my non-existing patience.

i really need to work on my patience. pronto. asap. smoke. (hehe)

to say that i lose my patience easily is actually a lie. coz i dont even have any patience in the first place, so its impossible for me to lose it, right. adeyh.

it used to be way worse when i was younger. well. i must say, those who were friends with me back then must've silently hated me, or they must've been tremendously kind-hearted. as i grow older, i still dont possess much patience- but i have maturity, slight wisdom and also, some ego. so tak mengamuk as much as i used to.

usually when i'm mad at someone i'll resort to silence. sebab i've learned (the hard, embarassing way - don't ask) that screaming and pouring out all that anger into words doesnt really have much use to it. tapi i just cannot hold myself when the person i'm mad at just keep on asking stuff, provoking me. i just do NOT have any patience..people, please, do NOT mess with me when i'm pissed off. i am NOT a pleasant girl mase i marah.

Now, i'm feeling guilty sebab marah2 kat this person and i know i should say i'm sorry, tapiiii susahhhhnyeerrrrr... i do NOT like what the person did to me. sighs. maybe i should give myself more time. yes. that sounds like a good plan.

so...does anybody have any tips on how i can work on being more patient...?~

Kak Nang ckp, susah nak sabar nie...sebab tu dalam Quran cakap,

(maksudnya)
"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Mohonlah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan sabar dan solat. Sungguh, Allah beserta orang-orang yang sabar."
Al-Baqarah, 2:153

salam,
Atiqah

Look Into My Eyes - Outlandish

here's a song and a clip worth putting some attention into



Look into my eyes
Tell me what you see
You don't see a damn thing
'cause u can't relate to me

You're blinded by our differences
My life makes no sense to you
I'm the persecuted one
You the red, white and blue

Each day you wake in tranquility
No fears to cross your eyes
Each day I wake in gratitude
Thankin' God He let me rise

You worry 'bout your education
And the bills you have to pay
I worry 'bout my vulnerable life
And if I'll survive another day

Your biggest fear is getting a ticket
As you cruise your Cadillac
My fear is that the tank that has just left
Will turn around and come back

Yet do you know the truth of where your money goes
Do you let the media deceive your mind
Is this a truth that nobody knows
Has our world gone all blind
Some one tell me

[chorus]
Oh let's not cry tonight
I promise you one day it's through
Ohohoh my brothers
Ohohoh my sisters

Oh shine a light for every soul
That ain't with us no more
Ohohoh my brothers
Ohohoh my sisters

See I've known terror for quite some times
57 years so cruel
Terror breathes the air I breathe
It's the checkpoint on my way to school

Terror is the robbery of my land
And the torture of my mother
The imprisonment of my innocent father
The bullet in my baby brother

The bulldozers and the tanks
The gasses and the guns
The bombs that fall outside my door
All due to your funds

You blame me for defending myself
Against the ways of my enemies
I'm terrorized in my own land
And I'm the terrorist

Yet do you know the truth of where your money goes
Do you let the media deceive your mind
Is this a truth that nobody knows
Some one tell me

[chorus]

American do you realize
That the taxes that you pay
Feed the forces that traumatize
My every living day

So if I won't be here tomorrow
It's written in my fate
May the future bring a brighter day
The end of our wait

[chorus]




wake up ya Ummah, there is more to this world than just yourselves and your loved ones.

salam.
Atiqah

signing off from the cyber world fer a while..~

post-usrah syndrome: i've so many things to share dgn orang sampai i dont know how to susun words to tell the rest of the world (well, the world that reads my blog, at least :p) hmm. maybe someday i'll get better at this.

nway this entry is 2 let u know that i'll be off from my ym, off from my blog and off from my Friendster fer some time..i've to take a step back and analyze a lot of things...without the distractions of these. so if u dont see me online fer a long time dekat my ym tu, jgn ingat atiq buat appear permanently invis/ignored u or anything such kay.

what i wont be off from are my e-mail (banyak tanggungjwb...xleh abaikan my email) and my handphone (walaupun boleh tinggal merata2 lame2 dgn sesuka hati and still takde text - not that i'm complaining) so if u've anything super important (especially MAFASYNZ princesses) e-mail/text me kay.

i'm in an emotional roller-coaster...dont really know how to describe it, but i know i'll get better insyaAllah. so do NOT worry kayh. its just me being me.



salam~
loves.
Atiqah.

some random pics in my handphone

handphones with cameras are especially useful for taking spur of the moment pictures, so naturally i found some super random pics when i was clicking through my handphone's album. hope u like em as much as i do :)

Roses on the Main Quad, taken last Spring


Charlene's bedroom wall in #58. i love the HappyBunny poster.
(also there: an irish flag, 'Proud to be Amerwiccan' and our theme song, 'Dancing in the Moonlight')


Arabic signs in Doha Airport: waiting for the connecting flight.


#15 - dont judge a rumah by it's cat. hehe.


in support of BERSIH...?


