

Kak Ira : Atiq, nape Atiq lain skarang?

Atiq : Haa...?

Kak Ira : Ntah, macam senyap je. Macam tak happy.

Atiq : Errrr...heh. Ennntah??



I thought I emo secara monolog dalaman je. It translates out ke. Sigh.

Raya pics next post insyaAllah!!


xx

Dari Jauh Ku Pohon Maaf - Sudirman

Dalam dingin subuh hatiku terusik
Kenang nasib diri di rantauan
Bergema takbir raya menitis air mata
Terbayang suasana permai desa

Rindu hati ini inginku kembali
Pada ayah bonda dan saudara
Tetapi aku harus mencari rezeki
Membela nasib kita bersama

Hanya ku sampaikan doa dan kiriman tulus ikhlas
Dari jauh kupohonkan ampun maaf
Jangan sedih pagi ini tak dapat kita bersama
Meraikan aidil fitri yang mulia

Restu ayah bonda kuharap selalu
Hingga aku pulang kepadamu

Restu ayah bonda kuharap selalu
Demi anakmu yang kini jauh

i find it rather stupid that it took me so long to realize why i've been taking everything everyone did too far and why every wrong vocab uttered cuts deep in my chest.

i'm rarely homesick, if ever at all. but when it comes, it slams me hard to the ground.

Raya is coming, and facebook and twitter and blogposts are flooded with Raya-related things, and i'm not going to be in the family pictures for yet another year. this is the fourth Raya away, and it's starting to take a toll on me.

being in different continents with most of your friends can get awfully hard.

for example is this moment here, where things go really wrong, but you have noone close by who you feel is close enough to you to see you cry for reasons you cannot tell - you can't call anyone either, because they're on a different timezone and it's not a convenient time for emotional phone calls.

overseas life is overrated.

Cupcakes

'some people are born human. but for the rest of us...it takes a lifetime to get there'

chuck palahniuk

palahniuk books drive me up the walls sometimes, but the man's a genius.


you know those cupcakes. they all look so yummy and pretty and delicious. but when you spend money on an overpriced box of it, or when you spend a whole day baking and decorating it...and you finally take one of them and have that first bite - you find it too sweet. too much colouring. too much chemicals. or that it's a vanilla cake instead of a carrot cake. and you can't eat more than two at one time because you'd feel like throwing up.


cupcakes. alluring, but deceiving. you take a closer look and you'd be dissapointed.

maybe i'm just too much of a cynic.

maybe i'm seeing more cupcakes in people than they deserve.




Atiqah

harini I made Bazli come to the hospital because Sara Ann is sick and doesn't turn up, and I am too much of a wuss to brave the wards alone (he was gonna ponteng - semalam kitorang dua-dua ponteng, hahah).

also, I made him tag along with a registrar with me.

this makes me feel rather guilty.

the registrar asked me a question but i'm not sure what it was, and i'm supposed to give her the answer tomorrow. Bazli suggested that we hide from her - I find it rather hilarious because that is exactly the kind of thing I would do - the same blood runs in our veins, yes?

Shidot tetap tak dibenarkan cite kat Bazli pasal apa-apa dalam blog ni cop twit cop.



xoxo
Atiqah

why am i inside in this sunny day?

the medical school is imposing the Problem-based Learning (PBL) on us - they call it Small Group Learning, but it's really PBL. anyway. so it's pretty much like a study group with a tutor. every other week we'd have our own topics to present, and we have to make notes on it and print/photocopy it for everyone in the group.

being the typical Atiqah that i am, i slept at 10 last night, woke up at 1am and started flipping through multiple books, groggily googled terms and typing up the notes on infective endocarditis. i went down for sahur at 4am (getting rather tired of cereal and strawberries - i want REAL food, for the love of God!), woke everyone else in the house and got right back to my notes. i practically fell comatose after reciting mathurat with my housemates.

i woke up wayy too late and practically finished typing up my notes half an hour before class, and my new house is a 40 minute walk from campus - so i called a cab! haha kaya tak kaya tak? *sigh.



anyway it was all worth it because the tutor singled out the notes i made at the end of the session and said;

'who made this?'

'I did.'

'you drew the tables and boxes yourself?'

'Yeap.'

'excellent! this is really good!'


and he repeatedly pointed out that my notes are excellent, and that people copy-pasting from Wikipedia should at least remove the hyperlinks (haha).


