it's the birthday of the people that only celebrates their birthday once in four years,
AND
because i got my exam results :)
:)
:)
:D
:D
Alhamdulillah :)
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
where..
..can i get a copy of Looking For Alaska by John Green here? somebody please tell me. i desperately want to read that book. i need my dose of intelligent novels. my grammar is getting worse, and my vocab is stagnant. i went to Wilton just now and lamented on whether i should buy The Book Thief or We Should Talk About Kevin, but decided against it.
having said that, i do have books on my reading list right now.
i am in a reading mood.
ZOMG i blog everyday.
having said that, i do have books on my reading list right now.
i am in a reading mood.
ZOMG i blog everyday.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
of my grandfathers
so okay...this is one of the things i said i was worried about,
Mama called me a couple of days back, asking me to come back home this Summer because Tok Ayah and Tokku are both not in great health.. Now, i am pretty close to both my grandads...well, i'd like to think that i am~
Tokku is a man of status and protocol ("Makey tu biar ado tertik-terning sikik!" = "Makan tu biar ada tertib sikit!"). I used to be terrified of him as a child, because he would scold me for not using bahasa istana when conversing with him, or for having no table manners (lol). But as he grew old, he transforms into this really different person who's lighthearted and shares stories of his good old days with his grandchildren (while maintaining being the Veto of the family).
He would call us and ask whether we're busy, and proceeded on by insisting that he's just asking, and we would understand that he wants us to keep him company so we'll go for a sleepover to his house...and sometimes he would call us and ask us out for lunch/dinner, and we'd all get dressed and go out with him, even though he orders the same dish every single time :) ...and sometimes we'd call him and ask him out to dinner, and he'd still be the one paying, haha..we're so evil.
Tokku can be really sweet when he wants to...he once suddenly announced that he wants to eat at Hartini's (if you love food, or if you live in Shah Alam, you would know this place) and asked my cousin to drive him there, and then he whispered to me "Kito gi makey kat Hartini neh, sebak atiq kato atiq nok makey makaney melayu deh kemaring?" = "Kite gi makan kat Hartini ye, sebab atiq cakap atiq nak makan masakan melayu kan semalam?"
Tokku haven't been calling me like he used to...i used to call him but he had forbidden me from doing so, coz he said i don't have to waste my money for him, though how calling him is a waste of money, i do not know. He always says that he's doing fine everytime he calls, and he always asks me whether i have enough money over here, and he's always worried that i might be hiding the fact that i don't have enough money from him. No words i say can ever convince him that i have enough money to go by...~
Tok Ayah on the other hand, has not been well for quite some time now...he has Parkinson's disease..he's okay but he was really weak the last time i saw him..the last time i talked to Tokwe on the phone, Tokwe wanted to pass the phone to him but he said he was too tired to talk..
when i was small, Tok Ayah (it's actually Tok Ayoh, but it's weird seeing it spelled like that) was this huge strong man to me, the one that takes us in turns for a ride on his Vespa around his front lawn, the one that kaits the coconuts with that ultra long galah that i couldn't even hold up a few cms off the ground, the one that makes the chairs and tables in his house on his own, the one that made us wooden rocking horses, the one that made us congkaks...those were the days~
nowadays, he's still a sweet grandfather (and great-grandfather), even though he can't do stuff for me anymore, he still pats my head most of the time i salam him, and that is more than enough for this granddaughter of his.. :)
there is this time a couple of years back, when i accompanied him to this clinic (Ayahnda drove us) for his regular checkup, and afterwards, as we were walking to the car, there was this set of stairs, and i nearly burst out crying when he held my arms for support as he carefully step down the stairs..
it's really heartbreaking to remember that Tokwe and Tok Ayah actually cried when they were waving at me as i was driven away from my house (i was going to Shah Alam and then here)~
i haven't decided on what to do yet...to go back or not go back. to go back the whole of Summer or a half of Summer..as suggested by Kak Timah, i'll leave it off till later and see how things flow...as i really can't think of a solution right now..
this is actually the main thing that's bothering me...the song and whatnot are just like an exacerbating factor of sorts. i am easily bothered by things. it's a disease, i say.
you now officially have enough grandfather-granddaughter tales to last you an eternity, lol.
i don't know why i have been very very nostalgic lately..perhaps this is what they call homesickness...?~
till then.
assalamualaikum
p.s. when i say 'us' in this entry, i mean me and my sisters, and i have many many sisters so it can be any one of them, or more :)
p.p.s. yes, i know i need to stop saying lol.