Bulan Siang..~


a peculiar sight we found when we were shopping in LiDL, a German-based retailer.


my room in #15: seen are a couple of crayon drawings by Didie
(i mintak from her, brought it here and framed it)


took this picture when i was walking to class this morning : the sun is shining ever so bright but the grass and cars are covered in frost. welcome, winter.

Bubbly Babblers

dear readers...

i very very the very like the idea of having a shoutbox in my blog sebab ppl can just randomly say hi and bertanya khabar and also because it has cute very berperasaan smileys 4 everyone to use (hee ^.^)

i know tak ramai orang yang sempat tgk pun the shoutbox sbb atiq letak brape hari je before i deleted it...well, lets just say its complicated.

anyhooo. purpose of this entry is 2 say,

i blog because i love writing and to give an update on my life 2 those who care. it started when i had to sit 4 the autumn exams. i do NOT write with the hope that loads of people will read it...so telling me to promote my blog dgn lebih giat is...nonsense.

whoever thinks contents dlm blog ni xdiverse/xmenarik/bosan...
1. atiq ta pakse pun bace this blog. ta suke takyah bace, kay?
2. go to other blogs that has what u want to read about, or better yet, tulis blog sendiri...boleh tau buat blog sendiri...www.blogger.com. haa..pastu bolehla tulis pasal ape-apeeee pun yang awak rasa best/worth to write about.

apekate?

sekian.
salam alaik.

hmmm.

some kiddies rang our bell last night and when we opened the door,

"We wish you a Merry Christmas, We wish you a Merry Christmas, ..."

hadoiilar. datang nyanyi Christmas carols la pulak. kitorang cam blur taktau nak respond ape, kalau trick or treat tu taular kasik candies.

Me : uhm... we're not used to this. what do ppl usually do?~

The girls : (looking at each other) (none seem to want to say it)

Me : do u get what i'm sayin, girls?

The girls : (mumbles) yeah...yes, we do.

One of them : Uhm...money.

Me : ahh.. i see.

so people...betul ek kena kasik duit kat diorang?~ (haha...bukan Atiq..housemate2 Atiq ni ha mencurigai budak2 tu kwang2)

Khaza : Jom kite gi nyanyi skali? dpt duit?

Me : tak payah...kite dah tua bangka, tak comel. kena halau karang.

(haha)

ramainye org terasa dgn atiq...

i'm sorry if i've hurt your feelings..i really, really, am sorry~

friends...do tell me if my words/actions hurt you, because i'm destined to be this super blur and un-intuitive person that i am~

salam,
Atiqah

Death.

let's imagine a situation...

say you're a University student, and you're a secretary for this really active Society on campus, right. you're so busy minding your work as a secretary - writing up reports, scheduling meetings, planning major events, promoting them....is this wrong?~ Nope.

but obviously, everyone knows a student's priority, right? what is it?~ Studies, exactly. being active in a Society...its fun, its a great experience..sometimes its even crucial for certain students in certain courses to be working in a Society in order to have better chance to get a job...

but one should always, always, put his studies first, right?~ Only the (sorry to say) less smart people will do too much Society work until he is left behind in his studies...or even worse, prioritize the Society work more than his studies...

then when the exam's closing in on him, he'll start to feel the pressure...seeing his friends that are studying say, Chapter 11...when he's still in, say, Chapter 2~ he'll begin to feel really nervous, seeing his friends attempting the past year questions...when he hasnt even finish reading...~

when the exams came and he failed to answer it well, he said to himself..

"what have I been doing all these while?? hari tu rase cam lambat lagi nak exam...aarghh..nape aku busy sangat buat keje Society niiiii..."

(by now you're probably thinking, "wow, what a moron. macam...sape suh cacat sangat...obviously study lagi penting...tu pun x reti nak fikir awal2 ke?~" ...am i right?~)



you'll know what i meant by this cooked-up story after you watch this video...



just a reminder that i think all Muslims should watch...i was really moved when i watched it, so i thought i should share it with everyone..

jazakillah to Dayah Hamdi for sharing the YouTube link with me~

salam,
Atiqah

a blessing in disguise

something really, really...incredible just happened. i am sad and ecstatic all at the same time...~

its a very sad kejadian, actually...but with very obvious positive hikmah-s behind it..
hanya saya dan dia dan Dia sahaja yang tahu...i hope you know that i completely understand the reasons behind your decision, and know that i'm happy that it has come to this point. i'm sad, but i'm happy.

(yeah i know...i'm weird)

(and yeah...i know you guys hate half-told stories... baik takyah cakap langsung kan kan?? heee. sorrryyyyy!!!)

the solution is sooo easy dengan bantuan Allah s.w.t~~ here we are going crazy trying to mencari jalan keluar, sedangkan bila kita mendoakannya.....

