Chapter 1: Winter Retreat 2008 - Everything I had hoped for and more.

Assalamualaikum~

I went to Glasgow because MSM's Winter Retreat this year was held there. The exact location was Loch Lomond, which was simply breathtaking. The place we stayed in was like a castle or something. Last year's Winter Retreat was in a basketball court, and this year it's in a freakin' castle, haha. talk about improvements. here be a picture;

though that picture was blatantly taken in Summer, and this here date is definitely not Summer at all. well at least it didn't rain. i was the photographer and thus i took hundreds of pictures and have in total 3 pictures of myself. which is fine with me, surprisingly. i was also the PIC for the indoor game session we had, which drove me up the walls, honestly. it's not an easy task, designing a game yang berhikmah for nearly 200 people that has to be played indoors because it's winter so it gets dark by around 4pm. i uttered 'aarghh taknak dah in charge game lepas ni!' while I was preparing stuff needed for the game and i am absolutely ashamed of myself for saying it. at one point i even told the camp commandant that if the situation doesn't get any better i'm okay if the committees want to cancel my session, because we didn't have enough time, we didn't have enough people and we didn't have enough resources.

the game turned out fine in the end, biiznillah, and after i concluded it with the pengajaran and muhasabah, one of the fascis came up to me and told me i did a good job and that somebody cried listening to my conclusions. i was pleasantly surprised by this, for i am renowned to make lots of bolok mistakes when i am put in charge of things because i worry too much and very gelabah despite trying my best to remain calm.

and then, to my absolute joy, Dr MAZA, the (ex) Mufti, made it there for his session. to have the man who's writings i absolutely admire giving a talk in an event i was a committee of (walaupun hanya sekadar fotografer cabuk dan AJK indoor game) pretty much made my week, heck it probably even made my month!

i thought it couldn't have been any better, and then on the very last day, on the very last session, this woman gave a talk and she almost instantly became the Person I Want To Be When I Grow Up (PIWTBWIGU). She is everything i wish i could be, and she did everything i've been wanting to do since i was in high school. Her name, is Yvonne Ridley.

if you Wiki her you will know her background. this woman is incredible. she and a bunch of 'other ordinary people' sailed two boats filled with nothing else but aid from Cyprus (because that's the only country that would allow it) to the Gaza strip, despite threats from the Israeli government (towards them and towards their family). and she went and spoke to a Hamas leader. when she sailed back to Cyprus, she heard that five more boats were going to sail to Gaza with more aid. such was a difference she managed. however, yesterday, Palestinkini.info put up an article saying that a boat from Cyprus that was sailing to Gaza got under attack and there is yet to be news on how many is injured. How can the Israelis break all these international laws and get away with it? I just don't get it.

Anyway i went to speak to Yvonne Ridley after the talk (i didn't get to take a picture with her because there were tons of others swarming her) when everybody had to sit in groups for LDK (woohoo for being a committee and not a participant) and she's...she's just amazing. if you ever have a chance to go to one of her talks, please do so. it's the power of hearing about raw, first-hand experiences. it's just mind blowing.

till then.

Atiqah.

Palestine, dearest.

Palestinkini.info is your friend.

and this is your du'a. please. i don't care that i'm only saying this to 9 people.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/2677255/Doa-Qunut-Nazilah

Rasulullah pernah baca Qunut Nazilah, jadi ia bukanlah bid'ah. tapi oleh kerana saya budak baru belajar, saya tak ingat masa perang apa. adeyh.

I don't get the Israelis. Are they not human? How has mankind managed to become so selfish and evil? I'm reading a novel called The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas, and it's about the Holocaust.





it was horrifying, the things that the Nazis did to the Jews. what I don't get is why are the Israelis doing practically the same (if not worse) thing to the Palestinians? The Jews lived in peace in the Middle East back in the days when they were 2nd class citizens in the West, and murdered and tortured by the Germans. the Muslims are not responsible for the Holocaust, why are they doing this to us? have they not hearts to feel with?~

Atiqah

-dissapointed with what has become of the Ummah-

I'm home, and it's about the last day of 2008.

assalamualaikum lovelies :]

i just got back...and the things that i went through all along my winter holidays...they're surreal. a LOT of significant things happened (but more than a few times things that appear significant to me is actually nothing in the eyes of others, so if i were you i won't take my word on this) and i was blogging in my head all the time. the problem is that i have too much to say, and i'm afraid they won't be as interesting to you as they were for me (but i'm going to write about them anyway). but because i realize the fact that i (somewhat forceably) invited ye to read my blog, i should at least make the effort to make my posts interesting reading material.

henceforth i am sitting on my chair, with stuff unpacked and the mess created from last minute packing about 10 days ago littered all over my room, slight headache in my head, a runny nose, slight nausea from travelling in a swaying airplane and a stomach practically empty, i am telling you that i shall write about the series of (probably boring - sorry in advance) things that i went through while i was away in a series of blog posts.



did i already say i love you?
i love you :]


Opie's in PLKN already which worries me a little bit. I hope she'll come out of it fine. I hated the system from the time i found out it ruined my friend's morals. She made her own choices, of course. But she was put into that situation at the age where hormones usually went wild in a person and it just doesn't seem like a wise thing for a country to do to her teenage girls.


bye now.
Atiqah.

a functioning laptop...NO WAY.

so i spent like a whopping 160euros on repairing my laptop. upgraded the RAM to 1GB (it was only a 512 before!! rase nak hantuk kepala k, patutla lembab!), replace the hard drive with the same 40GB one because the 60GB would've costed me 90+euros all on its own, and recover all my data and reinstall the windows. And the too-helpful guy at the shop has kindly set all the settings on my browser to Malaysia. the weather forecast and the news are on Malaysia, and even my blogger page is automatically opening in Bahasa Malaysia. Yay. Selamat Datang ke Blogger! Sila log masuk.

i'm pretty sure if i'm to wait till Summer and get all these done in Malaysia it probably won't cost me the 160euro equivalent (800ringgit?) but i can't function without my laptop! and to buy the sexy MacBook i'd have to have 1000euros, uwwaaa. i'll never be able to bring myself to spend that much money on something i don't really have to have, even if i can afford it.

anyway i'm happy enough to have a normal functioning laptop, not a crazy one that won't let me watch YouTube and takes like an hour to load only to get stuck after 10 minutes of usage. grandad bought this laptop for me, which explains why i haven't been slamming it on the wall everytime it stops working while i'm in the middle of something important (and by important i mean watching Grey's Anatomy).

i'm going to Glasgow in a few days, i'm so freaked out about that. it's going to be insanely cold. i'm already freezing in Cork where it's only 2degrees, i'm not sure i can handle negative degrees. oh God.

WOW this entry is boring. it's not easy getting back into the swing of things after stopping for a couple of months, haha.

there are only eight of yous reading my blog now. haha. good times.

my very first patient

i just got back from my patient's house (she drove me home! such a nice person) and it was a pleasant visit. i was expecting it to be somewhat awkward. well i would feel awkward if i was her, having a stranger walk into my house to talk about my condition. but she was grand. accomodating and friendly and chittychattery. but that isn't what i want to talk about today because i'm a good doctor (to-be) and so i hold true to my heart the patient-doctor confidentiality ethics. haha, actually it's because i have to go send my laptop to the kedai in like half an hour so i don't have enough time to write everything.

so what i'll talk about is my patient's HUGE black Labrador that jumps on me and licks me EVERYtime and so i had to samak my FACE. and now my favourite grey coat is called the haram coat :( he's a fantastic pet to my patient and he's like a child to her so i don't want to hurt her feelings by pushing him away.


uwwaaaa...how la to samak my favourite coat?? it's supposed to be dry-cleaned only! sob sob


m going to go send my crazy laptop to this kedai baiki laptop in town to get it fixed. may update from mas's laptop though. see you when i see you!

p.s. niesa, can i hang my laundry in your room? hee :D please please??~ and oh, i returned your mcq book to the library yesterday!

i'm back OMG OMG

I MISS YOU.

still in the process of inviting people, then i'll write again k. i'm only planning on inviting, like, ten people. so if you're one of them, PLEASE FEEL SPECIAL K.

haha.

