i just bought some strawberries yesterday and some of it is already going bad today, so i needed to consume them, and i needed to do it quick. i didn't feel like eating them raw, so i decided to make a smoothie.
i don't really know how to make one, but i figured i'd just drink it anyways even if it goes wrong. i threw some of the strawberries in the blender with a banana, poured in some milk and orange juice and a teaspoon of sugar, and walla - i got a bubbly pink concoction of pleasure :D try it! it tastes of happiness and health ^.~
p.s. have you been a good reader and clicked on the bright green banner i recently put on the sidebar yet? click ittt!~ increase your vocabulary, and more importantly - help feed the starving poor :]
xx
Saturday, May 10, 2008
i iz procrastinating
from tidying up the disaster that is my post-exam room. i would have taken pictures and showed them to you, but i fear that i shall end up a spinster as i am quite sure that nobody wants a wife that has a room that look like a diseased cow had just paid a lovely visit for tea.
Friday, May 9, 2008
i decided to go to the mall tomorrow.
i apologize.
i've just realized that writing a sad post, then an emo post, then deleting the emo post and writing another happy post all within 24 hours was probably a bit overwhelming for my ample readership of fifteen people.
bear with me, it's post-exam unstableness.
salam wbt.
i've just realized that writing a sad post, then an emo post, then deleting the emo post and writing another happy post all within 24 hours was probably a bit overwhelming for my ample readership of fifteen people.
bear with me, it's post-exam unstableness.
salam wbt.
Googlybear
I've heard about Google Reader for quite some time now but I haven't actually looked it up until today. And because I'm a blog reader/surfer, I find it as another great reason to think that Google is genius. It tells me when the blogs I subscribe to updates, so I don't have to keep checking each of them every now and then, how cool is that?!
I've been having Yahoo! as my homepage for quite some time now, mainly because it has the Yahoo! Mail and Yahoo! Messenger drop downs on the page, so I can easily see whether i have any new mails or check who's online on YM without actually logging in. But, since I love Google so, I've changed my homepage back to Google. iGoogle. Because I just realized that they have a widget that enables me to see whether I have any new mails on my Yahoo! email AND my Google email. It doesn't look as neat as it does on the Yahoo page, but still. it works all the same. And the best part is, I've put on the Google Reader widget as well, so now everytime I open my Firefox, I'd get to see which blogs have updated right there on my homepage! It's amazing, isn't it.
Well, maybe I'm a n00b and maybe everybody's doing this already all along, but I still wanna blog it.
I'm off to the mall XD bye now.
I've been having Yahoo! as my homepage for quite some time now, mainly because it has the Yahoo! Mail and Yahoo! Messenger drop downs on the page, so I can easily see whether i have any new mails or check who's online on YM without actually logging in. But, since I love Google so, I've changed my homepage back to Google. iGoogle. Because I just realized that they have a widget that enables me to see whether I have any new mails on my Yahoo! email AND my Google email. It doesn't look as neat as it does on the Yahoo page, but still. it works all the same. And the best part is, I've put on the Google Reader widget as well, so now everytime I open my Firefox, I'd get to see which blogs have updated right there on my homepage! It's amazing, isn't it.
Well, maybe I'm a n00b and maybe everybody's doing this already all along, but I still wanna blog it.
I'm off to the mall XD bye now.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
The Swan Princess
I stared at my widescreen laptop. Headphone on my head, volume up to near maximum. I watched the colourful characters of the cartoon sway on the screen, piano playing in the background. My heart was numb. I cannot believe how vividly I remember everything. The lyrics of the songs, the scenes that I love. This is the first time that I have watched it again after so many years...I do not know whether it was grief that stopped me, or did I feel incomplete, watching it without my sister. The other sister. The sister that no longer is, but still remembered. Always, and forever will be.
