seorang yang bergelar lelaki.

assalamualaikum :)

in the span of two days, two different friends telah menegur atiq of my lack of sopan santun-ness when i speak. i shall now strive hard to be more bersopan.

bila Atiq belajar Sains, cikgu ajar, selalunya bila umur kita mula mencecah 5-6 tahun, kita akan mula tertarik pada the parent of the opposite sex. Cikgu cakap je macam tu, terus Atiq cakap 'TAK PUN CIKGU!' dengan lantang dan outspokennya (contoh ketidaksopanan Atiqah).

masa Atiq belajar Physiology, sekali lagi lecturer Atiq cerita tentang theory tu. Kali ni, Atiq hanya memberontak dalam hati (dah besar sikit).

one of the many, many, things that I learned about myself when I went to Cambodia is the fact that I am always subconsciously on the lookout for father figures. I realized that growing up, I lacked a father figure because my father has a really bad temper, and I had no desire of ever getting close to him - I cringed whenever I had to touch him.

When I was small, I was close to the late Cikgu Mahisham. When I got into Naim, I was close to CNZ- Cikgu Nik Zamani. When I got into KMB, I was really close to Papa, or Shidan to his other friends. These are people who took care of me. People who will always, always have a special place in my heart.

When I went to Cambodia, I met Dr Sally, one of the nicest doctors I've ever met. Well, his name is really Salleh, but that's how things are in Cambodia. Salleh becomes Sally, Ghazali becomes Roly. Anyway. After a few days of working with him, I cheekily asked 'Doctor! Doctor, can I call you Papa?' and he asnwered 'Caannn...'

This is only a short list of them; there are more that I haven't written down.

Realizing all of this, I suddenly felt sorry for my Ayahnda. Apalah yang buruk sangat dengan Ayahnda, sampai takde tempat dalam hati Atiq untuk dia? When I got back from Cambodia, I threw away all the bad memories I have of him when I was a child. I gave him a clean white canvas to paint new memories on - and all I saw was a 60 year old man trying hard to win the hearts of his two youngest daughters, and trying hard to win the heart of his father - but failing miserably. I suddenly realize how lonely it must be for him, to have raised eight. EIGHT. daughters who won't start any form of conversation with him, who avoid him at all costs.

It really isn't his fault that he is everything that he is; he was the spoilt eldest son of Tengku Selia. He never walked into his class when he was in primary school, he was carried by servants. He grew up with a few maids, a driver, a gardener - and then Reality brought him down, and suddenly he becomes a Proton Saga driving clerk (masa zaman UMNO, Ayahnda kerja jadi penjaga tol - imagine that), earning a small wage, having to raise a house full of rebellious daughters.

Ayahnda mangsa keadaan. Mangsa salah didikan. Sepayah mana pun, Atiqah. Sepayah mana pun nak sayang Ayahnda yang tak seperfect ayah orang lain. Dia tetap ayah Atiqah. Dia tetap orang yang besarkan Atiqah. Hantar Atiqah pergi tempat tuisyen. Ada ayah orang lain yang tak peduli pelajaran anak-anak dia. Ada yang malas nak pergi hantar tuisyen.

Ayahnda, Atiq mintak maaf. Dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki..maafkan Atiq Ramadhan ni...?


Anak keempat Ayahnda dan Mama
Atiqah