i am sleepy all the time. ALL the time.

I have a bejillion things to do. It seems like I always have a bejillion things to do.

Pareq is married. It's still weird, adjusting to that. Pareq. Makcik pendek manja tak matured. Married. If she gets pregnant I'm going to die of shock.

I want to sleep. I want to blog but I can't arrange my thoughts into a comprehensible flow of words because I'm sleepy.

lepas berbuka ngantuk. lepas solat maghrib ngantuk. lepas tadarus ngantuk. lepas terawikh ngantuk. APEBENDA LA ATIQAH NI MACAM UMUR 80 TAHUN.

nak mintak tolong Fendi reformatkan laptop tapi takot die fikir HA ADE NAK MINTAK TOLONG BARU NAK CARI AKU KALAU TAK DIAM JE TAK TANYA KHABAR. tsk. suka takut orang marah. nampak sangat memang bersalah.


goodnight korang.

something i don't realize i am capable of

atiq mimpi adik zul smalam. mimpi die sakit pastu atiq kelam kabut + risau dengan penuh stress. so just now i called Ijey. she said adik dah sihat, tapi masa sakit mata tu kesian dia nanges sampai teresak-esak sebab Ijey sakit mata jugak so tak nampak nak dukung.

boleh tak atiq sekarang adalah sedang nanges sebab kesian kat adik and rindu sangat bila dengar suara adik tadi?

tak pernah-pernah rindu adik sendiri sampai nanges bila dengar suara. lebih lebih pulak rindu zulkifli. semua sebab die datang tidur dgn atiq hari tu. cewah tidur la sangat adik zul tu.


tsk :'(

pink orange blue, all in brights.

assalamualaikum :)

i'm in my new room, all settled in, fully unpacked and with a stable internet. i spent three quarter of today cleaning up the rest of the house with my housemates. this house is friggin' HUGE. it's almost double the size of my last house, since we didn't even have a living room back in Glendale. now we have a living room AND a dining room AND spacious hallways both upstairs and downstairs.

the stomach cramps have stopped, alhamdulillah. my tummy's finally getting used to the new diet and the new eating schedule.

ADIK ZUL SAKIT MATA. omgomg. i got so worked up with this when mama told me about it. esok nak call Ijey tanya khabar adik.

heh apa lagi nak cerita. gila dull entry nih. letih la ngemas all day long.



AZAM SEMESTER BARU :

• SENTIASA PERGI KELAS AT LEAST 5 MINUTES EARLIER THAN REQUIRED.
• TIDUR AWAL DAN BANGUN AWAL UNTUK STUDY. (walaupun dari dulu dah try tapi gagal, takpe tahun ni try lagi. usaha tangga kejayaan)
• SENTIASA PERGI TUTORIAL AND HOSPITAL ROTATIONS PREPARED SUPAYA BILA ORANG TANYA TAK TERKEBIL-KEBIL.

AZAM BULAN RAMADHAN :

• cewah yang ni tak yah la bagitau sme orang. tapi kang kalau tak acah-acah like this you allz cakap i derhaka dgn bulan mulia ni pulak, lebih utamakan sem baru, huhu.
  

xoxo
Atiqah

Cambodia : pictures that carve scars in my heart

(let's pretend i didn't teach this girl this pose, hehe. she's the most adorable little person i ever met, second only to KuZett)

Ramadhan, Hospitals, Internet

hi guys.

i'm in the library, internet at home is still stupid. by stupid i mean unable to connect.

hospital rotations will start next week, and i am seriously apprehensive about it. my brain is empty. i know next to nothing. summer kills your knowledge, like.

i'm finally fully settled into the new house. i have SO much stuff because i lived for two years in a master bedroom, and now that i'm in a slightly smaller room with a significantly smaller wardrobe, i had a lot of trouble unpacking all the thingamajics. i do miss living in 15, Glendale Road, but i am so, so thankful that the heater in my new room is a fully functioning one and not a pondan one. no more peti sejuk for me.

i have regular stomach cramps, fasting from 4.30am to 8.40pm. i forgot my gastritis medications because i haven't gotten attacks for about two years.

but i am greatful that it's Ramadhan. it's a month of self-control, of all things good, insyaAllah.

i really want to write all these news in a more exciting/interesting manner, but i'm in a rush and i hate blogging in public places.

wish me luck for my medicine/surgery rotation next week in Cork University Hospital!

ohh. one more thing. yesterday marked the very first time that an Atiqah wore the legendary blue theatre gown. even though there's no way in hell i am going to allow myself, my ultra clumsy self, to become a surgeon...it's all still so exciting.


take care, kay?

