20 March...or 12 Rabi'ul Awwal?

salam wbt

Dear blog,

Last night i was occupied with writing up emails, transferring documents and editing them. By the time i was finished, it was like, 4 in the morning. so i walked up to the Prayer Times Schedule 2008 from Islamic Finder that i have on my wall (i don't know why i didn't just click on the virtual one in the laptop in front of me...brain wasn't functioning well) and realized that Subuh, or Fajr, is only half an hour away. So I decided to stay up for just a bit more, because it's almost impossible for me to wake up in time for the morning prayer if i slept there and then. I got myself lost in the infinite world that is the internet, and the screen started to seem blurred and i began to become unaware of the reason i go to certain websites as i stare at the screen feeling blank...and then i was brought back to reality by the sudden Athan that goes off from my laptop, ordering me to perform my duty.

so you can imagine at what hour i woke up today, having slept at around 4.45am this morning. i was woken up by the annoying buzz of my ever-on-vibrate handphone (i got tired of changing it to vibrate when i go to class or the library or a meeting, so i never really change it back to loud). my curtains are already drawn back because i have clothes hanging on its railing, drying up, so i can see the bright sky outside...the day had long begun. the house was silent; everybody had exams earlier today. i flipped open my handphone to see 4 unread texts. i read them. felt a start because three were MaulidurRasul texts. i was so MAD at myself.

i've always been quite the ignorant one about dates...but to forget the birthdate of the Prophet when only last night (on my semi-sleeping state) i read articles on him on Yahoo! News, was very unacceptable. why in the world am i too thick to process that this is why all those articles were up? *sigh

I logged on to my Yahoo! Mail to see 32 unread e-mails (these people are hardcore at doing their work..i didn't have any new ones when i checked it last night before i go to sleep!), and there they were, reflection e-mails on MaulidurRasul. One of the e-mails was really good in my opinion...i'll copy paste it at the bottom of this post.

Now, this eventful day reminded me of a two sheets of pink A4-size papers i have, lost somewhere among my books. i managed to locate it and smiled at the sight of the papers, that has Asma'ul Husna and 'Selawat ke atas Nabi Muhammad' neatly glued on top of each. they were a farewell gift from my little sister Didie, then 11, from last Summer. i remember telling her i think they were pretty, and on the day i was packing my clothes, she came up to me and said that i can have it. i bet she's suspicious that i don't have them memorized, and i bet she's ultra well-versed (with that super nerdy brain of hers) in both of it so she didn't need the papers anymore ^.~

just for the note - i do memorize Asma'ul Husna, but i only have 80% of the Selawat memorized, huhu.

Because i don't know how to write good 'religious' posts properly and always end up messing up what i actually want to convey, i'll end this blog post with an e-mail that a friend sent to our Yahoo Group. it goes like this..~

"Hanim, esok maulud Nabi."

Perasaan yang mula-mula hadir ketika aku mendengar perkara itu dari seorang sahabat, ialah sedih. Entahlah, hati serta-merta menjadi sayu. Airmata terasa bergenang.

Aku teringat padanya. Nabiku...

رَضِيْتُ بِاللَّهِ رَبًّا وَبِالإِْسْلاَمِ دِيْنًا وَبِحَمَّدٍ نَبِيًا وَ رَسُوْلاً

"Aku redha Allah sebagai Tuhanku, Islam sebagai agamaku, dan Muhammad sebagai Nabiku dan Rasulku."

Ya, jika ada antara kita yang terlupa, maka izinkanku mengingatkan. Aku ada seorang Nabi... Allah yang beri. Allah telah mengurniakanku seorang Nabi untuk aku taati. Dan Nabi itu telah bersusah-payah, mengorbankan seluruh hidupnya untukku. Nabi itu telah menderita, terseksa, menahan cacian dan makian, menahan lapar dan dahaga, terluka dan cedera parah, serta menyabung nyawa untukku. Suka duka dirinya, tidak lena tidurnya, keluh-kesahnya, kebimbangannya dan airmatanya semata-mata adalah kerana merisaukan jika aku tidak jumpa jalan pulang ke syurga. Dan Nabi itu tidak meminta balasan apa-apa pun dariku. Bahkan semuanya dilakukan dengan rasa rindu kasih dan rela. Sampai ke detik-detik akhir hayatnya, ketika sakit menghadapi malaikat maut, dia masih menyebut-nyebut tentang aku umatnya.

Di atas penat lelahnya, darahnya dan pengorbanannya, maka aku mendapat nikmat islam hari ini. Di atas penderitaannya, maka aku mendapat peluang untuk ke syurga.

Tetapi aku pilu dengan keadaan umat hari ini. Islam yang dengan bermati-matian diperjuangkan dan diwariskan oleh Nabiku itu tidak dianggap mulia sekarang. Bahkan ia dipandang buruk, bosan, mundur, ganas, bahaya, kolot, merugikan, merosakkan dan menyusahkan. Umatnya pula, dipijak-pijak, dibunuh sesuka hati, miskin dan tertindas. Sebahagian yang lain pula, sudah lupa diri dan lupa orang lain, sudah riang gembira masuk dalam kepompong gelap, hanyut ke lautan keingkaran dan karam.

Maka malulah aku kepadanya.. malulah aku kepada Rasulku itu. Sunnahnya yang terbesar masih belum cukup kulaksanakan - dakwah. Selawatku juga tidak seberapa. Pasti dia akan sedih dengan keadaanku. Mungkin juga marah kepadaku.

Maka apa yang dapat aku lakukan pada hari Maulud Nabi?

Aku menangis. Kerana aku tidak tahu. Aku menulis. Dan aku membaca lagi tentang dirinya. Cuma menambah ledakan tangisku saja. Maafkanku. Aku telah banyak mensia-siakan pengorbanan Rasulku itu dan orang-orang islam terdahulu. Semoga Allah membayar semua penderitaannya dengan kebahagiaan di syurga sana, dengan nikmat-nikmat terhebat yang tidak mampu terfikir oleh akal manusiaku, memberi dia kedudukan yang paling tinggi dan terpuji.

Dan moga Allah menyampaikan padanya salam rinduku...

Allahumma solli 'ala sayyidina Muhammad.

Allahumma solli 'ala sayyidina Muhammad.

Allahumma solli 'ala sayyidina Muhammad.

Wa 'ala aalihi wasohbihi wasallam.

12 Rabi'ul Awwal 1429H

1.30am