YEAY! i don't even remember when was the last time a teacher told me i'm excellent, so please bear with my smug victory post and don't tell anyone i'm a berlagak person please? i cakap kat you allz je. and Adilah. and Mama. heee <3 <3


xoxo
Atiqah

cute date; nice weather; bad day.

the day started off bad enough; we missed our sahur....again. i'm 53-freaking-kilos and need to shed some weight, but i love my food. i do not approve of starving myself like this.

i skipped the 8am tutorial because i had a gut feeling it won't be on; and it wasn't! that was pretty much the only good thing about today.

when we got to the wards, Dr Maria was off so we went to Dr Margaret and she gave us this patient who had a TIA (minor stroke). He was an engineer in his forties, and man isn't he a cranky one. he was nice enough to talk to us i suppose, but he kept rolling his eyes at us and saying 'no' a little bit too fast when we asked 'have you ever had...' questions.

maybe he's got one too many medical students doing history taking on him, coz he said 'i'm just so sick of these questions'. sigh demotivated gila dapat patient macam ni. ni belum kena maki lagi. baru patient yang spesis malas layan. lemah semangat betul Atiqah.

dahla he got SO defensive when i asked the standard, required, 'do you smoke?' question. 'i'm just so sick of these doctors telling me smoking caused it, because it doesn't! it may have helped lead to it, but it doesn't cause it, you know?'

ha ye lah habis tu engkau isap carcinogen banyak gile masuk dalam paru-paru sampai paru-paru kena tukar cell lining sebab tak tahan dengan the constant irritation, lepas tu nak deny deny it can cause anything. MY GRANDMA PASSED AWAY FROM LUNG CANCER FROM BEING A PASSIVE SMOKER OKAY PAKCIK ENGINEER CRANKY. i hate smokers. so freaking selfish.

anyway.

lepas tu Bazli pegi tanya 'did you notice anything before the weakness came, did you see anything? like an aura?' . Rasa macam nak pijak kaki Bazli masa tu, sebab selalunya orang nak kena seizure je yang rasa aura, bukan orang nak kena stroke. tau tak encik cranky cakap ape, encik cranky cakap;

'you know, there are such things as stupid questions.'

wah. terkesima seketika masa tu. nasib baik Bazli tak dengar, kalau tak mesti budak kecik tu demotivated.

then kitorang pergi belek2 file pakcik tu, tau tak Bazli tanya apa kat Atiq and Sara Ann?

'don't you think we should do physical exam on that guy?'

sabar itu separuh daripada iman.



i then walked to my house only to find it empty; and since Kak Husna pegi bawak balik Malaysia her house key instead of leaving it here for me, and since the duplicate key i made was useless, i had to walk all the way back to Brookfield. weh banyak komplen nye entry nih. sorry sorry.

when i got to Brookfield, i sat at one of the computers and i'd barely been there for 5 minutes when i felt a sharp stinging pain on my neck, right about the place of my carotid artery. my hand automatically shot up to my neck, and i caught an insect in my tudung. i accidentally let out a quite loud 'OUCH!' because it was so, so painful. i ran to Adilah who retrieved the insect from my tudung, and i freaked out a little bit more when i saw how yellow it is, and when it dawned on me that i just got stung by a bee. on my neck.

i mumbled 'Adilah, adik atiq..' and she cut me off and said 'I know,'

so we panicked together, found our classmate Keith who was a paramedic before he got into med school, and he went up to find a doctor while we waited in the emergency room. Thank God we were in a building full of doctors.

he came down a few minutes later with Dr. Siun O'Flynn, who pacified me by confirming that i wasn't having any allergic reaction to the sting....phew. i just...i got really scared that i was going to be allergic to it like Anis was. sigh. that wasn't fun, being reminded of what happened to your sister like that.

my neck still feels sore and it throbs once in a while but i'm doing okay. it's not swollen, it's not red...it just hurts a little bit, but i can handle it.


so that was my day. sorry if it's dull, but i just gotta blog on 9/9/9! it's the last one of the series, cause 10/10/10, 11/11/11 and such just don't seem as nice as the single digits.

xoxo
Atiqah

bagai kacang lupakan kulit.. a story of how some Malays forgot their skin is 'sawo matang' and not putih...

this post is written by mr ahmad firdaus yaakop, better known as Robo. die adalah my english and math sifu back in KMB, and rumah die besar macam istana. haha, all this will be relevant as you read this note he posted on his facebook;

