titles usually go here.

i've been missing a friend quite terribly lately and so i've been sending out messages containing a lot of sad faces over friendster.

distance do terrible things to people.

sometimes it does make the heart grow fonder, but sometimes it tears people apart from the lack of physical presence and thus the objective context of distance will morph into the subjective context of distance, which is what is happening to me and this friend i am writing about.

and it is extremely disheartening, having to accept the fact that at the end of the day, all your treasured friendships amount to are a stack of faded papers in a box.

during this sad night that i am missing my good friend from school, all these memories of all the nice things all these people have said to me only to betray them later just came flooding in, and i now realize that maybe that is the reason i have become a very cynical person, who smirks and rolls my eyes and mutter 'loser' during jiwang scenes when i'm watching movies on my laptop. sometimes i fast forward them. my disbelief in love is so severe that it's not even funny anymore. i no longer even have crushes. i would have been so proud of myself had the reason of all this is a growing iman inside of me, but it's not, and i can't lie to myself. i'm so scared of this scorned woman that is the person i am now, however much i want to deny that fact.

sigh. i really want to be angry but it drains so much energy and emotion from me that i stopped being angry and resorted to the easier option of being sarcastic and heartless. i'm not sure if that's a good thing though. i have forgiven, but i have not forgotten. it is, after all, easier said than done. maybe i will forget about it one of these days. i want to. had i have icons of memories arranged neatly according to their dates on the interface of my brain, i would have clicked on a good few of them while holding down the ctrl key and then press delete. that would have been excellent.

until then, my dear readership of fifteen people. hope all is well.

(i think it's no longer fifteen, it've grown a little bit since last time but fifteen is a nice number so imma stick with that, kay. kay.)

salam wbt.