a date in which
Christians celebrate the 'birth of Jesus' and poor non-Christians living in the west gets stuck at home because there is no public transport available for them to use and none of the public places are open anyways! yeaaaaayyyy!
my neighbourhood is completely covered in ice and snow so I have to walk very slowly while lowering my center of gravity i.e. I look like an idiot! yeaaayyyyyy!
:D
sigh.
xoxo
Atiqah
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
the Life as documented by the Blackberry.
Main Quad in winter
River Lee on campus
Fat neighbor's cat came peeking at our glass doors
View from my bedroom window - airplane departing at dawn
Spot the full moon
Christmas park
Festive deco at Wilton Shopping Centre
Street performers
Changing room picture with no excuse but vanity
I wrote my name in footprint
Winter Conferring 2010 - 'Where Finbarr taught, let Munster learn'
Frosty tree
Beha look, our phones match!
Selamat Hari Raya!
Pointless, creepy, statues at Dublin airport
That's my name
Phone wallpaper
GUJI! Cutest birthday present ever.xoxo
Atiqah
What's This?!?
Something about this song reminds me of school holidays at home, waking up very early in the morning to watch Christmas themed cartoons and Home Alone repeats. I'll be in Cork for Christmas for the first time ever (2006-London; 2007-Leicestershire; 2008-Glasgow; 2009-Nice), and by the looks of it, it's going to be a white one for us this year :)
xoxo
Atiqah
edit : I just realized the reason this song is so SO familiar is because The Swan Princess has a song similar to it during the Derek/Odette growing up clips, but with different lyrics.
xoxo
Atiqah
edit : I just realized the reason this song is so SO familiar is because The Swan Princess has a song similar to it during the Derek/Odette growing up clips, but with different lyrics.
Monday, December 20, 2010
in which I talk about my (failed) Torture Diet experience.
Despite my eldest sister's warnings that the Torture Diet (otherwise known as the General Motors Diet) might destroy my focus, drive me crazy, and cause sudden death*, and that it shouldn't be tried by anyone that didn't really need to lose weight...I went ahead and did it anyway, because I'm a REBEL. Just kidding...because I want to shed some pounds.
I deluded myself into thinking that it is a form of detox and it's healthy because it involves fruits and vege, but reading a thread on a health site (during day 1) proves that it isn't, and demotivates me significantly (during day 1). It didn't take much for the thread to convince me that the program isn't from GM at all because...well. The pdf file just has WAY too many typos for it to be anything legit.
Despite the circumstances, I went along with it (during day 1), surviving on only fruits, namely a mango, an apple, a few plums...until about 7pm. This is when I was lying on my bed with my laptop on my lap, burning away at my hips...and I started to feel my body shiver. Like, actually shivering from perhaps the lack of sugar. At first I thought it was the cold, but my room was quite warm from the fan heater I had on, and I have a pretty high tolerance for cold. After a while I started feeling actual heartburn - at which point I stopped pretending the shivering had anything to do with temperature. This was quite worrying to me because I had significant gastritis when I was younger**. I actually considered ignoring the pain and forcing myself to sleep, but. Well. It was about half past 7. I also think that
1. I'm not enough of a psycho to ignore the pain to lose weight - it would probably qualify me as borderline eating disorder if I did
2. I don't think I'm FAT, so I'm not that desperate
So I walked downstairs and made toast. ONE toast. With nothing on it.
Yes, I failed the diet since day 1. Though admittedly feeling like a loser because my pretty sister did it twice and survived, and generally disliking the fact that I had a mission and didn't stick to it, I actually like the fact that I care more about my health than my looks***. In a way, I think I actually won.
Even though I went ahead and break pretty much all the rules in the following days (this is day 6), so much so that I think I no longer qualify to count the days anymore, I HAVE been eating literally about 1/6th of my normal daily portion. For a girl that belongs to the MAFASYNZ sisterhood, this is quite a feat for me to pull because I always eat like it's my bloody job. Also, I haven't drank Milo in 6 days. I think I deserve a Nobel Prize just for that.
I haven't weighed myself, but my guess is I've lost about 1kg.
The 7 Day custom-made-Atiqah-sukahatiaku-diet ends tomorrow, but I have discovered that I can eat 1/6th of what I normally do and not be hungry (or be very mildly hungry) all day. So I'm going to just continue eating this portion size. Hopefully I'll lose more weight eventually. Slowly, but surely.
xoxo
Atiqah
* unsur hyperbola
** anybody who went to (any) school with me can testify this
*** I am not saying my sister cared more about her looks than her health, she just happens to have the capacity to handle the diet without getting sick or feeling sensations equivalent of ones you would have if you imprisoned a man in your heart and he is burning his way out of it.
I deluded myself into thinking that it is a form of detox and it's healthy because it involves fruits and vege, but reading a thread on a health site (during day 1) proves that it isn't, and demotivates me significantly (during day 1). It didn't take much for the thread to convince me that the program isn't from GM at all because...well. The pdf file just has WAY too many typos for it to be anything legit.
Despite the circumstances, I went along with it (during day 1), surviving on only fruits, namely a mango, an apple, a few plums...until about 7pm. This is when I was lying on my bed with my laptop on my lap, burning away at my hips...and I started to feel my body shiver. Like, actually shivering from perhaps the lack of sugar. At first I thought it was the cold, but my room was quite warm from the fan heater I had on, and I have a pretty high tolerance for cold. After a while I started feeling actual heartburn - at which point I stopped pretending the shivering had anything to do with temperature. This was quite worrying to me because I had significant gastritis when I was younger**. I actually considered ignoring the pain and forcing myself to sleep, but. Well. It was about half past 7. I also think that
1. I'm not enough of a psycho to ignore the pain to lose weight - it would probably qualify me as borderline eating disorder if I did
2. I don't think I'm FAT, so I'm not that desperate
So I walked downstairs and made toast. ONE toast. With nothing on it.
Yes, I failed the diet since day 1. Though admittedly feeling like a loser because my pretty sister did it twice and survived, and generally disliking the fact that I had a mission and didn't stick to it, I actually like the fact that I care more about my health than my looks***. In a way, I think I actually won.
Even though I went ahead and break pretty much all the rules in the following days (this is day 6), so much so that I think I no longer qualify to count the days anymore, I HAVE been eating literally about 1/6th of my normal daily portion. For a girl that belongs to the MAFASYNZ sisterhood, this is quite a feat for me to pull because I always eat like it's my bloody job. Also, I haven't drank Milo in 6 days. I think I deserve a Nobel Prize just for that.
I haven't weighed myself, but my guess is I've lost about 1kg.
The 7 Day custom-made-Atiqah-sukahatiaku-diet ends tomorrow, but I have discovered that I can eat 1/6th of what I normally do and not be hungry (or be very mildly hungry) all day. So I'm going to just continue eating this portion size. Hopefully I'll lose more weight eventually. Slowly, but surely.
xoxo
Atiqah
* unsur hyperbola
** anybody who went to (any) school with me can testify this
*** I am not saying my sister cared more about her looks than her health, she just happens to have the capacity to handle the diet without getting sick or feeling sensations equivalent of ones you would have if you imprisoned a man in your heart and he is burning his way out of it.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Winter rendezvous
I have some explaining to do, to my sisters especially. Regarding what, one might ask? I'm going to Paris for winter break.
I know I know I knowww...I keep saying I need to save and then tiba2 sesuka hati sahaja nak spring a 'Guess what guys I'm going to Paris for Christmas!'
I *promise* I got a good deal for it, with super cheap flight tickets and accomodation, and I'm only going for four days. This is my last chance to travel europe because obviously next year I can't do it anymore. Initially I planned to go to Berlin but word has it the weather is insane over there. And Paris is a hell of a lot more cheaper than Berlin anyway, so.
I also promise not to blow money on shopping while I'm there *prays for self control*. Speaking of which, anything you hermanas want from Paris? Monnay must be provided if it involves something fancy. Keychain is considered fancy....haha just kidding just kidding.
I'm more excited to go to d'louvre than the eiffel tower, obviously, because 1) i'm a geek, 2) i'm not going on a romantic getaway, and 3) it's winter so anything indoors is always better.
Other than that, I have to admit I look forward (a little bit too much) to eating delish cheap croissants every single day and hunting down Parisian macaroons.
Je t'aime
Atiqah
I know I know I knowww...I keep saying I need to save and then tiba2 sesuka hati sahaja nak spring a 'Guess what guys I'm going to Paris for Christmas!'
I *promise* I got a good deal for it, with super cheap flight tickets and accomodation, and I'm only going for four days. This is my last chance to travel europe because obviously next year I can't do it anymore. Initially I planned to go to Berlin but word has it the weather is insane over there. And Paris is a hell of a lot more cheaper than Berlin anyway, so.
I also promise not to blow money on shopping while I'm there *prays for self control*. Speaking of which, anything you hermanas want from Paris? Monnay must be provided if it involves something fancy. Keychain is considered fancy....haha just kidding just kidding.
I'm more excited to go to d'louvre than the eiffel tower, obviously, because 1) i'm a geek, 2) i'm not going on a romantic getaway, and 3) it's winter so anything indoors is always better.
Other than that, I have to admit I look forward (a little bit too much) to eating delish cheap croissants every single day and hunting down Parisian macaroons.
Je t'aime
Atiqah
Thursday, December 9, 2010
spoilt rotten
i've been so spoilt this week, sebab my recently-graduated housemate's parents and two aunts are here. balik2 rumah laundry atiq bukan setakat dah dibasuh. malah telah dijemur dan dilipat. tinggal nak simpan dalam almari je. turun2 bawah di pagi hari kelam kabut nak pegi hospital, ada nasik goreng terhidang indah atas meja. balik tengahari untuk lunch ada mee goreng, rumah tiba2 kemas nan indah, dapur licin bersih. rak tepi meja makan penuh dengan roti, buns, scones, chocolates, chips, fruits. esok kenduri kesyukuran kat rumah atiq, makan nasik beriani special auntie ram. as great as this sounds, this would also mean mark the end of their stay. lepas ni terpaksa kembali kepada kehidupan turun bawah takde makanan nak breakfast and balik lunch makan megi T__T
i'm feeling the void when one by one orang mula graduate and balik kerja kat malaysia, i tend to be closer to my seniors than my juniors. seriously man it's going to hit me hard next may when MY OWN BATCH graduates and goes home. geez. not looking forward to that :'(
also, my 23rd birthday just passed! not only did i not have a specific birthday post like i normally would, i don't even have ANY form of blog post at ALL. either i had a pretty boring birthday, or i'm just not as into blogging as i used to be. i'd say it's a little bit of both.
i must say, the best part about my birthday is THE CAKE. ya Allah sedap gila okay Adilah buat blueberry yoghurt cheesecake. like, sumpah sedap very theeee. i think i must've eaten half of it. hahaha. and the birthday gifts i got, even though all very simple things, but each of them shows that they know me well enough to realize what things i have been wanting/needing for a long time. there wasn't a major surprise party, or a special expensive gift, or anything like that. but i'm happy enough with it. i am, alas, a 23 year old fully grown woman.
xoxo
Atiqah
i'm feeling the void when one by one orang mula graduate and balik kerja kat malaysia, i tend to be closer to my seniors than my juniors. seriously man it's going to hit me hard next may when MY OWN BATCH graduates and goes home. geez. not looking forward to that :'(
also, my 23rd birthday just passed! not only did i not have a specific birthday post like i normally would, i don't even have ANY form of blog post at ALL. either i had a pretty boring birthday, or i'm just not as into blogging as i used to be. i'd say it's a little bit of both.
i must say, the best part about my birthday is THE CAKE. ya Allah sedap gila okay Adilah buat blueberry yoghurt cheesecake. like, sumpah sedap very theeee. i think i must've eaten half of it. hahaha. and the birthday gifts i got, even though all very simple things, but each of them shows that they know me well enough to realize what things i have been wanting/needing for a long time. there wasn't a major surprise party, or a special expensive gift, or anything like that. but i'm happy enough with it. i am, alas, a 23 year old fully grown woman.
xoxo
Atiqah
Thursday, December 2, 2010
ahem.
*clears throat.
so like...shall we go back to the normal stories in dialog form? yeah? yeah? good. here's a couple of them, starring my insanely deluded, very rich middle eastern friend:
Heba : OMG Atiqah you actually listened to me, you're always wearing black now! You look sooo good!
Atiqah : Thanks Hebs. I hate to break it to you but this is just because I haven't done my laundry yet. I literally HAVE to wear these black pants, black top and black hijab. I've nothing else left.
Heba : Well you don't HAVE to do laundry.
Atiqah : ???
Heba : Me and Li Lin, we never do laundry. We just...buy new clothes.
Atiqah : You're KUWAITI, Heba, it's different.
Heba : YOU'RE A PRINCESS.
Atiqah : I AM NOT!
* * *
Atiqah : Do you know how to drive?
Heba : I don't have a license. But I have a Porsche.
Atiqah : WHAT. You own a Porsche but you don't even know how to drive?
Heba : Well....the chauffeur can drive?
Atiqah : .....
* * *
Atiqah : I've to go, my bus is coming.
Heba : Let's take a cab.
Atiqah : I can't, saving money. Geez how many times do I have to say it?!
Heba : I'LL PAY FOR IT OKAY?
Atiqah : STOP PAYING FOR EVERYTHING FOR ME. YOU CAN'T BUY MY FRIENDSHIP.
