facing my fears/dreams

hey :)

There are many things in life that I wish I had learned to do. I remember in standard six, when my English teacher asked us what our hobby was. I said 'I'd like to swim...but I don't know how to.'

Even though there are many things on my list that I probably will never get round to properly learn (piano, horseback riding, archery), there is one thing that I am determined to master, or at least get pretty good at, before I go back to Malaysia.

Painting.

I have always liked paintings. I may have never received a formal education on it, and sometimes I like cheap street paintings more than the real-deal ones hung in exhibitions and museums - but I love them. Adore them. Understand them. (Not in a deep-pretentious-stare-at-painting-and-think-hard-about-the-message kind of way, of course.)

My favourites will always be van Gogh and Claude Monet, and it is a pity that I went to Paris for such a brief period and did not get to visit as many ar museums as I would have. Well...if I went with someone who would actually let me stay in there for as long as I liked, that is.

But because paintings are so dear to me, I was reluctant to try it. There is a voice in my head that keeps going 'what if I find out I suck at it?' 'what if I think I'm brilliant but everyone else thinks I suck?' etc etc. So I always go to Eason to stare at paintbrushes and acrylic colours...but never actually buying them.

Eventually, a few months ago when there was a back-to-college sale, I somehow managed to brave/psyche myself enough to purchase them. I was very pleased with myself for being able to get this far...however, when I got home, I placed the paperbag in the deepest of my closet.

And then they never saw daylight ever again.

I googled acrylic painting tips and techniques during my study break, viewed countless example paintings for beginners, but I was just too scared to actually do it. I emailed Luke (the one with the Art degree) for advice...and all he said was;

'The best advice I can give you is to just start painting. I'll help you through road blocks along the way.'

After days of exasperations and feeling frustrated with myself for being such a scaredy cat...I finally did it.




I have obviously forgotten to wet the paper first and painted base so the texture won't show, and didn't mount/tape the paper on something so it won't curl after it was done.

But still.


I think it's a good start.




...and man, wasn't that such a relief.


x