Atiqah

I love Dubai Airport

takde credit dalam Irish simcard sebab dah lama balik Malaysia, so takleh nak msg Mama bila dah selamat sampai Dubai?

takpe, free Wi-Fi ada.

tak sempat nak log in YM sebab lupa nak charge laptop, so laptop mati separuh jalan?

takpe, ada battery charging station.



i'm halfway there.


xoxo
Atiqah.

The last few days.

Hey guys.

I'm typing this from Klang. I'm flying off at 2am, day after tomorrow. I don't even get to sahur at home. This is going to be one hard fasting month to go through.

I'm not a homesick kind of person. I'm just...not. But going through the whole of fasting month drinking plain water for Sahur, with the occassional cereal and milk if I have the mood, does not sound too appealing. I want perut dengan kuah warna merah/oren tu. I want celepung goreng and Lingham's. I want to go crazy at Ramadhan bazaars, buying everything and eating them sampai nak muntah. Fuh.

Dah la puasa masa autumn. sejuk. mesti cepat lapar. Atiqah jangan gastrik please.

My heart sank when Kakwe Chik said 'ngaji molek' in KFC just now. 3rd year...Atiqah adalah takut :'(

Semalam Adik Zul datang. He was one happy 4-month old baby. I'm gonna miss that sleepyhead so, so much. Lepas tu Mok Long tiba-tiba datang bawak sambal ikan bilis kering. Adalah terharu disitu. Atiq lupa nak mintak dengan Mok Long, macam last summer. Mama cakap jangan mintak, dah last minute sangat, lagipun Pok Long tak sihat. Maka saya akur. Atiq cakap dekat Tok We, sedih tak ingat nak mintak Mok Long buatkan dekat Atiq awal-awal.

Tok We dengan sweetnya pegi bagitau Mok Long tentang perkara ini, so semalam Mok Long bawakkan satu tupperware aiskrim sambal tu untuk Atiq :'( tsk adalah bersalah tak pernah bawak balik present untuk Mok Long. Next summer insyaAllah.

Tok Ayah, Tok We, Mok Long, Mama, semua adalah bising tanya Bali balik bila, Bali itu dan Bali ini selepas mengetahui memang he's our relative. Semua salah Bali sebab dia yang found out dulu mak dia cousin Tok Ayah, lepas tu Atiq bagitau Didie and Mama terdengar, lepas tu Mama bagitau Tok We, lepas tu Tok We bagitau seluruh dunia. Begitulah.

Dah la salah...sebenarnye ayah dia yang cousin dengan Tok Ayah, bukan mak dia.

Harap-harap geng orang tua adalah tidak menyangka that we're more than friends or anything like that. Risau jugak sebenarnya semua orang bising-bising, takut Bali cuak/salah faham. Karang awkward. Lama lagi nak hidup dekat Cork dengan pakcik tu.

Nad and Shidot tak dibenarkan bagitau Bali tentang post ni, apetah lagi kasik dia baca. Kalau tak kena sekeh. hehe. alamak tak boleh sekeh Shidot. ishk.

Aite.

Next time I write, it'd probably be 15 degrees lower than it is now. Take care you allz.


Love you.
Atiqah

just another update.

hey guys.

i haven't packed anything and i'm officially panicking. i'm going to KL on the 20th, and i'm off to board the KL-Dubai-London-Cork journey on the 22nd.

somebody please tell me where do i start. banyak gila benda nak pack. walaupun dah banyak kali pack-unpack tapi still tak reti.

i was reading the posts that i put under 'non-bimboistic mutterings'. i miss those days, the days when i wasn't a bimbo/airhead.

really, guys. thanks for reading. you guys are amazing. my blog is a waste of space in internet land.


p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY OPSITO!! <3333



Atiqah

this date.

is a date i would want to remember later on.

malam tadi tidur pukul 4.

bangun pukul 6, kena siap-siap nak pergi teman Tokku chemo.