Allah Maha Penyayang dan Maha Mengetahui...indeed...His plan is the best..~



dari Surah At-Talaq, 65:3 maksudnya:

"dan Dia memberinya rezeki dari arah yang tidak disangka-sangkanya. Dan barang siapa bertawakkal kepada Allah, nescaya Allah akan mencukupkan (keperluan)nya. Sesungguhnya Allah melaksanakan urusan-Nya. Sungguh, Allah telah mengadakan ketentuan bagi setiap sesuatu."


mari sama-sama membaiki diri...

assalamualaikum
Atiq...ah?

monologue - (Ireland) time : 00.55

a flow of thoughts so random that nobody but myself can understand it, let alone find it interesting to read, blimey.


i cant sleep. m having a headache, thus i cant focus on reading, thus i cant study. my room is nice n tidy and all the clothes are now neatly folded/hanged, so i've nothing to kemaskan. i wanna talk, but i dont feel like talking to any of the (online) people in my ym list. the people i wanna talk to are either asleep or busy ignoring me. i havent studied for tomorrow's tutorial yet. its at 11. or izit at 10? definitely shud wake up early tomorrow. clean up the kitchen, make nasik goreng for breakfast, then study the tutorial.

sleepsleepsleep Atiqah.

insomnia is the biggest bugger in the whole wide world.

i miss Mama. maybe i shud listen to that voicemail she left on the house phone again. hmm.
maybe i shudnt, its too loud and she was babbling away happily to herself in it, it might annoy my housemates.

i wonder if theres still leftover dessert from dinner just now. yummy~
NO Atiqah...do NOT consume unnecessary extra calories.

i'm very the jahat one..

should i forgive and forget yet again...?~






insomnia sucks.
it drives you bonkers.

-lunATIQUE-
(cool.....not)

friends come and go....right?

*sobs*

well...maybe. but bestfriends are supposed to stick, right..?~

ah this sucks. big time.

separations...why must it be so hard?

of friendship and betrayal..~

sometimes i wonder, how can the people that i love so much betrays me in such unthinkable fashion..~? this is the second time in two months, and its done by three different bestfriends.. i seem to suck at choosing friends,huh. well...two of them said sorry and everything and me being the homo sapien holding strong to the forgive-and-forget principal of life, moved on from the crisis and is completely okay with them now.

but then this has to happen and its a really big blow fer me...its the bestfriend that knows absolutely everything about myself and my past, the bestfriend that i can tell everything to and get away with cause i know he'll still love me anyways, the bestfriend that i trust most..he's the bestfriend, y know what i'm sayin?

i haven't spent time chatting to him fer quite some time...haven't been calling him like i used to, we're not as close as we were before...but still. it gives him no right to do this to me. it hurts, and it hurts more that he has to lie about it.

wait.

this sounds familiar...mengapakahhhh it has to happen to me again and again?? God, i so need a completely new set of friends or something. like...start over from scratch.

well maybe not completely. i mean...nisa is great. lynn is too. and kelly is wnderful. i dont know...friends...they're mind boggling, dont you think so?~ macam...sekejap they seem like the greatest people ever...tibe2 they become these horrible monsters and makes you wonder whether they were ever really the person you once thought they were...

sedih kan?~




sighs.


on a more happy and positive note: scored myself a new friend yesterday. lets just hope i did a better job this time around, shall we?~



salam,
mwahness~


p.s: you. yes i was talking about you. i know you told her something. sapa hati~

Happy Hallowwwweeeeennn!~

well this is a bit late i suppose. a day late. hmm..tibe2 teringat kat #58 ladies. we had carved pumpkins during last year's Halloween, we made them a couple of days before that. and Charlene drew tarot cards for each of us in turn, and we had a human Weetabix visiting us half drunk, and a Skeleton slamming onto our living room window, and a horde of vampires and its likes roaming around carrying beer cans. those were the days living in the students hall..

This year, however..we live in a family housing area, renting out. Mas and Khaza bought a pack of candies earlier on the day, apparently Kak Asma' told them last year kids were trick or treating to this house. true enough, at 8-something p.m. Khaza heard "trick-or-treat!!!" squeaks from outside and yelled out for me to answer the door. I opened the bag of candies and opened the door to three little irish boys (i hope they never grow up. well if they do, they better not throw eggs at foreigners!).

Me : helllloooww...what are you supposed to be?~ Here..grab all you want!

Them : (taking as much candies as they can in their little hands and furiously picking up the ones yang tejatuh)

Kid number 1 : (grins) well...i'm supposed to be a Vampire, and he's supposed to be a Darth Vader..

Me : ahhh...i see~

i looked over to Kid number 3 yang terabai because his friend/brother doesnt seem to take much notice of him.

Me : ooohhh...u're Jack!

Kid number 3/super-cute miniature Jack Sparrow : (smiles) yes, i am!!

Me : alright then..Happy Halloowweeenn!!

voice from in the middle of my front lawn : (deep, grown up voice) Goodbye now!

Me : (confuzzled)

i so wish i'd taken pictures with the little kiddies...they're the only ones brave enough to come trick-or-treating to our house last night. well. better luck next year!

(the bag of candies tinggal separuh walaupun tiga orang budak tu je yang datang...haha sabar je la banyak gile amek, seb baek comeyl!)

we planned to pakai kain smayang and scare the kids yang datang lepas tu...haha jahat gile. seb baek gak takde dah yang datang :p


salam,
mwahness :D