a translated version of some dialogues

"Ku Atiq, Ijey ni. Ijey nak gi rumah Ku Atiq, bawak durian. Ku Atiq santap durian kan?"

"Santap...susahkan Ijey je."



"Assalamualaikum, Ku Atiq? Ijey ni. Ijey nak gi lagi rumah Ku Atiq, bawak durian lagi. Abang Lah nak beli untuk Ku Atiq."

"Atiq baru pegi dusun buah semalam Ijey, kat rumah ada banyak durian. Susahkan Ijey je."

"Takpela Ku Atiq, sementara Ku Atiq ada ni, Abang Lah nak beli makanan untuk Ku Atiq."



"Masa tu Ijey suruh Abang Lah tebang je pokok kari tu sebab semak, tapi Abang Lah kata mana boleh, nanti Ku Atiq balik Ku Atiq mintak daun kari nak bawak pergi sana."

"Ye keee...pokok kari tu semak eh kat rumah Ijey?"



"Atiq balik Ireland 8 August,"

"Cepatnye!! tak sempat Ijey nak lepas rindu lagi..."



"Bye Ku Atiq! Nanti Ijey datang lagi, bawak Zulkifli untuk Ku Atiq main-main"



Ijey, taken into Ketani by my Ninda when she was small, given to Ayahnda to be our nanny. When she first got married and left our house I had high fever for about a week.

I call Zulfikli, her only son, Adik. And put his picture up in my Cinta Hati Pengarang Jantung section for weeks on end.



xoxo
Atiqah

a different one than the others

Amir's a married man. I find it quite amusing. His side's reception will be on the 31st...I wonder how it'd feel like, going to the wedding of the boy I cried TONS and TONS of tears for for a whole week all those years ago. I think I'd probably feel amused. Because I'm a little bit messed up. Haha no really, it's because I'm well over him. I wonder what his parents would say...I hope they don't call me menantu tak jadi (you can never tell with his parents, they're so jeng sometimes. and I say that with love). That'd be tres awkward.

Ayahnda's getting madder and madder at Ngiau because she's so manja and loyal and likes to berlingkar-lingkar dekat kaki orang (sampai Atiq pernah tertendang dia sampai dia melayang-layang di awangan lols). So Mama pun sekarang dah membebel-bebel suruh Atiq pergi buang Ngiau dekat pasar because she doesn't want to wait until Ayahnda mengamuk. Sumpah sedih :(

Aite bye.
<3

not royal at all / HAPPY BIRTHDAAAYYYY.

I've been talking to him/texting him all summer, and then I forgot his birthday. TYPICAL.

Happy Birthday Arih! I'm sorry I scared you with my puteri joke. I'm also sorry I always call you pendet and yell at you for no apparent reason. Thanks for holding on to your promise to never leave no matter how bad things get with me. Kalu nok cari gewe please don't forget to run her by me and Beha first for approval purposes k??

Good luck for the tampakkarya.com launch, I think you're an amazing photographer :)

please don't get mad at me for forgetting your birthday (again). you know i love you.

xoxo
Atiq

p.s. the picture that I have of you and I looked like it came from 50 years ago, haha. NOT uploading it!

summer break so far / uninspired.

dear blog.

i haven't been inspired to write about anything at all lately, hence the silence. life has been fairly uneventful, the chain of tahlils has ended. i wish i have some guy friends in kelate who's not working or in college or in his summer break but living in freaking Japan who could come.

takpela because towards the end tu ada the orphans so meriah sikit rumah tu. kalau tak attendees sikit je, kesian tengok makanan banyak-banyak, membazir. lagipun guna duit Tokku.

i can actually sense this entry ending up being really boring. siiiigh.

kalau korang bawak kereta, korang jadi garang tak? because i have this penyakit yang bila i bawak kereta je terus jadi hotheaded and kerja nak menjerit dekat driver lain je, yang sah-sah takkan dengar (namun mungkin nampak ekspresi muka borderline insane). padahal sendiri bawak kereta macam sepupu syaiton yang baru dapat lesen, yang sah-sah setiap hari kena maki dengan orang. rasa macam nak beli sticker orang kurang upaya yang warna oren tu dan tampal kat cermin belakang kereta. jamin tak kena maki.

also when i drive i would usually give way (when there's no car behind me or when there are LOADS behind me) to cars crossing T-junctions and pedestrians crossing the road, because this is what is expected of you when you drive in Cork and i was hoping the pay-it-forward system would build the same culture here. so haritu i gave way to ONE car yang nak cross and the car behind me freaking HONKED me macam orang gila. urgh. bini nak beranak kot.

kay rant over. you see how bland life has been lately. just same old family drama that i won't tell here, and the fact that i fell in love with a kucing liar and named it Ngiau. lepas tu semua orang cakap Atiq bagi nama lame gila kat dia. hey maybe i'll put her picture up in my cinta hati pengarang jantung section one of these days.

lots of love.
Atiq.

Dear Tokku,

Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujamu

Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna.. Sempurna..

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

Kau adalah darahku, kau adalah jantungku

Tokku passed away.

Tokku passed away.

It's not sinking in well. I saw his grave, I saw the leftover fresh milk and soy milk in the fridge. I saw the unopened pack of diapers for adults that Opie and I ran across Mydin to buy (both wearing kurungs), causing everyone to turn and stare in confusion.

At least this is better than when Anis passed away, I wasn't good to her, I didn't get to see her in the hospital, I didn't even remember what I said to her last.

Allah gave me a chance to do things the right way with Tokku. I was the last person to sleep beside him on his bed before he was admitted. I was the last person he had a real conversation with. I was the one who stood beside his bed in USM's A&E.

I was there. I was there for him. I was there for him and I'm glad.

He knew that I cared about him and I'm glad.

I never hear him say anything about me, but about two weeks before he went, he said 'hok nih hok baik sekali' to my uncle, pointing his hands to me.

I love you, Tokku. I hope you rest in peace.

Inna lillahi wainna ilaihi raaji'un.