Tokku : Atiq beso mari USM?
Atiq : -_______- beso...
Tokku : Atiq wak gapo?
Atiq : Atiq mari kursus, mari wak volunteer works, mari lawat ore sakik...mari chemo Tokku..
Tokku : heh?? Atiq rajing mari chemo Tokku??
Atiq : -_____- ku...
Tokku : Atiq tok rajing mari deh, Atiq gi maso Tokku wak radiotherapy dulu kot...
Atiq : Atiq rajing doh temey Tokku chemo, Tokku..
Tokku : heh?? Atiq tok rajing dehh...bilo? maso cuti ni ko?
Atiq : *stress* ku...

Ini adalah kali kelima saya teman Tokku pergi chemo..siap tertidur, habis baca dua bijik novel. namun begitu beliau menyangka ini kali pertama. Takpe sabar. Allah Maha Mengetahui.

Mabuk rasa. tidur 2 jam lepas tu pukul 7 malam baru balik rumah balik. 6 jam tunggu Tokku kat hospital.

Saya nak balik Cork.

Saya nak stay Malaysia.


I can't win. As per usual.


xoxo
Atiqah
Sayang korang.

current favourite song

the lyrics are amazing. when i first heard it, i thought 'wah. story of my life.'

Shendot post dulu kat blog die tapi ini tak bermakna beliau adalah idola saya. masa suara serak baru baru balik Kemboja suka nyanyi lepas tu konon-konon suara mirip Miley Cyrus haha.

oh my god saya dah gila dah sekarang. sila start kelas cepat-cepat.

The Climb - Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Atiqah
belum pack apebenda pun lagi.

the night I felt the pain of being a mother.

semalam tidur dengan adik bongsu. Zulkifli. click untuk tahu siapekejadah Zulkifli ni.

I really thought he was sleeping well when I came down and wrote that previous blog post. By the time I went back upstairs, position kipas dah lain, baby dah tido lain, ibu die pun dah tido lain.

Throughout last night I did not really sleep. could not really sleep. Baby Zul was sweating so he wasn't comfortable, and kept waking up and weeping. So I took a couple of mattresses and made us a place to sleep on the tv space upstairs. Even then, he kept waking up and weeping, and sometimes Ijey didn't realize it so I had to ulit him back to sleep.

Dear Lord. Bless all the mothers in the world.

Sampai sekarang Atiq ngantuk lagi. Baru satu malam. Belum tiap-tiap malam selama at least setahun.

Who should I give my love to?
My respect and my honor to
Who should I pay good mind to?
After Allah
And Rasulullah

Comes your mother
Who next? Your mother
Who next? Your mother
And then your father

Zulkifli sayang...

...sedang tidur dengan nyenyak atas katil i. haha.

(sila jangan konfius. beliau berumur 4 bulan)

harini pergi Thai carnival dekat Royal Thai Consulate for lunch dengan Tokku. He spoke fluent Thai with the peniaga-peniaga there, and when he left me at the stall to take his lunch to our table, orang kat kedai tu spoke Thai to me T__T tak pahammmm. i just muttered 'Ka, kop kun kaa' and hurried away.

dahla masa beli air kelapa tu tesilap cakap 'O kun', which is 'Thanks' in Khmer/Cambodian. Kesian my brain, dah confuse dah.

goodnight you allz.

Atiqah

new template dan Gadis Melayu

hai korang! new template. khas untuk ayam-ayam tua, Tengku Nor Azah dan Hareez Hafni yang complain pasal template merah menusuk kalbu i. Arih kalau complain lagi i expel u dari blog i. haha.

ini adalah shoutout untuk ROBAEHA RAMZA RAMLI. hahaha. sila baca comments section entry 'internetless for a couplea days', Mimi tulis essay untuk Beha. Tahniah kerana berjaya memenangi hati ibu Mimi iaitu wife Dato' Halim iaitu seorang Datin iaitu seorang yang berbakat menjadi voter yang maju jaya heheheheheh Mimi jangan mareeee.

Mimi sampai hati u takot nak dating dengan i sebab H1N1. Adik2 i je yang kena quarantine, i tak. ngeee. Atiq ado 1 week jah left in Malaysia :(

and Mimi, you can reach Beha here: beeramza.blogspot.com @ Bee Ramza Ramli in facebook.

ok Adik ngepek doh, dio nok guno computer. sibuk la.


xoxo
Atiqah

an anecdote.

Semalam keluar dinner dengan Tokku, pergi makan Sate Baung kat Pengkalan Chepa nun jauh di sana.

Tokku bagitau kitorang lelaki2 Thailand suka pakai bedak. Kemudian beliau proceeded to tell us yang arwah Nenda selalu gelakkan beliau sebab beliau juga gemar memakai bedak.

omg atok I adalah metrosexual sebenarnya *too much to handle*

Semalam juga kena tegur dengan Ayahnda sebab tanya Tokku esok Tokku nak makan ape for breakfast.