such malang people, got asked 'do u want in?' and had to say yes because very polite one all of you don't sampai hati to break my heart by saying no :p

LOVE YOUs.

bai.

broken English for the win

i'm just going to do this

i've considered this for a very long time but i never got the courage to do it for real. i'm not exactly what people would define as coherent, but i really like writing, and i had loads of fun with this blog. but it's beginning to bug me a little bit, that more and more of people who actually know me are reading this blog. it makes me feel self-conscious of them judging what i write, and me in general. this, and many more reasons. 

i don't intend to make this a melodramatic end. i'm hoping it to be a well-told closure, but i don't think i can ever achieve that.

for family and friends, you'll always know what i'm up to through facebook, i think. and to dear lurkers, thanks for reading and making me feel like i actually am capable of being -somewhat- interesting.

it's been more than a year, and i'd miss my Bubble Bath so much, especially since Kakwe bought me these notebooks with polkadots on it that have 'i like a bubble bath' written on them that i now use everyday.

i decided against this decision a few times for my readers, but i'm doing this now for me.

i'll leave this post here for a couple of weeks and then make the whole blog fully private afterwards. i will keep the blog for the sake of the memories it holds, but i won't be writing on it.

this is way longer than i intended it to be, and i have a class at two.

Goodbye :]

hearts

Atiqah

i just need to get this out of my system

i was queueing up to print my notes in the library when the printer was running out of paper. so the lady who was printing at that moment went to get a librarian to fill it back up. the librarian on duty was this old man that i..well..dislike, because he makes a huge fuss about EVERYTHING and he's very loud and he scolds students like we're children. maybe old age was all that happened to him, but still. it's annoying. anyway.

so he came up to fill the papers when it was my turn to print, so i gave way for him to fill the papers and didn't send my documents into the printer just yet. this was, until he said it was fine for me to go on and send the documents to the printer. i was like 'no..it's okay. i can wait.' and he was all 'no..you can send the documents in.' so i sent the documents into the printer, for i am one who does not take interest in bickering with an old man. the printer then didn't print the papers - now, you see, from experience, i know that when the 'attention' light flashes on, i have to press the green button twice. so i held out my hand to press it, and then the (GENIUS) old man scolded me;

"NO! No, don't touch anything!"

(well, just so you know..there is also a piece of notice stuck on the printer that BLATANTLY says 'IF RED LIGHT FLASHES PRESS THE GREEN BUTTON TWICE')

not wanting to hurt his (HUGE) ego, i just waited to see what in the world he wanted to do to make the printer work after he's done filling in the papers. 

after he was done with the papers, he turned to the printer and stared at it, while i stared at him. the printer, by now, is blatantly telling him to press the green button and i was itching to press it because i was running late. then this woman who was queueing (i think she's in her late 30s) came up and told him this is what he should do, and then went the hell on and pressed the green button. but she forgot to press it twice, so he said;

Annoying Old Man : you're telling the printer to change something. it shouldn't be changing anything.

Annoyed Woman : well, that usually works anyway.

Annoying Old Man : what is it that you're printing? are they diagrams? those usually take longer.

Pretending to be Patient Atiqah : nope. just Word documents.

after another minute of blocking me from the printer and staring at it, the Annoying Old Man finally decided to press the green button and then it began printing straightaway, obviously. and then he just stood there, and stared at the documents i was printing at, and PICKED IT UP ONE BY ONE TO SEE WHETHER THEY'RE DIAGRAMS OR NOT SO HE CAN PROVE HIMSELF RIGHT.

well, they are blardy word documents as i already TOLD him they were, of course. and then he pointed out to these forms i was printing that has grey blocks in it and claimed that those were what caused the jam. and then proceeded to watch the rest of my documents being printed (blatantly to see whether i had diagrams) despite me telling him he doesn't have to wait.

oh-my-GOD, there's nothing WRONG with being wrong. you're like eighty and you're dealing with technology so NOBODY's going to judge you! AHH..so frustrating.

i respect that people get wiser as they age, but really. it doesn't mean that they'll be right at everything.

bye.

whoa

i just logged on to my online bank account to pay the phone bill, and i was shocked to see the balance written on the screen. usually when i see a huge amount of money in my bank account, i'd quickly bring myself back to reality by reminding myself that it's obviously the girls banking in the house rent to me. but NO. i already paid the rent to Lily last week. this money is MINE. 

oh-dear-God.

true enough, when i checked the details, there it was, in gorgeous black letters;

Details : Majlis Amanah Rakyat

the perkakas and book allowences are IN, yo!

*deep breath*

Alhamdulillah..

ggggaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

sape nak ikot gi Scotland + Turkey????

help

tell me how to change the setting of my camera so my pictures won't have this much noise in it.

hari ni hari Isnin.

i haven't been replying to people's texts....again. it's just not my favourite thing in the world...i'm sorrryyyy.

i got home from the library at around eight tonight. i'm gaining momentum in my studying, which is good. but at the same time, i'm also panicking from realizing the load of material this semester has. it's quite a shocker to my brain, seeing that i spent a whole year studying just one blardy subject.

however, having said that, i like having loads to learn, and worrying about my studies. i feel more like myself this way. besides, i think i kinda like neuroanatomy. but i still hate biochemistry, obviously.

maybe i'll blog more frequently once the brain and spinal cord cease to be fascinating to me..haha.

i miss this woman. things aren't the way they used to be three years ago, obviously. she now lives a four hour bus ride away from me, instead of in a room two minutes walk away from mine. but such is life. friendships fade, and people have to move on.

my 'Art is the Cure' tshirt came in today, and it's nice and comfy and just the right size for me. yeay!

later, lurkerz. xx.

p.s. SEVENTY views today??! what's going on??

Raya in Cork

here be some pictures for ye, i haven't been inspired to write anything of late~

I hate everyone in Malaysia.

i thought i'd share this with you

Pendet made this and gave it to me a while back, and I really like it. It's my current desktop background. I thought I'd share it with you (Pendet, you don't mind, right?)



I don't know whether or not it was torment that he was trying to impose on me, with his 'jom balik kampung!' line, but I guess this is an e-card he made for all his friends so it's in general. I just finished performing my last terawikhs for this year with Mas and Aza.


So this is it...another year of Raya pictures of the sisters without me.





Selamat Hari Raya sayang-sayang, if you're in the UK or in Moscow. Ade ke patut Raya esok...ceh.


Maafkan salah silap Atiq...Atiq macam selalu je buat salah dengan orang..huhu.




hugs and kisses and held up tears (because I promised to myself I won't cry this year)
Atiqah.

i've no idea what to put on here

i got myself into Spanish. YES.

Today was my first ever hospital visit. it was okay I guess. The consultant was really good, and the patients were very nice, but there were way too many Second Meds crammed in the small ward, so it dulls the experience a little bit. But the thing about being rather like a Hobbit among the tall Caucasians is they feel bad if they block my view, so I always get to be at the front. I'm not sure whether that's an advantage or not though.

I was feeling a little bit faint from standing for too long during the hospital visit, and at one point I felt so faint, I can feel myself swaying..so I reached out for Aliyah's hand, and at that very moment, the Registrar who was giving us the tutorial turned to me and went;

'You. You haven't spoken yet. What's a Hemiarthroplasty?'

'I..uhh. I have no idea what that is, Sir.'



...

He already questioned me before that! suke-suki cakap I haven't spoken yet. I mean, even if I really haven't spoken yet, is it really necessary to say it like that?? Urrgghh. Dah la it's a HUGE group and there were a LOT of people who haven't spoken for REAL. I already answered TWO questions before that...grrr.

and a Hemiarthroplasty is a hip replacement surgery. Well, it's not really specifically just hip, as Wiki told me, but I actually did have a vague idea about what it was, but I completely forgot about it because I WAS BUSY FEELING FAINT. urgh. Kalau betul2 tak tau takpe jugak. Tensionnyyeerrr dengan diri sendirikkk.

and I had a first aid class from two to four, so now my hands stink of rubber gloves.


and I had class from 10 to 6 today. and the one at 10 was the hospital visit, and the hospital was a bit far so basically I didn't sleep after Sahur at 5.20am. Which, I hope, will justify the crankiness maybe a little bit.