**

today i met the absolute representation of the idiots that we should get rid off from this country if we are ever to even DREAM of reaching vision 2020...

i have been observing the people in Malaysia for the past months i been home, and i must say i am not liking what i see. through a myriad of factors intermingling together, including the economic prosperity enjoyed by the middle class and upper class society, many of them comprising of sons and daughters of govt officers (and i am not always proud to say, I myself is a member of this group) we have created a new class of people, who have appointed themselves and regarded themselves as the "elite" Malay group.. (note the inverted comma)

and these are the youth who walks along the street with a certain kind of swagger and pompous arrogance with their proud shirt with the humongous 'horse and number/roman numeral' emblem on their chest.. yes u know which brand of shirt i'm talking about.. ooh not forgetting their fancy rust dyed hair and their huge shades, and cargo pants. and usually they'll be walking in pairs proudly holding hands, gee i sure hope they are married, bulan puasa pon tak reti nak hormat? hmm...

today i met a group of these people, and they were rudely harassing a makcik at a stall at pasar ramadhan.. yes, granted it was hot, and there were a lot of people around the stall, for sure laa the makcik cannot layan everyone immediately.. but these group of people, who always think they are better than other Malays, by the virtue they can afford more stuff (paid by dad of course) apparently dah x tahan sgt nk kene tunggu lama were throwing rude and unneessary comments to the makcik... stupid arrogant people..

"haih makcik, kalau tak reti nak layan orang cepat2, baik jgn bukak gerai" said one of the skinny idiot, while holding the hands of his girlfriend, and this unnecessary comment was greeted by laughter from a few more youth, 3 boys and 2 girls, apparently they were all in the same group..

the makcik, displaying some hurt on her face teruslah melayan si kumpulan Melayu 'elite' ini.. and apparently got the order of these idiots wrong..

"makcik, i said two laa, two! T-W-O.. dua! D-U-A... dua! adoi.. dh laa lambat, x reti bahasa inggeris pulak tu rupanya, cakap 'sorry' pon td tergagap2.. haih, kan elok if science and math ajar in english, makcik ketinggalan zaman!" and the group laughed again..

i could see the makcik was very ashamed and offended, and suddenly i was offended, coz that couldve been my aunt, my grandma, my mother! Think about it, what if that happened to somebody in YOUR family...

so naturally, me with my recently discovered hot head and temper, decided to defend the makcik..

(this is an attempt to recreate the conversation as best to my memory as i could, pls be reminded that i was temporarily insane and blinded by rage, hehe)

"hoi, yang korang ni ingat korg mcm bagus nk mampus ni apahal? bley tolong relax tak kalau nak kutuk2 org pon, pahala puasa tu entah campak ke mana" i said with a stern voice, and oh yes it turned a few heads.. the group was stunned for a bit, then the idiot-leader had to reply..

"oi brader, ni bukan hal lu so baik u jgn masuk campur, kalau tak..."

"kalau tak apa brader, ko nak tampar aku? tumbuk aku? and aku plak tak kan laa nak biar laa ko kutuk makcik yg x bersalah ni lebih2?" yup, i was reeeealllly geting to be pissed off..

"eh bro, jgn cabar aku" said the idiot-leader while his gf was pulling him back asking him to stop, and the rest of the group konon2 nk tunjuk kuat closing in on me..

"1st thing 1st, aku bukan 'bro' ko, and 2ndly, tolong simpan jaguh2 kampung ko ni, mintak maap kat makcik ni.. yg ko mcm bagus kutuk2 makcik ni x reti bahas inggeris tu pehal? ko ingt english ko tu bagus sgt?" i was really pissed by now..

"eh yg ko berani nk marah2 aku ni pehal? ko ingt bapak aku ni org biasa?" the idiot leader replied.. gosh, they all look like they were about 18/19 years old.. arrogant 18/19 year olds who still turn to daddy in moment of need..

at that moment i knew that this was the group i was talking about, the self-appointed 'elite' Malays, the family where the mom and dad made good money, but forgot to teach proper manners to their offspring, and their offspring thought they were better than other Malays, esp those they regard as coming from the kampung.. just because daddy could afford to send them to private college doesnt make them better than the others!

