cool story bro.

When I was doing Psychiatry I got downright depressed because I couldn't handle all the negativity around me, I worry too much about the patients, and I couldn't detach myself from their tragic stories. One thing four weeks of Psychiatry taught me is that no matter how shit you think your family is, it is shiny unicorns and rainbows when compared to these people's families. Seriously. There's a whole different level of awful in families that you won't know about unless you talk to a psychiatry patient.

But now I'm doing Accidents & Emergency rotation. To those who can still remember ER, that's probably the closest picture of A&E I can give you. I thought I would like the adrenaline rush and the hecticness that is the A&E but I forgot one thing; busy medical staff don't give a crap about medical students. I REALLY had to push through to get my long check list of tasks (provided by the lovely medical school) done and signed for.

Today I was strolling in the A&E sighing because there really wasn't anything much to be done, and wishing something would happen. I stopped a nurse to ask if there was anything I can help with, and what she said really shocked me:

'Well no, not right now. But there's a plane crash and there'll be plenty to help with in a minute'

I immediately went WTF A PLANE CRASH DURING MY A&E ROTATION NO WAY in my head but then I realized how crazy it is and immediately regret wishing for unfortunate events for other people just so I can have something to do. BAD Atiqah.

So yeah, if you saw/read the news, I was there when it happened. Nearly punched a few people in the face because (OF COURSE) four of my selfish, kiasu classmates came down (along with FOUR freaking SECOND years WHAT THEF) to A&E out of nowhere and so I had to compete with them to do things. I was downright pissed because I NEED TO DO STUFF TO GET SIGNATURES GODDAMMIT. Competitive people have no respect.

Anyway. Okayokay sorry this entry has too much anger and caps lock. I actually ended the day crying in the theatre changing room because I felt like kepala and self esteem kena pijak-pijak and then kena campak dalam api (heh over kau Atiqah), because people kept ignoring me despite my best efforts to push through, and just thinking about having to do the same thing for the next week and a half just kills me.

I don't know. You have to be there, asking about 7 nurses and 7 doctors if there is anything you can do and whether you can do this and that and having them reject you over and over and over again, to understand my pain. It's difficult to fight the desire to not waste time and just stay at home and read books. Books don't reject. Books ALWAYS teach you.


Hugs
Atiqah

p.s. I started this entry wanting to write about the cool things that I saw and how one of the doctors asked me to take pictures (and how the nurses and paramedics and garda and management tell me to stop T__T ) but I digressed in a way that there is no turning back. Sorry!