I'm tired and I'm sad because everyone in Malaysia is busy getting ready for Raya while here I am, getting frustrated with myself and having class from morning till late evening :(

an update of sorts because i'm worried that you might miss me. i'm a nice person, you see.

i just rearranged my room. i put away everything on the glass shelves on my dressing table, except for an orange candle, because i want to put up the oil painting i bought in Bandung. it's a pretty heavily-painted canvas, so it definitely won't be of good taste to put it up so close to all the stuff on the shelves. and i did a whole lot of laundry, and i'm going to wash my sheets and white coats too, so basically the house is going to turn into a freezer from all the indoor-drying activity.

the (outrageously overused) vacuum bag was full so i had to empty it, and it was the most horrible thing to do ever. the bag was obviously not meant to be re-used, but i've no idea where to buy a new one, and Lily (the landlady) is out of reach. sigh.



and i got three random phone calls today, which was from;

1. a person that asks that i didn't tell anyone that he called, but he sounded really troubled and he wouldn't tell me what was going on and i can't help but be worried even though there is nothing i can do about this thing that i don't know about.

2. an amin that was cycling to somewhere near Clonskeagh to play football and decided that he was bored, so he called me. he was on a bike and he was bored. i think he's crazy.

3. a mama that has been meaning to call me but always fell asleep instead, so she claimed. hmmmh. the mama then passed the phone to a cheerful KuZett, then to a moody Didie, and lastly to a pissed off Opie (because i bought an iPod). an obviously with background shouts from Awah, Kakak and Kakwe.



and last night we all went for dinner at Cathy's. i think Cathy hates me now. because yesterday there was a bazaar at the Chimes so i went and bought loads of food, since i was confident i could eat all of them and then go to Cathy's and have dinner. you see, i can eat A LOT when i want to. but. when i get to Cathy's...i can barely eat anything, and i think i must've came off as quite rude, for leaving my food nearly untouched. and and and...oh my Goooddd...i feel so bad. siiighh.

Atiqah = RUDE guest. :( i will never eat anything before a lunch/dinner invitation ever again, i promise.



Ramadhan's going to be over soon...time really do fly.





hearts and kisses and love and hugs and other stuff like that,
Atiqah

i didn't get into Spanish :(

i really wanted to because they don't have final exams and because i think i can do really well without much effort since it's just on the beginner level and i know quite a lot of Spanish from all the Mis Tres Hermanas and La Usurpadora. siiiigh.


but i guess i put chemotherapy as first choice and spanish second for a good reason.


cepatla Subuh...ngantuknyer.

sexy beast.

...meet my new toyboy;








(excuse me while i go on my extreme fangirl mode)

...and excuse the unneccesary revelation of the contents of my closet, too. hee.



xx

edit : ZOMG ATIQAH IS PRETTY VAIN ISN'T SHE?!

in between lectures/PAINS

i saw JR with short hair for the first time today and i pretty much died.

aahhh...i didn't know anyone in my class except for the Malaysians and Eoin the cadaver-slashing partner from Anatomy, because i only went to lectures and DR sessions last year, so i didn't have much chance to make friends. the third years were coming into the lecture hall when we were going out, and i long to be with the familiar faces...sigh. i guess i'd have to start from square one, when everybody else in the class already know each other for a year. aaahhh...pain, PAIN.

i have class till six today, then i'm going straight back home to cook dinner - which is going to be a disaster, may i add, because i haven't cooked since forever! PAIN.

and then i haven't bought any food for myself..no milk, no cereal, no muffin, no nothing for me to eat for Sahur. my Sahur for today was plain water - yum. AND shops here close at 6, so there's no way i can get to town in time. which means i'm probably going to have to buy some food from the 24-hour Tesco (PAIN) tonight (PAIN).


ooh. i saw a handwritten ad pinned on the notice board on the way here (i'm in the library btw) and it says;

'Do you want to learn Spanish? Can you teach English? Let's help each other out...I'm from Spain'

that doesn't make any sense at all, right? i mean, how is that going to work?
(and his surname is JESUS. what?)


i hate Europian keyboards.

i'm in a sore mood..did you notice?

kbai.

unpacking the life out of me

there are SO many things to unpack, i have no idea how to start...so obviously i came over and blogged instead.

and i just realized something; i have a habit of publishing my post first before doing a read-over, and then only edit it if needs be. so sometimes i publish my posts three of four times before i'm satisfied with it - now the thing is i just realized that if i have any reader who follows me on Google Reader, they'd find this habit of mine pretty annoying cause Google Reader will show ALL versions of the posts...whoops. sorry about that.

i had five credit card statements, two phone bills and one paycheck waiting for me when i got here (and a grinning Niesa, a mushy Mas, and an invisible Khaza shouting from the kitchen). there's a thick fog outside, a tree of crisp golden leaves standing side by side with one thick with soft green leaves, and i have two blocks of ice as my feet - it's a lovehate relationship, the one that i have with this place.


my darling auntie gave me a Thai recipe book before i came here, which i am really thankful and excited for because of my undying love for Thai food (and food in general) - last time she gave me a compass and a traveller's praying mat, which had been very useful - she somehow always knows the right things to give :)

and you wouldn't have guessed what the guy checking my friend and i in in KLIA called me; at first i thought he was being sarcastic, but as a cynical grin began to appear from my face, he kept his straight and serious. so i quickly recovered and acted like it was the most natural thing that a stranger could've called me - you wanna know what it was?~

'Yang Mulia ada satu beg je ye?'

*dies*

i'm hardly a princess, if you ask me.


and i managed to fast only until 9pm Malaysian time. the (very nice, can-only-be-found-among-MAS-crew,) stewardess began to worry about me and offered to save dinner for me just in case i want to break my fast. i told her i wanted to wait a bit more and that i wasn't hungry at all, but alas i relented because i thought i wouldn't last until 1am malaysia (which it will be when i get to London Heathrow)..so instead of buying food in Heathrow, i thought i should just eat the free food on the plane.

(note: these are all blatant lies...she broke her fast because a steward offered her a handsome Magnum..you're a weak, weak, person, Atiqah. *geleng-geleng kepala)


kay...i should probably go on with unpacking.

byez.
p.s. classes commence tomorrow. i hope i can get into Spanish. please please.

And just like that, my Summer break is over..~

"there was ONE day when it was like 27degrees for ALL summer..you didn't miss much while you were gone, love" - taxi driver.



i have tons of things to tell about the journey..but Musang is hurt because i didn't call and say goodbye, and it wipes ideas off my brain :(

maybe later, or maybe never.

i've missed my cozy room, Nisa's antics, Khaza's kerekness and Mas's hugs.

i will miss Summer and the wonderful things i had during the three month break, too. i can't have both...i can't win. but i can wait. that, is for sure.



hearts,
Atiqah.

melancholia

I was sitting on my bed when Didie walked in and laid down beside me;

Didie : Atiq nk gi dh la..
Atiq : takpo la...lamo dh key Atiq duk rumoh...

then KuZett walked in and sat down beside us, by then i was stroking Didie's hair;

KuZett : mano aci gosok palo Kak Yah sajo! *furiously laid down beside Didie*
Atiq : *stopped stroking Didie's hair and started stroking KuZett's*
Didie : *angry grunts*
KuZett : *evil grin*
Atiq : *sighed and took out my other hand and stroked both of them*
Didie : *happy grunts*



i hate seeing them so sad everytime i'm leaving them :(

and yes i know..i'm not back in Cork yet. you're used to me doing this already, right?

<3

i'm leaving on a jetplane....again.

i went two days without posting...go me!

i lied..it doesn't really mean that i now have a life, all it meant is that i'm leaving in flippin' days instead of weeks, or months. so my parents are dragging me to go everywhere and see everyone.

i hate packing...it makes leaving all too real. i'm excited about second year but seeing friends in third year hurts a little bit. and i miss Cork (nad...don't hate me. hehe) and i miss living in close proximity to my friends, and most of all i miss the freedom living so far away gives me. but i won't have a KuZett talking in her sleep on my bed at night anymore, or a Didie who somehow decides that it's comfortable to hug my knee while i talk to her..

they're following me around day and night again, as they always do when they began sensing that i'm leaving soon~

i will miss going out without layers of clothes and sleeping without the restrictions of a 12 tog comforter and having ears that doesn't feel like ice.


first-hand stories about KuZett will now cease from my blog :(



next blog will be from the big room in Cork, after i change the blog's setting to Irish time..

