not into relationships no more.

dear blog,

recently a few friends from malaysia has been texting me asking whether or not i scored myself a boyfriend already. i am living in a place where a lot of the students got married among themselves and i was never without a boyfriend before, so i can't really blame my friends for expecting it from me. it has been some time since my last 'official' relationship.

i must say, i dont believe in before-marriage relationships. at least not anymore.

during my last one, i believed that i was the most loved person on earth and i expected that other person to love me endlessly and unconditionally. alas, we fell apart when i got here. not that it was anybody's fault, it just happened. and now we rarely even contact each other anymore. i dont even know what in the world is going on with his life. not that i want to, in any great detail. and not that i think the person expects me to. we're still kinda awkward but we're okay. i think.

and i often see my in-a-relationship friends making reckless and irrational decisions. i tried to push some sense into their heads but it is apparently an impossible task to do. they are way too deluded into thinking that their love is different. their love, is forever. all these time there is only one of my friends that i believe possess the gift of a true relationship, and i used to call them the 'epik cinta'.

even they are now struggling.

trust is a strong word. it plays with one's emotion and it confuses one about the striking contrast between sincerity and foolishness. it is a novelity that has to be earned. once crushed it takes a million times the effort to have it back. trust. is mankind still worthy of this word?

maybe i do not know anything about love. maybe i am simply too cynical and sceptical for it. maybe i am too egoistical and maybe i am too selfish for such a giving act. maybe....just maybe.

now, i am well aware that as well as a lot of the relationships fall apart, there are also a lot of them that end up in marriage, but for me. for me dear blog,

i dont think i want to be in any pre-marital relationship, it scares the hell out of me. i dont really think there is anyone demented enough to be interested in me right now, but one day if...just if, he'll have to prove himself man enough to actually ask for my hand in marriage.

not that i am ready for that just yet. not in a million years. well actually. make that ten :)

i have things to do right now, you be good okay blog. load quickly or you might annoy my readers.

assalamualaikum
:)

p.s. i thought about putting some religious points in this post but i know nobody's going to listen to that argument. they will come up with some creative excuses to delude themselves into thinking that it is okay, and some will even hate me. so i'm putting this p.s. instead, as a sort-of reminder that it is wrong religiously. i believe that they all know this already. oh well. hope they have fun living in denial! xoxo.