inspired

i missed:

Didie's birthday
Kelly's birthday
Zati's birthday

and i nearly missed Kak Muna's birthday

people, i'm just horrible at this, okay. so forgive me in advance, and know that i love and miss you all the same despite the fact that i never remember your birthdays. i just don't. can't. my brain simply refuses to process it.

i haven't bought the tickets to go back to Malaysia. i was in a dire state of sengkek-ness, and i still am. to sisters, no pretty gifts for yous this year, i'm so, so, sorry. (but i can be a pretty gift myself...no? kekeke)

i've been hyper busy and as usual, i don't talk about what i've been busy with.

oh, NANA CAME TO CORK! i believe that deserves a shoutout more than anything else :) we went to nice little walks together and took pictures and talked about stuff..thanks Na, i needed the dose of meroyanness and broken English in Kelate accent dialogues (Nana's a Johorian lol) and i had a great time. i heart you! and to Di (even though i dont think you read my blog) thanks for arranging the day trip, we both loved it :)

Lala, bile lagi anda mahu datang ke Cork?

inspiration of the week (...month) goes to the two people that i like very much that has requested that i write about them in my blog (mengada-ngada).

they make me believe that people appreciate my blog when i was close to shutting it down when i was having a friendship insecurity breakdown a couple of days ago.

but i still am not going to write about the two people that i like very much because i just want to annoy them hehe.

i wrote a LOT of blog posts on friendship...looking back, i realize that i'm never good at it. i have very few friends (until i came here and gained a LOT of very nice friends :) ) from my past life, and as much as i'd love to think that it's others' fault, it's only logical to put the blame on myself instead of the 782 others who built a wall around them so i can't come close. i don't know...maybe i'm too harsh for some people. maybe i'm too blunt. maybe i'm too complicated. maybe i have a past that's just SO freakin' bad that people just can't accept it. maybe.

well, i have to settle for maybes because people never tell me what in the world is so wrong with me, so how am i supposed to know?~

in a twist of fate, a couple of days ago a friend (jazakillah dear..) came up to me to tell me something i did wrong straight on my face but in a soft note, and it was such a big blow that i had a really, really hard time after that...hah, dulu kate orang tak bagitau, bila orang dah bagitau baru rasa siket betapa rase macam kena tampar...padan muka Atiqah.

but honestly, it was SO new to me that i was thrown completely off guard and felt so naked when she held my hands and said those words to me...i actually really, really, really, appreciate what you did...i hope my sobbing and blurting out inaudible words doesn't cause you to misunderstood how i felt...~

jazakillahu khairan katheera sister...may this ukhuwah be as strong as i wish it can be for as long as roh dikandung jasad....~

20 March...or 12 Rabi'ul Awwal?

salam wbt

Dear blog,

Last night i was occupied with writing up emails, transferring documents and editing them. By the time i was finished, it was like, 4 in the morning. so i walked up to the Prayer Times Schedule 2008 from Islamic Finder that i have on my wall (i don't know why i didn't just click on the virtual one in the laptop in front of me...brain wasn't functioning well) and realized that Subuh, or Fajr, is only half an hour away. So I decided to stay up for just a bit more, because it's almost impossible for me to wake up in time for the morning prayer if i slept there and then. I got myself lost in the infinite world that is the internet, and the screen started to seem blurred and i began to become unaware of the reason i go to certain websites as i stare at the screen feeling blank...and then i was brought back to reality by the sudden Athan that goes off from my laptop, ordering me to perform my duty.

so you can imagine at what hour i woke up today, having slept at around 4.45am this morning. i was woken up by the annoying buzz of my ever-on-vibrate handphone (i got tired of changing it to vibrate when i go to class or the library or a meeting, so i never really change it back to loud). my curtains are already drawn back because i have clothes hanging on its railing, drying up, so i can see the bright sky outside...the day had long begun. the house was silent; everybody had exams earlier today. i flipped open my handphone to see 4 unread texts. i read them. felt a start because three were MaulidurRasul texts. i was so MAD at myself.

i've always been quite the ignorant one about dates...but to forget the birthdate of the Prophet when only last night (on my semi-sleeping state) i read articles on him on Yahoo! News, was very unacceptable. why in the world am i too thick to process that this is why all those articles were up? *sigh

I logged on to my Yahoo! Mail to see 32 unread e-mails (these people are hardcore at doing their work..i didn't have any new ones when i checked it last night before i go to sleep!), and there they were, reflection e-mails on MaulidurRasul. One of the e-mails was really good in my opinion...i'll copy paste it at the bottom of this post.