Heba : I'LL PAY FOR THE FREAKING CAB.
Atiqah : ...okay.
* * *
As you can see. Our friendship involves lots of screaming. That's how we convey affection.
xoxo
Atiqah
so like...shall we go back to the normal stories in dialog form? yeah? yeah? good. here's a couple of them, starring my insanely deluded, very rich middle eastern friend:
Heba : OMG Atiqah you actually listened to me, you're always wearing black now! You look sooo good!
Atiqah : Thanks Hebs. I hate to break it to you but this is just because I haven't done my laundry yet. I literally HAVE to wear these black pants, black top and black hijab. I've nothing else left.
Heba : Well you don't HAVE to do laundry.
Atiqah : ???
Heba : Me and Li Lin, we never do laundry. We just...buy new clothes.
Atiqah : You're KUWAITI, Heba, it's different.
Heba : YOU'RE A PRINCESS.
Atiqah : I AM NOT!
* * *
Atiqah : Do you know how to drive?
Heba : I don't have a license. But I have a Porsche.
Atiqah : WHAT. You own a Porsche but you don't even know how to drive?
Heba : Well....the chauffeur can drive?
Atiqah : .....
* * *
Atiqah : I've to go, my bus is coming.
Heba : Let's take a cab.
Atiqah : I can't, saving money. Geez how many times do I have to say it?!
Heba : I'LL PAY FOR IT OKAY?
Atiqah : STOP PAYING FOR EVERYTHING FOR ME. YOU CAN'T BUY MY FRIENDSHIP.
Heba : I'LL PAY FOR THE FREAKING CAB.
Atiqah : ...okay.
* * *
As you can see. Our friendship involves lots of screaming. That's how we convey affection.
xoxo
Atiqah
Sunday, November 28, 2010
self-fulfilling prophecy
the attachment theory. in child psychiatry we are taught about the complicated attachment that a child develops towards his/her parents.
when i was small, mama would tell me she's going downstairs to do some sewing (back when the sewing machine was not a mere artefact sitting there in the storage room) while my nanny hold the screaming, struggling, four year old Atiqah in her arms. then mama would go to work. then Atiqah would discover this later, and continues her high pitched tantrum, and stops only when she gets absolutely exhausted from it.
you see, people usually grow up and out of this phase. teenagers would commonly tell their parents nothing and would try and keep the parents as in the dark as is possible.
but not for Atiqah. Atiqah gets stuck in that phase.
after mama, i got intensely attached to my nanny. i had a week's worth of high fever when she moved out from my house to get married and move on with her life. and then i got attached to my friends. very, very, attached to them to a point where i tend to drive them away, from my obsessiveness, and jealousy. they must always be MY friend, and i always have to be their TOP priority.
thankfully i began to realize that i have a tendency to suffocate my friends, so i start to distance myself from people in a difficult attempt to be a normal friend and not be a freakishly close to being psycho one.
somehow along that time frame boys began to pay attention to me (for some bizarre reason), and, naturally afterwards, i began to latch on to these unexpecting string of XYs, commonly draining the living soul out of them. needless to say, the only relationships that developed into more than just a fling, and survived more than a few weeks were the ones involving boys who were really, really, in love with me that they were completely blinded and did not see, or were willing to put up with my crazyself.
then, as was the way with the friendship case, i began to realize that i am an absolutely selfish and self-centered bit...person when it comes to relationships. everything has to be about me, i constantly obsess over the little details, basically doing the things most girls do...multiplied by ten. this realization is more complicated though, because then what would i do? distance myself so i wouldn't be so attached? might as well NOT have a relationship altogether, no?
i always warn boys that are attracted to me, that i only sound like good news when i'm a FRIEND, and that i really do not function well as a girlfriend. either i would get way too attached, or way too distanced because i'm scared of getting way too attached and risk losing them.
right now all i am is just sick and tired of this race against myself. i always work so hard to please people in general, no matter how many times i hear them say i should just be myself and people who are not okay with it can go to hell. i can't, i can't. i HAVE to make people like me, it's the only way i know how to function.
problem is, all of these things are in my head. what people around me experience would be seeing me happy, seeing me suddenly distancing myself from them, seeing me getting depressed for apparently no reason at all, seeing me be happy again.
how, how do i tell all this to people i care about without sounding like an absolute freak?
i can't, is the answer.
i am one hell of a complicated girl, and only someone with an illogical amount of patience would be willing to spend the entirety of his life consoling me everytime i cry for no reason.
you see, i don't think i will ever meet this guy, and even if i do? i don't think it would be fair for him.
i have issues and i probably should get myself sorted out without dragging anyone else into this mess.
lots of love.
Atiqah
p.s. i say all this...but then again i'll probably be okay tomorrow. dammit i'm so bipolar.
when i was small, mama would tell me she's going downstairs to do some sewing (back when the sewing machine was not a mere artefact sitting there in the storage room) while my nanny hold the screaming, struggling, four year old Atiqah in her arms. then mama would go to work. then Atiqah would discover this later, and continues her high pitched tantrum, and stops only when she gets absolutely exhausted from it.
you see, people usually grow up and out of this phase. teenagers would commonly tell their parents nothing and would try and keep the parents as in the dark as is possible.
but not for Atiqah. Atiqah gets stuck in that phase.
after mama, i got intensely attached to my nanny. i had a week's worth of high fever when she moved out from my house to get married and move on with her life. and then i got attached to my friends. very, very, attached to them to a point where i tend to drive them away, from my obsessiveness, and jealousy. they must always be MY friend, and i always have to be their TOP priority.
thankfully i began to realize that i have a tendency to suffocate my friends, so i start to distance myself from people in a difficult attempt to be a normal friend and not be a freakishly close to being psycho one.
somehow along that time frame boys began to pay attention to me (for some bizarre reason), and, naturally afterwards, i began to latch on to these unexpecting string of XYs, commonly draining the living soul out of them. needless to say, the only relationships that developed into more than just a fling, and survived more than a few weeks were the ones involving boys who were really, really, in love with me that they were completely blinded and did not see, or were willing to put up with my crazyself.
then, as was the way with the friendship case, i began to realize that i am an absolutely selfish and self-centered bit...person when it comes to relationships. everything has to be about me, i constantly obsess over the little details, basically doing the things most girls do...multiplied by ten. this realization is more complicated though, because then what would i do? distance myself so i wouldn't be so attached? might as well NOT have a relationship altogether, no?
i always warn boys that are attracted to me, that i only sound like good news when i'm a FRIEND, and that i really do not function well as a girlfriend. either i would get way too attached, or way too distanced because i'm scared of getting way too attached and risk losing them.
right now all i am is just sick and tired of this race against myself. i always work so hard to please people in general, no matter how many times i hear them say i should just be myself and people who are not okay with it can go to hell. i can't, i can't. i HAVE to make people like me, it's the only way i know how to function.
problem is, all of these things are in my head. what people around me experience would be seeing me happy, seeing me suddenly distancing myself from them, seeing me getting depressed for apparently no reason at all, seeing me be happy again.
how, how do i tell all this to people i care about without sounding like an absolute freak?
i can't, is the answer.
i am one hell of a complicated girl, and only someone with an illogical amount of patience would be willing to spend the entirety of his life consoling me everytime i cry for no reason.
you see, i don't think i will ever meet this guy, and even if i do? i don't think it would be fair for him.
i have issues and i probably should get myself sorted out without dragging anyone else into this mess.
lots of love.
Atiqah
p.s. i say all this...but then again i'll probably be okay tomorrow. dammit i'm so bipolar.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
my skin is an invisibility cloak
David Burgess : Hey Aza, what rotation you on now?
Atiqah : *looks up from filling a styrofoam cup with water* Well I'm not Aza, but I'm on medicine rotation.
(I know his freaking LAST NAME, for God's sake! Whatever, David Ber-Gas!)
* * *
Earlier today, our consultant brought us all to a small bar in town for coffee. As I was sitting there on a barstool, watching CNN;
Atiqah : Did a war broke in Korea?!
Connor : Yeap. Hey...Atiqah. Where are you from?
Atiqah : *nearly choked on her coffee* uhm, Malaysia...?
(where the heck ELSE can I be from?!)
* * *
(side story:)
Dr O'Leary : Let's talk about Japan. If you look at satellite pictures of Japan in spring...what are you going to see?
*room fell into silence*
Atiqah : ...sakura?
Dr O'Leary : *looks at Atiqah with a blank face*
Atiqah : ...sakura?
Dr O'Leary : *frowns eyebrows*
Atiqah : oh, sorry. cherry blossoms.
Dr O'Leary : YES! You're a fantastic medical student, aren't you!
Atiqah : ............... *headdesk*
Atiqah : *looks up from filling a styrofoam cup with water* Well I'm not Aza, but I'm on medicine rotation.
(I know his freaking LAST NAME, for God's sake! Whatever, David Ber-Gas!)
* * *
Earlier today, our consultant brought us all to a small bar in town for coffee. As I was sitting there on a barstool, watching CNN;
Atiqah : Did a war broke in Korea?!
Connor : Yeap. Hey...Atiqah. Where are you from?
Atiqah : *nearly choked on her coffee* uhm, Malaysia...?
(where the heck ELSE can I be from?!)
* * *
(side story:)
Dr O'Leary : Let's talk about Japan. If you look at satellite pictures of Japan in spring...what are you going to see?
*room fell into silence*
Atiqah : ...sakura?
Dr O'Leary : *looks at Atiqah with a blank face*
Atiqah : ...sakura?
Dr O'Leary : *frowns eyebrows*
Atiqah : oh, sorry. cherry blossoms.
Dr O'Leary : YES! You're a fantastic medical student, aren't you!
Atiqah : ............... *headdesk*
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Deathly Hallows part 1 reaction blog
this is going to be a rant about Harry Potter. consider yourself warned.
I don't think I've ever mentioned it on here, but I am OBSESSED with Harry Potter. Ever since Kakak brought home the first book she borrowed from her friend all those years ago, I have been a huge fan. This was before the movies came out. I've always been a book geek.
When everybody else loved Enid Blyton for the Famous Five series, or the Adventure series, I would skip those titles when I was scanning my eyes over the books in my school library, and stop at the ones with elves and gnomes and fairies and toys that come alive at night. I have always been a girl who finds the endless borders of fantasyland way, way more attractive than reality. This is why I absolutely adore Narnia, and Lord of the Rings.
So when I began reading that first HP book Kakak brought home I almost immediately knew I was going to be attached to that series. Going to that movie today felt so unreal and intense because it's the first part of the final movie.
I loved the beginning when Hermione casted the obliviate spell on her parents so they won't remember her, and Harry looking at the Dursleys moving out of the house...and just the feeling that they're preparing for never being able to go back to their old lives again. And I liked that the scene where they all drank the polyjuice potion and become Harry was both funny and powerful.
Another scene that I thought was really really good was the one at the Malfoy Manor when they were all downstairs in the cellar and they could hear Hermione's screams from being tortured by Bellatrix. I think Draco's acting was very good throughout, I like that we could all see how weak and scared the Malfoys actually are, it builds up to what's going to happen in part 2 pretty well.
I also really like the way they did the Tale of the Three Brothers scene, it was completely different from the rest of the movie and I felt like it was believeable, as a story that the children of the wizarding world grow up with. They also portrayed the Ministry of Magic polyjuice potion scene really well, it was both funny and nervewrecking.
I know they left a LOT of scenes out, like the Harry/Dudley conversation at the beginning that to me was really important, but it was forgivable since the rest of it was spot-on. When Harry was telling Ron he was going to open the locket I immediately whispered 'Haasssssa heesssss sseyyyy suss' because I knew it had to be opened in Parseltongue, and 5 seconds after that Harry said 'Heeessssaa seeeaasss suss'. Niesa just looked at me with her 'You're so obsessed' accusing eyes. LOL.
I am so happy with the movie despite having to sit at nearly the VERY END of the FRONT row. I actually have a migraine now because we were so close to the screen that everytime they do the pan-in pan-out camerawork it actually felt like we were walking/flying into that room/manor/whatever.
Such a good excuse to go see it again some other time.
xoxo
Atiqah
I don't think I've ever mentioned it on here, but I am OBSESSED with Harry Potter. Ever since Kakak brought home the first book she borrowed from her friend all those years ago, I have been a huge fan. This was before the movies came out. I've always been a book geek.
When everybody else loved Enid Blyton for the Famous Five series, or the Adventure series, I would skip those titles when I was scanning my eyes over the books in my school library, and stop at the ones with elves and gnomes and fairies and toys that come alive at night. I have always been a girl who finds the endless borders of fantasyland way, way more attractive than reality. This is why I absolutely adore Narnia, and Lord of the Rings.
So when I began reading that first HP book Kakak brought home I almost immediately knew I was going to be attached to that series. Going to that movie today felt so unreal and intense because it's the first part of the final movie.
I loved the beginning when Hermione casted the obliviate spell on her parents so they won't remember her, and Harry looking at the Dursleys moving out of the house...and just the feeling that they're preparing for never being able to go back to their old lives again. And I liked that the scene where they all drank the polyjuice potion and become Harry was both funny and powerful.
Another scene that I thought was really really good was the one at the Malfoy Manor when they were all downstairs in the cellar and they could hear Hermione's screams from being tortured by Bellatrix. I think Draco's acting was very good throughout, I like that we could all see how weak and scared the Malfoys actually are, it builds up to what's going to happen in part 2 pretty well.
