with the number of people asking me about things, i cant possibly repeat whats going on to everyone, since i'm in a roller coaster of emotions, and i have a bejillion things to settle right now
1. with the medical school
I e-mailed the Dean and she had kindly agreed to see me to discuss the matter, and i shall beg, cry, do whatever it takes to either
a. do an oral to up my marks so i can pass
b. carry the one subject to Second Year
c. if it comes to it, i'll tell med school they can kick me out if i dont manage to pass everything next year, just please give me the chance to carry the subject, and i'll prove myself worthy of it. I shall have no life next term, there shall be no long shopping trips, no watching movies, no going to Dublin to see Lynn, and no travelling, i promise, i swear.
2. with MARA, my periuk nasi
they wont be giving any allowances for me when i reach my final year if i have to repeat any year in med school...so i'd either
a. ask for a student loan from Bank of Ireland.
b. ask for a loan from Tokku, i'll pay it back, i'll pay it back..
i havent contacted En. Kamis yet, i want to see what medschool has to say first.
oh. maybe i should tell him what i'm doing now.
okay. okay.
i'm being rational, positive, and i'm trying to solve this problem.
no more suicidal and negative talks. i'm sorry, i'm sorry..
if not for these great people around me i would never have gained strength to wake up and keep going,
kakak if you're reading this pls tell Mama for me.
i still dont have the strength to talk to her.
13 comments:
salam...jgn takut...yakin pada allah selalu...dia maha mengetahui apa yg terbaik buat hambaNya... dia juga maha mengetahui siapa yg mampu menanggung ujian ini... insyaallah Dia akan memberi ganjaran setimpal dgn apa yg atikah dah lakukan...bykan bersabar dan bertawakal kpdnya... itulah tanda kemenangan yg lebih besar jika dibandingkan dgn kemenangan mendapat result yg baik...you're are not a loser!!! you're a loser if you lose to His's test...ingatlah...
"...maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan,sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan..."
(94:5-6)...
yakinlah pada janjiNya...
atik...don give up...i understand ur feeling...if you want to cry,you better cry(i guess you have cried soo much. but in the end you have to wake up.really wake up.trime this as a gift from Allah for the coming ramadhan...do what ever effort you can..I'll support you...I'll do my part,which is i think much worst than you actually...i know its hard. pedang yang kukuh tak terbentuk dgn hanya tempaan yg ckit,tapi dgn bara n hentaman yang luar biasa. i know, we can say i'm ok,but our tears can't lies,our heart keep saying no.no.no...i dunno know you but thats me...tapi what ever it is...aku nasihatkan you to talk to ur mum...i know its hard...but believe me..they know know you much better than you know ur self...for me...i need them.i don think i strong enough to face this alone...i dunno you..but i hope i can know you better later...ok atik all the best...i'm going to see Dr. O'flynn this Friday. kalau boleh nak lg cepat tp thats what she offer. i need to request my papaer to be remarks. and the last one may be i will appeal to Exam Board. i dont think oral suit me...my marks..soooooooo bad....ok atik..all the best...slamat berpuase....
thanks...i really appreciate the reminder and the support~
sudin..we go thru this together kay,
sorry Tiq, i was a bit busy yesterday.. just saw ur entry.. and i'm the last person to know.
Everybody already knows, and we're all behind you... Don't worry Tiq, NONE of us feel that you have failed us, you just have to be resilient.. Just hang in there, our prayers are with you..
And in worst case scenario, Dad WILL pay for your final year. Don't worry about it. Just come back as Dr. Atique okay.
aTique,
be stRong k..akak paham ur emotions rite now..hope atique tabah k..Life is full of lots of up and downs..it's all Allah's test for us..troubles and trials in our life are alwaz the tools by which Allah fashions us for better things..so again, be strong!!so iA wutever happen,atique ingat yg you’ll always have my shoulder to cry on..
akak slalu doakan atique
sayang atique~~<3
those words from the so-called anonymous (heck, i sooo know who u are) have already been approved by kakwe! haha... way to go! smile yea sis? jus got my prezzie last nite. u'll always be close to my heart -literally. thanks! dun worry much ok. just hang in there and dont go loca.