どんなに離れていようと
心の中ではいつでも一緒にいるけど

どんなに遠くにいても変わらないよこの心
言いたい事わかるでしょ?
あなたのこと待ってるよ..

*hyperventilating*

i just got back from driving KuZett to her mengaji class, and i neeeddd to calm down. calm down, Atiqah, calm down~ (i had to re-type the previous sentence a few times because of typos...adeyh)


i just saw an accident, and the guy was still a bleeding mess in the middle of the road when i drove past him, and i literally had to stop my car at the side of the road because i was SO freaked out and my heart was beating WAY too fast. i tried calling 999 but it won't connect, and i've no idea what the hell is the emergency number, and i knew by the looks of things in my rearview mirror that noone had called for an ambulance yet. by the time i got frustrated with the stupid phone (sorrriiee Kakwe) there were more and more people stopping to help, but most are motorcyclists and there's only one White MyVi that have already been there since the start. people were carrying the guy down to the side of the road, and at that moment i wished and i wished that i was driving my own car so i can offer him a ride to the hospital, because honest to Lord i'm not the type of person who would think about having bloody car seats at a time like that..but i wasn't. i was driving my dad's Wira, and i don't even have my own car..so i waited until a couple more cars stop by before i drove away...*sigh.

i didn't get out of my car and ask whether somebody has called for an ambulance because there were a swarm of guys surrounding the site by then.


ahh...jantung, bertenanglahh~

who are ye??

why am i getting like 50views per day now instead of my usual 25ish??~

new readers (oorr recently-becoming-obsessed/bored-reader), reveal thyself!~

*

The game on the computer screen showed that KuZett is now a 'VP of Sales';

KuZett : VP of Sales!! Very Person of Sales!
Atiq : *baffled* Vice President la senget!!
KuZett : tapii VIP tu key Very Important Person??
Atiq : ho la..tapi mano ado Very Persoonnn...ngaruk la adik ni.
KuZett : betul laaa...Very Person!!!
Atiq : *gives up*

i adore these pictures

ROFL

i viewed the 'you know you're IB when..' group on facebook and laughed at the level of painful truth written on there. the grammar mistake in the group name is not a grammar mistake, it's intentional. here be an excerpt;



We are a pretentious society of people. Get over it.

*********************
You Know You're IB When...

-You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

-You begin speaking in a language that only you and fellow IB-ers can understand.

-You discover the aesthetic beauty of school supplies.

-You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row about it, lose, and refuse to talk to yourself for the rest of the day.

-You can spell "Baccalaureate".

-"Friends" and "fellow IB-ers" are interchangeable.

-You go to bed at 3AM and think, "Oh, it's an early night!"

-You've fooled yourself into believing that colleges actually care whether you're in IB or not.

-You write sentences on multiple-choice tests.

-You manage to complete a semesters worth of homework the day before the term ends.

-Your idea of impure thoughts is whether or not to copy math homework.

-You've developed an imprint of your book bag in your back.

-Your books weigh more than you do.

-You consider giving up going to the bathroom permanently to give you more time to study.

-Pressed for time, you conclude a history essay with, "And they lived happily every after. Amen."

-You find that you overreact when you get 2 points marked off on your homework.

-The simplest words you know are at least 10 letters long.

-When you are home sick, you can't help but wonder what work you're missing and what your homework is.

-When you're watching TV, you feel guilty because not all of your homework is done.

-You still get kicks saying "Your epidermis is showing."

-You think "getting high" is a reference to grades.

-You're one of the few people who realize that Catcher in the Rye isn't about baseball.

-You think MTV is a formula for mass, temperature and volume.

-You worry about hyphens.

-You've mastered the art of procrastination so well that your research paper finishes printing just seconds before you have to leave for school.

-You can't enjoy your holiday break because you spend the entire thing worrying about all the homework you need to do.

- You dread long weekends because you know you'll have double the amount of homework.

-Energy drinks and coffee become a part of your diet.

-You miss school to do homework.

-You realize that if you could actually study 'by osmosis', it would technically be diffusion since water would not be involved.


ESPECIALLY true is the skipping school to catch up with homework part. oh-my-God.

xx

the good old days

i saw a familiar face when i was going around salam-ing the people after terawikh - she was my cikgu quran when i was around 9 i think. she looked a lot older and a lot thinner, too.

Atiq : Cik Mah, ingat Atiq dop? *sengih*
Cik Mah : ingatt...tok cey saknih *smiles*

at one point of time back then, i used to take aaaages to get to her house despite it being only a 5minute walk away from my house. why did it take me long, you might ask? because i cycled there. you would think that it would be quicker if i cycled, but no. why...?~ because i didn't really know how to ride my bike. LOL.

i used to fall every few seconds, then i would get up and try again. i think it took me like a week to really get the hang of it...but i still fell from time to time because i was either too small or too tall for the bike...i couldn't quite remember. sometimes when i think about the time when i was teaching myself how to ride the bike, i wish i still have that sort of rough determination within me. i lost it somehow, as i grew up, and i wish there's a Lost and Found counter i can go to and demand that i be given my Determination back. *sigh

as i was heading towards the surau's door, i felt someone tapping my back ever so softly.

Cik Mah : Atiq..
Atiq : hmm..?
Cik Mah : Atiq koho comey... *sengih*
Atiq : hehe *sengih*

she is adorable :D

fixed.

bongok punye internet.

my internet is being a pain in the arse.

miss me while i get it fixed?

xx

posts deleted

..in respect of Kakwe's birthday...sort of.

Happy Birthday Kakwe shayang. you're adorwable and you're lovely and you're nice and you're my sister and you bought me my first Harry Potter book and and and

i love you,

and i hope you had fun at work today or something :)

mwah.

Tagged!

*sigh. here gooes. (only doing this because i miss Dayah and it's a really short one)

**RULES***

The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

***END***


What were you doing 5 years ago?
Is it a coincidence that I've talked about the '5 years ago' a lot lately, and this survey have this question...?~ 5 years ago I was having the best time of my life in MRSMPC as a fifth former, struggling for my SPM, learning a lot about friendships, and...and something else :)

what were the 5 things on your list today?
1. Laundry
2. Study...i'm freaking out because my brain's practically empty
3. Pack stuff to post...i know, i know..i should've done this like 3 months ago. adeyh.
4. Buat kek batik ngan Didie. woo.
5. Cekik KuZett.

what are 5 snacks that you enjoy?
1. Fresh guava
2. Dried guava
3. Guav....haha just kidding. Lidl's ultra-fattening crisps, yes?
4. Rocky?~
5. ...i don't really snack, actually. PLEASE EXPLAIN WHERE ALL THIS WEIGHT IS COMING FROM KTHANKS.

what are 5 jobs you've had?
1. Kakwe's assistant editor (she paid me!). got scolded for missing a huge typing error and got Kakwe into trouble with her boss though...kwang2. sorrieee.
2. Mock patient for the third-years...walaupun free-free kena panggil 'jaundice-lady' and pening kepale duk ulang ayat same for 400 kali, tp dpt 80euros dlm mase sehari!~
3. Tukang jual kek batik for mama when i was in school kire ke..?~ Mama kasik upah. hehe.
4. pastu....takde dah.
5. takde dahhhhh.

5 people you want to tag
1. if you're
2. reading this
3. and you
4. have a blog
5. you're tagged!

p.s. why am i getting 35 readers today...?~ i usually only have 26-ish. ahh i hope they're not people i know.

ILOVEMYMAMA

*Umbrella by Rihanna playing on the radio in her Persona*

Didie : Umbrella, ella, ella, eh..eh..eh..
Mama : b..b..b..

*ROFL*


//now she's drawing on a piece of cardboard, claiming it's for her office drawer. she said she wants to win the drawer terkemas title, which comes with an RM50 prize. that will cover the cost of the cardboard, which costed RM10.

it's adorable but it says a lot - the middle class is suffering; inflation for the lose.