I also really like the way they did the Tale of the Three Brothers scene, it was completely different from the rest of the movie and I felt like it was believeable, as a story that the children of the wizarding world grow up with. They also portrayed the Ministry of Magic polyjuice potion scene really well, it was both funny and nervewrecking.
I know they left a LOT of scenes out, like the Harry/Dudley conversation at the beginning that to me was really important, but it was forgivable since the rest of it was spot-on. When Harry was telling Ron he was going to open the locket I immediately whispered 'Haasssssa heesssss sseyyyy suss' because I knew it had to be opened in Parseltongue, and 5 seconds after that Harry said 'Heeessssaa seeeaasss suss'. Niesa just looked at me with her 'You're so obsessed' accusing eyes. LOL.
I am so happy with the movie despite having to sit at nearly the VERY END of the FRONT row. I actually have a migraine now because we were so close to the screen that everytime they do the pan-in pan-out camerawork it actually felt like we were walking/flying into that room/manor/whatever.
Such a good excuse to go see it again some other time.
xoxo
Atiqah
Friday, November 19, 2010
Dying old flame.
I walked into the hall completely shocked an in awe of the sheer amount of food there was, and how tantalizingly delicious they all looked. It was Eiduladha, and I obviously chose glorious free food over lectures. It was actually more of a rebellious act, I hesitated to skip the lectures and I didn't expect the food to be anywhere near the level of amazing that it was. I was merely sick of the fact that nobody effing cares that it's our Eid. I mean, what if THEY lived in a place where nobody gave a toss about Christmas, or Thanksgiving?
Smiling from ear to ear (at the food, not at the people), I naturally took two plates and started to fill them up with nasi himpit, kuah kacang, murtabak, satay, daging kurma, kuah lodeh...all the while struggling to balance them in my hands. My eyes were locked on an empty seat and I walked over to it with utmost focus, determined to eat as much food as I can.
There were so many people that I've never seen before in that hall that day, so I didn't take much notice of them, apart from saying hi and 'OH MY GOD THE FOOD' to my friends, who themselves are busy savouring the good food. It was a glorious day for us all, no kidding. The way to the Cork students' hearts are through their tummies. Freaking seriously, man.
As I sat there minding my own business, I heard a male voice calling my name. I looked up, and saw The Old Flame (TOF) staring at me. I frowned my eyebrows and he said,
'Mak, tu Atiqah kat belakang.'
The woman sitting in front of me turned around and I immediately recognized her, and almost as immediately registered the pretty young lady sitting beside her as TOF's younger sister.
'Makcik, hai!' I smiled, thankful that I'd put my other plate full of food on the chair beside me, instead of on my lap. His sister turned to me and said,
'Atiq kan?'
...which confused me a little bit because I've never met her and recognized her simply due to my meticulous facebook stalking skillz. She registered my confused face and explained that TOF told her about me.
This naturally sent my crazy brain into a trainwreck of questions,
'What did he say?'
'When did he told her about me? We haven't talked in ages'
'What did he say?!?!?'
As these questions burned a permanent imprint into my cerebrum, I attempted to make a conversation with his sister. The mother was chatting away with another lady, but she turned to me out of a sudden and said, in a clear voice for everyone to hear,
'Atiqah ni pernah datang rumah, dua kali, kan?'
I nearly died, you guys.
I froze and half-smiled and chortled out a half-hearted awkward laugh and wished I was a ninja so I could blend into the floor, or something.
In reality though, the room was really hectic and noisy, and I'm pretty sure nobody heard what she said. Heck, it doesn't even matter if someone did. This is just me being ridiculous and neurotic, as per usual.
His parents and sister were all really nice, actually. I (somehow!?) ended up joining them for an unplanned day trip to Cobh, and returning to the hall again later that day to eat more food.
TOF claimed his mother and sister are trying to convince him to win me over, but we both fully realize that hell actually have to freeze over for that to happen. Didn't work, couldn't work, and never will.
xoxo
Atiqah
Smiling from ear to ear (at the food, not at the people), I naturally took two plates and started to fill them up with nasi himpit, kuah kacang, murtabak, satay, daging kurma, kuah lodeh...all the while struggling to balance them in my hands. My eyes were locked on an empty seat and I walked over to it with utmost focus, determined to eat as much food as I can.
There were so many people that I've never seen before in that hall that day, so I didn't take much notice of them, apart from saying hi and 'OH MY GOD THE FOOD' to my friends, who themselves are busy savouring the good food. It was a glorious day for us all, no kidding. The way to the Cork students' hearts are through their tummies. Freaking seriously, man.
As I sat there minding my own business, I heard a male voice calling my name. I looked up, and saw The Old Flame (TOF) staring at me. I frowned my eyebrows and he said,
'Mak, tu Atiqah kat belakang.'
The woman sitting in front of me turned around and I immediately recognized her, and almost as immediately registered the pretty young lady sitting beside her as TOF's younger sister.
'Makcik, hai!' I smiled, thankful that I'd put my other plate full of food on the chair beside me, instead of on my lap. His sister turned to me and said,
'Atiq kan?'
...which confused me a little bit because I've never met her and recognized her simply due to my meticulous facebook stalking skillz. She registered my confused face and explained that TOF told her about me.
This naturally sent my crazy brain into a trainwreck of questions,
'What did he say?'
'When did he told her about me? We haven't talked in ages'
'What did he say?!?!?'
As these questions burned a permanent imprint into my cerebrum, I attempted to make a conversation with his sister. The mother was chatting away with another lady, but she turned to me out of a sudden and said, in a clear voice for everyone to hear,
'Atiqah ni pernah datang rumah, dua kali, kan?'
I nearly died, you guys.
I froze and half-smiled and chortled out a half-hearted awkward laugh and wished I was a ninja so I could blend into the floor, or something.
In reality though, the room was really hectic and noisy, and I'm pretty sure nobody heard what she said. Heck, it doesn't even matter if someone did. This is just me being ridiculous and neurotic, as per usual.
His parents and sister were all really nice, actually. I (somehow!?) ended up joining them for an unplanned day trip to Cobh, and returning to the hall again later that day to eat more food.
TOF claimed his mother and sister are trying to convince him to win me over, but we both fully realize that hell actually have to freeze over for that to happen. Didn't work, couldn't work, and never will.
xoxo
Atiqah
Monday, November 15, 2010
kawan. kawan? kawan.
Oh hey, what is this? A BLOG? I have a BLOG?
Apparently.
I haven't felt much like blogging of late, partly due to having nothing blogworthy to write, partly due to Twitter, etcetera etcetera.
Updates are
When my laptop first started to go all psycho on me ('Now I start! Now I shut down! Hahaha...I can do all I like, and you shall suffeeeerrr!' - Laptop) I told Lala over skype about it. Lala goes to RCSI, the private medical college that gives complete lecture notes (unlike our bulleted, scarce ones), fails their students just for the hell of it and accuse them of being a potential terrorist for putting up jihad-themed videos on facebook. some of those are true, some are exagerrations. I'll leave it to your imagination.
Another thing about RCSI is that they give their freshmen a 'free' macbook when they register, and a 'free' HP elitebook when they're in fourth year on the grounds that laptops don't last more than 3 years.
Lala said she'd give me her old Mac if she could but it's broken or something, I can't recall exactly what she said. then she suggested that I ask Shamil for his laptop because he has been lending it to this girl for months, and she'd already bought a new one.
One thing Shamil and I have in common is that we suck at keeping in touch. The last time I saw him was at a sushi place in Dublin last year, along with Lala and Amin. When my laptop really, actually died and refused to turn back on again, I decided to call Shamil. The conversation went something like this:
'Assalamualaikum'
'Waalaikummussalam'
'Hai! Atiq ni. Sihat...?'
'Errr...Atiq. Ni...number Shamil tau?'
Ahahahaha. Yes, we haven't spoken on the phone for THAT long. Sampai he thought I called the wrong number. zzzz.
So I told him about the laptop, he told me who to get it from, and this conversation happened;
'Pinjam eh Shamil!'
'Hmm? Ambik je lah. Bukannya guna pun.'
'Hah?! Biar betul? You sure?'
'Yeap. Just get me good grades aite.'
'GET ME GOOD GRADES' BELIAU CAKAP. Macam bapak ke macam bapak? Haha.
So that is how I ended up with spanking new, barely used, HP elitebook. I was hoping he'd give me his old Macbook but in the end I'm just really really thankful to Allah for what happened.
“Barangsiapa bertakwa kepada Allah, nescaya Dia akan mengadakan baginya jalan keluar. Dan memberi rezeki kepadanya tanpa di sangka-sangka. Dan barangsiapa yang bertawakal kepada Allah, nescaya Allah akan mencukupkannya. Sesungguhnya Allah melaksanakan urusan yang dikehendakiNya. Sesungguhnya Allah telah mengadakan ketentuan bagi tiap-tiap sesuatu.” At-Talaq: 2-3
I find it quite heartbreaking, letting go of that laptop. I held on to it for so long because Tokku bought it for me...it finally gave in and crashed just a few months after Tokku left us :'(
Also, winter is here, guys.
Hugs and love and all that.
Atiq
Apparently.
I haven't felt much like blogging of late, partly due to having nothing blogworthy to write, partly due to Twitter, etcetera etcetera.
Updates are
- I broke my 4 year old phone, I bought a blackberry (everytime I told a friend of the price they'd say 'murahnyaa?!!?' - I got lucky, it was on promotion)
- I broke my 5 year old laptop, I got a new one.
When my laptop first started to go all psycho on me ('Now I start! Now I shut down! Hahaha...I can do all I like, and you shall suffeeeerrr!' - Laptop) I told Lala over skype about it. Lala goes to RCSI, the private medical college that gives complete lecture notes (unlike our bulleted, scarce ones), fails their students just for the hell of it and accuse them of being a potential terrorist for putting up jihad-themed videos on facebook. some of those are true, some are exagerrations. I'll leave it to your imagination.
Another thing about RCSI is that they give their freshmen a 'free' macbook when they register, and a 'free' HP elitebook when they're in fourth year on the grounds that laptops don't last more than 3 years.
Lala said she'd give me her old Mac if she could but it's broken or something, I can't recall exactly what she said. then she suggested that I ask Shamil for his laptop because he has been lending it to this girl for months, and she'd already bought a new one.
One thing Shamil and I have in common is that we suck at keeping in touch. The last time I saw him was at a sushi place in Dublin last year, along with Lala and Amin. When my laptop really, actually died and refused to turn back on again, I decided to call Shamil. The conversation went something like this:
'Assalamualaikum'
'Waalaikummussalam'
'Hai! Atiq ni. Sihat...?'
'Errr...Atiq. Ni...number Shamil tau?'
Ahahahaha. Yes, we haven't spoken on the phone for THAT long. Sampai he thought I called the wrong number. zzzz.
So I told him about the laptop, he told me who to get it from, and this conversation happened;
'Pinjam eh Shamil!'
'Hmm? Ambik je lah. Bukannya guna pun.'
'Hah?! Biar betul? You sure?'
'Yeap. Just get me good grades aite.'
'GET ME GOOD GRADES' BELIAU CAKAP. Macam bapak ke macam bapak? Haha.
So that is how I ended up with spanking new, barely used, HP elitebook. I was hoping he'd give me his old Macbook but in the end I'm just really really thankful to Allah for what happened.
“Barangsiapa bertakwa kepada Allah, nescaya Dia akan mengadakan baginya jalan keluar. Dan memberi rezeki kepadanya tanpa di sangka-sangka. Dan barangsiapa yang bertawakal kepada Allah, nescaya Allah akan mencukupkannya. Sesungguhnya Allah melaksanakan urusan yang dikehendakiNya. Sesungguhnya Allah telah mengadakan ketentuan bagi tiap-tiap sesuatu.” At-Talaq: 2-3
I find it quite heartbreaking, letting go of that laptop. I held on to it for so long because Tokku bought it for me...it finally gave in and crashed just a few months after Tokku left us :'(
Also, winter is here, guys.
Hugs and love and all that.
Atiq
Monday, October 25, 2010
setiap kali pun taknak balik summer, setiap kali pun plan gagal
next summer's gonna be my last one here. if i go back, there's a chance i might be able to raya at home.
at the same time, i think i need to study to keep up with the game, before i go into final year.
but a LOT of my close friends are planning to get hitched this summer, so i'm going to miss many many weddings.
but i really can't afford to spend 800euros to go back.
i need to be emotionally stable for the rough times of final year, and for that i need to go home and recharge.
but i might need to work in the summer to get some money to be able to pay for rent, bills and food next year.
but i could always ask ayahnda for the money.
but i really don't like the idea of doing that.
but i could always pay him back when i start working.
aaaaaa.
i don't know.
i have to decide now, so i can plan wether my final year project and summer electives will be based here or in Malaysia.
*pening*
at the same time, i think i need to study to keep up with the game, before i go into final year.
but a LOT of my close friends are planning to get hitched this summer, so i'm going to miss many many weddings.
but i really can't afford to spend 800euros to go back.
i need to be emotionally stable for the rough times of final year, and for that i need to go home and recharge.
but i might need to work in the summer to get some money to be able to pay for rent, bills and food next year.
but i could always ask ayahnda for the money.
but i really don't like the idea of doing that.
but i could always pay him back when i start working.
aaaaaa.
i don't know.
i have to decide now, so i can plan wether my final year project and summer electives will be based here or in Malaysia.
