oh and p.s.

me leaving tonight means there prolly won't be any blogging until the 10th, since Kakwe doesn't have the netz at her house.

you are allowed to miss me. i'll miss having you lurking around in my blog, too.

<3

Facebook me.

i succumbed to the peer pressure. i fail at life.

accept your friend requests, comrades.

let's say yeay

for Atiqah is going off for a trip with her sisters; it'll be just like my third favourite book, The Sisterhood of The Travelling Pants!! ...but we're like, real sisters instead of bestfriends..and we're not mailing a pair of jeans in between us...and we're going to the same place...errr...

okay maybe it's not exactly The Sisterhood of The Travelling Pants material, but it'll be as wonderful, insyaAllah. all i have to do is be careful of the pencopets, not ruin Syakur's backpack, not spend too much money, and be a good sport and make the best of having all three of my older sisters with me for five whole days - i swear it's been ages since the last time i experience that.

(and Kak Ika, if you're reading this, of course i'm glad that you're coming with us, too! ;] )

if anyone reading this has a huge backpack that you can lend me, please lemme know...~? :( Syakur's leaving for Cork mid august so i don't want to trouble him if i don't have to.

in other news, it's 8am and i'm all showered and fresh and ready to go to absolutely nowhere...wth?? i swear i've gone a tad mad.

and i can't pack. heeelppp. i've folded all the clothes i'm taking with me and arranged them nicely on my bed, and i have my suitcase wide open on the floor, but i can't put the clothes in the bag.

it's a paradox. i'm really really excited for the trip, but i don't have the heart to leave the lovely people in Kelate, either. even if it's just for a few weeks. *sigh.

i am still somewhat upset over...things..but i guess i shouldn't focus on the bad things in life, or else i'd really have to change this blog's background to black, to match the morbidity of the content.

anyhoo.

i'll be leaving for quite a bit. the trip's 1-5aug. then i'll be staying in Shah Alam for Didie's SIR finals on the 9th (the whole family's going to Shah Alam on the 7th). then I'd go back to Kelate on the 10th with my parents and KuZett and Didie, only to go back to Shah Alam from 15 to 21aug because Opie'll be there for her school holidays, and i want to help her with her studies - Opie's sitting for her SPM this year. i can't believe i haven't even seen her yet this Summer. she's probably like a hundred metres taller than i am now. by the time i come back here, Didie'll be studying her brains off because UPSR is on the 9th of September, if i'm not mistaken.

and then 20th of September will come, and i shall be leaving again~



hold me while i'm here
right me when i'm wrong
hold me when i'm scared
and love me when i'm gone




p.s. the new toothpaste makes my gums feel funny.

i'm being punished for a crime i didn't do - edited

[edit :: okkayyy...this is Atiqah after two panadols and eight hours of straightening out her brain typing. sorriiie for the sore post. that was the product of having migrain all night but staying up anyways to keep Didie company while she studied for her trials because she was sick and i was worried, and then when i finally get to have some sleep i got a phonecall with a voice that talks in two octaves higher than what my ears are used to hearing, and then i can't stop crying and then i couldn't sleep so by the time i wrote that entry i only had like 3 hours of sleep...*deep breath*

crazyness justfified...?~ pretty pleaashe...?~ <33]



i came downstairs to check something on the netz. i look like a trainwreck and i feel like crap. my eyes are bloodshot from all the crying last night. i'm really, really, hurt. it's the kind of damage that can only be done by someone that knows how your brain works and how your heart beats all too well, so he knows all the right buttons to push and all the right words to say to completely crush your feelings.

i'm building the walls around me again, so people can't come too close and stab my heart like that.

i'm sorry my blog is depressing, okay. it's not just you, i hate it too.




...i am so morbid. i should change this blog's background to black or something.

kthanksbai.

