inspired

i missed:

Didie's birthday
Kelly's birthday
Zati's birthday

and i nearly missed Kak Muna's birthday

people, i'm just horrible at this, okay. so forgive me in advance, and know that i love and miss you all the same despite the fact that i never remember your birthdays. i just don't. can't. my brain simply refuses to process it.

i haven't bought the tickets to go back to Malaysia. i was in a dire state of sengkek-ness, and i still am. to sisters, no pretty gifts for yous this year, i'm so, so, sorry. (but i can be a pretty gift myself...no? kekeke)

i've been hyper busy and as usual, i don't talk about what i've been busy with.

oh, NANA CAME TO CORK! i believe that deserves a shoutout more than anything else :) we went to nice little walks together and took pictures and talked about stuff..thanks Na, i needed the dose of meroyanness and broken English in Kelate accent dialogues (Nana's a Johorian lol) and i had a great time. i heart you! and to Di (even though i dont think you read my blog) thanks for arranging the day trip, we both loved it :)

Lala, bile lagi anda mahu datang ke Cork?

inspiration of the week (...month) goes to the two people that i like very much that has requested that i write about them in my blog (mengada-ngada).

they make me believe that people appreciate my blog when i was close to shutting it down when i was having a friendship insecurity breakdown a couple of days ago.

but i still am not going to write about the two people that i like very much because i just want to annoy them hehe.

i wrote a LOT of blog posts on friendship...looking back, i realize that i'm never good at it. i have very few friends (until i came here and gained a LOT of very nice friends :) ) from my past life, and as much as i'd love to think that it's others' fault, it's only logical to put the blame on myself instead of the 782 others who built a wall around them so i can't come close. i don't know...maybe i'm too harsh for some people. maybe i'm too blunt. maybe i'm too complicated. maybe i have a past that's just SO freakin' bad that people just can't accept it. maybe.

well, i have to settle for maybes because people never tell me what in the world is so wrong with me, so how am i supposed to know?~

in a twist of fate, a couple of days ago a friend (jazakillah dear..) came up to me to tell me something i did wrong straight on my face but in a soft note, and it was such a big blow that i had a really, really hard time after that...hah, dulu kate orang tak bagitau, bila orang dah bagitau baru rasa siket betapa rase macam kena tampar...padan muka Atiqah.

but honestly, it was SO new to me that i was thrown completely off guard and felt so naked when she held my hands and said those words to me...i actually really, really, really, appreciate what you did...i hope my sobbing and blurting out inaudible words doesn't cause you to misunderstood how i felt...~

jazakillahu khairan katheera sister...may this ukhuwah be as strong as i wish it can be for as long as roh dikandung jasad....~