*pening*
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Ce matin la/Being a girl (as experienced by Atiqah)
Wakes up.
Waits for roommate to wake up first.
Roommate wakes up and goes to toilet.
Roommate wakes me up.
Sits on bed, thinking this is way too early.
Brushes teeth, washes face, scrubs face once or twice a week, takes wudhu'.
Prays Subuh.
Goes back to sleep.
Wakes up, realize will be late if does not wake up RIGHT NOW.
Wakes up for real.
Shower, shampoo, scrubs body once or twice a week.
Wears lotion on legs.
Wears a different lotion on arms and hands.
Puts olive oil in hair.
Combs hair.
Puts Body Shop Aloe Vera moisturiser on face.
Puts rempit liquid vitamin bought from a random hairdresser in Wakaf Bharu in hair (it smells vunderful).
Uses Dettol medicated powder as deodorant.
Showers neck and body with excessive Dettol medicated powder unnecessarily.
Iron clothes.
Gets dressed.
Wears Clinique Superbalm Moisturising Gloss that was received as a freebie.
Sprays Elizabeth Arden on wrists.
Goes to hospital to see and talk to old people.
I like smelling nice.
xoxo
Atiqah
Waits for roommate to wake up first.
Roommate wakes up and goes to toilet.
Roommate wakes me up.
Sits on bed, thinking this is way too early.
Brushes teeth, washes face, scrubs face once or twice a week, takes wudhu'.
Prays Subuh.
Goes back to sleep.
Wakes up, realize will be late if does not wake up RIGHT NOW.
Wakes up for real.
Shower, shampoo, scrubs body once or twice a week.
Wears lotion on legs.
Wears a different lotion on arms and hands.
Puts olive oil in hair.
Combs hair.
Puts Body Shop Aloe Vera moisturiser on face.
Puts rempit liquid vitamin bought from a random hairdresser in Wakaf Bharu in hair (it smells vunderful).
Uses Dettol medicated powder as deodorant.
Showers neck and body with excessive Dettol medicated powder unnecessarily.
Iron clothes.
Gets dressed.
Wears Clinique Superbalm Moisturising Gloss that was received as a freebie.
Sprays Elizabeth Arden on wrists.
Goes to hospital to see and talk to old people.
I like smelling nice.
xoxo
Atiqah
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
disconnected
kadang-kadang i do things that are just SO opposite from the way i feel that i worry about my mental health status.
in psychiatry lecture the other day, when the lecturer gave brief anecdotes about several personality disorders? it sent shivers down my spine.
my nickname in mIRC in the olden days? [^split_identity^]
seriously, at 23, i thought i'd have it all figured out. but nope. i'm still learning. still searching for what i really want, for where i stand in the world.
but i've grown and learned a lot, too.
that Getting Past OK book? i slowed down because i started getting slightly pissed off at the author for repeatedly trying to insinuate that religion has a negative impact on people. i finally got over it though. currently on page 59, and picking up pace because i reached the important chapters.
in other news, i really love paediatrics.
(my flow of thought makes no sense)
hearts and kisses
Atiq
in psychiatry lecture the other day, when the lecturer gave brief anecdotes about several personality disorders? it sent shivers down my spine.
my nickname in mIRC in the olden days? [^split_identity^]
seriously, at 23, i thought i'd have it all figured out. but nope. i'm still learning. still searching for what i really want, for where i stand in the world.
but i've grown and learned a lot, too.
that Getting Past OK book? i slowed down because i started getting slightly pissed off at the author for repeatedly trying to insinuate that religion has a negative impact on people. i finally got over it though. currently on page 59, and picking up pace because i reached the important chapters.
in other news, i really love paediatrics.
(my flow of thought makes no sense)
hearts and kisses
Atiq
Thursday, October 7, 2010
diary of a medical student
I was walking down the hospital corridor when I saw Nate up front, though tempted to say 'Hey Dad!' because that's what I affectionately call him due to him being old and balding (haha, I'm so mean!), I ended up just saying
'Hey!' with a small nod.
He threw me a suave look, leaned to my side as he was walking towards me, and held his arm out to me as if he was trying to give me a side-hug. I edged away from his arms and gave a chuckle, and he said,
'That was a high-five!'
I could've sworn he sounded like he wanted to add an '..idiot!' at the back. I just laughed and made a face that hopefully translated to 'whoops sorry, cultural differences!'. But really I think my face translated into 'awkward', in capital letters.
'Hey!' with a small nod.
He threw me a suave look, leaned to my side as he was walking towards me, and held his arm out to me as if he was trying to give me a side-hug. I edged away from his arms and gave a chuckle, and he said,
'That was a high-five!'
I could've sworn he sounded like he wanted to add an '..idiot!' at the back. I just laughed and made a face that hopefully translated to 'whoops sorry, cultural differences!'. But really I think my face translated into 'awkward', in capital letters.
* * *
Since I'm in the same group as Mr. Annoyingface aka JR, I go to small group tutorials with him. Yesterday he found out I was fasting, and at the end of the tutorial he said,
'what are you, playing catch-up Ramadhan?'
*hesitates* 'uhh...yeah. how do you know that?' I said, because Irish people are pretty ignorant when it comes to religion and normal responses to me fasting would be either
'is it Ramadhan?' or 'why?'. so it's quite unusual that he knows I'm qada-ing my puasa. then he said;
'well when I was in first year there's this funny little girl who told me aaaallll about it'
At that moment I couldn't help wondering what the hell was I thinking when I told him about menstruating women skipping their Ramadhan fasting days and having to qada' them later. I mean seriously. What. The. Hell.
'what are you, playing catch-up Ramadhan?'
*hesitates* 'uhh...yeah. how do you know that?' I said, because Irish people are pretty ignorant when it comes to religion and normal responses to me fasting would be either
'is it Ramadhan?' or 'why?'. so it's quite unusual that he knows I'm qada-ing my puasa. then he said;
'well when I was in first year there's this funny little girl who told me aaaallll about it'
At that moment I couldn't help wondering what the hell was I thinking when I told him about menstruating women skipping their Ramadhan fasting days and having to qada' them later. I mean seriously. What. The. Hell.
* * *
When I was in town the other day, I walked past a little shop that sold secondhand books. The display of the shop caught my attention, but it wasn't the books that did the trick; it was the old records from the 80's. I decided to walk in and check them out, I've always loved independent bookshops. The owners are always old/geeky/eccentric (which basically translates to mega-awesome, in my opinion) and fun to talk to.
I was staring at the gorgeous vintage Billy Murray and Beatles records, wishing I had a phonograph/gramophone to play them at home, when my eyes started drifting towards the old DVD section.
There were a few Agatha Christie Poirot Series DVDs.
Since this was probably Didie's dream come true, I enquired of the DVDs to the shopkeeper.
'She's one of a kind, isn't she,' He said, taking down the DVDs from the upper shelf behind him.
'My sister absolutely adore her,' I said, rather sheepishly, since in all honesty I haven't read any of Agatha Christie's books.
Reading the synopsis at the back of one of the DVDs, I asked 'Which one do you think I should buy for her?'
'Oooh. I'm an EXPERT in Agatha Christie' he said, beaming. He took all three DVDs and frowned his eyebrows, thinking.
'Take this one!'
'Alright, I'll take your word for it,' I said, taking out my purse. He then proceeded to enquire about my hometown and we had a most pleasant conversation which ended with him wishing me good luck, saying he thinks I'd make a great doctor one day.
God I love geeky old people.
xoxo
Atiqah
I was staring at the gorgeous vintage Billy Murray and Beatles records, wishing I had a phonograph/gramophone to play them at home, when my eyes started drifting towards the old DVD section.
There were a few Agatha Christie Poirot Series DVDs.
Since this was probably Didie's dream come true, I enquired of the DVDs to the shopkeeper.
'She's one of a kind, isn't she,' He said, taking down the DVDs from the upper shelf behind him.
'My sister absolutely adore her,' I said, rather sheepishly, since in all honesty I haven't read any of Agatha Christie's books.
Reading the synopsis at the back of one of the DVDs, I asked 'Which one do you think I should buy for her?'
'Oooh. I'm an EXPERT in Agatha Christie' he said, beaming. He took all three DVDs and frowned his eyebrows, thinking.
'Take this one!'
'Alright, I'll take your word for it,' I said, taking out my purse. He then proceeded to enquire about my hometown and we had a most pleasant conversation which ended with him wishing me good luck, saying he thinks I'd make a great doctor one day.
God I love geeky old people.
xoxo
Atiqah
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
survival of the fittest
Before i dive into the story, i'd like to give a bit of background on my class - my class is called Direct Entry Medicine year 4 or just 4th meds for short. We're the people who got into medical school with our a-level/IB/irish leaving certs. there are also many people who already have degrees (qualified pharmacists, accountants, economists etc.). The 4th meds are people who have to do 5 years of medical school.
Now, there are also the GEM 3s - Graduate Entry Medicine year 3 - these are the people who got into medical school with a background of a science degree, so they get to skip subjects here and there and only have to do 4 years of medical school.
This year,the two classes are fully merged into just one class because the GEMs did what we did in our first 3 years in only 2 years (the don't really have any summer break at all).
The major problem this causes is that there are wayyy too many people in our class (approximately 180 - the current first year only have 100+) . Being in the lecture hall with a massive amount of people isn't too bad - even though it gets way too intimidating to ever ask any question - the worst part is that there are so many of us in the wards.
The medical school did their best to spread people around, but it still is a problem. We're all fighting and competing to learn. If we were characters in the Hunger Games we'd be brutally murdering each other right now.
To give you a better understanding of how competitive things get, I will now tell you what happened to me today.
After my scheduled tutorial I went straight into theatre, skipping lunch so I can get there early and not miss the surgery again today (I missed it yesterday - not because of lunch, but because I got lost. tsk tsk). When I get there I was so relieved to see that I was the only medical student there. As I was about to observe a cataract surgery, Ali walked in. There can only be one student who can watch the procedure at one time, so Ali had to just stand there waiting for the first one to be over while I stood next to the surgeon.
Before the surgery was over, another Aly walked in (all of the Kuwaiti men are called Ali, the way all Malaysian men are Muhammads), making 3 of us in the theatre.
I left right after the first one was over because I know there were only three scheduled procedures that afternoon - which means there's only one for each of us.
So I walked down to the outpatients to be with any one of the ophtalmologists during their clinics - there were only two of them then, and both already had students in their rooms.
Feeling rather defeated, I went up to the wards and thankfully found myself a patient with a really good history who have not met any of the medical students and so was not grumpy and tired.
After I was done with him (LOL no pun intended) I walked out of the ward and bumped into Kak Amy. We were walking down the hall and as we were passing a bunch of my classmates, Kak Amy stopped to tell me (in English) that she has an interesting patient for me to examine, if I want to. The group of 4th Meds we were standing by suddenly fell silent and they were all staring at me like vultures, and were obviously straining their ears to hear the patient name. When Kak Amy said goodbye and left, I turned to one of them to borrow a pentorch and the girl standing next to me actually stretched her neck to peek at my notebook to see the patient details Kak Amy just gave me!
Uuuurgh. I had a lot of things going on today that I have to get done so I have to leave it until tomorrow, and I KNOW one of them would've stolen my patient by then. And it's a neurology patient, which means the examination takes a long time and a lot of effort on the patient's part, so there's a very slim chance she'd want to do the whole thing twice :'(
Competitive medical students are competitive.
Getting Past OK : still 40! There are some quotes I really like that I want to write on this blog, will get on to that...eventually.
Now, there are also the GEM 3s - Graduate Entry Medicine year 3 - these are the people who got into medical school with a background of a science degree, so they get to skip subjects here and there and only have to do 4 years of medical school.
This year,the two classes are fully merged into just one class because the GEMs did what we did in our first 3 years in only 2 years (the don't really have any summer break at all).
The major problem this causes is that there are wayyy too many people in our class (approximately 180 - the current first year only have 100+) . Being in the lecture hall with a massive amount of people isn't too bad - even though it gets way too intimidating to ever ask any question - the worst part is that there are so many of us in the wards.
The medical school did their best to spread people around, but it still is a problem. We're all fighting and competing to learn. If we were characters in the Hunger Games we'd be brutally murdering each other right now.
To give you a better understanding of how competitive things get, I will now tell you what happened to me today.
After my scheduled tutorial I went straight into theatre, skipping lunch so I can get there early and not miss the surgery again today (I missed it yesterday - not because of lunch, but because I got lost. tsk tsk). When I get there I was so relieved to see that I was the only medical student there. As I was about to observe a cataract surgery, Ali walked in. There can only be one student who can watch the procedure at one time, so Ali had to just stand there waiting for the first one to be over while I stood next to the surgeon.
Before the surgery was over, another Aly walked in (all of the Kuwaiti men are called Ali, the way all Malaysian men are Muhammads), making 3 of us in the theatre.
I left right after the first one was over because I know there were only three scheduled procedures that afternoon - which means there's only one for each of us.
So I walked down to the outpatients to be with any one of the ophtalmologists during their clinics - there were only two of them then, and both already had students in their rooms.
Feeling rather defeated, I went up to the wards and thankfully found myself a patient with a really good history who have not met any of the medical students and so was not grumpy and tired.
