numb.

Being one who had failed before
it consumes your emotions
it doesn't come in waves
it's constant.
it's always there, haunting your every thought,
eating you up inside.
you feel numb
you feel awkward
and you just wish that
you can have this silvery liquid
come out of the pores of your very skin
cover you
every inch of you
and make you invisible
unseen
unheard of

you heart sinks every time people say you're strong
because deep inside you
you know that you're actually not
that you're so scared of failing again
it makes you numb

you're hard as rock on the outside
you protect yourself from feeling anything
you're terrified of your own true emotions,
because you've felt it before.
a dark looming depression
that one either come out of; sane, scarred and insecure.
or numb, weak, and defeated.

there is no such thing as coming out of it stronger..
or is there?


i need hugs :(