* * *
I was fourteen. And like most average student, I had to attend tuition classes to keep up with grades. I was living with my grandfather at the big house with my little sister, Opie. Nenda just passed away, so we thought we would keep Tokku company. Every morning, Ayahnda will come pick us up and drive us to school. We could have walked, our schools were very close by. I did not quite remember the exact reason we decided not to. Perhaps it was Tokku that forbid us from walking to school.
One morning, we waited for Ayahnda to come as he always do. We waited and we waited...but alas, the car never came. Opie was a prefect, so she did not want to be late for school. So Tokku decided to send her to school, while I stayed over to wait for Ayahnda. He never came, and I was getting frustrated. But then suddenly I saw the car, but it was not Ayahnda that was driving. It was Mama.
"Bakpo Mama hok maghi?"
"Ayahndo bowok Anis gi spital, Anis keno sengat tebuey maso tido,"
"Hahah, tu la, nok sangak masok spital, masuk sungguh doh."
I chuckled. I will never forgive myself for chuckling at that moment. I did not know, Anis sayang. I did not know...
I never went to visit her at the hospital. Being a PMR candidate that year, I was at school until two, and I had tuition classes and extra classes almost everyday. I did not think much about it. I thought everything would be alright. How foolish of me. And how selfish, not even willing to skip a class for a sick sister.
It was around 6p.m., I just got out of my tuition class and decided not to walk back to Ketani, but to ask for a ride with a friend. On the way back home, I saw my mom's car speeding past us. I remember thinking how odd it was for Kakak to be driving that car, she was supposed to be in UiTM. Awah was in there too, and she was supposed to be in MRSM PC. My friend's mother turned her car around and tried to catch up with my sister. But she was driving too fast and we lost track of the car in a glimpse.
They dropped me off at Ketani, and I walked in, feeling uneasy. The door was locked. I rang the bell, but nobody answered. I walked round the house, past the pool, and tried the sliding doors, but to no luck. I went up to the front, and tried the front sliding door, also to no avail. I walked to the garage and then I saw it, slipped in between the sliding doors; a note.
'Atiq, Tokku pergi hospital. Tunggu di rumah'
Something felt very wrong. I started pacing in front of the gates, waiting for someone to come and take me there, too. I waited and I waited...And at long last, I saw a car speeding towards me. It was my cousins, Jijie, and Chieyna.
"Atiq, jom gi spital!"
"Ok!"
I was cracking jokes and telling stories in the car, having no worry at all about what was going on. I was sure that everything will be alright. But my cousins...they were silent. They wore a straight face, and after a while I gave up trying to cook up a conversation. Suddenly Jijie said,
"Atiq, Anis sakit teruk jugok."
"Oh?"
I did not think much about what Jijie said, after all, how bad could it be, right? ...wrong.
As I stepped into the elevator, I started to sense that something was horribly, horribly wrong. I do not remember whether it was Jijie and Chieyna's silence, or was there an aura that I felt, as I get closer. I remember Ayahnda telling me not to cry, and, of course, I cried straight away. I did not know what was going on, and nobody would tell me.
As I walked out the elevator, I saw a lot of people. Close relatives, distant relatives I barely knew...I was the last one to be there. I braved the walk, clad in my school uniform, tears blurring my vision. Everybody was crying, sobbing.
"Atiq!! Atiq gi mano...?? Anis tanyo Atiq...Anis tanyo Atiq..."
"Ma....? Anis mano?"
And they cried and they cried, and nobody was answering my question. I was crying, but I did not know what to think. It seemed almost impossible that it was happening to me. Surely this only happen to other people...?~
"Atiq, Anis takdok doh..."
I dropped to my knees. I almost screamed. Maybe I did. Everything was a blur afterwards. If regret were my tears, I would have been blind. After a moment, I felt somebody helping me up, holding my hands and leading me into the ICU. And then I saw her. Blue. Silent. Peaceful. Lifeless.