"owhhh bapak ko bukan org biasa? habis dia apa? org minyak? org bunian?" (Haha yang ni sumpah lawak oke?! Gile la Robo ni) i personally liked this line best, and judging from the laughter of the crowd behind me, so did they.. haha how did i come up with that in the heat of the moment i wonder myself..

"just because ko ni anak org yg ada kuasa, n tahu sepatah dua english, please please la jgn ingt ko tu lagi bgs dari makcik ni, or the rest of us ok? sedar sikit diri tu, manners gone down the bloody drain! urghhh u make soo mad! people like you just makes me sick! dah aku nyer pahala puasa pon dh ke mana ntah sebab aku dok menengking org2 mcm ko ni.. sila jgn perasan ko ni omputih dgn dressing ko n rambut dye laa, jam mahal laa" by now, there was a sizeable crowd against us..

for some reason, the idiots wre quiet, i guess they were shocked, and ashamed coz they know they did wrong.. and i overheard this from someone behind me..
"kalau kulit putih mcm abg baju hijau ni ok laa gak, ni kulit sama jek sawo matang mcm kitorg, tp perangai lebih2 dari omputih la plak" and yes, i was the one who he referred to as 'abg baju hijau'.. lol~

with his face red, and heavy breathing with a pissed off face, he walked off slowly as he was pulled by his gf and his group.. while a group was chanting "belah, belah, belah" to the group.. and as they left, the group clapped.. and the makcik thanked me for standing up to her, and i got some free kuih from her as a sign of her gratitude.. hehe.. thanx makcik!

but i did it not for the kuih, or for the attention, the praises.. i did it coz i cant stand this group of people, who think they are better than the rest of us! come back down to earth please~ and when i wrote this, i AM NOT targeting all polo shirt wearing hair dyeing tindik sana sini people, and also those who comes from a well-to-do family, i know that 99% of u are polite people who knows the boundaries of joking about, and are humble people with kind hearts.. but this 1%, you ppl are the bane of society, and bring shame upon other Malays.. i'm sorry if i offended anybody, but this entry is written with the purpose of reminding us all to be humble, and not to insult others.. your medical degree, tertiary education, overseas scholarship, all these do not make you better than other people, and all these mean NOTHING if you don't have manners, or basic respect for others..

do unto others how u wud expect to be done on urself, and respect begets respect..

p/s: sorry again for the negative tone of the entry.. :)
peace out~

i can't locate my Man U key chain.

i am totally not a football fan, i'm not even one of those fake Man U fangirls pretending they care about the game (i am NOT saying there aren't any genuine fangirls) but i bought this key chain from the gift shop at freaking Old Trafford and i'm not gonna go there again any time soon, so it matters.

i have to find it. losing things is annoying.

p.s. kadang-kadang dalam facebook, kawan-kawan lama hantar friend request, kawan-kawan yang never really cared about you yang kemungkinan besar hanya nak membanyakkan friend count atau cari gosip panas (yang semestinya takkan jumpa di page i yang uber bosan itu). kalau i reject, kira i sombong ke?

Atiqah

seorang yang bergelar lelaki.

assalamualaikum :)

in the span of two days, two different friends telah menegur atiq of my lack of sopan santun-ness when i speak. i shall now strive hard to be more bersopan.

bila Atiq belajar Sains, cikgu ajar, selalunya bila umur kita mula mencecah 5-6 tahun, kita akan mula tertarik pada the parent of the opposite sex. Cikgu cakap je macam tu, terus Atiq cakap 'TAK PUN CIKGU!' dengan lantang dan outspokennya (contoh ketidaksopanan Atiqah).

masa Atiq belajar Physiology, sekali lagi lecturer Atiq cerita tentang theory tu. Kali ni, Atiq hanya memberontak dalam hati (dah besar sikit).

one of the many, many, things that I learned about myself when I went to Cambodia is the fact that I am always subconsciously on the lookout for father figures. I realized that growing up, I lacked a father figure because my father has a really bad temper, and I had no desire of ever getting close to him - I cringed whenever I had to touch him.

When I was small, I was close to the late Cikgu Mahisham. When I got into Naim, I was close to CNZ- Cikgu Nik Zamani. When I got into KMB, I was really close to Papa, or Shidan to his other friends. These are people who took care of me. People who will always, always have a special place in my heart.