The Catcher In The Rye by J.D. Salinger

i've read 3/4 of this book when i was in Cork just before the summer break. i got frustrated after reading it for a while, so i didn't even try to finish the whole thing. this, however, is not due to the book not being a good one; it's really good, in fact. BUT it's packed with symbols and whatnots. i'm one that's interested in literature, sure. but i'm no literary genius. so it gets to me that i'm not getting the whole geist of the book, and i wished and i wished that i've learned the book in school so i can understand it better. when i first started reading it, i knew there were way more to the book than what i'm getting, but nobody around me have ever even read the book, let alone learned it. so nobody was there to explain it to me or discuss it with me.

but yesterday John Green uploaded a video on YouTube to say that he's going to upload two videos on there to explain the book and he said he's going to be very englishteacherly and stuff innit, so YEAY. i'm excited :D

nerds for the...win!?

oh hai there.

sorry about last night. i heart my sisters way too much, so even little things like that can drive me cwazee. but not to worry, bloggiepoo. pendet saved the night by way of a phonecall <3

p.s. this; <3 is a sideways heart, NOT a kissyface. please take note. hehe.

Tengku Nadiah Liyana...

...didn't say a word when i asked her whether she wants to come to send me off to Ireland when i was buying flight tickets to KL just now. Mama said something like 'of course she wants to'. i just stared at her while she ignored me and did her homework. And after i bought the tickets i asked her, 'Didie toksey gi hata Atiq eh sbenanyo..?'

and she didn't answer me.

somehow it makes me feel really, really, really, really, really, really...sad~ childish as it may sound,


goodnight world.

ooh. one more thing.

a friend from mrsmpc sent me a message on friendster. he reads my blog regularly, and he pointed out that i've changed a lot and i'm no longer the warm person he knew back then. *sigh.

a LOT of things happened since high school, dearest. i'm no longer fifteen, i'm twenty one now.
i had to change, and can't be the 'omg you're so nice, let's be bestfriends!!! <3 <3' kind of person anymore :(
i have trust issues; life forced it on me.

thank you, though. just for being you. :)

dear Panadol,

i was in the kitchen washing the dishes when you called. your decision and the way you said it completely blew me away and i was left speechless; all i could mutter was 'okay' and 'it's okay'. you stole my heart today, all four chambers of it (auricles included). please give it back to me. i need it to live (you can keep the auricles if you want to).

nama saya Atiqah.

i like simple things. i am a very simple person, with gigantic dreams. i live in a kampung, i wear kain batik regularly, i don't mind wearing baju kurung to places, and my favourite kuih is cek mek. sometimes i am too simple for the gorgeous people i got to know from the posh SRK Zainab (1) and the prestigious IB school. and sometimes, my friends' dreams are too small to match mine. and i see things in quite a different angle from people, almost as if i'm wearing a different goggle from others. i thus find myself constantly in the lookout for friends who can accept me for the very simple person that i am, but with big dreams, like i do.

<3

a truly epic Saturday

lol...i always do this, right. saying i'm holding off blogging and then writing another entry the day after that. oh well. :p

anyway, despite a dramatic start - me and Kakak bickering on the phone because she kept going on on how i should watch my weight because i'm short bla2 and i know she meant well, but i was cranky and such, hoho - the evening was productive and i liked it :)

i've complained to Didie the other day to the fact that we haven't taken any picture together since i came back, but we were just never in the mood to take pictures, and there were never any occassions that we felt the need to freeze the moment either. but today we took pictures and it pretty much make up for the rest of my sucky week. i <3 my adik-adik.

we were having our usual weekend badminton session, and we're as bad at it as usual (we're actually really, really, bad), but it was hilarious and i had fun with the kids :D and then we decided to move on to Tok Ayah's lawn just because it seemed so inviting, just sitting there, being green and spacy :)

but when we got there, we saw Tok Ayah struggling with a really long paip getah, so we helped him pull it over to the front so he can water the pokok-pokok serai he just planted. and then, seeing the kids playing around, Tok Ayah watering the serais and Tokwe sitting at her regular evening chair..i just can't resist from running back home to get my digicam. yeaayyy~!