'Santap lah bukey makey!'

tsk. Dah lama tak kena marah sebab tak guna bahasa istana. Deja vu.


Atiqah

H1N1 - These are dangerous days to live in.

We were having lunch at Sri Chengmai that afternoon. Tokku, Ayahnda, Didie and I. Tokku is now bald. He was starting to lose his hair from chemo, so he shaved off his whole head. It's hard to get used to it, I have never seen him bald all my life.

As the food was still arriving, Ayahnda had a phonecall. It was Mama. She called to tell him Adik's teacher called her, asking her to bring Adik home. Adik had a fever. We panicked. And when I say we panicked...I mean we panicked. But Tokku had to eat his lunch, and he asked Didie and I to finish the food, so we did. Ayahnda barely ate anything when he stopped and waited patiently for Tokku to finish his lunch. Didie and I shoved the food down our throats and whispered worrying thoughts to each other.

As soon as Tokku paid the bill, Ayahnda sped to Ketani and dropped Tokku off. I took three of Tokku's masks. He had them even before H1N1 broke out in Kelate because he was immunosuppressed. I wanted to give the mask to Ayahnda but he refused. So Didie and I wore them, and I clutched the spare one in my hands.

I ran into Zainab Satu as soon as the car stopped. The teacher who called told us Adik was in the musolla, so I headed there. All the students stared at me. Masked. Dressed up for the lunch with Tokku. Running.

When I couldn't find anyone in the musolla, I ran to the sickbay. And then somebody mentioned that they were at the hall. At this point of time, I wasn't computing anything in my brain. All I wanted to see was Adik. Dear God...I nearly typed Anis.

It was hell for me, that one hour of yesterday. I had to remain calm because Ayahnda was panicking, but the truth is I was scared to death. To death. The memories of those days when I was 14 years old came flooding back to me, and it was all still too vivid and real. I could never bear the pain of losing a sister ever, ever, again.

And then I saw her. Walking towards me, thoroughly confused. Lord knows how I felt at that moment. Everybody was staring at me. I hastily tied on the mask for Adik, took her bag and walked her to our car.

We then took her to a government clinic where she was declared fine because she doesn't have a flu, and she wasn't coughing. She's all well now. She's upstairs watching the pitchi pitchi peach cds Mushang gave her.


A simple fever.

This must be the end of time.



Atiqah.

Kepengigauan oleh adinda Tengku Nur Zahirah.

you allz faham tak kepengigauan tu apa? root word dia igau.


masa tu around midnight. mama tengah tengok tv/jadi pelengkap sofa as usual. Didie tengah buat homework Arab. Atiq tengah tolong Didie buat homework Arab. cewah padahal tengah buat bunyi siren setiap kali rambut Didie kena muka Atiq, pastu bila Didie fokus buat kerja and dah tak mengendeng-ngendeng dekat Atiq, Atiq dekatkan sendiri muka Atiq dengan rambut Didie lepastu buat bunyi siren.

ok paragraph panjang yang confusing dan tidak menyumbang kepada plot. moving on.

masa tu Adik tengah tido atas sofa. tiba-tiba beliau bangun dan pergi ke muka pintu dapur kemudian mencangkung disitu.

Mama : Adik wak gapo tu????
Adik : Adik sakit perutttt...

Adik memang tidur dalam keadaan sakit perut that night. Masa Atiq pegi amek die dari tempat mengaji pun die menjerit/menangis sambil suruh Atiq memandu secara laju.

Pastu tiba-tiba Adik bangun dan menuju ke pintu ruang tamu yang menuju ke luar rumah. Kemudian beliau switch on chandelier. Bukak. Tutup. Bukak. Tutup.

Mama : Adik wak gapo tu????
Adik : Adik silap laaaaaaaa!

Kemudian beliau membuka pintu untuk keluar rumah. This is the point when Atiq and Didie mula ketawa secara berleluasa. Then Atiq lari pergi dekat Adik and pulled her away from the door,

Atiq : Adikkk nok gi mano nihhh adehh
Adik : Adik nok gi bilik air laa!!
Atiq : *gelak macam pontianak* Billik air bukey kat sini lahhh...meh meh kito gi bilik air meh..

Lepas tu Atiq bawak la die pegi bilik air...