One morning, we waited for Ayahnda to come as he always do. We waited and we waited...but alas, the car never came. Opie was a prefect, so she did not want to be late for school. So Tokku decided to send her to school, while I stayed over to wait for Ayahnda. He never came, and I was getting frustrated. But then suddenly I saw the car, but it was not Ayahnda that was driving. It was Mama.
"Bakpo Mama hok maghi?"
"Ayahndo bowok Anis gi spital, Anis keno sengat tebuey maso tido,"
"Hahah, tu la, nok sangak masok spital, masuk sungguh doh."
I chuckled. I will never forgive myself for chuckling at that moment. I did not know, Anis sayang. I did not know...
I never went to visit her at the hospital. Being a PMR candidate that year, I was at school until two, and I had tuition classes and extra classes almost everyday. I did not think much about it. I thought everything would be alright. How foolish of me. And how selfish, not even willing to skip a class for a sick sister.
It was around 6p.m., I just got out of my tuition class and decided not to walk back to Ketani, but to ask for a ride with a friend. On the way back home, I saw my mom's car speeding past us. I remember thinking how odd it was for Kakak to be driving that car, she was supposed to be in UiTM. Awah was in there too, and she was supposed to be in MRSM PC. My friend's mother turned her car around and tried to catch up with my sister. But she was driving too fast and we lost track of the car in a glimpse.
They dropped me off at Ketani, and I walked in, feeling uneasy. The door was locked. I rang the bell, but nobody answered. I walked round the house, past the pool, and tried the sliding doors, but to no luck. I went up to the front, and tried the front sliding door, also to no avail. I walked to the garage and then I saw it, slipped in between the sliding doors; a note.
'Atiq, Tokku pergi hospital. Tunggu di rumah'
Something felt very wrong. I started pacing in front of the gates, waiting for someone to come and take me there, too. I waited and I waited...And at long last, I saw a car speeding towards me. It was my cousins, Jijie, and Chieyna.
"Atiq, jom gi spital!"
"Ok!"
I was cracking jokes and telling stories in the car, having no worry at all about what was going on. I was sure that everything will be alright. But my cousins...they were silent. They wore a straight face, and after a while I gave up trying to cook up a conversation. Suddenly Jijie said,
"Atiq, Anis sakit teruk jugok."
"Oh?"
I did not think much about what Jijie said, after all, how bad could it be, right? ...wrong.
As I stepped into the elevator, I started to sense that something was horribly, horribly wrong. I do not remember whether it was Jijie and Chieyna's silence, or was there an aura that I felt, as I get closer. I remember Ayahnda telling me not to cry, and, of course, I cried straight away. I did not know what was going on, and nobody would tell me.
As I walked out the elevator, I saw a lot of people. Close relatives, distant relatives I barely knew...I was the last one to be there. I braved the walk, clad in my school uniform, tears blurring my vision. Everybody was crying, sobbing.
"Atiq!! Atiq gi mano...?? Anis tanyo Atiq...Anis tanyo Atiq..."
"Ma....? Anis mano?"
And they cried and they cried, and nobody was answering my question. I was crying, but I did not know what to think. It seemed almost impossible that it was happening to me. Surely this only happen to other people...?~
"Atiq, Anis takdok doh..."
I dropped to my knees. I almost screamed. Maybe I did. Everything was a blur afterwards. If regret were my tears, I would have been blind. After a moment, I felt somebody helping me up, holding my hands and leading me into the ICU. And then I saw her. Blue. Silent. Peaceful. Lifeless.
* * *
There were a lot of crying. We cried when we saw her clothes hanging on the clothesline. We cried when we found her diary and found out that she was bullied at school. We cried as we stared at the page that read 'Anis sayang Mama, Yah (Didie), dan Adik'. We were very mean to her. Of course she did not write our names down.
