just another update.

hey guys.

i haven't packed anything and i'm officially panicking. i'm going to KL on the 20th, and i'm off to board the KL-Dubai-London-Cork journey on the 22nd.

somebody please tell me where do i start. banyak gila benda nak pack. walaupun dah banyak kali pack-unpack tapi still tak reti.

i was reading the posts that i put under 'non-bimboistic mutterings'. i miss those days, the days when i wasn't a bimbo/airhead.

really, guys. thanks for reading. you guys are amazing. my blog is a waste of space in internet land.


p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY OPSITO!! <3333



Atiqah

this date.

is a date i would want to remember later on.

malam tadi tidur pukul 4.

bangun pukul 6, kena siap-siap nak pergi teman Tokku chemo.

Tokku : Atiq beso mari USM?
Atiq : -_______- beso...
Tokku : Atiq wak gapo?
Atiq : Atiq mari kursus, mari wak volunteer works, mari lawat ore sakik...mari chemo Tokku..
Tokku : heh?? Atiq rajing mari chemo Tokku??
Atiq : -_____- ku...
Tokku : Atiq tok rajing mari deh, Atiq gi maso Tokku wak radiotherapy dulu kot...
Atiq : Atiq rajing doh temey Tokku chemo, Tokku..
Tokku : heh?? Atiq tok rajing dehh...bilo? maso cuti ni ko?
Atiq : *stress* ku...

Ini adalah kali kelima saya teman Tokku pergi chemo..siap tertidur, habis baca dua bijik novel. namun begitu beliau menyangka ini kali pertama. Takpe sabar. Allah Maha Mengetahui.

Mabuk rasa. tidur 2 jam lepas tu pukul 7 malam baru balik rumah balik. 6 jam tunggu Tokku kat hospital.

Saya nak balik Cork.

Saya nak stay Malaysia.


I can't win. As per usual.


xoxo
Atiqah
Sayang korang.

current favourite song

the lyrics are amazing. when i first heard it, i thought 'wah. story of my life.'

Shendot post dulu kat blog die tapi ini tak bermakna beliau adalah idola saya. masa suara serak baru baru balik Kemboja suka nyanyi lepas tu konon-konon suara mirip Miley Cyrus haha.

oh my god saya dah gila dah sekarang. sila start kelas cepat-cepat.

The Climb - Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Atiqah
belum pack apebenda pun lagi.

the night I felt the pain of being a mother.

semalam tidur dengan adik bongsu. Zulkifli. click untuk tahu siapekejadah Zulkifli ni.

I really thought he was sleeping well when I came down and wrote that previous blog post. By the time I went back upstairs, position kipas dah lain, baby dah tido lain, ibu die pun dah tido lain.

Throughout last night I did not really sleep. could not really sleep. Baby Zul was sweating so he wasn't comfortable, and kept waking up and weeping. So I took a couple of mattresses and made us a place to sleep on the tv space upstairs. Even then, he kept waking up and weeping, and sometimes Ijey didn't realize it so I had to ulit him back to sleep.

Dear Lord. Bless all the mothers in the world.

Sampai sekarang Atiq ngantuk lagi. Baru satu malam. Belum tiap-tiap malam selama at least setahun.

Who should I give my love to?
My respect and my honor to
Who should I pay good mind to?
After Allah
And Rasulullah

Comes your mother
Who next? Your mother
Who next? Your mother
And then your father

Zulkifli sayang...

...sedang tidur dengan nyenyak atas katil i. haha.

(sila jangan konfius. beliau berumur 4 bulan)

harini pergi Thai carnival dekat Royal Thai Consulate for lunch dengan Tokku. He spoke fluent Thai with the peniaga-peniaga there, and when he left me at the stall to take his lunch to our table, orang kat kedai tu spoke Thai to me T__T tak pahammmm. i just muttered 'Ka, kop kun kaa' and hurried away.

dahla masa beli air kelapa tu tesilap cakap 'O kun', which is 'Thanks' in Khmer/Cambodian. Kesian my brain, dah confuse dah.

goodnight you allz.