...that, or my mom's just...special XD

KuZett's Pemahaman exam paper

it went something like this;

'...mengunyah makanan itu sehingga lumat...'

6. Apakah perkataan seerti bagi perkataan lumat di dalam petikan di atas?
A. hancur
B. halus
C. musnah
D. lembut

her answer...?~

C, obviously.

the musang

is clicking through my old posts

i think i might have a heart attack



selamat berbuka lovelies.

of lost friendships.

i was flipping through and old album and going through an old box holding my past in all it's glory (..not).

there was this Raya card, among many others...that was bigger and prettier compared to the rest. it was addressed to 'budak tuh lar' and signed as 'budak paling baek'. i thought hard and i stared at the handwriting and but i still had no idea who might've signed it. sad...isn't it? to think that we must've been quite close for her to give me a card without signing her real name but assuming i would know who she was..and here i am, some years later, not having a clue. *sigh

there was a card that was addressed to 'to the girl who has everything' which startled me a bit because i was never popular (..for the right reasons) in school, so it's pretty weird to see that written on the envelope.

and there was a card from the Robaeha Ramza. i was really amazed seeing it...because it says 'Happy Birthday...you're 10!' ..that was actually 11 years agoo....wowwww. i've no idea how i managed to keep a card that long.


and in the end, it's sad seeing that all the friendships amount to are just faded sheets of paper in a box...~

i cant shleep...~

wahhh....dah lame kan x letak title 'i can't sleep'. been sleeping well lately.

was having migrain petang td, so slept right after i prayed Isyak. skarang dah terjage and tak mngantuk langsung.

zomg. i rarely ever appear online on my old ym and i just did and 6 people IMed me in a few seconds. wowww have i been out of reach that long?~

can you see that this post is going nowhere...?~

yeah...i can see that too. sorry about that.

and guilt and happiness is a bad combination. tapi my name is Atiqah and i am the queen of misleadingness and so i shall have to pay for it.

blimey....i don't know why people read my blog. adeyh. i shall write a real entry soonish..k?~

my readers = lurkers. i <3 them.

Welcome Ramadhan :)

salam wbt

may this Ramadhan bring many blessings to everyone and may it be the bestestest antidote to all the wrongdoings everyone's been indulging themselves in all year long~

while i'm glad that i'm performing terawikh in a mosque with a real Imam and a real Bilal, i do miss performing it in Cork, where people pull each other closer to form a perfect saff before praying and where praying mats are laid horizontally as a silent gesture of sharing, instead of becoming symbols of private territories..~

anyway there's no denying me being glad knowing i'll be having proper sahurs for twenty fasting days, instead of just cereal and plain water.

<3

be good yah people.

too much laughing with the kids and i might have just done a huge mistake in text form

i have an inexplicable talent in hurting this rare species called Guys. if you ask me, i would say it's about time i stopped doing it.

i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorrrryyyyyyyy~~

as usual Atiqah is not good at apologizing and explaining herself and at long last she will be resigned to blaming her ownself for absolutely everythings.

the uncertain future is not intriguing, it's creepy.

malam ni jangan lupe terawikh kay people.

<3

Selamat Hari Merdeka

encit Hareez said it best - Merdekakah kita??~

(though that can also be some Butterfingers song lyric quotage or something like that, knowing that epic pendet)

gah! i wish i can write like Nikkiface.

she writes poetry and fiction with such effortless charm. here be her fictionpress linkage

in other news, i love you <3

babyman

i have a cousin who's age i'm not sure of, he's probably about five or six. i rarely see him and when i see him i avoid him because...well, because sometimes i really want to sekeh him and that would be inappropriate. hehe.

i went to Tokwe's earlier tonight, and as i was sitting there having a conversation with Tokwe and my uncle, he was sitting on the chair beside me and he somehow decided that it would be fun to poke me again and again and again and again and again and again. i was, thankfully, feeling extra patient for some reason and just ignored him and shielded his pokes from time to time. and then i got a bit annoyed but i don't want to offend my auntie by being annoyed with her son, so i decided i would start a conversation with the bugger to distract him from poking me.

(i literally even forgot his name..lol)

Atiq : namo gapo ni?
Didie : babyman
Atiq : haa? bakpo panggil dio babyman? dio ko suruh? *thinks for a while and was pretty sure his name wasn't Aiman*
Tokwe : ho laa...dio la suruh.
Atiq : bakpo babyman? sebab superman ko?
Didie : dok eh...sebab spiderman *sengih-sengih*
Atiq : LOLL
Tokwe : semo bendo dio nok beli hok spiderman
Atiq : eh...a'ah la, baju dio gambar spiderman! *then notices something else* sluar dio pun! *took one of the new underwears his mom bought for him that he's been putting on his head, shin-chan style* spender pun spiderman! *ROFL*
My Auntie : ho..semo bendo pun spiderman. pembaris, pensel, beg skoloh, berus gigi pun spiderman jugok.
My Uncle : sebelum reti kecek lagi minat spiderman doh..
Atiq : *ROFL*

kwang2.

a huge weight off my shoulders..

we just solved something that was beginning to feel like it's been tangled for too long and needs to be sorted out...and i began the conversation that took place many, many times before with the thought that it's not going to work out as usual (because we're two demented people), but somehow it seemed so easy to be solved and it almost felt like the solution's there all these while but we were just refusing to see it. the unspeakable truth did have it's own happy ending after all, just not the way i wanted it to be like - it's even better.

i'm pretty sure that if i click through my archive around a year ago i'd find a very similar post to this, written in a different way but meant the same thing. i will do my best to keep the promises i make to myselves this time around.

what i know now is that i'm happy for many reasons and i like this feeling and i want it to stay.

...and i can't wait to go back to Cork and kick arse in second year.

-Atiqah

i think daffydowndilly is a most delightful name for a flower - daffodil is downright boring.

serendipity (and unnecessary details of my day)

when i went out the day before yesterday, i wore an orange tunic and when i saw musang in the car i immediately noticed that musang was wearing an orange shirt. and yesterday when i went out with musang to buy my raya tudungs, i wore a white baju kurung and musang mysteriously wore a white shirt. and today i wore a black baju kurung when i went out with Ayahnda, and as we were approaching kedai kak wok to buy lunch, i was a bit startled to saw musang standing in the line. it's not that weird, bumping into musang there, because it's nasik kak wok and everybody goes there. what startled me was the fact that, yes, musang was wearing a black shirt.

~

earlier on the day i went with Ayahnda to collect this hamper he told me he's mysteriously getting from this unknown company who apparently called to ask him to come and collect the hamper. so we searched for it and found it a bit further down the road from Four Seasons. when we get there, i didn't even enter the place and just stood around listening to my mp3 because i assumed it won't take dad very long to just take the hamper. but the girl working there insisted on me coming in, so i went in and took off one of my earphones. here be what happened, translated;

Girl : Duduk la dik.
Atiq : *senyum* *still standing and looking around the place*
Ayahnda : saya beli barang ape sampai dapat hamper ni...?~
Girl : tak tau la tu cik, kami dapat call suruh bagi cik hamper, kerje kami just bagi hamper ni kat cik je *looks at me* Duduk la dik.
Atiq : ni apahal ni. lame ke pulak kena duk sini sampai nak suruh aku duduk duduk. *sits down*
Girl : *goes on explaining to my dad* macam ni cik, yang cik wajib buat nye ambik hamper ni je, tapi kami akan bagi cik points, jadi kalau cik beli berminat kat barang2 kami and beli barang2 kami hari ni, cik akan dapat diskaun, kurang RM150 dari harga biasa.
Atiq : *looks on sceptically* kalau tak beli hari ni, dah tak boleh diskaun?
Girl : a'ah, tak boleh..kena beli hari ni jugak. kalau datang lain kali dah tak boleh dah..tapi boleh datang ambik hamper lain kali and beli masa tu.
Ayahnda : mm...takpela. biar je la, tak payah beli. mama die takde ni, karang beli sendiri nanti mama die tak suke pulak. ambik hamper je la ye.
Girl : *goes on persuading*
Ayahnda : *goes on refusing*
Girl : *looks at me for support*
Atiq : *shrugs*
Girl : *looks dissatisfied and gave up*

when we went into the car we opened the hamper to reveal an album that i think could have costed around 1ringgit when bought in bulk, and a bowl that couldn't have costed more than 3ringgit.