Now, this eventful day reminded me of a two sheets of pink A4-size papers i have, lost somewhere among my books. i managed to locate it and smiled at the sight of the papers, that has Asma'ul Husna and 'Selawat ke atas Nabi Muhammad' neatly glued on top of each. they were a farewell gift from my little sister Didie, then 11, from last Summer. i remember telling her i think they were pretty, and on the day i was packing my clothes, she came up to me and said that i can have it. i bet she's suspicious that i don't have them memorized, and i bet she's ultra well-versed (with that super nerdy brain of hers) in both of it so she didn't need the papers anymore ^.~

just for the note - i do memorize Asma'ul Husna, but i only have 80% of the Selawat memorized, huhu.

Because i don't know how to write good 'religious' posts properly and always end up messing up what i actually want to convey, i'll end this blog post with an e-mail that a friend sent to our Yahoo Group. it goes like this..~

"Hanim, esok maulud Nabi."

Perasaan yang mula-mula hadir ketika aku mendengar perkara itu dari seorang sahabat, ialah sedih. Entahlah, hati serta-merta menjadi sayu. Airmata terasa bergenang.

Aku teringat padanya. Nabiku...

رَضِيْتُ بِاللَّهِ رَبًّا وَبِالإِْسْلاَمِ دِيْنًا وَبِحَمَّدٍ نَبِيًا وَ رَسُوْلاً

"Aku redha Allah sebagai Tuhanku, Islam sebagai agamaku, dan Muhammad sebagai Nabiku dan Rasulku."

Ya, jika ada antara kita yang terlupa, maka izinkanku mengingatkan. Aku ada seorang Nabi... Allah yang beri. Allah telah mengurniakanku seorang Nabi untuk aku taati. Dan Nabi itu telah bersusah-payah, mengorbankan seluruh hidupnya untukku. Nabi itu telah menderita, terseksa, menahan cacian dan makian, menahan lapar dan dahaga, terluka dan cedera parah, serta menyabung nyawa untukku. Suka duka dirinya, tidak lena tidurnya, keluh-kesahnya, kebimbangannya dan airmatanya semata-mata adalah kerana merisaukan jika aku tidak jumpa jalan pulang ke syurga. Dan Nabi itu tidak meminta balasan apa-apa pun dariku. Bahkan semuanya dilakukan dengan rasa rindu kasih dan rela. Sampai ke detik-detik akhir hayatnya, ketika sakit menghadapi malaikat maut, dia masih menyebut-nyebut tentang aku umatnya.

Di atas penat lelahnya, darahnya dan pengorbanannya, maka aku mendapat nikmat islam hari ini. Di atas penderitaannya, maka aku mendapat peluang untuk ke syurga.

Tetapi aku pilu dengan keadaan umat hari ini. Islam yang dengan bermati-matian diperjuangkan dan diwariskan oleh Nabiku itu tidak dianggap mulia sekarang. Bahkan ia dipandang buruk, bosan, mundur, ganas, bahaya, kolot, merugikan, merosakkan dan menyusahkan. Umatnya pula, dipijak-pijak, dibunuh sesuka hati, miskin dan tertindas. Sebahagian yang lain pula, sudah lupa diri dan lupa orang lain, sudah riang gembira masuk dalam kepompong gelap, hanyut ke lautan keingkaran dan karam.

Maka malulah aku kepadanya.. malulah aku kepada Rasulku itu. Sunnahnya yang terbesar masih belum cukup kulaksanakan - dakwah. Selawatku juga tidak seberapa. Pasti dia akan sedih dengan keadaanku. Mungkin juga marah kepadaku.

Maka apa yang dapat aku lakukan pada hari Maulud Nabi?

Aku menangis. Kerana aku tidak tahu. Aku menulis. Dan aku membaca lagi tentang dirinya. Cuma menambah ledakan tangisku saja. Maafkanku. Aku telah banyak mensia-siakan pengorbanan Rasulku itu dan orang-orang islam terdahulu. Semoga Allah membayar semua penderitaannya dengan kebahagiaan di syurga sana, dengan nikmat-nikmat terhebat yang tidak mampu terfikir oleh akal manusiaku, memberi dia kedudukan yang paling tinggi dan terpuji.

Dan moga Allah menyampaikan padanya salam rinduku...

Allahumma solli 'ala sayyidina Muhammad.

Allahumma solli 'ala sayyidina Muhammad.

Allahumma solli 'ala sayyidina Muhammad.

Wa 'ala aalihi wasohbihi wasallam.

