bukan sekadar seorang guru.

assalamualaikum dearests :]

the past couple of days were crap. it's a long story, i can't shorten it without you misunderstanding it..so i won't bother. it involves telling my ex boyfriend to stay away from me because i'm not ready for us to be friends and that i may never be, and him telling me i'm so full of myself and that i need to move on and grow up.

sigh. i wanted to explain myself to him but i guess nothing i say will be good enough. it will always end up with me thinking the world revolves around myself, and that everything is about me.

the guy does not know how it's like to live with 7 sisters. life is NEVER just about me.

i ended the email convo with a sentence that began with 'LOL' to appear as shallow as he thinks i am. i think it's funny to further feed his delusion.

anyway. the guy isn't the point.

i was shocked last night when i logged on to facebook and i saw Kakak wrote on my wall telling me Sir Mahisham passed away. it felt really, really, surreal. he was my Math teacher when i was in standard 6.

i'm not a teacher's pet material. and i was an awkward little girl with low self confidence, and i was hot headed, and a crying machine. basically i was a mess back then, and i don't think i had any real friends. i was no Kakwe, who was a teacher's pet. and i was no Kakak or Opie or Didie, who were the center of the 'it' clique. honestly speaking, i wasn't happy in ZS. i was the definition of a misfit, for all the stretch of the 6 years i was there.

i wasn't too smart (well i was, before i skipped std 4 and got into std 5 - it all went downhill after that), i wasn't a nice girl, and i wasn't pretty either. so i was pretty much invisible to the teachers. well some of them knew me because Kakak was so popular, but they always call me 'Azah'. but Sir Mahisham was different. he noticed me. and he calls me by my own name, Atiq.

it wasn't a simple thing to me back then, having a teacher who knows my name and talks to me like i matter. he was one of those teachers who leaves footprints in their students' hearts - and he left some deep ones in mine.

he was one of a kind, and i am saddened to think that despite always thinking about him during school breaks and always wanting to go see him, i never did.

i wish i'd went and visited you so you can see how i've grown into a young lady,

Atiq doakan roh Sir dikurniakan ampunan, dan Atiq doakan syurga untuk Sir...

from Him we come, and to Him we shall return.



i still have three papers left to sit for; do pray for me sayang sayangs.


xx
Atiqah