dear blog,
lately i'm always finding myself feeling like crap. like..not literally crap, but yeah kinda crappy. i think i need to go places, just to loosen up a bit, y'know. but i know dad will count going places as wasting money. ever since he found out about the Bandung plan, he's been talking about saving money. i mean, i know i have to save money. but i'm not going to save all of them. i've always wanted to go somewhere just by myself..but i guess that's too dangerous to do in Malaysia. perhaps i'd do that when i get back to Cork, before class begins. i don't know. i think i'm driving myself mental with the decisions that i make. because i am bad at making them. oh yes i am. so very bad at it.
i'm reading this book Opie's been telling me to read. i think i know the full storyline already (i've only read the first two chapters) but i'll give it a go anyway. such is my love for Opie. i have been slacking off in my duty as a friend, henceforth i shall interpret this feeling as a feeling of loneliness that i have brilliantly bestowed upon myself. the thing is, blog, is that i find friendships rather scary and intimidating. i find people rather scary and intimidating.
okay i guess i have to sign off now, it's getting late.
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
it's heartbreaking, right. the fact that you don't know whats in store for you tomorrow, so you can never brace yourself for them?
awkwardly yours,
Atiq
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