everyone is flooding my phone inbox and yahoo messenger going
"hows ur results?"
i cant not answer it and i cant say it over and over and over again because its killing me..
i failed FM1002. passed FM1003,
with absolutely NO idea how that happened.
NO idea how to be positive.
NObody with me.
NO idea how to stop feeling like a complete loser.
NO idea how to not think i'm the stupidest medical student ever existed.
NO idea how to stop sobbing.
NO idea what i did wrong.
NO idea how to face the world.
NO idea to where to find strength.
NO idea how to talk to Mama and what to say to her.
and a million ideas of how i can stop this pain, this frustration, this confusion..
dont worry i'll be fine. promise.
5 comments:
hi.
Don't be too sad ok?
You're not a loser and you shouldn't feel that way.
Sometimes, things just go wrong and in time, things will get better.
Just try better next time ok?
Take care.
=)
thanks awak.
you're most welcome. =)
hang in there and stay strong and happy.
salam atique,
can't believe i'm announcing this to the whole world (the world that reads ur blog at least), but i had to re-sit one paper for my first year. i practically failed the whole paper though they said 'unsatisfactory, resit sem 2' in the results announcement (for Manchester Medics, there's only ONE semester paper, the rest is thesis, progress paper and OSCEs).
i'd expected it really, when i was sitting for the paper i felt like the world go crash-bang around me, tak pernah kna tembak jawapan macam ni punya banyakkkkk arrrgggg and for like a week after the exams i went about in a half-dazed semi-suicidal stage, convinced that i'm going to fail and my world will end.
indeed, after a month of agonizing before the results, my premonition went true. i had to re-sit my paper, cut my holidays short (and spend 3/4 of it studying like mad), buy a new flight ticket to Manchester that cost me like RM 3K (i bought a return ticket with a return date that cannot be re-scheduled so apparently i had to let it burn je...), and all the while keep a bold front and twist my words around everybody (including KMB teachers) who were asking me about my results. even those around in Manchester who r askin me why do i return early were 'gently deceived'.. thanks to my top-notch politically-correct communication skills. skil putar alam. i think less than seven persons outside my family and my usrah group knew about my predicament. until now. and alhamdulillah i've passed. but that's a second issue.
a few years - perhaps months ago, i'd thought that failure is such a disgrace. an unthought-of, something that wouldn't ever happen to me. it never did anyway. perhaps aku sebenarnya angkuh, tanpa sedar.
apparently, sometimes everything has a first, and this is my first. hopefully it'll be my last (and ur last as well). this is a wake-up call of sorts for me, a stronger-than-ever reminder of the sometimes-forgotten fact that every human being is vulnerable, powerless, submit to Allah's will.
dunno how relating all these to you may help. just letting you know that whatever problem befell u, it doesn't mean u'r stupid or anything. things just happen and they do happen to anyone. have faith. Allah is there, always there. He didn't give tests unfairly or without reasons. u're strong enough for it, and u'll emerge the stronger after weathering the storm insyaAllah.
salam Ramadhan, may Allah ease ur way =)
meow~
thats very sweet of you to share it with me, hope all goes well to you dear~
Post a Comment