12 Rabi'ul Awwal 1429H

1.30am

study schedule and life in general

so i finally finished drawing out my study schedule for the whole of March, April up until the 8th of May that is my finals (eek!), and i'm trying to get into the mood of writing a book review that my senior asked me to write absolutely ages ago, but i am simply too uninspired right now. anybody wants to be my muse?

so we have a Spring Camp coming up soon and i'm one of the Activity Committees, so can you guys help me out by suggesting games that you did in scout camps/things like that that you think is worth a try by dropping a comment about it..?~ kthnx.

i've been wanting to finish that picture i drew of Fitzgerald Park last Summer when i was depressed beyond belief...but the weather has been pretty much insane lately. it rains and its windy and its gorgeous and its cold and its cloudy ALL at the same time. the drawing isn't anything special, actually. i probably am the only one who likes it, and i'm totally fine with that. drawing and collages gives me that serenity that writing poems used to give me. but since i've run out of postcards and pictures, and magazines are becoming a luxury i no longer can afford, i don't have material to make collages. hence drawing, however terrible i am at it, remains my only choice.

i am, as it seems, becoming less and less talented as time goes past.

i no longer write poems. in fact, i believe 90% of my friends don't even know i used to write (and recite, rather horribly, lol) poetry. i was even ambitious enough with this passion of mine to have written a 4000 word Extended Essay analyzing a poet. i used to want to study in Galway, in fact, because they have annual poetry festivals. dorky, much?

(as a matter of fact...in my current uninspired state, i don't think i can even write a three-lined haiku. sad.)

so that's the end of the ramblings of a girl who is currently foolishly in love with a (picture of a) painting she saw on myspace. she thinks; ZOMG i totally have to steal that and print it out.

she is a legendary copyright breacher. shhh.

say wha...??

this came up when i was trying to access a page on the net;

500 Internal Server Error

Sorry, something went wrong.

A team of highly trained monkeys has been dispatched to deal with this situation. Please report this incident to customer service.

So yeah, it's hilarious and stuff...but SERIOUSLY, what's going on???

they're called bananas!

oh. the landlord came just now to fix Mas's light, and he mistakenly went up to my room THREE TIMES, once carrying a huge ladder with him. and my room is upstairs, and Mas's room is downstairs! THAT's how old he is. and i can't believe i let him mow our lawn for us. i feel super guilty. and no, i didn't ask him to do it, he just suddenly come to our house and started mowing the lawn. somehow i doubt any landlord in Malaysia would do that. apetah lagi yang super tua like Mr. Dunlea. and Mrs. Dunlea brought her own tea and biscuits and they had tea in our garage!~ they politely said they didn't want to bother us when i said i can make fresh tea and they can have their tea in the kitchen.

ZOMG can you believe them? they're so adorable.

p.s. i DID ask them to come in and have tea in the kitchen with determination, they simply wouldn't! please don't hate me.

Palestine: Where do you stand?

Here in Ireland and in the UK, students, professors, human rights activists, NGOs...a LOT of people are doing talks and discussions and even demonstrations to raise the awareness about the dire condition of the people of Palestine, and to press the (British) government to do something to stop the blockade upon Gaza. I am not talking about the Muslims over here. I am talking about the white, the non-Muslim, Caucasians.

in all this chaos... where are WE?

what are we, Muslims, that claim to be brothers and sisters in faith to the people of Palestine, doing to help them? by supporting and buying Israeli products because 'they produce absolutely everything, it's not like we can do anything about it'..? There is always Sony Ericsson instead of Nokia. Carrefour instead of Tesco. Mango instead of River Island.

to the people who are not doing anything for the Palestinian people, and buying Israeli products to add to that...seriously. how very ignorant of you. how very selfish and foolish of you. Paying for the bullets that shot through the heads of children, paying the soldiers that use huge rocks to break our brothers' bones, the soldiers that rape our sisters...well, congratulations.

wake up Ya Ummah.

Sampai bila kita nak harapkan orang lain untuk bela nasib saudara-saudara kita? Sampai bila kita akan menjadi orang yang ternganga atau menangis di dalam perdebatan yang tidak adil, membiarkan orang lain yang bersuara untuk mempertahankan kita? Sampai bila kita ingin menjadi orang yang terus menerus menyangka bahawa Palestine sememangnya sebuah negara yang kucar-kacir sejak dahulu kala? Sampai bila...?

open your eyes to the truth.

http://www.palestinkini.info/

What Time Of Day Are You?