When I went to Cambodia, I met Dr Sally, one of the nicest doctors I've ever met. Well, his name is really Salleh, but that's how things are in Cambodia. Salleh becomes Sally, Ghazali becomes Roly. Anyway. After a few days of working with him, I cheekily asked 'Doctor! Doctor, can I call you Papa?' and he asnwered 'Caannn...'

This is only a short list of them; there are more that I haven't written down.

Realizing all of this, I suddenly felt sorry for my Ayahnda. Apalah yang buruk sangat dengan Ayahnda, sampai takde tempat dalam hati Atiq untuk dia? When I got back from Cambodia, I threw away all the bad memories I have of him when I was a child. I gave him a clean white canvas to paint new memories on - and all I saw was a 60 year old man trying hard to win the hearts of his two youngest daughters, and trying hard to win the heart of his father - but failing miserably. I suddenly realize how lonely it must be for him, to have raised eight. EIGHT. daughters who won't start any form of conversation with him, who avoid him at all costs.

It really isn't his fault that he is everything that he is; he was the spoilt eldest son of Tengku Selia. He never walked into his class when he was in primary school, he was carried by servants. He grew up with a few maids, a driver, a gardener - and then Reality brought him down, and suddenly he becomes a Proton Saga driving clerk (masa zaman UMNO, Ayahnda kerja jadi penjaga tol - imagine that), earning a small wage, having to raise a house full of rebellious daughters.

Ayahnda mangsa keadaan. Mangsa salah didikan. Sepayah mana pun, Atiqah. Sepayah mana pun nak sayang Ayahnda yang tak seperfect ayah orang lain. Dia tetap ayah Atiqah. Dia tetap orang yang besarkan Atiqah. Hantar Atiqah pergi tempat tuisyen. Ada ayah orang lain yang tak peduli pelajaran anak-anak dia. Ada yang malas nak pergi hantar tuisyen.

Ayahnda, Atiq mintak maaf. Dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki..maafkan Atiq Ramadhan ni...?


Anak keempat Ayahnda dan Mama
Atiqah

Dear diary;

I am good at playing innocent, with my authentic child-like mannerisms and facial expressions.

But deep within me I'm just like a well worn shirt; the colour is fading and the threads are loose.

I stare into the sky when it's blue, and I walk by my own, listening to my iPod.


This is me.
I'm about as jaded as my torn pair of Levi's.




xoxo
Atiqah

second day at the wards

i woke up at 7.20 and JUMPED off the bed because i had a tutorial in CUH at 8am.

the whole team got lost and couldn't find neither the tutorial room, nor the doctor who was supposed to deliver it. that's a whole hour waste of sleep time. phail.


i then started to get a headache and got really really sleepy, and at one point i felt really sick...

...so i went to a toilet, and threw up.


i'm predicting more fantastic vomity days ahead.

can't wait.



xoxo
Atiqah

new crib

I'm the Geek in the Pink

Hi!

I just got through my first day of wearing a white coat at the hospital. We stuck out like sore thumbs because we were the only ones wearing white coats who look completely lost and confused.

I wore my bright pink baju kurung :) it is my current favourite. First patient has myasthenia gravis, which was a pretty good case. Boleh tak consultant tu tanya Atiq whether or not I can speak Bangladeshi, because he has a patient who'd make for a really good case for us, but the patient doesn't speak English.

-_____________-

I was in the same team as Bazli, which I find rather funny. the poor thing got lost in the maze that is CUH and was late for our very first day, alolol shian. ada orang lagi bolok dari Atiq rupanya dalam dunia ni.


i'm off to class. still in my bright pink kurung :)



xoxo
Atiqah

i am sleepy all the time. ALL the time.

I have a bejillion things to do. It seems like I always have a bejillion things to do.

Pareq is married. It's still weird, adjusting to that. Pareq. Makcik pendek manja tak matured. Married. If she gets pregnant I'm going to die of shock.

I want to sleep. I want to blog but I can't arrange my thoughts into a comprehensible flow of words because I'm sleepy.

lepas berbuka ngantuk. lepas solat maghrib ngantuk. lepas tadarus ngantuk. lepas terawikh ngantuk. APEBENDA LA ATIQAH NI MACAM UMUR 80 TAHUN.

nak mintak tolong Fendi reformatkan laptop tapi takot die fikir HA ADE NAK MINTAK TOLONG BARU NAK CARI AKU KALAU TAK DIAM JE TAK TANYA KHABAR. tsk. suka takut orang marah. nampak sangat memang bersalah.


goodnight korang.