Mama called me a couple of days back, asking me to come back home this Summer because Tok Ayah and Tokku are both not in great health.. Now, i am pretty close to both my grandads...well, i'd like to think that i am~
Tokku is a man of status and protocol ("Makey tu biar ado tertik-terning sikik!" = "Makan tu biar ada tertib sikit!"). I used to be terrified of him as a child, because he would scold me for not using bahasa istana when conversing with him, or for having no table manners (lol). But as he grew old, he transforms into this really different person who's lighthearted and shares stories of his good old days with his grandchildren (while maintaining being the Veto of the family).
He would call us and ask whether we're busy, and proceeded on by insisting that he's just asking, and we would understand that he wants us to keep him company so we'll go for a sleepover to his house...and sometimes he would call us and ask us out for lunch/dinner, and we'd all get dressed and go out with him, even though he orders the same dish every single time :) ...and sometimes we'd call him and ask him out to dinner, and he'd still be the one paying, haha..we're so evil.
Tokku can be really sweet when he wants to...he once suddenly announced that he wants to eat at Hartini's (if you love food, or if you live in Shah Alam, you would know this place) and asked my cousin to drive him there, and then he whispered to me "Kito gi makey kat Hartini neh, sebak atiq kato atiq nok makey makaney melayu deh kemaring?" = "Kite gi makan kat Hartini ye, sebab atiq cakap atiq nak makan masakan melayu kan semalam?"
Tokku haven't been calling me like he used to...i used to call him but he had forbidden me from doing so, coz he said i don't have to waste my money for him, though how calling him is a waste of money, i do not know. He always says that he's doing fine everytime he calls, and he always asks me whether i have enough money over here, and he's always worried that i might be hiding the fact that i don't have enough money from him. No words i say can ever convince him that i have enough money to go by...~
Tok Ayah on the other hand, has not been well for quite some time now...he has Parkinson's disease..he's okay but he was really weak the last time i saw him..the last time i talked to Tokwe on the phone, Tokwe wanted to pass the phone to him but he said he was too tired to talk..
when i was small, Tok Ayah (it's actually Tok Ayoh, but it's weird seeing it spelled like that) was this huge strong man to me, the one that takes us in turns for a ride on his Vespa around his front lawn, the one that kaits the coconuts with that ultra long galah that i couldn't even hold up a few cms off the ground, the one that makes the chairs and tables in his house on his own, the one that made us wooden rocking horses, the one that made us congkaks...those were the days~
nowadays, he's still a sweet grandfather (and great-grandfather), even though he can't do stuff for me anymore, he still pats my head most of the time i salam him, and that is more than enough for this granddaughter of his.. :)
there is this time a couple of years back, when i accompanied him to this clinic (Ayahnda drove us) for his regular checkup, and afterwards, as we were walking to the car, there was this set of stairs, and i nearly burst out crying when he held my arms for support as he carefully step down the stairs..
it's really heartbreaking to remember that Tokwe and Tok Ayah actually cried when they were waving at me as i was driven away from my house (i was going to Shah Alam and then here)~
i haven't decided on what to do yet...to go back or not go back. to go back the whole of Summer or a half of Summer..as suggested by Kak Timah, i'll leave it off till later and see how things flow...as i really can't think of a solution right now..
this is actually the main thing that's bothering me...the song and whatnot are just like an exacerbating factor of sorts. i am easily bothered by things. it's a disease, i say.
you now officially have enough grandfather-granddaughter tales to last you an eternity, lol.
i don't know why i have been very very nostalgic lately..perhaps this is what they call homesickness...?~
till then.
assalamualaikum
p.s. when i say 'us' in this entry, i mean me and my sisters, and i have many many sisters so it can be any one of them, or more :)
p.p.s. yes, i know i need to stop saying lol.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
it's approaching 2am
i thought i wanted to go back to sleep but i mistakenly came across this song that held a bejillion memories and it kinda drove me crazy so here i am wide awake..
i wish this can work for, like, biochemistry or something. i would listen to a certain song while reading biochemistry, and so when i listen to it again years later, all those wonderful biochemistry memories would come all flooding back to me...
lol. now, that would be amazing !
i can put pictures away in boxes, i can stop wearing that shirt, i can throw away those ribbons, i can erase all those e-mails...but i can't do anything with these memories, it's stuck in my brain, like cheap paint from a wall stuck to a poster's cellotape. i can't get rid of it no matter how hard i try and no matter how much i want to. and i feel tugs to my heart everytime i'm reminded of them, and i can't figure out how to escape. i want to run away, but it stalks me still, like a sniper's gunpoint to its victim. i guess all i can do is force myself to sleep and wish everything vanishes come tomorrow.
i think we all can conclude by now, on my 75th post, that i am quite the weird girl no matter how hard i try to fake being normal.
x
Atiq
i wish this can work for, like, biochemistry or something. i would listen to a certain song while reading biochemistry, and so when i listen to it again years later, all those wonderful biochemistry memories would come all flooding back to me...