I was always yelling at her, for everything. For the remote, for ruining my things. I was always scolding her for not doing well in school, for not living up to the sisters' legacy. I was a terrible sister to her, but she was never rude at me. Perhaps she was scared of me. She was always nagging me to come watch The Swan Princess with her. I never could understand why she wanted me to watch it with her. It was up to a point where I could recite all the songs and the script all throughout the movie without fail. But I think at one point I might have yelled at her for annoying me, because I did not want to watch it again. It was boring me. So she watched it on her own. She watched it so many times that I do not even remember what happened to the CD. I think it was scratched for being played too many times, and it was not even ours.
When we were at Nenda's funeral at the graveyard, Anis was so noisy and obnoxious. She was only a little kid, of course she did not really understand that she needs to be quiet. I kept scolding her.
"Atiq, Anis mano?"
"Toktahu."
I shrugged Mama off when she asked. Suddenly I heard her voice again, telling Mama something. I did not pay much attention to it, I was busy reading the khat on the various graves.
"Atiq, Atiq!"
"Gapo?"
"Saknih, Anis baco Fatihah ko seemmoo kubur kat sano tu!"
"Mm.."
Little did I know, that about a month later, Anis would be part of the place. Living a better life in the hereafter. Without us. Without us to make her life miserable. I wish I had loved you more, Anis. I wish you knew that I actually loved you. I still do.
I was always yelling at her, for everything. For the remote, for ruining my things. I was always scolding her for not doing well in school, for not living up to the sisters' legacy. I was a terrible sister to her, but she was never rude at me. Perhaps she was scared of me. She was always nagging me to come watch The Swan Princess with her. I never could understand why she wanted me to watch it with her. It was up to a point where I could recite all the songs and the script all throughout the movie without fail. But I think at one point I might have yelled at her for annoying me, because I did not want to watch it again. It was boring me. So she watched it on her own. She watched it so many times that I do not even remember what happened to the CD. I think it was scratched for being played too many times, and it was not even ours.
When we were at Nenda's funeral at the graveyard, Anis was so noisy and obnoxious. She was only a little kid, of course she did not really understand that she needs to be quiet. I kept scolding her.
"Atiq, Anis mano?"
"Toktahu."
I shrugged Mama off when she asked. Suddenly I heard her voice again, telling Mama something. I did not pay much attention to it, I was busy reading the khat on the various graves.
"Atiq, Atiq!"
"Gapo?"
"Saknih, Anis baco Fatihah ko seemmoo kubur kat sano tu!"
"Mm.."
Little did I know, that about a month later, Anis would be part of the place. Living a better life in the hereafter. Without us. Without us to make her life miserable. I wish I had loved you more, Anis. I wish you knew that I actually loved you. I still do.
* * *
I am now typing this blog, missing the cheerful girl that was Tengku Yuhanis Aini. Allahyarhamah Tengku Yuhanis Aini. Innalillahi wa innailaihi raji'un. From Him we come, and to Him we shall return.
So I became this person that I am now. Intensely protective of my sisters, fascinated with every little thing they do, overwhelmingly in love with each and every one of them. Thus sometimes I may talk too much about them, brag about them, proud of what they do. I will not let another sister leave me without knowing that my love for her is so deep and immense. Because I have no power over death, but I do of my actions, biiznillah.
There will always, always, be eight letters in MAFASYNZ.
Anis, we're sorry. We love you dear, we really do.
Al-fatihah~
N.B Kakak wrote this a while back.
So I became this person that I am now. Intensely protective of my sisters, fascinated with every little thing they do, overwhelmingly in love with each and every one of them. Thus sometimes I may talk too much about them, brag about them, proud of what they do. I will not let another sister leave me without knowing that my love for her is so deep and immense. Because I have no power over death, but I do of my actions, biiznillah.
There will always, always, be eight letters in MAFASYNZ.
Anis, we're sorry. We love you dear, we really do.