Hahaha cerita die panjang lagi sebenarnya, including part di mana Atiq intai dia dalam bilik air and rupanya die tengah tidur atas jamban, part di mana Atiq dan Didie membuat kesimpulan bahawa kalau kitorang biar dia keluar rumah mesti dia berak dalam longkang, part di mana Atiq dan Didie ketawa guling-guling atas lantai kemudian dimarahi Mama...

Keesokannya;

Didie : Adik kaba dok Adik ngiga smaley?
Adik : Adik tok ngiga la!! Adik kemama.
Atiq : Adik kaba dok Adik bukok tutuk lapu and kipas kat ruang tamu?
Adik : heh? yolo ko?

Lagi nak claim dia mamai je and bukannye mengigau. Malas nak layan.



xoxo
Atiqah
Kehidupan di tengah malam lebih ceria di White Villa daripada di mana-mana rumah keluarga lain.

internetless for a couplea days

i called five tmnet helpline operators. FIVE. semua takleh solve the problem. pastu the technical guys came over pagi tadi (pagi buta, Atiq siap suara serak lagi), and fixed it in, like, 3 mins.

loads of things to blog about, tp now i've to go make lunch, sumpah bising budak2 H1N1 berdua kat belakang ni.

wait for the entries k!

loove
Atiq.

p.s. ROBAEHA RAMZA MALAM NI DI TV9. TYPE GM(space)BEE! hahah promote Behaw. berani anda menyebarkan gossip2 liar tentang beta di comments section, cehssss. Ayahnda adalah beria menonton Gadis Melayu kerana anda. sigh. haha.

Ciri-ciri lelaki yang akan jadi husband orang lain

suka paksa.

suka paksa.

suka paksa.



sekian.

(second edition of) Mati Tanpa:

we wanted to play badminton as usual but we couldn't find the shuttle cork so we made a short trip to a shop close by, with the camera along :) lorry drivers and pekerja2 bengkel motor adalah bising menyakat 'nok ambik gamba sapo tuuuu' and 'nok gi mano tuuuu'. whatever.

Baby Zhookeeefflllleeeeyyyyyyzzaaa

ok sebenarnya nama beliau Zulkifli. haha. i jatuh cinta dengan encik Zulkifli. bak kata Hanis Zalikha, pipi beliau adalah 'labuh'.

tsk. Adik bongsu i yang ni suka mimpi die sedang minum susu kalau dia tido.

Bukti:





walaupun Didie dah upload in her blog tapi tak kira nak upload jugak.
haha dia nak tido pun tak aman. apekandaya.

sekian wabillahitaufik walhidayah.....ok panjang nak type.

Atiqah
sayang kamu.

New stalker (haha)

Assalamualaikum :D

hai korang. Atiq ada stalker baru, nama die Shidot. hai Shidot. i baru panggil u stalker i. ngeh2. new reader on the blog :)

risau nak bagi Shidot masuk sebenarnya sebab rasa2 macam ada ngumpat die tapi malas nak read back and check, so Shendot sila redha sahaja dan jangan baca entry lama please. haha.

anyway. I've a busy day ahead of me - hope your days are productive as well! Mushang's back from Japan, whatever that means :)

xoxo
Atiqah

an entry for a dying blog.

hi guys.

life's been a roller coaster these past couple of weeks. like seriously, i don't even know where to begin. right before i went to Cambodia, i actually freaking cried at Stesen KTM Padang Jawa because things got out of hand and i didn't have someone i trusted enough to talk to. it can drive one crazy, going through rough times but having to pretend everything is A-okay.

Cambodia drove my mind away from reality. it made me realize how small and how meaningless are the things i spent my tears for. these people...these people won't even flinch if they're in my shoes. their story inspired us all so, so, much. read it here; www.ponderingsofasearchingmind.blogspot.com

it's about our bestest company in Cambodia - Roly, a 5th year medical student (they study medicine for EIGHT years there). This guy is a dream come true. He's everything every girl wants a guy to be, and so much more.

i'm okay now. i still cry from time to time because i'm an Atiqah and that's how i'm designed to function, but i'm coping. recuperating.

i really don't know what to say about Cambodia...the experience was...insane. i'm sorry, i just don't think i know of a better word to describe it. it's an irony that our tagline was 'Enlightening the hopes of Cambodia', but i think it was us. it was us that got enlightened.

i left my heart there. Wany said she left her heart there, and Shidot said he left his heart there with this little kid he fell in love with. Shidot memang gile, siap fikir dah macam mana nak bawak masuk budak tu balik Malaysia and jadi anak angkat die.

i really get how Angelina Jolie ended up taking Maddox home, and why she kept returning there. the people there, they're...different.

i've to go now, Didie and Adek panggil main badminton.

bye guys. be thankful for what you have. for all we know, we ALL could have been a Cambodian child beggar.