lol. now, that would be amazing !
i can put pictures away in boxes, i can stop wearing that shirt, i can throw away those ribbons, i can erase all those e-mails...but i can't do anything with these memories, it's stuck in my brain, like cheap paint from a wall stuck to a poster's cellotape. i can't get rid of it no matter how hard i try and no matter how much i want to. and i feel tugs to my heart everytime i'm reminded of them, and i can't figure out how to escape. i want to run away, but it stalks me still, like a sniper's gunpoint to its victim. i guess all i can do is force myself to sleep and wish everything vanishes come tomorrow.
i think we all can conclude by now, on my 75th post, that i am quite the weird girl no matter how hard i try to fake being normal.
x
Atiq
Sunday, February 24, 2008
warning: immature content
friends actions affect me so awfully much that it's annoying me. i so wish i'm immune to their antics.
a few phone calls and my day (that begun with a few pengisians on Palestine) turned upside down. i now have a couple of things worrying me that i wish not to tell because i refuse to complain about life as i'm sure there's a lot more people in the world that have bigger worries than me.
to you, if you're viewing my blog to see whether i've written anything about the phone conversation we had just now, know that i'm too nice to hate you forever. i'll forgive you tonight, but you're out of my life. i've deleted you from my phone, from my Friendster, and from my Yahoo address book. you have no idea how i wish i have magical powers to delete you from my brain cells.
you've dissapointed me greatly. i apologize for being so slow, i'm sure that this is what you've always wished for.
thank You Allah, for being very nice to me, the little girl with that torn past, and giving me a very bright day that cheered me up. it's the first time that i opened my bedroom window in a few months. i love You =)
a few phone calls and my day (that begun with a few pengisians on Palestine) turned upside down. i now have a couple of things worrying me that i wish not to tell because i refuse to complain about life as i'm sure there's a lot more people in the world that have bigger worries than me.
to you, if you're viewing my blog to see whether i've written anything about the phone conversation we had just now, know that i'm too nice to hate you forever. i'll forgive you tonight, but you're out of my life. i've deleted you from my phone, from my Friendster, and from my Yahoo address book. you have no idea how i wish i have magical powers to delete you from my brain cells.
you've dissapointed me greatly. i apologize for being so slow, i'm sure that this is what you've always wished for.
thank You Allah, for being very nice to me, the little girl with that torn past, and giving me a very bright day that cheered me up. it's the first time that i opened my bedroom window in a few months. i love You =)
Friday, February 22, 2008
i hate having to come up with a title. so none for you today, hah!
you would think that after the Syahadatul Haq weekend in Connemara, the Islamic Aspiration Week, and the International Culture's Week, i'd have loads to write about and pictures to show. but i got too lazy and my house received a visit from a semi-lunatic girl from France (hehe just kidding, she's lovely).
Connemara was GORGEOUS! I absolutely love that we have the ocean and mountains as our background the whole time we were there, and i also love (and somewhat scared) that most of the Second and First Years of UCC went to the program. it was a life-turning (that somehow sounds wrong...) event for me last year and i really wanted to share the experience with everyone. I am still, however, too scared to write a post on the content of it, for fear of causing more bad than good with my magical ability to produce berbelit-belit sentences that most of the time will end up being misunderstood. maybe one day i'll draft it and test it on a few people and then publish it or something.
There was a lot of technical difficulties along the program, which i think comes from the fact that a lot of the people running it are first-timers and are still learning. i hope the participants didn't think it as too bad, huehue. what was i appointed as, you might ask? well, i was the official photographer. which means, i don't get to be in a lot of pics and i don't get to be candid-captured. *sigh. anyways. i thought it's gonna be an easy one, being a photographer. but i ended up taking loads of pictures of the people i know and little of the ones i don't know - which beats the whole point of the job, which is to take pics of the participants and make a video before the program ends so they'd feel appreciated. adoiiiila atiqah. but i tried so hard to be fair, janji tak tipu! will do better next time insyaAllah :/
i wanna go on telling about the Islamic Awareness Week, but a LOT of stuff went on during that one, and i think i'd have to dedicate a whole entry to that one if i wanna write about it.
i have a question for my readers; do you think it is safe that the people who read this blog knows my full name, where i come from, and where i study? do you think i should delete all my personal infos from this blog? do you think i should remove my blog from the search engine listing?~ help!
speaking of search engines...quite a number of people stumbled upon my blog when they were googling mefac tabs. for these people: mefac tabs are a commercial name of a drug that contains mefacatamine acid (or something to that effect- i haven't learned Pharmacology yet!), and i think it's only produced and circulated in Ireland, that's why you're not finding an awful lot of infos about it on the net. all i can say is- they're pretty strong painkillers.