Al-fatihah~
N.B Kakak wrote this a while back.
exam.was.HARD.
like really, really, hard. spent way too much time on the biochemistry essay, i only managed to write a page and a half for physiology before the time was up. and anatomy was....anatomy. i hope the good term results that account for 50% of the mark will help me out. i guess all i can do now is pray.
sekret project aborted. not as excited about it as i was a few days back.
rabbi yassir wa la tu'assir.
sekret project aborted. not as excited about it as i was a few days back.
rabbi yassir wa la tu'assir.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Happy 100th Posteversary
100th post for the win!
wanted to save it for something special after the exams, but i'm taking a short break (to breath) from all the studying and i have to write a blog. i just have to. k. ok.
it's been very pretty lately. it's such a pity that we're all locked inside the house, studying our brains off. everyone's in their own room minding their own bizznezz.
Mama called yesterday and told me that tv3 came to shoot Didie in Ketani, 'studying' and 'conversing in English with friends', lol. it's going to be so fake and hilarious, i love it. the only real thing they filmed was of her playing softball with the school softball team. oh, the team won the state championship last weekend by the way. such an overachieving snob she is. <3
i have a lot of projects to be done after the exams. like finishing the drawing of the ugly pond in Fitzgerald Park (the drawing isn't ugly, the pond is, k? lulz), re-writing and filing my usrah notebooks, writing that book review Kak Nang asked me to write aaaggess ago, film & edit a sekret project i have planned (look forward to it! ...or not.).
i can't wait for next academic term, to live the hectic life (..or lack thereof), medical student-style all over again. repeat year is/was painful in many different ways. though i must not ignore the fact that it does bring many good things with it, too. Allah knows best.
wanted to save it for something special after the exams, but i'm taking a short break (to breath) from all the studying and i have to write a blog. i just have to. k. ok.
it's been very pretty lately. it's such a pity that we're all locked inside the house, studying our brains off. everyone's in their own room minding their own bizznezz.
Mama called yesterday and told me that tv3 came to shoot Didie in Ketani, 'studying' and 'conversing in English with friends', lol. it's going to be so fake and hilarious, i love it. the only real thing they filmed was of her playing softball with the school softball team. oh, the team won the state championship last weekend by the way. such an overachieving snob she is. <3
i have a lot of projects to be done after the exams. like finishing the drawing of the ugly pond in Fitzgerald Park (the drawing isn't ugly, the pond is, k? lulz), re-writing and filing my usrah notebooks, writing that book review Kak Nang asked me to write aaaggess ago, film & edit a sekret project i have planned (look forward to it! ...or not.).
i can't wait for next academic term, to live the hectic life (..or lack thereof), medical student-style all over again. repeat year is/was painful in many different ways. though i must not ignore the fact that it does bring many good things with it, too. Allah knows best.
that there is a picture of us beside the house when Felicia came over.
even if you're a bitter old witch, you still gotta love Spring.
it's impossibly pretty everywhere :)
till then, strangers/family/friends.
Assalamualaikum wbt.
p.s. doakan Atiq for my exam this May 8th...?
it's impossibly pretty everywhere :)
till then, strangers/family/friends.
Assalamualaikum wbt.
p.s. doakan Atiq for my exam this May 8th...?
Thursday, May 1, 2008
friends: merekalah racun, merekalah madu~
i am currently in two friends' primary picture in friendster :)
this post is an excuse to announce that the kiasu Didie won 1000ringgit from the spelling contest, which she bragged about and to which i replied: mesti ayhndo suruh buh daley tabung haji...kakaka
i am writing this with the hope that i'll end up less tense than i was ten minutes ago. i was fuming and frustrated and nearly cried for every little thing: exams drive me crazy.
this post is an excuse to announce that the kiasu Didie won 1000ringgit from the spelling contest, which she bragged about and to which i replied: mesti ayhndo suruh buh daley tabung haji...kakaka
i am writing this with the hope that i'll end up less tense than i was ten minutes ago. i was fuming and frustrated and nearly cried for every little thing: exams drive me crazy.
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