...wowwww...Malaysia is full of scammers, huh. but we totally pwned that one, didn't we? lol.

zomg Atiqah went a day without posting

well, i technically did but i privated the post due to it being too personal, me thinks.

i'm really really happy. like really really happy. like seriouzzzly. hee.

^.^

well anyway.

there was a peculiar sight as i walked alongside Tokku to USM this morning - everybody was reading newspapers; the guy sitting on the bench, the nurses at the counter..even the patient lying down on a stretcher! haha. it's nice to know that at crucial times like this people do care about their country and read real newspapers, not just tabloids.

and i had steak for lunch, and it tastes like it's been in the fridge for a bejillion years. yummy.


and the rest of the day is the happiest day that i've been through for the whole summer break~
i'm sitting cozily in a bubble and nobody must pop it.
i shall not return to Reality.


xoxo

confuzzled

a couple of days ago Tokku told me he has an appointment with a cardiologist on the 25th, which is today. now you see, my Tokku, he's the type of person that doesn't ask directly for a favour. like if he wants my dad to go and buy something he'll say 'kalu Amud ado maso...' or 'kalu Amud nk gi kbmall...' eventhough he really wants my dad to buy it asap. apart from this, he's also the type of person that likes to play mind games; he likes to test people unbeknownst to them.

so when he said he has an appointment, i automatically thinks he wants me to come with, eventhough he never said so. so i offered to go with him, but he said the checkup'll take a long time. and yesterday when i asked him about it again, he repeated that it's going to take long and added that he's going at 8 in the morning. i somehow lead my confuzzled brain to think that he's testing me; that he wants to know whether i'm willing to sit around waiting for him. so i decided to go..i can always bring a book, and it's not like i have anything else to do anyways. but i didn't tell him this decision, and decided that i would just show up and tag along the next day.



BUT when i woke up this morning something else popped up in my fragile little mind (south park references ftw).

what if he said all those things because he doesn't want me to come with, and he's just too nice and tactful to be saying it directly. now, as this thought came to me, it suddenly seem like it makes much more sense than the previous complicated theory. so i decided not to go.


and just now as i was preparing lunch, i was beginning to worry whether i made the right decision or not...i don't want him to think i don't love him enough to be willing to wait around a few hours for him. *sigh*


...i think too much, don't i? i need to stop obsessing over this. i wish he would just tell me what he wants me to do, it would be so much easier.

textage

a most delightful text came into my phone just now. it only consists of two words;

'hai katak'
AND it's from a malaysian phone number!~



yeaaayyyyyy!~ musang's back!~

ooh and p.p.s

i just came across a song with a chorus that goes something like 'chorus, chorus, this is the second chorus,' loll XD

yesterday i was beginning to feel unhealthy because i woke up with zero appetite for breakfast. for me that's a clear sign that i need to work out. like, seriously. so when KuZett and Didie asked me to play badminton with them i said yes straightaway. Didie was screaming 'yeahh i'm Chong Wei!!!' all the time, lol. but then afterwards i was beginning to think it's not enough an exercise so i made the kids taught me a Taekwondo pattern (Didie's a red with black tip and KuZett just got red belt last week) and you have no idea how much it hurts my ego to say this, but...Taekwondo's patterns are way cooler than Karate's katas (kata = pattern). hahah...but that's probably because i'm a mere Karate blue belt so i haven't learned the cooler katas yet (haha in denial). and then Didie taught me some sparring and we had loadsa fun screaming and laughing our heads off XD

i best be off now. LOVES. <3

(blogger used to mark it as error when i don't write a title for an entry, but they've fixed that and now i can publish untitled entries - score!)

p.s. I NEED TOPUPZ QUICK OR MY BESTFRIEND WILL BE ROYALLY PISSED, oh dear. WHY do i always seem like i NEVER have any credit left???

hai there again

html editing is a pain in the arse so it's going to take me ages to have it done - we'll leave it with this template for the time being.

congratulations to the pendet who walked barefoot at the parking lot for me - it's his graduation day today.

cheers.

locking up for a bit

privating the blog for a while for some tweaking. wouldn't want people coming across when i'm editing and it's a mess. might change the blog title...hmm.

will be back soonish.

and Kakak, i do love you! x kaba pun takdop your picture, sowwwieee. <333

here there and everywhere

you know this thing with books, that when you read them and you like them and you get pretty obsessed with them you tend to want to write in the way the book is written? i am like that now, but i guess i can't write in Yorkshire accent.

i'm reading The Secret Garden, and even though i've watched the movie, i have never read the book. the book makes me want to go to London again and even though i know things will obviously be different from what it was like in the book, it would amuse me so if i were to go to Yorkshire, almost the way Twilight fans find it amusing to visit Forks even when they know it's quite a mundane place to be spending your holidays at.


oh...here be a conversation i had with Kakwe at her house

me : Kakwe, can i have the remote please?
Kakwe : no please.

XDDD


p.s. i've finally figured out how to baringkan the bus seats: score.

this is a sad day for a good friend of mine

she already lost her only sister years ago and today she lost her only brother...and i have no idea what to say or do or not say or not do~

i know for a fact that she's a strong girl and i hope she can go through this alright...

Al-Fatihah..~

gah!

i wrote a superlong emo entry and i guess that's enough venting for the day, people don't have to see it. i'm leaving tomorrow for Bukit Raja, which means i'll be deprived from the netz again, which is completely fine with me.

i couldn't sleep well last night because of my stuffy nose, which was really annoying.

and i ran out of credit again, can't text any of yous, sorry. call me.

kbai.

p.s. i licked the clouds in my dream and it tasted like vanilla. reality lied and all the gullible people believed him. poor gullible people. they'll never know that clouds are made of vanilla ice cream.

zomg weird day

i'm deeply frustrated because

1. yesterday my ex mocked poked fun at me for having a license but not driving. i've always had a weird urge to strangle him.
2. today my dad is sick and dad and mom went out of their way to think of who would pick the kids up from school when there i was, sitting at home being miserable.


i told mom she should frame my driving license because why in the world should i hold on to it when they wont even let me drive on my own (well, Atiqah..how about for you to use for checking in at the airport when you don't have your i/c with you...?). yes i'm not good at driving but WHEN will i be good if they wont let me practice? please, name me a person that becomes an F1 material straightaway the moment they were put behind the wheels. i've only drove like 6 times since i came back, and that's only to places that i can literally walk to.

but my merajuk-ing worked when mom let me drove her car by myself with the kids...even if it's only to the kedai 5 minutes away, it's a start. when i become a mother, i'd buy my kids a cheap second hand car for them to practice driving, assuming i wont raise jerks that are too arrogant to drive cheap second hand cars, that is. and i wont be a traumatic parent that is too afraid to let the kids go anywhere in fear of them dying. because REALLY, i don't have to drown at a beach. i can die in my room if that's whats written for me.

emo girl signing out.
(this beating object in my chest...it's tiring me. take it out and hold on to it for a while for me, please?)

okay, okay.

life is taking a sharp turn and i'm struggling to not appear to be just another drama queen. please let me be occupied when i get to Bukit Raja. despite being sick in Indonesia, my mind was set free and i was happy. but reality is still refusing to let me go and insisted to slap me on the face repeatedly.

like when it doesn't want to let me believe greg holden's voice is my life's soundtrack
or when it doesn't let me have my lovely rainy days when i need them
and when it tells me that clouds are not vanilla ice cream
and that the ocean isn't made of sparkling jelly
and that imaginary friends are for children only

and when it doesn't want me to keep thinking that there's a happy ending to all the fiasco of the unspeakable truth, and kept throwing proof to me. kept on showing me things i blatantly doesn't want to be seeing.

reality, if you're a person, you'd be a guy and i'd hate you so much, i'd marry you. because you know, in the belogical math of my brain, i don't marry people i love.