THIS HAS BEEN A VERY BORING ENTRY, I AM VERY VERY SORRY ABOUT THAT - THE BUSY-NESS OF THE PAST FEW WEEKS HAS CAUSED ME TO BECOME EVEN MORE UNINTERESTING THAN I ALREADY AM, IF THAT'S EVEN POSSIBLE.
THIS IS ATIQAH SIGNING OFF, AND SHE LOVES WRITING IN CAPS BECAUSE IT'S ANNOYING.
assalamualaikum :]
Connemara was GORGEOUS! I absolutely love that we have the ocean and mountains as our background the whole time we were there, and i also love (and somewhat scared) that most of the Second and First Years of UCC went to the program. it was a life-turning (that somehow sounds wrong...) event for me last year and i really wanted to share the experience with everyone. I am still, however, too scared to write a post on the content of it, for fear of causing more bad than good with my magical ability to produce berbelit-belit sentences that most of the time will end up being misunderstood. maybe one day i'll draft it and test it on a few people and then publish it or something.
There was a lot of technical difficulties along the program, which i think comes from the fact that a lot of the people running it are first-timers and are still learning. i hope the participants didn't think it as too bad, huehue. what was i appointed as, you might ask? well, i was the official photographer. which means, i don't get to be in a lot of pics and i don't get to be candid-captured. *sigh. anyways. i thought it's gonna be an easy one, being a photographer. but i ended up taking loads of pictures of the people i know and little of the ones i don't know - which beats the whole point of the job, which is to take pics of the participants and make a video before the program ends so they'd feel appreciated. adoiiiila atiqah. but i tried so hard to be fair, janji tak tipu! will do better next time insyaAllah :/
i wanna go on telling about the Islamic Awareness Week, but a LOT of stuff went on during that one, and i think i'd have to dedicate a whole entry to that one if i wanna write about it.
i have a question for my readers; do you think it is safe that the people who read this blog knows my full name, where i come from, and where i study? do you think i should delete all my personal infos from this blog? do you think i should remove my blog from the search engine listing?~ help!
speaking of search engines...quite a number of people stumbled upon my blog when they were googling mefac tabs. for these people: mefac tabs are a commercial name of a drug that contains mefacatamine acid (or something to that effect- i haven't learned Pharmacology yet!), and i think it's only produced and circulated in Ireland, that's why you're not finding an awful lot of infos about it on the net. all i can say is- they're pretty strong painkillers.
THIS HAS BEEN A VERY BORING ENTRY, I AM VERY VERY SORRY ABOUT THAT - THE BUSY-NESS OF THE PAST FEW WEEKS HAS CAUSED ME TO BECOME EVEN MORE UNINTERESTING THAN I ALREADY AM, IF THAT'S EVEN POSSIBLE.
THIS IS ATIQAH SIGNING OFF, AND SHE LOVES WRITING IN CAPS BECAUSE IT'S ANNOYING.
assalamualaikum :]
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Atheists are emotionally tiring
i know i should be more patient with them and help them through.
but honestly, they come up with a bejillion misunderstandings about religion that they're so sure of, and when i try to explain it, they attack even more based on my sentences. get THIS: I AM NOT A NATIVE ENGLISH SPEAKER! so get over it when i use a couple of imperfect words to explain some things.
aaargh.
it is SO frustrating, reading their e-mails. they're full of false thoughts on religion, they're typed in english sentences so complex that i have to read it, like, ten friggin times before i think i get what in the world the point is, and they're just - urgh.
what, you worry about 'religion being given a free reign which can have disasterous consequences on real people'...? oh well well, congratulations. i can see your point quite clearly. i mean, the world as it is now, with powerful countries being given a free reign, is WONDERFUL, right? i mean, all the wars, oppression, colonization, mass killings, earth destruction, global warming..such PEACE and so FULL OF LOVE. You, sir, is well aware of what's going on in the world, i can see.
this time i won't even bother worrying the other committee members about what to reply to them. these people- they'll go on debating no matter what i say, and i have no interest in debating about religion. it needs some simple listening and observation. it needs the will to learn a very sensitive topic without prior judgements.
i know not all atheists are like this. so if you're an atheist and you're reading this, and you're getting ready for this post to end so you can start typing comments on how offended you are...do the world a favour and stop. if you're not like this, then i'm not talking about you. get over it.
i'm sorry that this is an angry post, and i'm sorry i'm lashing out on atheists here even when i know none of my readers are atheists.
i just wish that - urghhhhhh. I'M SO MAAAADDDDD. AND FRUSTRATED. AND ANGRY. AND AND AND ADADNSFLWBQUBF;EKJNDSBFALUFB8OQRH92NJD.