After I was done with him (LOL no pun intended) I walked out of the ward and bumped into Kak Amy. We were walking down the hall and as we were passing a bunch of my classmates, Kak Amy stopped to tell me (in English) that she has an interesting patient for me to examine, if I want to. The group of 4th Meds we were standing by suddenly fell silent and they were all staring at me like vultures, and were obviously straining their ears to hear the patient name. When Kak Amy said goodbye and left, I turned to one of them to borrow a pentorch and the girl standing next to me actually stretched her neck to peek at my notebook to see the patient details Kak Amy just gave me!
Uuuurgh. I had a lot of things going on today that I have to get done so I have to leave it until tomorrow, and I KNOW one of them would've stolen my patient by then. And it's a neurology patient, which means the examination takes a long time and a lot of effort on the patient's part, so there's a very slim chance she'd want to do the whole thing twice :'(
Competitive medical students are competitive.
Getting Past OK : still 40! There are some quotes I really like that I want to write on this blog, will get on to that...eventually.
Monday, September 20, 2010
pictures that paint stories rather half-heartedly
why hello hello.
i always worry Ain by (almost always) sounding depressing in my blog, but i'm alright, really. i just write more when i'm at my lower points in life.
so Ain, if you're reading this, by any chance, don't worry, k? and i miss you, by the way.
so anyway. today i wanna talk about pictures.
i think i've always been the kind of person who wants to be in pictures because i want to have the memory immortalized in print (or, in the case of the modern days, in facebook). but i'm always put off by the throng of friends who like to jump in everyone's pictures...when they start doing the run-to-where-the-camera-is-pointing thing, i will tend to just stay out of the picture.
and i'm also the type who can't stand people who have 50 pictures of their face with 0.2mm's worth of background in their profile picture album. i can't even...just...no.
but, lately i realized that i haven't many pictures of myself looking presentable. my pictures usually look like this
or this
or this
while there's no denying my habit of morphing into a four-year-old when taking a picture, i sometimes take normal ones too, only it usually look like this
or this
or even worse, this
i don't know whether this is just a manifestation of me realizing that i do not photograph very well, or an expression of my insecure-self, or just me being the low profile antisocial geek that i am.
all of these factors make finding pictures of me to, for example, give to the class rep for the year book, a rather difficult task.
very rarely, i will take pictures that end up like this
or this
but these kind of pictures make me feel like head-desking myself towards a lethal brain haemorrhage.
and then, very, very, very, rarely...i'd luck into this
and this
it's a problem that will plague me for the rest of my life.
after all the above rants...i think the picture that represents what i look like every day is this
mata sepet, senyum penat, glasses, white coat and stethoscope.
my name is Atiqah and i'm your average 23 year old girl :)
p.s. writing this entry made me realize the sheer volume of pictures that i lost when my laptop crashed last year.
i always worry Ain by (almost always) sounding depressing in my blog, but i'm alright, really. i just write more when i'm at my lower points in life.
so Ain, if you're reading this, by any chance, don't worry, k? and i miss you, by the way.
so anyway. today i wanna talk about pictures.
i think i've always been the kind of person who wants to be in pictures because i want to have the memory immortalized in print (or, in the case of the modern days, in facebook). but i'm always put off by the throng of friends who like to jump in everyone's pictures...when they start doing the run-to-where-the-camera-is-pointing thing, i will tend to just stay out of the picture.
and i'm also the type who can't stand people who have 50 pictures of their face with 0.2mm's worth of background in their profile picture album. i can't even...just...no.
but, lately i realized that i haven't many pictures of myself looking presentable. my pictures usually look like this
or this
or this
while there's no denying my habit of morphing into a four-year-old when taking a picture, i sometimes take normal ones too, only it usually look like this
or this
or even worse, this
i don't know whether this is just a manifestation of me realizing that i do not photograph very well, or an expression of my insecure-self, or just me being the low profile antisocial geek that i am.
all of these factors make finding pictures of me to, for example, give to the class rep for the year book, a rather difficult task.
very rarely, i will take pictures that end up like this
or this
but these kind of pictures make me feel like head-desking myself towards a lethal brain haemorrhage.
and then, very, very, very, rarely...i'd luck into this
and this
it's a problem that will plague me for the rest of my life.
after all the above rants...i think the picture that represents what i look like every day is this
mata sepet, senyum penat, glasses, white coat and stethoscope.my name is Atiqah and i'm your average 23 year old girl :)
p.s. writing this entry made me realize the sheer volume of pictures that i lost when my laptop crashed last year.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
way more difficult than i anticipated
the 100th post is written. it's final.
my firefox foxclocks now only show two timezones; Ireland, and Malaysia.
i no longer have a red Geisha doll standing on my windowsill.
Atiqah
Getting Past OK : page 40 (5 pages in a week - major fail)
my firefox foxclocks now only show two timezones; Ireland, and Malaysia.
i no longer have a red Geisha doll standing on my windowsill.
Atiqah
Getting Past OK : page 40 (5 pages in a week - major fail)
waiting for my real life to begin
Any minute now my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
And I'll stand on the bow
And feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down, down, down on me
And you said,"Be still, my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in"
Don't you understand?
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
When I awoke today suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path
And up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my own footsteps once again
And you say,"Just be here now
Forget about the past
Your mask is wearing thin"
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
Any minute now my ship is coming in
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
sold and too late.
I accepted my ex's fifth friend request after rejecting it time and time again out of sheer hatred and anger and menyampahness and also just for the fact that I really don't want to be friends with him again. What? The guy's a massive jerk and threw me into the deepest of relationshit pits. And he's also partially insane.
Ok he's not really insane, but whatever.
Anyway. I thought since its Ramadhan and because I'm no angel myself and have hurt many many people (a few of which have not yet forgiven me), and I also thought of the time when this former friend of mine who hated my guts sent a friend request as a sign of truce and how it made me really happy - I thought I'd accept his friend request in return, as pay it forward.
That sentence doesn't make any sense at all ahahahaha adeiii.
So kesimpulannya I accepted his friend request last night. And already he's being weird on my wall. MAKE HIM STOP T_____T
To be fair, he's not being THAT weird, it's just that his threshold of being weird in my head is much lower than everybody else's.
I just...wish he wouldn't try to be my friend again, and I wish it's enough for him that I forgive him and I also pray to God he wouldn't start commenting on every single thing I post after this and maybe he would even start to ignore me! That would be fantastic.
*prays*
p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAKWE!!! I sent you a tweet bc I don't want my birthday wish to drown in the sea of facebook wall wishes. I hope you had (/are having) a great one!! Love you lots lots lots.
p.p.s. please read this entry with my dry sense of humor in mind!
Getting Past OK: still page 35
Ok he's not really insane, but whatever.
Anyway. I thought since its Ramadhan and because I'm no angel myself and have hurt many many people (a few of which have not yet forgiven me), and I also thought of the time when this former friend of mine who hated my guts sent a friend request as a sign of truce and how it made me really happy - I thought I'd accept his friend request in return, as pay it forward.
That sentence doesn't make any sense at all ahahahaha adeiii.
So kesimpulannya I accepted his friend request last night. And already he's being weird on my wall. MAKE HIM STOP T_____T
To be fair, he's not being THAT weird, it's just that his threshold of being weird in my head is much lower than everybody else's.
I just...wish he wouldn't try to be my friend again, and I wish it's enough for him that I forgive him and I also pray to God he wouldn't start commenting on every single thing I post after this and maybe he would even start to ignore me! That would be fantastic.
*prays*
p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAKWE!!! I sent you a tweet bc I don't want my birthday wish to drown in the sea of facebook wall wishes. I hope you had (/are having) a great one!! Love you lots lots lots.
p.p.s. please read this entry with my dry sense of humor in mind!
Getting Past OK: still page 35
Monday, September 6, 2010
the weather hates me because i called it gross
Throwing stuff all over the place, hastily pinning her hijab in a barely-acceptable presentation, the girl silently cursed her habit of doing everything last minute. It was nearly three, and she was about to be late for her lecture.
I need to finish reading that stupid Getting Past OK book to get out of this vicious cycle. She thought to herself.
She peeked out her window to see if it was raining - who was she kidding? this is Ireland she is living in, the rain is some sort of an outlandish powerful being over here. Invisible, silent. It attacks you out of nowhere, and the next thing you know you're soaking wet, wishing socks and pants had never been created.
But I digressed. It wasn't raining (or so she thought). Grabbing her bag, the girl ran downstairs and slammed the front door shut as soon as she was out.
Two minutes into the long-stretch-of-road-with-no-place-to-seek-refuge walk, it started to pour. I mean it actually poured cats and dogs and sheeps and whatnots. I'm talking east coast Malaysia tengkujuh sort of rain here. Visible and audible and even with bits of hail! good God.
In a pathetic attempt to rescue herself from the insane shower, the girl ran down the hill as fast as she could, holding her (totally not waterproof) fake Kipling backpack with one hand and holding the hood of her jacket with the other.
Needless to say, all that running was just a waste of precious calories. By the time she got to the sliding door of the hospital, she was dripping wet from head to toe. Looking like an absolute freak show (because it only just started raining, and everybody else got there early so they were as dry as an ikan kering), she walked into the lecture hall.
The good news is, the lecturer wasn't there yet.
As she was walking up the stairs to her usual seat, she heard a voice yelling her name among the noisy chatter of the hall. She ignored it, since she was too busy feeling sorry for herself and trying to hold her composure and not take off her pants in the middle of the lecture hall because it was wet to the point that it stuck to her skin and threatened to cause her hypothermia.
'ATIQAAHH!!!!!!!!!' that voice again. she turned and saw a freakishly tall Irish boy with blonde hair grinning sheepishly at her.
'What!?' she yelled in reply, rather annoyed.
The boy pointed at her soaking-self, tilted his head back and laughed his bloody tonsils off.
'GOD, Sheehan!' the girl yelled again, throwing her arms out in an exasperated manner, calling the boy by his last name.
What a jerkface. She thought to herself.
This is going to be a trying year for her, being stuck in the same class and in the same group with her former love-hate friend John Robert Sheehan all over again. He moved on to second year while she repeated first year in 2006, but last year he took the year off from medical school to take some other classes to qualify him for a double degree.
So now he's back in her life, tormenting her every day with his big giant 6"2 self.
Anyway. The girl walked away from him, walked up the stairs and sat down on her seat at the middle row. She unzipped her backpack to take her notepad and pen, and gasped in sadness/horror.
Her copy of Getting Past OK is ruined.
Getting Past OK : page 35
I need to finish reading that stupid Getting Past OK book to get out of this vicious cycle. She thought to herself.
She peeked out her window to see if it was raining - who was she kidding? this is Ireland she is living in, the rain is some sort of an outlandish powerful being over here. Invisible, silent. It attacks you out of nowhere, and the next thing you know you're soaking wet, wishing socks and pants had never been created.
But I digressed. It wasn't raining (or so she thought). Grabbing her bag, the girl ran downstairs and slammed the front door shut as soon as she was out.
Two minutes into the long-stretch-of-road-with-no-place-to-seek-refuge walk, it started to pour. I mean it actually poured cats and dogs and sheeps and whatnots. I'm talking east coast Malaysia tengkujuh sort of rain here. Visible and audible and even with bits of hail! good God.
In a pathetic attempt to rescue herself from the insane shower, the girl ran down the hill as fast as she could, holding her (totally not waterproof) fake Kipling backpack with one hand and holding the hood of her jacket with the other.
Needless to say, all that running was just a waste of precious calories. By the time she got to the sliding door of the hospital, she was dripping wet from head to toe. Looking like an absolute freak show (because it only just started raining, and everybody else got there early so they were as dry as an ikan kering), she walked into the lecture hall.
The good news is, the lecturer wasn't there yet.
As she was walking up the stairs to her usual seat, she heard a voice yelling her name among the noisy chatter of the hall. She ignored it, since she was too busy feeling sorry for herself and trying to hold her composure and not take off her pants in the middle of the lecture hall because it was wet to the point that it stuck to her skin and threatened to cause her hypothermia.
'ATIQAAHH!!!!!!!!!' that voice again. she turned and saw a freakishly tall Irish boy with blonde hair grinning sheepishly at her.
'What!?' she yelled in reply, rather annoyed.
The boy pointed at her soaking-self, tilted his head back and laughed his bloody tonsils off.
'GOD, Sheehan!' the girl yelled again, throwing her arms out in an exasperated manner, calling the boy by his last name.
What a jerkface. She thought to herself.
This is going to be a trying year for her, being stuck in the same class and in the same group with her former love-hate friend John Robert Sheehan all over again. He moved on to second year while she repeated first year in 2006, but last year he took the year off from medical school to take some other classes to qualify him for a double degree.
So now he's back in her life, tormenting her every day with his big giant 6"2 self.
Anyway. The girl walked away from him, walked up the stairs and sat down on her seat at the middle row. She unzipped her backpack to take her notepad and pen, and gasped in sadness/horror.
Her copy of Getting Past OK is ruined.
Getting Past OK : page 35
Friday, September 3, 2010
annoyances #1
atiq : atiq tak sedar langsung akak kejut the first time! *eats sahur*
anon1* : ye ke...nasib baik akak kejut lagi sekali.
anon2* : tido lambat ke?
atiq : a'ah
anon2 : pukul berapa?
atiq : satu
anon2 : saya tido pukul dua
atiq - dalam hati : SO? doesn't make me sleeping at one any earlier, does it?
luar hati : oo *senyum*
I should clarify though that sleeping at one is not late for me if it's not for the tiring 8.30-6.00 lectures and fasting from 4.30-8.30
I should also maybe clarify that anon2 is a lovely person, just maybe too competitive with a somewhat failing interpersonal skill.