Kakak: thanks kak...i'll save money and i'll stay here and work in summer break if i have to...i cant possibly ask dad for money just like that..i'm a big girl, i have to learn to pay for my own mistakes~
Kak Muna: thanks akak...akak...nanti...akak jadi tutor atiq aci ek....?~ hu..
Opsito: you're welcome, i'm glad u like it. and the anonymous is not him la Ops...i dont know who he is either. Haidir probably. he's the only friend that insists in calling me atikah.
Anonymous: again, thanks sgt 4 ur comment, it strengthens my spirit everytime i read it~
pedang yang kukuh tak terbentuk dgn hanya tempaan yg ckit,tapi dgn bara n hentaman yang luar biasa - amboi Sudin.. where did u learn these words lah dik?
Alhamdulillah… akhirnya atikah faham jugak perkara yang tersirat disebalik mesej tu…ingat tak time usrah kita bincang pasal mukaddimah fi zilal??? pasal qadar…kita hanya mampu berusaha…tp Allah yg menentukan natijahnya…dan seharusnya kita patut rasa sgt2 gembira krn kita telah melakukan byk pengorbanan…walaupun natijahnya bukanlah seperti yang kita harapkan…jika dibandingkan dgn mereka yang membuat pengorbanan yang sedikit tetapi mendapat hasil yang diimpikan…dan InsyaAllah kita sentiasa mengharapkan ganjaran pahala dari Allah diakhirat nanti…ganjaran yang sememangnya lebih lumayan dan lebih berharga drpd ganjaran mandapat result yang baik…inilah perkara yang hendak dijar oleh Al-quran kpd kita…dan InsyaAllah kita akan sentiasa bersangka baik kepada Allah…
“Dan boleh jadi kamu benci kepada sesuatu padahal ia baik bagi kamu, dan kamu mungkin sukakan sesuatu, sedangkan ia lebih buruk kapada kamu. Dan hanya Allah yang mengetahui, sedangkan kamu tidak mengetahui” (Al-Baqarah : 216)
Ingatlah, Allah maha mengetahui apa yang terbaik utk diri kita, lebih daripada kita tahu apa yang terbaik untuk diri kita sendiri kerana ilmu kita sangat2 limited utk mengetahui perkara2 yang ghaib…
InsyaAllah atikah…saya disini akan sentiasa mendoakan kejayaan atikah… dan mudah2an atikah cekalkan dan kuatkan diri mengharungi hari2 mendatang dengan penuh keyakinan tanpa rasa gusar di dada…
Hi.
I hope you're feeling much much better with all the support from your family and friends, who seems to love you very much. =)
Know that you will get thru this and He will get you thru this.
take care.
anonymous,
I'm annoyed u spelt my sister's name Atikah. It's 'ATIQAH. With Q. Apostrophe tuh takpe laa diampunkan sebab tak ramai orang tau pon. huehue. sekian trima kasih.
dun weri...markah bukan petanda aras utk kebijaksanaan otak...everyone is unique...mayb u r not as what the 'system' expected but if u keep doing things in ur own pace...sure anytime succeed jugok....of coz failure is not an option but it's a must...dun weri....u r just playing wif the 'system'...not 'academic' itself...BANGKIT PHOENIX BANGKIT!!!
SATU DUA TIGA DO RE MI
APA NAK JADI?
ALIF BA TA A B C
APA NAK JADI AKAN TERJADI
HUJAN PASTI BERHENTI...
"HIDUP DAH NASIB, ROLLER COASTER,
SUSAH DAN SENANG BERSILIH GANTI,
BILA-BILA BOLEH NAIK DAN TURUN"
dear everyone...i'm touched with all the nasihat and encouragements...some comments mysteriously hilang after i clicked on published though...must be too long or something, jgn ingat atiq reject pulak kay! i appreciate each and every word, syg korang sgt.. :)
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