THE END.
but honestly, they come up with a bejillion misunderstandings about religion that they're so sure of, and when i try to explain it, they attack even more based on my sentences. get THIS: I AM NOT A NATIVE ENGLISH SPEAKER! so get over it when i use a couple of imperfect words to explain some things.
aaargh.
it is SO frustrating, reading their e-mails. they're full of false thoughts on religion, they're typed in english sentences so complex that i have to read it, like, ten friggin times before i think i get what in the world the point is, and they're just - urgh.
what, you worry about 'religion being given a free reign which can have disasterous consequences on real people'...? oh well well, congratulations. i can see your point quite clearly. i mean, the world as it is now, with powerful countries being given a free reign, is WONDERFUL, right? i mean, all the wars, oppression, colonization, mass killings, earth destruction, global warming..such PEACE and so FULL OF LOVE. You, sir, is well aware of what's going on in the world, i can see.
this time i won't even bother worrying the other committee members about what to reply to them. these people- they'll go on debating no matter what i say, and i have no interest in debating about religion. it needs some simple listening and observation. it needs the will to learn a very sensitive topic without prior judgements.
i know not all atheists are like this. so if you're an atheist and you're reading this, and you're getting ready for this post to end so you can start typing comments on how offended you are...do the world a favour and stop. if you're not like this, then i'm not talking about you. get over it.
i'm sorry that this is an angry post, and i'm sorry i'm lashing out on atheists here even when i know none of my readers are atheists.
i just wish that - urghhhhhh. I'M SO MAAAADDDDD. AND FRUSTRATED. AND ANGRY. AND AND AND ADADNSFLWBQUBF;EKJNDSBFALUFB8OQRH92NJD.
THE END.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Islamic Aspiration Week
this entry comes in 5 parts.
Part 1:
ISN'T IT ABOUT TIME KAKWE NOTICES I WROTE HER A BLOG ENTRY ALREADY?
hehe.
Part 2:
IAW is coming, if you live in around here YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY COME. WHY AM I WRITING IN CAPS okay i should stop.
the schedule is actually pretty good. We have talks by Harun Yahya and a movie screening of Occupation 101 which is REALLY good and is totally a MUST-WATCH for those who doesn't know much about the whole Israeli-Palestinian crisis and wants to know about it. There'll also be exhibitions and bucket collections for AIDS going on on campus (share the love!) so feel free to come and support us!
Part 3:
Yesterday I went out to Wilton to give out pamphlets of IAW's schedule, and came up with some conclusions:
1) old people are nice. they take flyers.
2) do not judge goth people by their gothic-ness. they actually know how to smile.
3) smiling for nearly two hours drains the life out of you.
4) i'm never taking a part-time job that involve giving out flyers no matter how much they're paying. ever.
Part 4:
I Googled Yusuf Estes, a Protestant Preacher who reverted to Islam, and found out about a bunch of really cool sites. I'm putting links of them under my 'Showers of Wisdom' column on the sidebar, you most definitely should check them out!
Part 5:
I lied. there's just 4 parts. :p
assalamualaikum :)
Part 1:
ISN'T IT ABOUT TIME KAKWE NOTICES I WROTE HER A BLOG ENTRY ALREADY?
hehe.
Part 2:
IAW is coming, if you live in around here YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY COME. WHY AM I WRITING IN CAPS okay i should stop.
the schedule is actually pretty good. We have talks by Harun Yahya and a movie screening of Occupation 101 which is REALLY good and is totally a MUST-WATCH for those who doesn't know much about the whole Israeli-Palestinian crisis and wants to know about it. There'll also be exhibitions and bucket collections for AIDS going on on campus (share the love!) so feel free to come and support us!
Part 3:
Yesterday I went out to Wilton to give out pamphlets of IAW's schedule, and came up with some conclusions:
1) old people are nice. they take flyers.
2) do not judge goth people by their gothic-ness. they actually know how to smile.
3) smiling for nearly two hours drains the life out of you.
4) i'm never taking a part-time job that involve giving out flyers no matter how much they're paying. ever.
Part 4:
I Googled Yusuf Estes, a Protestant Preacher who reverted to Islam, and found out about a bunch of really cool sites. I'm putting links of them under my 'Showers of Wisdom' column on the sidebar, you most definitely should check them out!
