Hey, future me? If you're reading this? Thank you so much for being awesome :)
I really like myself when I manage to really focus on my priorities and accomplish my goals. I can actually tell the difference between the exam times that I really, actually studied (tweet, facebook and blog way less, Skype almost none) and when I'm dillydallyin' it all and get so little done. I've always been the kind of person who put almost everything behind me come exam time - I studied like hell for my SPM and was legit becoming human zombie when I was doing my IB - but somehow I lost that part of me when I came to university. I don't know which changes that really got to me (there are many); the studying in my room without supervision part, the fantastic superfast wireless internet in my laptop part, or the lack of support from smart peers part. Don't get me wrong, there are naturally tons of brilliant colleagues here with me...but. I don't know. I guess I can't always depend on others, I have to learn to survive on my own as well. (Notice how I don't mention great teachers? I never did, and still don't, know how to make friends with my teachers.)
This time, however, I managed to put aside all else that is important to me, but matters less in terms of time and relevance, to focus on my studies. I think the major factor is the fact that Niesa was crashing in my room the whole time, and that smartypants really made sure I get my ass working (is that how that phrase go?).
And...for the first time since what felt like the longest time ever...I didn't have that heavy feeling in my chest after my exams. I didn't call Mama to cry, I didn't worry about it incessantly in my head...and it felt good. I really miss the feeling of actually knowing what the hell is going on, knowing the answers to the questions (so thankful to Allah for pointing me to all the right chapters), and being able to write a full body of essay without walking out of the hall early because I don't know enough to be spending the whole of the allocated time finishing the paper. This time I don't frown in confusion when my friends discuss the answers because I just haven't a clue. This time, my heart feels at ease.
I remember in first year, when Charlene used to ask me 'How was it?' every day after my summer finals and almost every time I said something along the lines of 'Really bad', and I almost killed her when I came home from my BH paper (the behavioral paper that we can goreng sampai hangus in the essays) and answered 'It was fine!' with a smile, and she replied with a 'This is the only paper that you are happy about.'. That sentence will forever be ingrained in my heart and my brain.
I also went that extra mile to make sure I get prayers from everyone this year...haha. I texted Mama (almost) every morning before and after my papers to make sure she remembers to pray for me in that exact time frame, she's always so patient with me tsk tsk. Love you mom.
It is almost silly how much I care about this year's results, but...as I had said so many times in the blog, so many things are at stake this time, and I really, really, have to do well.
It is obviously too early to really say I did well, but at least I gave it my all - even if I end up not doing all that good (nauzubillah), I would know that God has something better planned for me, and I want nothing else but the best.
For now, welcome back, hardworking self. I've missed you.
xoxo
Atiqah
Eh lupa nak tulis about the Plannings part, next time lah :)
I really like myself when I manage to really focus on my priorities and accomplish my goals. I can actually tell the difference between the exam times that I really, actually studied (tweet, facebook and blog way less, Skype almost none) and when I'm dillydallyin' it all and get so little done. I've always been the kind of person who put almost everything behind me come exam time - I studied like hell for my SPM and was legit becoming human zombie when I was doing my IB - but somehow I lost that part of me when I came to university. I don't know which changes that really got to me (there are many); the studying in my room without supervision part, the fantastic superfast wireless internet in my laptop part, or the lack of support from smart peers part. Don't get me wrong, there are naturally tons of brilliant colleagues here with me...but. I don't know. I guess I can't always depend on others, I have to learn to survive on my own as well. (Notice how I don't mention great teachers? I never did, and still don't, know how to make friends with my teachers.)
This time, however, I managed to put aside all else that is important to me, but matters less in terms of time and relevance, to focus on my studies. I think the major factor is the fact that Niesa was crashing in my room the whole time, and that smartypants really made sure I get my ass working (is that how that phrase go?).
And...for the first time since what felt like the longest time ever...I didn't have that heavy feeling in my chest after my exams. I didn't call Mama to cry, I didn't worry about it incessantly in my head...and it felt good. I really miss the feeling of actually knowing what the hell is going on, knowing the answers to the questions (so thankful to Allah for pointing me to all the right chapters), and being able to write a full body of essay without walking out of the hall early because I don't know enough to be spending the whole of the allocated time finishing the paper. This time I don't frown in confusion when my friends discuss the answers because I just haven't a clue. This time, my heart feels at ease.
I remember in first year, when Charlene used to ask me 'How was it?' every day after my summer finals and almost every time I said something along the lines of 'Really bad', and I almost killed her when I came home from my BH paper (the behavioral paper that we can goreng sampai hangus in the essays) and answered 'It was fine!' with a smile, and she replied with a 'This is the only paper that you are happy about.'. That sentence will forever be ingrained in my heart and my brain.
I also went that extra mile to make sure I get prayers from everyone this year...haha. I texted Mama (almost) every morning before and after my papers to make sure she remembers to pray for me in that exact time frame, she's always so patient with me tsk tsk. Love you mom.
It is almost silly how much I care about this year's results, but...as I had said so many times in the blog, so many things are at stake this time, and I really, really, have to do well.
It is obviously too early to really say I did well, but at least I gave it my all - even if I end up not doing all that good (nauzubillah), I would know that God has something better planned for me, and I want nothing else but the best.
For now, welcome back, hardworking self. I've missed you.
xoxo
Atiqah
Eh lupa nak tulis about the Plannings part, next time lah :)
1 comment:
at least one of us had a better chance with the exam. come home quick and babysit the two little KJs.
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