I wonder if I unknowingly annoy people, too. I probably do.
Patience : I need to have more of them.
Getting Past OK : page 6
*name omitted for obvious reasons
anon1* : ye ke...nasib baik akak kejut lagi sekali.
anon2* : tido lambat ke?
atiq : a'ah
anon2 : pukul berapa?
atiq : satu
anon2 : saya tido pukul dua
atiq - dalam hati : SO? doesn't make me sleeping at one any earlier, does it?
luar hati : oo *senyum*
I should clarify though that sleeping at one is not late for me if it's not for the tiring 8.30-6.00 lectures and fasting from 4.30-8.30
I should also maybe clarify that anon2 is a lovely person, just maybe too competitive with a somewhat failing interpersonal skill.
I wonder if I unknowingly annoy people, too. I probably do.
Patience : I need to have more of them.
Getting Past OK : page 6
*name omitted for obvious reasons
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Revamping Thyself.
Hello hello.
I'm on a ROLL, yeah?
Haritu I wrote an entry about wanting to get my 16-year-old's Determination, right? People in the comments suggested that I just make a new me, which at first I didn't think was a good idea - but then I thought it might be a great idea to build an even better Determination for me, from scratch.
I was never an organized person. I'm all over the place and I procrastinate like its my job. Initially I blame it on my bringing up - there's no structure in my household, at all. I marvel at the fact that my friends have a solid schedule of housechores to do in between herself, her sister and her mom. When I first moved out of my house and to live in a dorm at boarding school, I was perplexed to see that most of my friends make their bed every morning, even when there isn't a dorm check due that day. So I realized that these people were trained by their parents to be disciplined and organized, and I wasn't. I worked hard in school simply because I wanted to escape living under one roof with my dad. I know it sounds terrible, but I was just a kid and life seemed like hell at home back then.
But now I'm all grown up - nearly 23. Sampai bila I want to put the blame on my parents, right? It's about time I be in charge of my life and if I needed a change, I should actively pursue it. If I needed structure and organization, I will find it and train myself to achieve it.
So I tried calling my college's Psychiatry Department to make an appointment, but they haven't returned my call. Please don't be alarmed, they said on their website that they could help with organizing study plans, that's why I wanted an appointment.
Yesterday I went into town and bought two books from Waterstone's - Getting Past OK by Richard Brodie and Getting Things Done by David Allen. I'm going to start reading Getting Past OK first, and everytime I write an entry I would end it with an update on what page I'm on, to make sure I keep going. Though it most probably will be really slow in these two weeks because I have lectures from 9-6 back to back, everyday!
xoxo
Atiqah
Getting Past OK : page 0
I'm on a ROLL, yeah?
Haritu I wrote an entry about wanting to get my 16-year-old's Determination, right? People in the comments suggested that I just make a new me, which at first I didn't think was a good idea - but then I thought it might be a great idea to build an even better Determination for me, from scratch.
I was never an organized person. I'm all over the place and I procrastinate like its my job. Initially I blame it on my bringing up - there's no structure in my household, at all. I marvel at the fact that my friends have a solid schedule of housechores to do in between herself, her sister and her mom. When I first moved out of my house and to live in a dorm at boarding school, I was perplexed to see that most of my friends make their bed every morning, even when there isn't a dorm check due that day. So I realized that these people were trained by their parents to be disciplined and organized, and I wasn't. I worked hard in school simply because I wanted to escape living under one roof with my dad. I know it sounds terrible, but I was just a kid and life seemed like hell at home back then.
But now I'm all grown up - nearly 23. Sampai bila I want to put the blame on my parents, right? It's about time I be in charge of my life and if I needed a change, I should actively pursue it. If I needed structure and organization, I will find it and train myself to achieve it.
So I tried calling my college's Psychiatry Department to make an appointment, but they haven't returned my call. Please don't be alarmed, they said on their website that they could help with organizing study plans, that's why I wanted an appointment.
Yesterday I went into town and bought two books from Waterstone's - Getting Past OK by Richard Brodie and Getting Things Done by David Allen. I'm going to start reading Getting Past OK first, and everytime I write an entry I would end it with an update on what page I'm on, to make sure I keep going. Though it most probably will be really slow in these two weeks because I have lectures from 9-6 back to back, everyday!
xoxo
Atiqah
Getting Past OK : page 0
Saturday, August 28, 2010
reminiscence is a funny word.
I used to think I would remember exactly what happened in my life and exactly what I write about it in my blog, so my 'writing so I can look back at the old days' will just be a ton of bull and it will all just be pointless.
But no. Sometimes I read through my old entries and when I get to the emo ambiguous ones, I actually haven't a clue what/who I was on about.
So yes. I write things so I can look back at the old days, and remember them.
For reals.
x
But no. Sometimes I read through my old entries and when I get to the emo ambiguous ones, I actually haven't a clue what/who I was on about.
So yes. I write things so I can look back at the old days, and remember them.
For reals.
x
Blood is thicker than water.
"Hello?"
"Hello darling. How are you?"
"I'm okay. Nda Chik sihat?"
"Nda Chik sihat jah...when are you going back dear?"
"This sunday, Nda Chik"
"Oh...aren't you coming to KL before you go?"
"Not this year, flight Atiq connecting terus from KB-KL-London. Tok dey nok gi jupo Nda Chik...sorry Nda Chik."
"I see. It's okay. Well then, I just wanted to wish you good luck for your exams. Nda Chik doa ko Atiq kat Mekoh haritu."
"Thanks Nda Chik, I really appreciate that."
"Hello darling. How are you?"
"I'm okay. Nda Chik sihat?"
"Nda Chik sihat jah...when are you going back dear?"
"This sunday, Nda Chik"
"Oh...aren't you coming to KL before you go?"
"Not this year, flight Atiq connecting terus from KB-KL-London. Tok dey nok gi jupo Nda Chik...sorry Nda Chik."
"I see. It's okay. Well then, I just wanted to wish you good luck for your exams. Nda Chik doa ko Atiq kat Mekoh haritu."
"Thanks Nda Chik, I really appreciate that."
* * *
"Hello?"
"Atiq?"
"Hai Nda We. How are you?"
"I'm okay, thanks. When are you going back to Ireland?"
"Reeeaaally early tomorrow morning, before Subuh lagi. Bakpo Nda We?"
"La yo ko. Nda We nok buat tahlil ko Tokku, ajok ustazah bagi tazkirah Ramadhan semo. tok dey Atiq nok mari."
"Tu lah, I know. Sorry Nda We. Atiq tok rajing pun gi rumoh baru Nda We."
"Nda We sajo call Atiq sebab I heard you were going back. I just wanted to personally thank you for all that you've done for your grandfather. Nda We tok caro ore laing kato gapo, they didn't see how Atiq jago Tokku, how Opie jago Tokku. I am really greatful that you were there for him"
"...I...uhm. You're welcome. I...I wanted to."
"La Atiq nok gi doh ko?"
"Ku."
"Ayahnda bui doh ko juboh Tokku hok Nda Jah wi tu ko Atiq? Atiq kato Atiq nok key hari tu?"
"Ku, ado doh. Terimo kurnio Nda Jah."
"Hmm."
"Ku."
"Ayahnda bui doh ko juboh Tokku hok Nda Jah wi tu ko Atiq? Atiq kato Atiq nok key hari tu?"
"Ku, ado doh. Terimo kurnio Nda Jah."
"Hmm."
* * *
"Hello?"
"Atiq?"
"Hai Nda We. How are you?"
"I'm okay, thanks. When are you going back to Ireland?"
"Reeeaaally early tomorrow morning, before Subuh lagi. Bakpo Nda We?"
"La yo ko. Nda We nok buat tahlil ko Tokku, ajok ustazah bagi tazkirah Ramadhan semo. tok dey Atiq nok mari."
"Tu lah, I know. Sorry Nda We. Atiq tok rajing pun gi rumoh baru Nda We."
"Nda We sajo call Atiq sebab I heard you were going back. I just wanted to personally thank you for all that you've done for your grandfather. Nda We tok caro ore laing kato gapo, they didn't see how Atiq jago Tokku, how Opie jago Tokku. I am really greatful that you were there for him"
"...I...uhm. You're welcome. I...I wanted to."
* * *
Dear Tokku.
Even though most of what you cried for when you were lying on your bed, worried about what might happen when you finally leave us, has actually happened. All is not lost. The family is still holding, albeit shaky and fragile. I will always try and keep a good front with everyone no matter how difficult or complicated things get, because I know it's what you would want of me. Because I know you were worried bonds will break and ties will unravel, and I won't let it happen. At least not from my part of the deal.
Love. Atiq.
Even though most of what you cried for when you were lying on your bed, worried about what might happen when you finally leave us, has actually happened. All is not lost. The family is still holding, albeit shaky and fragile. I will always try and keep a good front with everyone no matter how difficult or complicated things get, because I know it's what you would want of me. Because I know you were worried bonds will break and ties will unravel, and I won't let it happen. At least not from my part of the deal.
Love. Atiq.
Friday, August 27, 2010
save money, save face.
everyday i check for my results.
by everyday i mean today because my exam just finished yesterday lolwut?
anyway. i was going to tell you about my money saving plans for this year. getting only school fees without any allowance at all from MARA next year means only one thing : i must starve to death this year in order to save up enough to be able to pay for rent and some food next year.
by starving to death i mean spend economically.
i'm the type of person who would buy anything that i like when it comes to things that i need. i don't spend money on frivolous things or on unnecessary amounts of shoes or handbags, but when i do, i spend big.
for example i'd refuse to wear anything but Clarks to hospital because anything else hurts my feet.
and i'm the kind of person who would buy the Colgate Total Whitening Super Clean We're Ripping You Off in the shiny silver box instead of Colgate White in a sad, plain, white box.
this principal applies to most of my things - cereal, pen, softener, biscuits, mayonaisse - i don't buy more than i need, but i almost always buy the more expensive ones, rationalizing it as 'i will like it and will use/eat all of it instead of giving it to someone else halfway through' or 'this is a brilliant investment'.
yeah, i know. i'm annoyed at myself, too.
so last time i went shopping, i put on my You Need To Save Some Money, Crazy Woman imaginary hat on and browsed through the aisles in Dunnes, painfully looking at reduced price and promotional items. picking the sad, plain, white box of Colgate instead of the pretty shiny silver one. reaching for Dunnes' full-of-sugar fake-corn frosted flakes instead of my usual cholesterol reducing Nestle Almond Oatflakes.
i won't lie guys, i nearly cried. it was pretty sad.
(#dramaqueen)
anyway. i don't mean to sound unthankful. just humoring myself with how stupid i was in Dunnes the other day. i'm glad at least i still have food.
when i got to the cashpoint i was pretty proud of the total amount i spent - WAY less than what i'm used to.
so let's hope i can keep this up and save roughly half of my allowance - E400 - per month. so i can pay my own rent next year and not live under my friends' roof at their mercy.
i'll keep you updated on my progress.
(it was also sad to put only half-tudung botol of softener into the washing machine just now, instead of my usuall full-tudung botol, tsk tsk tsk)
p.s. i'm ashamed to say i bought Panadol Advance in the shiny blue box instead of some other cheap paracetamol brands, out of habit. frequent migraine attacks in Ireland means i shop for Panadol along with my usual groceries, yes.
xoxo
Atiqah
by everyday i mean today because my exam just finished yesterday lolwut?
anyway. i was going to tell you about my money saving plans for this year. getting only school fees without any allowance at all from MARA next year means only one thing : i must starve to death this year in order to save up enough to be able to pay for rent and some food next year.
by starving to death i mean spend economically.
i'm the type of person who would buy anything that i like when it comes to things that i need. i don't spend money on frivolous things or on unnecessary amounts of shoes or handbags, but when i do, i spend big.
for example i'd refuse to wear anything but Clarks to hospital because anything else hurts my feet.
and i'm the kind of person who would buy the Colgate Total Whitening Super Clean We're Ripping You Off in the shiny silver box instead of Colgate White in a sad, plain, white box.
this principal applies to most of my things - cereal, pen, softener, biscuits, mayonaisse - i don't buy more than i need, but i almost always buy the more expensive ones, rationalizing it as 'i will like it and will use/eat all of it instead of giving it to someone else halfway through' or 'this is a brilliant investment'.
yeah, i know. i'm annoyed at myself, too.
so last time i went shopping, i put on my You Need To Save Some Money, Crazy Woman imaginary hat on and browsed through the aisles in Dunnes, painfully looking at reduced price and promotional items. picking the sad, plain, white box of Colgate instead of the pretty shiny silver one. reaching for Dunnes' full-of-sugar fake-corn frosted flakes instead of my usual cholesterol reducing Nestle Almond Oatflakes.
i won't lie guys, i nearly cried. it was pretty sad.
(#dramaqueen)
anyway. i don't mean to sound unthankful. just humoring myself with how stupid i was in Dunnes the other day. i'm glad at least i still have food.
when i got to the cashpoint i was pretty proud of the total amount i spent - WAY less than what i'm used to.
so let's hope i can keep this up and save roughly half of my allowance - E400 - per month. so i can pay my own rent next year and not live under my friends' roof at their mercy.
i'll keep you updated on my progress.