- Atiq
p.s. i'll be done with the pms-ing soonish. and pendet i'm sorry i was so freakin moody last night. you know i heart you.

after dinner entry

i love it when musicians on YouTube release albums. they're so fresh and talented.

that Jakarta/Bandung trip

haih...where do i start? i was somewhere in the middle of the mountains for my Spring break when Kakak texted and asked me whether i wanted to go to Bandung with her. i hesitated for a bit but then i said yes, which was a good decision, i can now say.

Abe Bob sent us to the airport at like, 5 in the morning..bless him. we were pretty excited despite feeling sleepy. i had the most sleep and that's only for like 2 and a half hours. the airport was packed with people going to places, from Filipina to China to Indonesia.

here be us at the airport

we were among the last ones in the line when the gates open, but we practically ran towards the plane and took over most of the people (and ignored dissaproving grunts and stares...lol) so we managed to get pretty good seats...hehe.

the taxi driver from the airport in Jakarta was really nice. he was hungry and asked us whether we brought kuihs from KL...lol. we freaked out and screamed many, many times when we were in the taxi before we got used to the crazy menghimpit-ing and had confidence in the pakcik. even though he sent us to WTC (pronounced wi-te-se) Mangga Dua instead of ITC (pronounced i-te-se) Mangga Dua so we had to walk for about a kilometre with our bags, i still think the pakcik is nice. thus began the shopping. not-so-surprisingly, it was hard for me, finding stuff i like. reasons being 1. i'm picky and 2. i'm too lazy to really look for things, so Kakwe had to constantly go "Atiq!! hok ni lawa!!"

grumpily eating a masin burger @ WTC. wouldn't
have finished it had i not had gastric pangs at the mo.

walking to ITC

jalan dekat Jakarta macettt memanjang, which was pretty irritating. and the air was SO bad. but other than that, Jakarta was nothing like i imagined it to be. it was huge and the night life was fantastical. Toyotas and Suzukis lined the roads the way Protons and Peroduas do here in Malaysia. and oh, we tried a ride on a bajai and practically screamed all the way to the hotel, hahaha. it wouldn't be as horrific had we split into two, but NO...we had to naik the same bajai, all four of us. kwang2..suke je buat keje nak mampus macam tu.

the Bajai ride; i was sitting on Awah's lap and i could've terpelanting
out of the Bajai any time..hahaha. adeyh. nampak tak my hand?
gaya holding on to dear life ke ape tu..hoho.

we went out for Nasi Goreng Gila that night, recommended by Kakak's very nice friend who lives in Jakarta with his Indonesian wife. he had to go back to Malaysia, so he could only play tour guide for us for a very short while. the street performers in Jakarta are very talented, and apart from the polluted air and kemacetan yang berleluasa, i think Jakarta is really cool and it has so much character.

we took a train to Bandung the very next day. i spent half of the time asleep and half the other time being traumatized by the crazy woman sitting beside me (read: Awah. hahaha).

after some initial glitches, we said hi to our (kerek) supir; Atep. i'm glad he turned out to be nice and funny after all the drama because he was our driver for four days. Bandung was really nice. the traffic were less hectic and the town was banjirrr with factory outlets, it was crazy. but by the second day in Bandung, i was already sick; shopping and walking around all day became a chore when you're sick, so it was annoying. i tried my best to keep up, but at one point i can feel the shiver getting so bad that i bought a hooded sweater on the spot and decided not to care that i look like a mugger in it. it's amusing to find out that nobody take you seriously, when you look like a mugger and go asking for gold clutch handbags.

the plus side to being sick is that i don't spend all of my scholarship money shopping, but the minus size is i became too sick to dress up for the pictures (so i look horrible in half of them) and that i think i spent too little. i didn't even buy myself a pair of jeans in Toko Tiga and jeans were my top priority.

Kakwe teman-ed me to the clinic by the fourth day because i couldn't help worrying that it's not just a fever when it hit pitch-high and i was feeling really weak. the receptionist didn't even know we're not local..lol. and the doctor thought we were Acheh Tengkus.

Dokter : Tengku dari Acheh ya?
Atiq : nggak...aku dari Malaysia.
Dokter : oh iya? wajahnya mirip orang Acheh.
Atiq and Kakwe : *lol*
Dokter : apa yang bagus di Bandung?
Atiq : kainnya..
Dokter : cowoknya?
Atiq : *lol* ya iya, cowoknya juga.

haha...the doctor was amusing. and Kakwe loved the weighing scale at the clinic...hehe. i was really impressed with the clinic, by the way. it has cardiologists and neurosurgeons and dieticians and dentists and everything under the sun scheduled to visit it at timetabled dates. i was really humbled. Indonesia wasn't what i expected it to be, at all.

it's impossible to write everything i experienced during the 5 day trip, but i had a great time. i know i'm a pain to travel with, whats with my gastritis and fever and whatnots, i'm really sorry about that Kakwe :(

i don't think i'll ever experience travelling with all three of my sisters ever again, which makes this one very, very, special indeed.

Indonesia was great and i loved it :)

<3

p.s. more piccies on facebook. blogger's taking ages, i cba to wait.

p.p.s. this entry is littered with grammatical errors, but i cba to edit. hehe.

back in White Villa

i left my charger in Bukit Raja....great. now the battery's out and mine is the only Samsung phone at home. phail.

i'll find time to write about the Jakarta/Bandung trip, maybe tonight. now i'm in a hurry sbb kejap lagi nak gi update my license from P to a full-fledged one, lol. to think that they don't even let me drive without a co-driver. *sigh.

you wanna know what happened yesterday? ah..we all went to a relative's place for an akikah..~

Relative : ni tingkatan berapa?
Atiq : *shockface*
Relative : eh...ke darjah berapa?
Atiq : *dies*

i swear i don't look twelve! OHMYGODDD. here be a latest picture, and YOU TELL ME.


(whoever says i DO look twelve shall be murdered)

i rarely ever take vain pictures like this one...mase tu nak tau tudung jadi ke tak, huhu.

oh, Didie didn't get any place in SIR, by the way. we weren't expecting anything, to be honest. she doesn't read English books, so she doesn't have the vocab factor. but we're proud of her anyways, having managed to go to the national level <3 you should definitely see it on tv, just to witness how robotic the primary level winner was...hehe.

catch you later?
-Atiq

iye iye, balik dah ni...adoiila.

hehe...HAIII. ain't you glad to see me posting, ey? ey? :p

first off; i don't look twelve, do i?? people from NST kept on thinking i'm the one going for the SIR primary nationals, patut ke? patut keee??? umur saya dua puluh satu sudeyy.

of the Jakarta/Bandung trip...i fell gering on the second day of the trip and was gering for the rest of the days afterwards...which sucked and damped the whole experience down. but Bandung was fantastic and i like the place and the people and talking in Indonesian language a lot. <3

Atiq baru je topup and me being the lazy texter that i am, i haven't caught up with all the texts that were sent to me since i came back and while i was in Indonesia. besides, i was very sick so i cba to text people.

am in Kakwe's office waiting for her to finish some stuff before heading to Melaka to culik Opie from KYS so she can come to Didie's finals tomorrow.

pictures of Bandung and Jakarta coming soon enough...as for now i'm going to brace myself and read the hundreds of emails flooding my account. and maybe probably write some stuff on my facebook profile as well.

i've missed you too, lovelies. hehe. MWAH.

oh and p.s.

me leaving tonight means there prolly won't be any blogging until the 10th, since Kakwe doesn't have the netz at her house.

you are allowed to miss me. i'll miss having you lurking around in my blog, too.

<3

Facebook me.

i succumbed to the peer pressure. i fail at life.

accept your friend requests, comrades.

let's say yeay

for Atiqah is going off for a trip with her sisters; it'll be just like my third favourite book, The Sisterhood of The Travelling Pants!! ...but we're like, real sisters instead of bestfriends..and we're not mailing a pair of jeans in between us...and we're going to the same place...errr...

okay maybe it's not exactly The Sisterhood of The Travelling Pants material, but it'll be as wonderful, insyaAllah. all i have to do is be careful of the pencopets, not ruin Syakur's backpack, not spend too much money, and be a good sport and make the best of having all three of my older sisters with me for five whole days - i swear it's been ages since the last time i experience that.