Part 5:
I lied. there's just 4 parts. :p
assalamualaikum :)
Thursday, February 7, 2008
a belated thank you letter for a very special person
i fell asleep on the couch, and when i woke up its already dark
i was tired and grumpy, and all i wanted to do is sleep on my bed
and then i realized i haven't done my homework yet
i needed to write lines in Jawi in my three-lined book
i knew i was going to take hours to finish writing it because i was never good at writing Jawi
so i started crying
and then you came
and you took the book and pencil from me and started doing it for me
i thought you have the most amazing Jawi handwriting ever
thank you Kakwe..
i was seven.
my school had afternoon sessions for Standard Two and Standard 3
i used to go to Ketani in the morning
and Ayahnda would come pick me up around 12 and send me to school
even though i could have walked, it was only 10 minutes away
you used to iron my uniform every night, so i can fold it, put it in my basket,
and carry it with me to Ketani
one day you forgot to iron it
and i threw a tantrum and demanded that you iron it for me the next morning
you were rushing to get ready for school,
but you ironed it for me nonetheless
and i thought you were a very nice person
thank you Kakwe..
i was nine.
i just finished PMR and i was bored beyond belief
you took me with you to your campus,
and i thought you were the smartest person i ever knew
you took me to places around KL
we went to The Mines and Padang Merdeka and KLCC
we took a lot of pictures and i was very happy
albeit being really tired keeping up with you
me and my cow-ish stamina
thank you Kakwe..
i was fourteen.
adolescence in MRSMPC was very hard for me
i struggled to fit in and i thought everybody hated me
i got into a lot of trouble with friends because i was too immature
i was trying so hard for my SPM and i was tense
one day i got a good luck card from you
signed with your usual 'Who Else? Kakwe'
i thought you were the most thoughtful person ever existed
thank you Kakwe..
i was sixteen.
living in KMB doing International Baccalaureatte was bittersweet
there were times that i needed to get out of there
you drive me back and forth from your house in Shah Alam
no matter how busy you are
and how tight a budget you were on
during one of the weekends,
you drove me to that Harry Potter movie in Midvalley
even though you were so exhausted from work that you fell asleep during the movie
because you knew it would make me happy
and because you knew how much it would mean to me
thank you Kakwe..
i was eighteen.
i failed a paper and i had to repeat the year for it
i was having a nervous breakdown
i was crushed, i was trying to act strong
and i broke when i found out that my scholarship status is threatened.
and then i got your text
right after Mom's text. even before Grandad's phonecall
'it's okay dear, by that time i've worked for some time and i can be of financial help to you'
thank you Kakwe..
i was nineteen.
Kakwe,
i think you are the most amazing person, second only to Mama
you've been there for me all my life
and up until now, i still think that you
have the most amazing Jawi handwriting ever
are a very nice person
the smartest person i ever knew
the most thoughtful person ever existed
and up until now, i still look up to you
you've sacrificed so much for your little sisters
i know you had a tough time being the oldest of the eight of us
and because of that, i want you to know that
you don't have to do it anymore
you can rest,
i want you to know that i'm a big girl now
i am twenty one this year
it's about time i learn to take responsibility
when i mess up
i know you and mom and dad and grandad
said you'll pay for my studies if MARA stops my scholarship
i'll stay here and work this Summer
i'll save money
i'll be the big girl you've been waiting to see
the gift of Iman and the gift of happiness and a good man to take care of you
i pray that God grants my humble prayers
i love you Kakwe,
with all my heart
nothing i do can ever repay you
i'm in tears when i compose this letter for you,
i miss you Kakwe, and i wish i can go back this Summer
i was tired and grumpy, and all i wanted to do is sleep on my bed
and then i realized i haven't done my homework yet
i needed to write lines in Jawi in my three-lined book
i knew i was going to take hours to finish writing it because i was never good at writing Jawi
so i started crying
and then you came
and you took the book and pencil from me and started doing it for me
i thought you have the most amazing Jawi handwriting ever
thank you Kakwe..
i was seven.
my school had afternoon sessions for Standard Two and Standard 3
i used to go to Ketani in the morning
and Ayahnda would come pick me up around 12 and send me to school
even though i could have walked, it was only 10 minutes away
you used to iron my uniform every night, so i can fold it, put it in my basket,
and carry it with me to Ketani
one day you forgot to iron it
and i threw a tantrum and demanded that you iron it for me the next morning
you were rushing to get ready for school,
but you ironed it for me nonetheless
and i thought you were a very nice person
thank you Kakwe..
i was nine.
i just finished PMR and i was bored beyond belief
you took me with you to your campus,
and i thought you were the smartest person i ever knew
you took me to places around KL
we went to The Mines and Padang Merdeka and KLCC
we took a lot of pictures and i was very happy
albeit being really tired keeping up with you
me and my cow-ish stamina
thank you Kakwe..
i was fourteen.