Atiqah

new template dan Gadis Melayu

hai korang! new template. khas untuk ayam-ayam tua, Tengku Nor Azah dan Hareez Hafni yang complain pasal template merah menusuk kalbu i. Arih kalau complain lagi i expel u dari blog i. haha.

ini adalah shoutout untuk ROBAEHA RAMZA RAMLI. hahaha. sila baca comments section entry 'internetless for a couplea days', Mimi tulis essay untuk Beha. Tahniah kerana berjaya memenangi hati ibu Mimi iaitu wife Dato' Halim iaitu seorang Datin iaitu seorang yang berbakat menjadi voter yang maju jaya heheheheheh Mimi jangan mareeee.

Mimi sampai hati u takot nak dating dengan i sebab H1N1. Adik2 i je yang kena quarantine, i tak. ngeee. Atiq ado 1 week jah left in Malaysia :(

and Mimi, you can reach Beha here: beeramza.blogspot.com @ Bee Ramza Ramli in facebook.

ok Adik ngepek doh, dio nok guno computer. sibuk la.


xoxo
Atiqah

an anecdote.

Semalam keluar dinner dengan Tokku, pergi makan Sate Baung kat Pengkalan Chepa nun jauh di sana.

Tokku bagitau kitorang lelaki2 Thailand suka pakai bedak. Kemudian beliau proceeded to tell us yang arwah Nenda selalu gelakkan beliau sebab beliau juga gemar memakai bedak.

omg atok I adalah metrosexual sebenarnya *too much to handle*

Semalam juga kena tegur dengan Ayahnda sebab tanya Tokku esok Tokku nak makan ape for breakfast.

'Santap lah bukey makey!'

tsk. Dah lama tak kena marah sebab tak guna bahasa istana. Deja vu.


Atiqah

H1N1 - These are dangerous days to live in.

We were having lunch at Sri Chengmai that afternoon. Tokku, Ayahnda, Didie and I. Tokku is now bald. He was starting to lose his hair from chemo, so he shaved off his whole head. It's hard to get used to it, I have never seen him bald all my life.

As the food was still arriving, Ayahnda had a phonecall. It was Mama. She called to tell him Adik's teacher called her, asking her to bring Adik home. Adik had a fever. We panicked. And when I say we panicked...I mean we panicked. But Tokku had to eat his lunch, and he asked Didie and I to finish the food, so we did. Ayahnda barely ate anything when he stopped and waited patiently for Tokku to finish his lunch. Didie and I shoved the food down our throats and whispered worrying thoughts to each other.

As soon as Tokku paid the bill, Ayahnda sped to Ketani and dropped Tokku off. I took three of Tokku's masks. He had them even before H1N1 broke out in Kelate because he was immunosuppressed. I wanted to give the mask to Ayahnda but he refused. So Didie and I wore them, and I clutched the spare one in my hands.

I ran into Zainab Satu as soon as the car stopped. The teacher who called told us Adik was in the musolla, so I headed there. All the students stared at me. Masked. Dressed up for the lunch with Tokku. Running.

When I couldn't find anyone in the musolla, I ran to the sickbay. And then somebody mentioned that they were at the hall. At this point of time, I wasn't computing anything in my brain. All I wanted to see was Adik. Dear God...I nearly typed Anis.

It was hell for me, that one hour of yesterday. I had to remain calm because Ayahnda was panicking, but the truth is I was scared to death. To death. The memories of those days when I was 14 years old came flooding back to me, and it was all still too vivid and real. I could never bear the pain of losing a sister ever, ever, again.

And then I saw her. Walking towards me, thoroughly confused. Lord knows how I felt at that moment. Everybody was staring at me. I hastily tied on the mask for Adik, took her bag and walked her to our car.

We then took her to a government clinic where she was declared fine because she doesn't have a flu, and she wasn't coughing. She's all well now. She's upstairs watching the pitchi pitchi peach cds Mushang gave her.


A simple fever.

This must be the end of time.



Atiqah.