(it was also sad to put only half-tudung botol of softener into the washing machine just now, instead of my usuall full-tudung botol, tsk tsk tsk)
p.s. i'm ashamed to say i bought Panadol Advance in the shiny blue box instead of some other cheap paracetamol brands, out of habit. frequent migraine attacks in Ireland means i shop for Panadol along with my usual groceries, yes.
xoxo
Atiqah
Thursday, August 26, 2010
the people that matters.
Hey.
So I went and sat for that last oral exam earlier today. I had to wait for two whole hours and my nerves was making me feel ill. It was obvious that i looked exactly like how I felt, because the invigilator was genuinely concerned when she asked whether I was alright.
When I walked into that room, Professor Parfrey smiled and held out his hand and said, as is customary for people of the Irish descent,
'Hello how are you?'
Just like that, with no comma after the hello.
'Good thanks' I lied, and shook his hand.
Professor Hogan, standing right beside him, then held out his hand with a beaming smile on his face. One would think I was there to qualify as top of my class, instead of repeating an exam. I reckon there wasn't much of a difference between the two, though I wouldn't know for sure. He said,
'Hello how are you?'
'Good thanks' I lied again.
then we sat down, and Prof Parfrey began the oral session with,
'Can you tell me about the different classes of anaemia?'
and then it was my turn to beam. I rehearsed this question with Nisa last night.
oh, did I say? I went to her place last night and made her and Dayah stay up late and then stay up after subuh to help me revise. They had my back when I needed them, and I couldn't thank them enough.
I stumbled on a few of the questions, such as this one;
'Do you, by any chance, know the antibodies involved in autoimmune thyroiditis?' Prof Hogan queried.
'I don't. But I can tell you the antibodies involved in autoimmune gastritis.' I smiled. Hopeful, cheeky.
'Alright, tell me about that, then.'
I realized by the end of the oral exam that I did somewhat better than I thought I would, and after I finished answering the final question, Prof Parfrey said;
'Wow, you've learned a lot this summer haven't you?'
I did.
Whatever it is God has fated for me after this, I hope I have the courtesy to say alhamdulillah, or the strength and courage to say astaghfirullah.
Atiqah
So I went and sat for that last oral exam earlier today. I had to wait for two whole hours and my nerves was making me feel ill. It was obvious that i looked exactly like how I felt, because the invigilator was genuinely concerned when she asked whether I was alright.
When I walked into that room, Professor Parfrey smiled and held out his hand and said, as is customary for people of the Irish descent,
'Hello how are you?'
Just like that, with no comma after the hello.
'Good thanks' I lied, and shook his hand.
Professor Hogan, standing right beside him, then held out his hand with a beaming smile on his face. One would think I was there to qualify as top of my class, instead of repeating an exam. I reckon there wasn't much of a difference between the two, though I wouldn't know for sure. He said,
'Hello how are you?'
'Good thanks' I lied again.
then we sat down, and Prof Parfrey began the oral session with,
'Can you tell me about the different classes of anaemia?'
and then it was my turn to beam. I rehearsed this question with Nisa last night.
oh, did I say? I went to her place last night and made her and Dayah stay up late and then stay up after subuh to help me revise. They had my back when I needed them, and I couldn't thank them enough.
I stumbled on a few of the questions, such as this one;
'Do you, by any chance, know the antibodies involved in autoimmune thyroiditis?' Prof Hogan queried.
'I don't. But I can tell you the antibodies involved in autoimmune gastritis.' I smiled. Hopeful, cheeky.
'Alright, tell me about that, then.'
I realized by the end of the oral exam that I did somewhat better than I thought I would, and after I finished answering the final question, Prof Parfrey said;
'Wow, you've learned a lot this summer haven't you?'
I did.
Whatever it is God has fated for me after this, I hope I have the courtesy to say alhamdulillah, or the strength and courage to say astaghfirullah.
Atiqah
Friday, August 20, 2010
langit biru musim panas
hai semua orang. atau. hai tiada orang.
sorry dah lama tak blog. it's a long story. atiq baru balik from my autumn papers. that's right. i'm sitting for the autumn exams again this year.
i don't know what's wrong with me. sekarang hidup tak bermotivasi macam dulu. atiq ingat lagi masa SPM dulu, i was so hardworking. masa dekat KMB yang gila nak mati susah tu, i had A LOT of (highly intelligent) people helping me out when the teachers gave up on me. when i gave up on myself.
but not masa atiq kat msrm pc. i barely had any friends there. i mean, i had friends, for sure. but they're not my friend friend, if you know what i mean. i did it solely with Allah. i even went for qiamullail at the surau regularly, can you believe it? i didn't get much help from my friends, i didn't have a study group. it was just me, God, and a rock-solid determination for success.
i broke a LOT of the school rules, but i worked my arse off back then. i remember sleepless nights solving an endless list of math problems, shouting to myself behind block C trying to memorize the Periodic Table, sitting by myself outside my dorm for the light at 3am.
when did all of that go? when did i start losing myself? i want my determination back. i want to be that person i was when i was barely sixteen. focused, hardworking, reflective.
med school is beginning to hurt me...it's just really difficult. i'd be lying to say there aren't times when i absolutely hated my parents for pushing me this way. but i don't want to live in what ifs. this is the path i have chosen and i must make the best of it.
i need to find myself. i need to find that sixteen year old Atiqah again, and i know she's still here. somewhere, waiting.
i need to find a reason to be struggling this much and to keep fighting so i won't be so vulnerable.
i need a new me.
asap.
sorry dah lama tak blog. it's a long story. atiq baru balik from my autumn papers. that's right. i'm sitting for the autumn exams again this year.
i don't know what's wrong with me. sekarang hidup tak bermotivasi macam dulu. atiq ingat lagi masa SPM dulu, i was so hardworking. masa dekat KMB yang gila nak mati susah tu, i had A LOT of (highly intelligent) people helping me out when the teachers gave up on me. when i gave up on myself.
but not masa atiq kat msrm pc. i barely had any friends there. i mean, i had friends, for sure. but they're not my friend friend, if you know what i mean. i did it solely with Allah. i even went for qiamullail at the surau regularly, can you believe it? i didn't get much help from my friends, i didn't have a study group. it was just me, God, and a rock-solid determination for success.
i broke a LOT of the school rules, but i worked my arse off back then. i remember sleepless nights solving an endless list of math problems, shouting to myself behind block C trying to memorize the Periodic Table, sitting by myself outside my dorm for the light at 3am.
when did all of that go? when did i start losing myself? i want my determination back. i want to be that person i was when i was barely sixteen. focused, hardworking, reflective.
med school is beginning to hurt me...it's just really difficult. i'd be lying to say there aren't times when i absolutely hated my parents for pushing me this way. but i don't want to live in what ifs. this is the path i have chosen and i must make the best of it.
i need to find myself. i need to find that sixteen year old Atiqah again, and i know she's still here. somewhere, waiting.
i need to find a reason to be struggling this much and to keep fighting so i won't be so vulnerable.
i need a new me.
asap.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
rough patch in life
I miss being ridiculous with Opie at home, laughing and crying and worrying and just going through things together because we haven't done that in years.
I hate that she's going through a difficult time right now, but I'm faced with a very important exam and couldn't give her my full attention.
I got to go pray. Blog things will resume soon-ish, I promise.
Atiq
I hate that she's going through a difficult time right now, but I'm faced with a very important exam and couldn't give her my full attention.
I got to go pray. Blog things will resume soon-ish, I promise.
Atiq
Thursday, July 29, 2010
a translated version of some dialogues
"Ku Atiq, Ijey ni. Ijey nak gi rumah Ku Atiq, bawak durian. Ku Atiq santap durian kan?"
"Santap...susahkan Ijey je."
"Assalamualaikum, Ku Atiq? Ijey ni. Ijey nak gi lagi rumah Ku Atiq, bawak durian lagi. Abang Lah nak beli untuk Ku Atiq."
"Atiq baru pegi dusun buah semalam Ijey, kat rumah ada banyak durian. Susahkan Ijey je."
"Takpela Ku Atiq, sementara Ku Atiq ada ni, Abang Lah nak beli makanan untuk Ku Atiq."
"Masa tu Ijey suruh Abang Lah tebang je pokok kari tu sebab semak, tapi Abang Lah kata mana boleh, nanti Ku Atiq balik Ku Atiq mintak daun kari nak bawak pergi sana."
"Ye keee...pokok kari tu semak eh kat rumah Ijey?"
"Atiq balik Ireland 8 August,"
"Cepatnye!! tak sempat Ijey nak lepas rindu lagi..."
"Bye Ku Atiq! Nanti Ijey datang lagi, bawak Zulkifli untuk Ku Atiq main-main"
Ijey, taken into Ketani by my Ninda when she was small, given to Ayahnda to be our nanny. When she first got married and left our house I had high fever for about a week.
I call Zulfikli, her only son, Adik. And put his picture up in my Cinta Hati Pengarang Jantung section for weeks on end.
xoxo
Atiqah
"Santap...susahkan Ijey je."
"Assalamualaikum, Ku Atiq? Ijey ni. Ijey nak gi lagi rumah Ku Atiq, bawak durian lagi. Abang Lah nak beli untuk Ku Atiq."
"Atiq baru pegi dusun buah semalam Ijey, kat rumah ada banyak durian. Susahkan Ijey je."
"Takpela Ku Atiq, sementara Ku Atiq ada ni, Abang Lah nak beli makanan untuk Ku Atiq."
"Masa tu Ijey suruh Abang Lah tebang je pokok kari tu sebab semak, tapi Abang Lah kata mana boleh, nanti Ku Atiq balik Ku Atiq mintak daun kari nak bawak pergi sana."
"Ye keee...pokok kari tu semak eh kat rumah Ijey?"
"Atiq balik Ireland 8 August,"
"Cepatnye!! tak sempat Ijey nak lepas rindu lagi..."
"Bye Ku Atiq! Nanti Ijey datang lagi, bawak Zulkifli untuk Ku Atiq main-main"
Ijey, taken into Ketani by my Ninda when she was small, given to Ayahnda to be our nanny. When she first got married and left our house I had high fever for about a week.
I call Zulfikli, her only son, Adik. And put his picture up in my Cinta Hati Pengarang Jantung section for weeks on end.
xoxo
Atiqah
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
a different one than the others
Amir's a married man. I find it quite amusing. His side's reception will be on the 31st...I wonder how it'd feel like, going to the wedding of the boy I cried TONS and TONS of tears for for a whole week all those years ago. I think I'd probably feel amused. Because I'm a little bit messed up. Haha no really, it's because I'm well over him. I wonder what his parents would say...I hope they don't call me menantu tak jadi (you can never tell with his parents, they're so jeng sometimes. and I say that with love). That'd be tres awkward.
Ayahnda's getting madder and madder at Ngiau because she's so manja and loyal and likes to berlingkar-lingkar dekat kaki orang (sampai Atiq pernah tertendang dia sampai dia melayang-layang di awangan lols). So Mama pun sekarang dah membebel-bebel suruh Atiq pergi buang Ngiau dekat pasar because she doesn't want to wait until Ayahnda mengamuk. Sumpah sedih :(
Aite bye.
<3
Ayahnda's getting madder and madder at Ngiau because she's so manja and loyal and likes to berlingkar-lingkar dekat kaki orang (sampai Atiq pernah tertendang dia sampai dia melayang-layang di awangan lols). So Mama pun sekarang dah membebel-bebel suruh Atiq pergi buang Ngiau dekat pasar because she doesn't want to wait until Ayahnda mengamuk. Sumpah sedih :(
Aite bye.
<3
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
not royal at all / HAPPY BIRTHDAAAYYYY.
I've been talking to him/texting him all summer, and then I forgot his birthday. TYPICAL.
Happy Birthday Arih! I'm sorry I scared you with my puteri joke. I'm also sorry I always call you pendet and yell at you for no apparent reason. Thanks for holding on to your promise to never leave no matter how bad things get with me. Kalu nok cari gewe please don't forget to run her by me and Beha first for approval purposes k??
Good luck for the tampakkarya.com launch, I think you're an amazing photographer :)
please don't get mad at me for forgetting your birthday (again). you know i love you.
xoxo
Atiq
p.s. the picture that I have of you and I looked like it came from 50 years ago, haha. NOT uploading it!
Happy Birthday Arih! I'm sorry I scared you with my puteri joke. I'm also sorry I always call you pendet and yell at you for no apparent reason. Thanks for holding on to your promise to never leave no matter how bad things get with me. Kalu nok cari gewe please don't forget to run her by me and Beha first for approval purposes k??