adolescence in MRSMPC was very hard for me
i struggled to fit in and i thought everybody hated me
i got into a lot of trouble with friends because i was too immature
i was trying so hard for my SPM and i was tense
one day i got a good luck card from you
signed with your usual 'Who Else? Kakwe'
i thought you were the most thoughtful person ever existed
thank you Kakwe..
i was sixteen.
living in KMB doing International Baccalaureatte was bittersweet
there were times that i needed to get out of there
you drive me back and forth from your house in Shah Alam
no matter how busy you are
and how tight a budget you were on
during one of the weekends,
you drove me to that Harry Potter movie in Midvalley
even though you were so exhausted from work that you fell asleep during the movie
because you knew it would make me happy
and because you knew how much it would mean to me
thank you Kakwe..
i was eighteen.
i failed a paper and i had to repeat the year for it
i was having a nervous breakdown
i was crushed, i was trying to act strong
and i broke when i found out that my scholarship status is threatened.
and then i got your text
right after Mom's text. even before Grandad's phonecall
'it's okay dear, by that time i've worked for some time and i can be of financial help to you'
thank you Kakwe..
i was nineteen.
Kakwe,
i think you are the most amazing person, second only to Mama
you've been there for me all my life
and up until now, i still think that you
have the most amazing Jawi handwriting ever
are a very nice person
the smartest person i ever knew
the most thoughtful person ever existed
and up until now, i still look up to you
you've sacrificed so much for your little sisters
i know you had a tough time being the oldest of the eight of us
and because of that, i want you to know that
you don't have to do it anymore
you can rest,
i want you to know that i'm a big girl now
i am twenty one this year
it's about time i learn to take responsibility
when i mess up
i know you and mom and dad and grandad
said you'll pay for my studies if MARA stops my scholarship
i'll stay here and work this Summer
i'll save money
i'll be the big girl you've been waiting to see
the gift of Iman and the gift of happiness and a good man to take care of you
i pray that God grants my humble prayers
i love you Kakwe,
with all my heart
nothing i do can ever repay you
i'm in tears when i compose this letter for you,
i miss you Kakwe, and i wish i can go back this Summer
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
not into relationships no more.
dear blog,
recently a few friends from malaysia has been texting me asking whether or not i scored myself a boyfriend already. i am living in a place where a lot of the students got married among themselves and i was never without a boyfriend before, so i can't really blame my friends for expecting it from me. it has been some time since my last 'official' relationship.
i must say, i dont believe in before-marriage relationships. at least not anymore.
during my last one, i believed that i was the most loved person on earth and i expected that other person to love me endlessly and unconditionally. alas, we fell apart when i got here. not that it was anybody's fault, it just happened. and now we rarely even contact each other anymore. i dont even know what in the world is going on with his life. not that i want to, in any great detail. and not that i think the person expects me to. we're still kinda awkward but we're okay. i think.
and i often see my in-a-relationship friends making reckless and irrational decisions. i tried to push some sense into their heads but it is apparently an impossible task to do. they are way too deluded into thinking that their love is different. their love, is forever. all these time there is only one of my friends that i believe possess the gift of a true relationship, and i used to call them the 'epik cinta'.
even they are now struggling.
trust is a strong word. it plays with one's emotion and it confuses one about the striking contrast between sincerity and foolishness. it is a novelity that has to be earned. once crushed it takes a million times the effort to have it back. trust. is mankind still worthy of this word?
maybe i do not know anything about love. maybe i am simply too cynical and sceptical for it. maybe i am too egoistical and maybe i am too selfish for such a giving act. maybe....just maybe.
now, i am well aware that as well as a lot of the relationships fall apart, there are also a lot of them that end up in marriage, but for me. for me dear blog,
i dont think i want to be in any pre-marital relationship, it scares the hell out of me. i dont really think there is anyone demented enough to be interested in me right now, but one day if...just if, he'll have to prove himself man enough to actually ask for my hand in marriage.
not that i am ready for that just yet. not in a million years. well actually. make that ten :)
i have things to do right now, you be good okay blog. load quickly or you might annoy my readers.
assalamualaikum
:)
p.s. i thought about putting some religious points in this post but i know nobody's going to listen to that argument. they will come up with some creative excuses to delude themselves into thinking that it is okay, and some will even hate me. so i'm putting this p.s. instead, as a sort-of reminder that it is wrong religiously. i believe that they all know this already. oh well. hope they have fun living in denial! xoxo.
recently a few friends from malaysia has been texting me asking whether or not i scored myself a boyfriend already. i am living in a place where a lot of the students got married among themselves and i was never without a boyfriend before, so i can't really blame my friends for expecting it from me. it has been some time since my last 'official' relationship.
i must say, i dont believe in before-marriage relationships. at least not anymore.