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits. Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle. Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it. You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

What Time Of Day Are You?

of giraffes and monkeys....and the 12th GE

so i went to Fota wildlife park with some very good friends of mine...my phone is going dead anytime soon and i left my charger at my senior's place (this is a mysterious blog post where i refuse to name anyone just because, hoho), so i can't Bluetooth the pictures to my laptop just yet. will do them later (i hope).

the last time i went to a zoo was when i was, like, 7 or something. and all i can recall from that one is a Tapir peeing long distance alllll the way to my cousin's maid...urm. now that i think of it, it doesn't sound as funny as it was 14 years ago (we ran around the house afterwards laughing and singing "Kak Peah kena air kencing tapir" ...yeah. err.)

so its been quite a while since that one so you can imagine how excited i was. and i've always loved animals, especially weird ones (if you go to Aquaria with me you'd totally be annoyed with my excited shrieks upon seeing one after one creepy fish) like Pelicans and Llamas (had my friends not been there, i would never have identified those, haha. They had much fun laughing at me because i kept calling the giraffes zebras). (i need to stop using brackets)))).

to sum it all up, Opie said, in response to me telling her i went to a zoo, "mmh, Atiq suko ah tengok nnatey-nnatey nih".

lol.

kay. on another note, i know the big thing everyone's blogging about lately is the recent general elections, and i haven't uttered a word about it. i'm actually aware of what's going on, and i care. i've been reading loads of news and blog posts about Malaysia's current political situation. i just haven't written anything about it because i'm such a nOOb to Malaysian politics. i've only just started actively reading about what's going on so i don't know an awful lot of background about stuff that happened in the past. i don't really feel like jumping in on the bandwagon just because everyone's doing it, and end up sounding shallow in my post. so there.

if anyone ever is interested in what (or who) i stand for in terms of politics....well, any party that can provide leaders (note the plural) with an excellent akhlak and brilliant leadership (...and doesn't waste money on Botox, lol) would do.

assalamualaikum

of creepy people

i can't believe what i just saw

histats.com, my hit counter, tracks my viewers, right (so i know the most of you's come from my sister's blog...sigh. i'm FOREVER living in her shadows!), and so around once in a couple of weeks i would view the tracking site just for fun,

i usually have the normal ones where people stumble upon my blog while googling stuff about bubble baths or 20th birthdays, and once in a while i'd get weird ones like people googling 'bubble gile' (???) or scary ones like people googling the name of my medical school director (eek!)

but today. TODAY ladies and gentlemen. this is what i got; a person googling

'Chris Crocker taking a bath'

???!!!???!!

come on people, he's creepy enough with clothes ON!

ZOMG

okay i totally have to take my blog down from the search engine results.

so i have something i suddenly feel like sharing

There's this one day when i was in charge of the exhibition during our Islamic Aspiration Week, and i was on duty along with Acap and Mas. then this guy came up to me and just looked at me with great interest, and went (this is only verbatim),

"hi, i just want to ask, in the point of view of a Muslim woman...are you really oppressed? i mean...most feminists think that you are. is it true, that Islam is a religion that is run by men, and is for men?"

now, i was pretty much flabbergasted when i got this question, right. why, you might ask?

1. I was in deep thoughts about things revolving around our exhibition title ("The 5 Pillars of Islam") and so i wasn't ready for this random question about women in Islam.

2. Mas and Acap are both preoccupied with another visitor, so i was all alone to handle him.

3. He looks (and sounded) like he knows an awful lot, and he was also very interested to know the answer, which gives me the pressure of giving the right answer and also saying it right, coz i wouldn't want to cause any misunderstanding.

i think what i said to him was that i grow up in an all-girl family and went to all-girl schools up until the age of 14, so i would consider myself as a feminist, and that i wouldn't be happy if i'm in a religion that oppresses women. and i also told him about Khadijah, the Prophet's wife, being a rich businesswoman (i.e. she can work!) and that i like wearing the hijab, it makes me feel protected from the perverted glances of the....pervs?

or something to that effect.

now, last weekend, a thought suddenly came into my head;

so here's the thing. i think Hollywood female celebrities are oppressed. not the Muslim women. you see, they're expected to wear drop-dead gorgeous dresses to events, which costs a bomb, and then they're not allowed to wear it again. ever. and they're expected to wear these possibly lethal (lol) shoes with, like, 5 inch heels (lol. read: exaggerating. or am i?) . and then they're not supposed to have any tummy at all, BUT they're also not supposed to be TOO thin...like seriously. how is that even possible?

the Muslim women have to wear clothes that cover their body except for the palm of their hands and their face. this, had it not been for the pressure of the Western influence, is actually not that hard, it's more comfortable, even.

name one, just one, girl that is not mad/embarrassed when they get honked and shouted obscene words by men as she is walking down the street, or when they have their guy friends glancing/looking at their chest instead of their face when talking to them. it's friggin condescending and men are just too perverted to care. (i realize that not all guys are like this, SORRY in advance for the generalization)

so why are these feminists worrying about Muslim women being oppressed? i highly suggest to them feminists to start worrying about Nicole Richie being oppressed instead. OR maybe they should worry about the 'modern' women in general being oppressed. can't they see how we're expected to be beautiful to a specified and unfair definition of it? do they seriously think that 18 year olds consulting plastic surgeons for tummy tucks and facelifts a normal thing?

whatever is going to happen to this world....?~

x
Atiq