(and Kak Ika, if you're reading this, of course i'm glad that you're coming with us, too! ;] )

if anyone reading this has a huge backpack that you can lend me, please lemme know...~? :( Syakur's leaving for Cork mid august so i don't want to trouble him if i don't have to.

in other news, it's 8am and i'm all showered and fresh and ready to go to absolutely nowhere...wth?? i swear i've gone a tad mad.

and i can't pack. heeelppp. i've folded all the clothes i'm taking with me and arranged them nicely on my bed, and i have my suitcase wide open on the floor, but i can't put the clothes in the bag.

it's a paradox. i'm really really excited for the trip, but i don't have the heart to leave the lovely people in Kelate, either. even if it's just for a few weeks. *sigh.

i am still somewhat upset over...things..but i guess i shouldn't focus on the bad things in life, or else i'd really have to change this blog's background to black, to match the morbidity of the content.

anyhoo.

i'll be leaving for quite a bit. the trip's 1-5aug. then i'll be staying in Shah Alam for Didie's SIR finals on the 9th (the whole family's going to Shah Alam on the 7th). then I'd go back to Kelate on the 10th with my parents and KuZett and Didie, only to go back to Shah Alam from 15 to 21aug because Opie'll be there for her school holidays, and i want to help her with her studies - Opie's sitting for her SPM this year. i can't believe i haven't even seen her yet this Summer. she's probably like a hundred metres taller than i am now. by the time i come back here, Didie'll be studying her brains off because UPSR is on the 9th of September, if i'm not mistaken.

and then 20th of September will come, and i shall be leaving again~



hold me while i'm here
right me when i'm wrong
hold me when i'm scared
and love me when i'm gone




p.s. the new toothpaste makes my gums feel funny.

i'm being punished for a crime i didn't do - edited

[edit :: okkayyy...this is Atiqah after two panadols and eight hours of straightening out her brain typing. sorriiie for the sore post. that was the product of having migrain all night but staying up anyways to keep Didie company while she studied for her trials because she was sick and i was worried, and then when i finally get to have some sleep i got a phonecall with a voice that talks in two octaves higher than what my ears are used to hearing, and then i can't stop crying and then i couldn't sleep so by the time i wrote that entry i only had like 3 hours of sleep...*deep breath*

crazyness justfified...?~ pretty pleaashe...?~ <33]



i came downstairs to check something on the netz. i look like a trainwreck and i feel like crap. my eyes are bloodshot from all the crying last night. i'm really, really, hurt. it's the kind of damage that can only be done by someone that knows how your brain works and how your heart beats all too well, so he knows all the right buttons to push and all the right words to say to completely crush your feelings.

i'm building the walls around me again, so people can't come too close and stab my heart like that.

i'm sorry my blog is depressing, okay. it's not just you, i hate it too.




...i am so morbid. i should change this blog's background to black or something.

kthanksbai.

The Catcher In The Rye by J.D. Salinger

i've read 3/4 of this book when i was in Cork just before the summer break. i got frustrated after reading it for a while, so i didn't even try to finish the whole thing. this, however, is not due to the book not being a good one; it's really good, in fact. BUT it's packed with symbols and whatnots. i'm one that's interested in literature, sure. but i'm no literary genius. so it gets to me that i'm not getting the whole geist of the book, and i wished and i wished that i've learned the book in school so i can understand it better. when i first started reading it, i knew there were way more to the book than what i'm getting, but nobody around me have ever even read the book, let alone learned it. so nobody was there to explain it to me or discuss it with me.

but yesterday John Green uploaded a video on YouTube to say that he's going to upload two videos on there to explain the book and he said he's going to be very englishteacherly and stuff innit, so YEAY. i'm excited :D

nerds for the...win!?

oh hai there.

sorry about last night. i heart my sisters way too much, so even little things like that can drive me cwazee. but not to worry, bloggiepoo. pendet saved the night by way of a phonecall <3

p.s. this; <3 is a sideways heart, NOT a kissyface. please take note. hehe.

Tengku Nadiah Liyana...

...didn't say a word when i asked her whether she wants to come to send me off to Ireland when i was buying flight tickets to KL just now. Mama said something like 'of course she wants to'. i just stared at her while she ignored me and did her homework. And after i bought the tickets i asked her, 'Didie toksey gi hata Atiq eh sbenanyo..?'

and she didn't answer me.

somehow it makes me feel really, really, really, really, really, really...sad~ childish as it may sound,


goodnight world.

ooh. one more thing.

a friend from mrsmpc sent me a message on friendster. he reads my blog regularly, and he pointed out that i've changed a lot and i'm no longer the warm person he knew back then. *sigh.

a LOT of things happened since high school, dearest. i'm no longer fifteen, i'm twenty one now.
i had to change, and can't be the 'omg you're so nice, let's be bestfriends!!! <3 <3' kind of person anymore :(
i have trust issues; life forced it on me.

thank you, though. just for being you. :)

dear Panadol,

i was in the kitchen washing the dishes when you called. your decision and the way you said it completely blew me away and i was left speechless; all i could mutter was 'okay' and 'it's okay'. you stole my heart today, all four chambers of it (auricles included). please give it back to me. i need it to live (you can keep the auricles if you want to).

nama saya Atiqah.

i like simple things. i am a very simple person, with gigantic dreams. i live in a kampung, i wear kain batik regularly, i don't mind wearing baju kurung to places, and my favourite kuih is cek mek. sometimes i am too simple for the gorgeous people i got to know from the posh SRK Zainab (1) and the prestigious IB school. and sometimes, my friends' dreams are too small to match mine. and i see things in quite a different angle from people, almost as if i'm wearing a different goggle from others. i thus find myself constantly in the lookout for friends who can accept me for the very simple person that i am, but with big dreams, like i do.

<3

a truly epic Saturday

lol...i always do this, right. saying i'm holding off blogging and then writing another entry the day after that. oh well. :p

anyway, despite a dramatic start - me and Kakak bickering on the phone because she kept going on on how i should watch my weight because i'm short bla2 and i know she meant well, but i was cranky and such, hoho - the evening was productive and i liked it :)

i've complained to Didie the other day to the fact that we haven't taken any picture together since i came back, but we were just never in the mood to take pictures, and there were never any occassions that we felt the need to freeze the moment either. but today we took pictures and it pretty much make up for the rest of my sucky week. i <3 my adik-adik.

we were having our usual weekend badminton session, and we're as bad at it as usual (we're actually really, really, bad), but it was hilarious and i had fun with the kids :D and then we decided to move on to Tok Ayah's lawn just because it seemed so inviting, just sitting there, being green and spacy :)

but when we got there, we saw Tok Ayah struggling with a really long paip getah, so we helped him pull it over to the front so he can water the pokok-pokok serai he just planted. and then, seeing the kids playing around, Tok Ayah watering the serais and Tokwe sitting at her regular evening chair..i just can't resist from running back home to get my digicam. yeaayyy~!

despite Tok Ayah's protests, i managed to curik-curik tangkap a few pictures of him, hoho. and we took piccies with Tokwe too, and she looked really adorwabble innit :D and then we ran around the place and took pictures everywhere; near the coconut trees, on our front lawn, in the middle of the road...lol.

you can see White Villa from this angle :)

pura-pura ditabrak mobil (lepas tu kena
marah dengan Mama sbb baring atas jalan;
Mama nampak from atas balcony..haha)

then we got a little bit tired, and went to the back of my house to Mama's huge sugarcane rumpun and chopped down a few batangs of it. we sat around in a circle, with me and Adlin cutting the tebu into small pieces. then we washed them and ATE them and they tasted so sweeeettt. we win at life :D



and the day ended with Didie and KuZett finishing what remains of their weekend homework and me writing up Neuroanatomy notes for next year, while watching Terlalu Istimewa, a drama that uses one too many songs that i like :) then we came up front when we're done, to help Mama kelim the karipaps she was making for tomorrow. i have a picture of KuZett with her first attempt at kelim-ing, hahahah. buruk but adorable :p and now the three of them are munching karipaps behind me. i gotsa go.



salam wbt :)

HUG.

p.s. pictures of myself are purposely not included. as fuzzy call it; quality control. LOL. i'm no narcissist, but i was exceptionally selekeh that day :p