despite Tok Ayah's protests, i managed to curik-curik tangkap a few pictures of him, hoho. and we took piccies with Tokwe too, and she looked really adorwabble innit :D and then we ran around the place and took pictures everywhere; near the coconut trees, on our front lawn, in the middle of the road...lol.

you can see White Villa from this angle :)

pura-pura ditabrak mobil (lepas tu kena
marah dengan Mama sbb baring atas jalan;
Mama nampak from atas balcony..haha)

then we got a little bit tired, and went to the back of my house to Mama's huge sugarcane rumpun and chopped down a few batangs of it. we sat around in a circle, with me and Adlin cutting the tebu into small pieces. then we washed them and ATE them and they tasted so sweeeettt. we win at life :D



and the day ended with Didie and KuZett finishing what remains of their weekend homework and me writing up Neuroanatomy notes for next year, while watching Terlalu Istimewa, a drama that uses one too many songs that i like :) then we came up front when we're done, to help Mama kelim the karipaps she was making for tomorrow. i have a picture of KuZett with her first attempt at kelim-ing, hahahah. buruk but adorable :p and now the three of them are munching karipaps behind me. i gotsa go.



salam wbt :)

HUG.

p.s. pictures of myself are purposely not included. as fuzzy call it; quality control. LOL. i'm no narcissist, but i was exceptionally selekeh that day :p

untitled

saya mahu go on a period of hibernation...recent posts have been loaded with crap, pretty much reflecting how i'm feeling right now. Ayahnda's in a bad mood which means i'm not allowed outings with friends. plus i've brilliantly put myself in a complicated situation with the only friend who's willing to come and pick me up from White Villa to take me out (the rest have gone back to Uni), so there goes my transportation. and good company. :( tak sengajerr.

i don't want my blog to become a depressing one, it's a freakin bubble bath, not a hospital. (yes i think hospitals are depressing). i'm hoping the trip with my older sisters will serve as some sort of detox, so i can become an inspired person again. and a happy one all over again. lagipun...musang is coming back! yeaayyyy. it's been wayyy too long.

ooh. i really hope i'd bump into Hafriz when i go to Shah Alam. i need to know why he's mad at me, so i can say sorry. i thought everything was fine between us, so it's really weird finding out i'm off his friendster friends list. i'm hoping it's just because he has a jealous girlfriend. because if that is the case then i'm fine with it. i shooouuulldd get used to getting that from the girlfriends by now, huh, bloggiepoo?


LOOVVE.
Atiq.

of the unspeakable truth

i'll just freeze my heart and then make the sensible and right decision. it's my best defense mechanism. i did it once, i can do it again. they don't call me an ice witch for nothing.

musang-sick

esok Mama cuti, yeayyyy. can jalan-jalan. well, she said she's gonna take me jalan-jalan. i know that actually means she's gonna take me around town paying bills, but i don't mind.

HUUUGGGSSSS.
<3

of idiotic drivers.

the road was crowded and i was driving on the right lane because i'm turning right less than 50metres away. then suddenly this car was coming really close from behind and was trying to take over despite the heavy traffic on the opposite lane. and then i wanted to give way but there's this motorcycle coming on my left so i had to wait for it to pass. and then that idiot HONKED me. i was like, 'SABAR LA WEYYYYYYY' and then i changed to the left lane, and the car sped in front while HONKING ME tak pasal-pasal..nak mampus agaknyer. dahla tak bleh gi mane sgt ponnn die tu sbb penuh keta kat depan tu. and then i quickly changed back to the right lane because i FREAKING NEED to turn right, paham takkkk. and then the car that was a good distance behind me sped up from behind and HONKED me. ehhh...sakit otak betul aku bawak keta.

then Mama pointed out there might be a kenduri or something and the cars was probably on a convoy and doesn't want to lose each other. well, if they're all in one family, i bet it's a blardy PLEASANT one, eh.

the end. i just need to let that out. sorry bloggiepoo. xx.

always have, and always will be

i am this morbid slash depressing kind of person that most of the time would not willingly talk about the reason i cry. if i seek someone or call someone when i'm balling my eyes out, it's usually because i just need someone who'd keep me company when i'm sad so i'd stop being sad. naturally, not everyone is willing to lend me a crying shoulder but not know the reason behind it. and not everyone has the patience to just be there for me and let me cry and wait till i'm over it and then talk to me like nothing happened...