during my last one, i believed that i was the most loved person on earth and i expected that other person to love me endlessly and unconditionally. alas, we fell apart when i got here. not that it was anybody's fault, it just happened. and now we rarely even contact each other anymore. i dont even know what in the world is going on with his life. not that i want to, in any great detail. and not that i think the person expects me to. we're still kinda awkward but we're okay. i think.
and i often see my in-a-relationship friends making reckless and irrational decisions. i tried to push some sense into their heads but it is apparently an impossible task to do. they are way too deluded into thinking that their love is different. their love, is forever. all these time there is only one of my friends that i believe possess the gift of a true relationship, and i used to call them the 'epik cinta'.
even they are now struggling.
trust is a strong word. it plays with one's emotion and it confuses one about the striking contrast between sincerity and foolishness. it is a novelity that has to be earned. once crushed it takes a million times the effort to have it back. trust. is mankind still worthy of this word?
maybe i do not know anything about love. maybe i am simply too cynical and sceptical for it. maybe i am too egoistical and maybe i am too selfish for such a giving act. maybe....just maybe.
now, i am well aware that as well as a lot of the relationships fall apart, there are also a lot of them that end up in marriage, but for me. for me dear blog,
i dont think i want to be in any pre-marital relationship, it scares the hell out of me. i dont really think there is anyone demented enough to be interested in me right now, but one day if...just if, he'll have to prove himself man enough to actually ask for my hand in marriage.
not that i am ready for that just yet. not in a million years. well actually. make that ten :)
i have things to do right now, you be good okay blog. load quickly or you might annoy my readers.
assalamualaikum
:)
p.s. i thought about putting some religious points in this post but i know nobody's going to listen to that argument. they will come up with some creative excuses to delude themselves into thinking that it is okay, and some will even hate me. so i'm putting this p.s. instead, as a sort-of reminder that it is wrong religiously. i believe that they all know this already. oh well. hope they have fun living in denial! xoxo.
Monday, February 4, 2008
It's Not Over/Second vloggGg
zee ekzam eez over ^.^
Al-Baqarah : 186
"Dan apabila hamba-hambaKu bertanya padamu tentang Aku, maka sesungguhnya Aku dekat. Aku kabulkan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila dia berdoa kepadaKu. Hendaklah mereka itu memenuhi perintahKu, dan beriman kepadaKu, agar mereka beroleh kebenaran"
i am so thankful...sepanjang i'm in medical school i think this is the first time ever that i feel rather calm after an exam..i didnt do fantastic or anything like that, but it went rather well. i dont know how i did it, it must have been The Ever Generous, it must have been all the prayers from everyone - thank you for praying for me dear family and friends...i love you endlessly.
it may be too early to say thanks to people because i dont really know how it'll turn out...but i'll keep on praying that this time He will deem me worthy of at least an overall pass :]
i know that this is far from over, and i know Summer exam is going to be WAY harder than the continuous assessment...i'll keep on working hard, and i'll always be needing your prayers...keep praying for me, please...?~
assalamualaikum :)
-Atiqah, cepat tolong Sudin buat keje MCS, jangan malas-malas-
Al-Baqarah : 186
"Dan apabila hamba-hambaKu bertanya padamu tentang Aku, maka sesungguhnya Aku dekat. Aku kabulkan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila dia berdoa kepadaKu. Hendaklah mereka itu memenuhi perintahKu, dan beriman kepadaKu, agar mereka beroleh kebenaran"
i am so thankful...sepanjang i'm in medical school i think this is the first time ever that i feel rather calm after an exam..i didnt do fantastic or anything like that, but it went rather well. i dont know how i did it, it must have been The Ever Generous, it must have been all the prayers from everyone - thank you for praying for me dear family and friends...i love you endlessly.
it may be too early to say thanks to people because i dont really know how it'll turn out...but i'll keep on praying that this time He will deem me worthy of at least an overall pass :]
i know that this is far from over, and i know Summer exam is going to be WAY harder than the continuous assessment...i'll keep on working hard, and i'll always be needing your prayers...keep praying for me, please...?~
assalamualaikum :)
-Atiqah, cepat tolong Sudin buat keje MCS, jangan malas-malas-
Saturday, February 2, 2008
exam on Monday
doakan Atiq :(
only on this to say: snow, then bright blue sky, then light snow again in less than 12 hours = only in Cork.
so rainbow + full moon + snow = a good luck wish ? :)
salam alaik
p.s. real anon, i x approve your comment becaaaauuussee. just because. please BEHAVE. hoho.
only on this to say: snow, then bright blue sky, then light snow again in less than 12 hours = only in Cork.
so rainbow + full moon + snow = a good luck wish ? :)
salam alaik
p.s. real anon, i x approve your comment becaaaauuussee. just because. please BEHAVE. hoho.
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