Atiqah
sayang and rindu korang.

Another Facebook note.

Summer 2009 : Cambodia - A humbling experience.
Yesterday at 7:51pm

Assalamualaikum :)

I'm typing here again. My blog is private and dying, yet here I am writing in the all too public facebook notes section. I don't do sensible.

Cambodia...where do I start? I nearly cancelled my trip there because I feel like I'm needed more in Malaysia. Kelantan, to be exact. Because KIBAR was going on and they didn't have enough people to help out. At the same time, a lot of people bailed out from the mission, and there were only ten people left. I couldn't win - If I go, I left my friends in Kelantan all the workload of KIBAR. If I don't go, I'll impose more work to the CRM team, because when there's only ten people...losing one manpower is a lot.

At last I chose Cambodia with hesitation, and I decided to make sure that I make the best of it, so that I didn't miss KIBAR for nothing.

I was pleasantly surprised during the first day of the mission, realizing how far the first village was, because I felt that these must be people who really needed us to be there, and people who would really appreciate the free mobile clinic and circumcision. When we got closer to the said village, I find myself perplexed with what I saw outside the glass window of the white Mercedez van - people there actually still use carts pulled by cows and horses. Like, ACTUALLY using it for their daily living, and not just for tourist transporation or some shiz. It was as if we were riding a time machine.

Villagers were already gathered at the mosque when we got there, and we disembarked the van feeling rather nauseous - especially the circumcision team. I was on the mobile clinic team that day, so I wasn't as nervous and vomity as the other team was - haha sukahati cakap korang feel vomity. Is vomity even a real word?

I was in charge of the dispensary, and my, my, wasn't it challenging. I wasn't familiar with the drugs just yet at the time, and we didn't pack much of the drugs beforehand. It wasn't long before it got wayyy too hectic and hot. It was really, really, really, hot...especially since I was sitting upon direct sunlight and the villagers were surrounding the dispensary section - we didn't have much structure on that first day. I think our patient count on that day must have reached at least 350 - it doesn't help that I was dispensing prescribed drugs among the screams and cries of the boys being circumcized.

A note to my friends on the west, if you're reading this - we only circumcized young boys, and we used local anaesthesia, steriled surgical instruments, gloves and masks. The procedure was all surgically legit, and nothing was barbaric about it. No insane mythical stones or shiz like that were used.

As days of the mission went by, we managed to create a better system for the dispensary, got a lot more familiar with the meds, and most unbelievably - learned how to carry out circumcision, and actually did it. Not just hold-the-catgut-for-the-do

ctor do it, but suture-the-friggin'-penis do it.

I wasn't up for it at first, because I am a world-renowned wuss. But at one point, I became the only one who haven't done it on my own, and I felt like a loser...so I did it.

I can now add 'Circumcized Cambodian boys' in my List of Things to Tell My Grandchildren.

I couldn't believe how much the money we managed to raise in Ireland and UK made a difference to their lives. These are children who cry because there wasn't enough copies of colouring papers for them, children who are delighted to join the colouring contest despite them getting only one colour pencil each because we weren't prepared for such a huge crowd, families who live in houses the size of a chicken coop - if you were there during the charity drive, if you bought the second-hand clothes we sold...do know, darlings, that your money went to a place that needs it so, so much.

There are so much more to tell, about how a Cambodian guy became the first person in his village to get into University at his own willpower and effort, about people living in boats on Tonle Sap lake, about the child beggars in Kampung Cham. About the friends we made in Cambodia. But they're all so impossible to convey in a mere note, so hard to spell out in my limited vocabulary. The 13 days made all of us in team CRM09 realize how lucky we are to be born in Malaysia, how we shouldn't take all the things Allah had given us for granted. It made us appreciate everything we have so much more, and it made us realize of our renponsibility to share, to give to those in need.

There will be a Cambodia Relief Mission 2010 next year insyaAllah...go for it, friends. It's an experience that's worth every second of your summer.

Atiqah
Bandar Bukit Raja,
Klang.