Good luck for the tampakkarya.com launch, I think you're an amazing photographer :)
please don't get mad at me for forgetting your birthday (again). you know i love you.
xoxo
Atiq
p.s. the picture that I have of you and I looked like it came from 50 years ago, haha. NOT uploading it!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
summer break so far / uninspired.
dear blog.
i haven't been inspired to write about anything at all lately, hence the silence. life has been fairly uneventful, the chain of tahlils has ended. i wish i have some guy friends in kelate who's not working or in college or in his summer break but living in freaking Japan who could come.
takpela because towards the end tu ada the orphans so meriah sikit rumah tu. kalau tak attendees sikit je, kesian tengok makanan banyak-banyak, membazir. lagipun guna duit Tokku.
i can actually sense this entry ending up being really boring. siiiigh.
kalau korang bawak kereta, korang jadi garang tak? because i have this penyakit yang bila i bawak kereta je terus jadi hotheaded and kerja nak menjerit dekat driver lain je, yang sah-sah takkan dengar (namun mungkin nampak ekspresi muka borderline insane). padahal sendiri bawak kereta macam sepupu syaiton yang baru dapat lesen, yang sah-sah setiap hari kena maki dengan orang. rasa macam nak beli sticker orang kurang upaya yang warna oren tu dan tampal kat cermin belakang kereta. jamin tak kena maki.
also when i drive i would usually give way (when there's no car behind me or when there are LOADS behind me) to cars crossing T-junctions and pedestrians crossing the road, because this is what is expected of you when you drive in Cork and i was hoping the pay-it-forward system would build the same culture here. so haritu i gave way to ONE car yang nak cross and the car behind me freaking HONKED me macam orang gila. urgh. bini nak beranak kot.
kay rant over. you see how bland life has been lately. just same old family drama that i won't tell here, and the fact that i fell in love with a kucing liar and named it Ngiau. lepas tu semua orang cakap Atiq bagi nama lame gila kat dia. hey maybe i'll put her picture up in my cinta hati pengarang jantung section one of these days.
lots of love.
Atiq.
i haven't been inspired to write about anything at all lately, hence the silence. life has been fairly uneventful, the chain of tahlils has ended. i wish i have some guy friends in kelate who's not working or in college or in his summer break but living in freaking Japan who could come.
takpela because towards the end tu ada the orphans so meriah sikit rumah tu. kalau tak attendees sikit je, kesian tengok makanan banyak-banyak, membazir. lagipun guna duit Tokku.
i can actually sense this entry ending up being really boring. siiiigh.
kalau korang bawak kereta, korang jadi garang tak? because i have this penyakit yang bila i bawak kereta je terus jadi hotheaded and kerja nak menjerit dekat driver lain je, yang sah-sah takkan dengar (namun mungkin nampak ekspresi muka borderline insane). padahal sendiri bawak kereta macam sepupu syaiton yang baru dapat lesen, yang sah-sah setiap hari kena maki dengan orang. rasa macam nak beli sticker orang kurang upaya yang warna oren tu dan tampal kat cermin belakang kereta. jamin tak kena maki.
also when i drive i would usually give way (when there's no car behind me or when there are LOADS behind me) to cars crossing T-junctions and pedestrians crossing the road, because this is what is expected of you when you drive in Cork and i was hoping the pay-it-forward system would build the same culture here. so haritu i gave way to ONE car yang nak cross and the car behind me freaking HONKED me macam orang gila. urgh. bini nak beranak kot.
kay rant over. you see how bland life has been lately. just same old family drama that i won't tell here, and the fact that i fell in love with a kucing liar and named it Ngiau. lepas tu semua orang cakap Atiq bagi nama lame gila kat dia. hey maybe i'll put her picture up in my cinta hati pengarang jantung section one of these days.
lots of love.
Atiq.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Dear Tokku,
Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujamu
Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu
Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa
Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna.. Sempurna..
Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Kau adalah darahku, kau adalah jantungku
Tokku passed away.
Tokku passed away.
It's not sinking in well. I saw his grave, I saw the leftover fresh milk and soy milk in the fridge. I saw the unopened pack of diapers for adults that Opie and I ran across Mydin to buy (both wearing kurungs), causing everyone to turn and stare in confusion.
At least this is better than when Anis passed away, I wasn't good to her, I didn't get to see her in the hospital, I didn't even remember what I said to her last.
Allah gave me a chance to do things the right way with Tokku. I was the last person to sleep beside him on his bed before he was admitted. I was the last person he had a real conversation with. I was the one who stood beside his bed in USM's A&E.
I was there. I was there for him. I was there for him and I'm glad.
He knew that I cared about him and I'm glad.
I never hear him say anything about me, but about two weeks before he went, he said 'hok nih hok baik sekali' to my uncle, pointing his hands to me.
I love you, Tokku. I hope you rest in peace.
Inna lillahi wainna ilaihi raaji'un.
Tokku passed away.
It's not sinking in well. I saw his grave, I saw the leftover fresh milk and soy milk in the fridge. I saw the unopened pack of diapers for adults that Opie and I ran across Mydin to buy (both wearing kurungs), causing everyone to turn and stare in confusion.
At least this is better than when Anis passed away, I wasn't good to her, I didn't get to see her in the hospital, I didn't even remember what I said to her last.
Allah gave me a chance to do things the right way with Tokku. I was the last person to sleep beside him on his bed before he was admitted. I was the last person he had a real conversation with. I was the one who stood beside his bed in USM's A&E.
I was there. I was there for him. I was there for him and I'm glad.
He knew that I cared about him and I'm glad.
I never hear him say anything about me, but about two weeks before he went, he said 'hok nih hok baik sekali' to my uncle, pointing his hands to me.
I love you, Tokku. I hope you rest in peace.
Inna lillahi wainna ilaihi raaji'un.
Friday, June 25, 2010
at the risk of being too much.
hey guys.
berhabuk gila tak blog ni?
i'm going through quite a lot right now, nak spell it out pun susah, rasa perit.
kepada semua smoker yang baca blog ni (YOU. i made you quit once. quit again please?), have you any idea how selfish you are? nanti tua bila sakit bukan diri sendiri je yang seksa, orang keliling semua seksa having to see you go through that much pain, but not being able to do anything about it. just...quit. please. it's not worth all the pain you're risking yourself and your loved ones.
also, for what seemed like the first time ever, my heart ached for my dad today. i saw how my grandpa dissed him and pushed him away, walaupun initially ayahnda mengamuk juga (dua-dua hotheaded) tapi last-last mengalah, diam dan sabar. i doubt i will have enough patience to handle it if my father called me stupid but expect me to be at his beck and call 24/7.
grumpy sick grandpa is grumpy.
Atiqah
berhabuk gila tak blog ni?
i'm going through quite a lot right now, nak spell it out pun susah, rasa perit.
kepada semua smoker yang baca blog ni (YOU. i made you quit once. quit again please?), have you any idea how selfish you are? nanti tua bila sakit bukan diri sendiri je yang seksa, orang keliling semua seksa having to see you go through that much pain, but not being able to do anything about it. just...quit. please. it's not worth all the pain you're risking yourself and your loved ones.
also, for what seemed like the first time ever, my heart ached for my dad today. i saw how my grandpa dissed him and pushed him away, walaupun initially ayahnda mengamuk juga (dua-dua hotheaded) tapi last-last mengalah, diam dan sabar. i doubt i will have enough patience to handle it if my father called me stupid but expect me to be at his beck and call 24/7.
grumpy sick grandpa is grumpy.
Atiqah
Saturday, June 5, 2010
old school trains
we were driving up to the airport in the Honda Jazz Dr. Ismail left for us to use (he went back to Malaysia to get married) to get the two cars we're renting to drive up north to camp (and climb mountains, and go fishing, yeayy) when we saw thick black smoke billowing from the opposite direction. there were many theories
'ada benda terbakar ke?'
'hutan terbakar?'
'accident?'
'...keretapi ke?'
'huh?? takkan keretapi kot'
and then when we got closer we saw it; six or seven amazing old-school steam engines driving past us, releasing the thickest and blackest of smoke, with men dressed up like coal mine workers of the 60's sitting on them, grinning and waving at us.
sometimes life is just so epic.
'ada benda terbakar ke?'
'hutan terbakar?'
'accident?'
'...keretapi ke?'
'huh?? takkan keretapi kot'
and then when we got closer we saw it; six or seven amazing old-school steam engines driving past us, releasing the thickest and blackest of smoke, with men dressed up like coal mine workers of the 60's sitting on them, grinning and waving at us.
sometimes life is just so epic.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
'sisters know why you're in the mess you are in'
assalamualaikum blog.
i just got back from shopping for books as souvenirs for my sisters.
no, actually. that's a lie. i just woke up from the nap i took after i went into town to shop for books as souvenirs for my sisters.
i am really broke this year, for some reason. that's fine, Allah has destined my rizq to be that way. the problem comes, though, when it is time for me to go back home. because i do not have enough money to buy my (SIX) sisters their souvenirs.
so when the (ultra geek) Tengku Nadiah Liyana asked me to buy an agatha christie book for her, i suddenly got the idea to buy them cheap secondhand books for gifts. they're all with me with the idea, as i expected them to be (perhaps except for Opie who jokingly asked for a handbag instead; but she then texted me to get a Shakespearre compilation)
After getting their book preferences (i ignored Adik's wishlist kerana semuanya berbahasa Melayu. haih), i now have these in my room:
i am a proud sister to six smart ladies who didn't dissappoint me by saying they want, for example, one of the shopaholic series. i have nothing against bimbo books bc i read them as well, once in a while. i just expect more from mafasynz.
xoxo
Atiqah
i just got back from shopping for books as souvenirs for my sisters.
no, actually. that's a lie. i just woke up from the nap i took after i went into town to shop for books as souvenirs for my sisters.
i am really broke this year, for some reason. that's fine, Allah has destined my rizq to be that way. the problem comes, though, when it is time for me to go back home. because i do not have enough money to buy my (SIX) sisters their souvenirs.
so when the (ultra geek) Tengku Nadiah Liyana asked me to buy an agatha christie book for her, i suddenly got the idea to buy them cheap secondhand books for gifts. they're all with me with the idea, as i expected them to be (perhaps except for Opie who jokingly asked for a handbag instead; but she then texted me to get a Shakespearre compilation)
After getting their book preferences (i ignored Adik's wishlist kerana semuanya berbahasa Melayu. haih), i now have these in my room:
- 'Hugo and Josephine' - Maria Gripe
- A Series of Unfortunate Events : Book 13 - The End - Lemony Snicket
- Sherlock Holmes : The Complete Illustrated Novels - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
- Endless Night - Agatha Christie
- A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
- Planet Google - Randall Stross
- Dreams from My Father - Barack Obama
i am a proud sister to six smart ladies who didn't dissappoint me by saying they want, for example, one of the shopaholic series. i have nothing against bimbo books bc i read them as well, once in a while. i just expect more from mafasynz.
xoxo
Atiqah
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
BANYAK NAK MATI BENDA KENA BUAT
TOLONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
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ini entry meroyan saya
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bye.
juhw3q8ey32wrefhiskae2q
ini entry meroyan saya
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bye.
Monday, May 31, 2010
The least we can do
Qunut Nazilah
“Ya Allah, Sesungguhnya kami meletakkan-Mu di batang-batang leher musuh-musuh kami,
Dan kami berlindung dengan-Mu daripada kejahatan-kejahatan mereka,
Ya Allah, Leburkanlah kumpulan-kumpulan mereka, pecah belahkan dan kacau bilaukan persatuan mereka,
Goncangkan pendirian mereka ,
Dan hantarkanlah anjing-anjing kamu kepada mereka,
Wahai tuhan yang gagah perkasa!
Wahai tuhan yang penuh raksasa!
Wahai tuhan yang bersifat murka!
Ya Allah! Ya Allah! Ya Allah! Ya Allah!
Wahai Tuhan yang menurunkan kitab,
Wahai Tuhan yang mengarakkan awan,
Wahai tuhan yang menewaskan bala tentera Al-Ahzab,
Kalahkan mereka!
Kalahkan mereka!
Dan kami berlindung dengan-Mu daripada kejahatan-kejahatan mereka,
Ya Allah, Leburkanlah kumpulan-kumpulan mereka, pecah belahkan dan kacau bilaukan persatuan mereka,
Goncangkan pendirian mereka ,
Dan hantarkanlah anjing-anjing kamu kepada mereka,
Wahai tuhan yang gagah perkasa!
Wahai tuhan yang penuh raksasa!
Wahai tuhan yang bersifat murka!
Ya Allah! Ya Allah! Ya Allah! Ya Allah!
Wahai Tuhan yang menurunkan kitab,
Wahai Tuhan yang mengarakkan awan,
Wahai tuhan yang menewaskan bala tentera Al-Ahzab,
Kalahkan mereka!
Kalahkan mereka!
Kalahkan mereka Dan menangkan kami ke atas mereka!”
Tentera Israel menyerang konvoi kemanusiaan GAZA Freedom Flotilla. On board include people dari berbagai negara. Sebuah kapal datang dari Ireland. Para human rights activists dan mujahid Islam yang turut serta tiada satu senjata pun on board. Hanya makanan, ubatan, dan bantuan kemanusiaan yang lain. Apa yang 'Israel' takutkan sangat? Orang Yahudi memang pengecut. Dulu Allah suruh masuk Falestin, diorang suruh Nabi Musa pergi sendiri dengan Tuhan dia and then bila dah settle baru semula panggil diorang. Sekarang terhegeh-hegeh nak Falestin. Sampai bila pun takkan ada tanah untuk kaum paling kurang ajar dalam sejarah. Kemenangan zionist hanya sementara.
Berjuta muslim akan berdoa untuk kehancuran kau, 'Israel'.
Doa itu senjata kami.
Be afraid.
www.lifeline4gaza.org
edit : I know not all Jews are zionists. But Jews in general from the Quran memang kaum yang dilaknat.
Berjuta muslim akan berdoa untuk kehancuran kau, 'Israel'.
Doa itu senjata kami.
Be afraid.
www.lifeline4gaza.org
edit : I know not all Jews are zionists. But Jews in general from the Quran memang kaum yang dilaknat.
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