..sigh. i ask too much from my friends, don't i?~

dear blog,

do you know what's worse than waiting?~ waiting for something that you know won't last.

i was teaching KuZett English today. and i find myself easily irritated when she couldn't remember what i've already taught her. and Didie commented that 'tis a good thing that i'm studying to be a doctor and not a teacher, cause i basically suck at teaching. cehs.

everyone's left KB already. back to their own lives. lives that are unfamiliar to me because i suck as a friend too, besides sucking as a teacher. i miss living in close proximity with my friends, the way things are in Cork. but i love being here with my family, too. the girls always have hilarious tales of their friends in school.

and i ran out of credit. why are so many people using Celcom these days..?~ i thought Maxis was the network.

i just saw the MARA statement they posted to mom. the government has spent approximately 200,000 ringgit on me to date. that number scares the life out of me.

KuZett taught me how to fold paper stars. its her and Didie's latest obsession. and i think paper stars can make a good title for a poem.

i need a muse. i feel so uninspired.

wooowwww...apekah entry ini. sorry i'm rambling. i'm sad :(

i wonder whether or not the unspeakable truth will have it's own happy ending. i'm thinking not.

LOL factor : KuZett

Atiq : Cito polis ko ni ma?
Mama : Dop ehs..cito loyar.
KuZett : Bukey loyar la mama. Law-yer. Loya tu hok pening-pening tu.
Atiq and Mama : *Berpandang-pandangan* *LOL*

current soundtrack of my life.

Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along


just finished reading the novel Opie has been wanting me to read for almost a year. still stuck in melancholia. bad things happened...but good things happened, too. so i can't possibly complain. this is life, Atiqah. you can't expect it to be smooth-sailing all the way through.

it's july 2008...i'll be a twenty one year old full-grown woman in a few months. how time flies.

exasperated

easiest way to tick me off; force me into doing things. it'll take approximately a milisecond.

sigh

when stuff happens to my close friends, i hate living half way across the globe from them. i want to stay by their side and help them through thick and thin.

time difference for the lose.

THE conversation

i've been through this conversation at least 6 times ever since i came back, with friends and with uncles and aunties. and i suspect i'll keep on going through this conversation sampaiiiiila i go back to Cork in September.

people : Atiq dengan sape skarang?
Atiq : takde sape.
people : tipu!
Atiq : betul.
people : ala...bagitaulaa..
Atiq : takde sape laaa.
people (after around half an hour of talking to me) : Atiq dengan sape sekarang?

SUNGGUH susah nak kasik orang percaya. MENGAPAKAH. SILA jangan tanya saya soalan ini jika anda berjumpa dengan saya nanti, saya sungguh penat menjawabnya.

mengeluarkan diri

with Nisa Zati and Oya after what seem to be way too long. Had breakfast at White House, which was nice. Guessed our way to Taman Perbendaharaan Tengku Anis, which was hilarious. then stopped over at Jaa's place before heading back to Nisa's for lunch :)

Atiq : Kito breti tepi jaley nok, tanyo jaley. pahtu kito kecek luar.
Oya : Nombor plate Kelate la weh!

Ja (on the phone) : berapo ore atah keto tuh??
Atiq : 4..
Ja : hohh...ramanyohhh ore KELATE tok kena jaleyy
Atiq : hehehehh...ore shah alam blako nih..kakaka.

Oya : Nisa, mung tau ko dop jaley nih??
Zati : senyakla Oya!

LOL. i love them so much.